Best of the week: From mockbuster studio The Asylum and the writer of Snakes On A Train (yes, they're on a train), comes SyFy original movie Mega Piranha. The movie airs April 10th, but in the meantime you can satisfy your need for mega piranhas and former child stars (a double whammy of shitty awesomeness) with this clip.In Mega Piranha, a mutant strain of giant ferocious piranha escape from the Amazon and eat their way toward Florida. As shown in that clip, a kick to the head is pretty much the only way to stop them. The tagline for the movie says: “They were created to save mankind. Something went wrong.” Yes, like thinking giant piranhas in some way could save mankind. So awful it's got to be good.
Plus: The Republican National Committee has fired a staffer who helped organize a $1,946 visit last month to a sex-themed Hollywood club, and the GOP says it will recoup the money from a donor who also participated. Ooops, you got caught!
The episode is the latest in a string of questionable spending by the RNC as Republicans prepare for a costly election season in which they hope to take dozens of House and Senate seats from Democrats. An RNC memo says the January 31 outing to Voyeur West Hollywood involved several members of the "Young Eagles" GOP group who had been in Los Angeles for a meeting. An unnamed staffer, who had been warned that such activities did not qualify for reimbursement, has been fired, said the memo from RNC chief of staff Ken McKay.
The club featured topless dancers and bondage outfits. An RNC spokesman said the committee would be reimbursed by Erik Brown, the donor-vendor who billed the GOP for the club visit on behalf of the attendees. Since November, the RNC has paid Brown's company, Dynamic Marketing Inc., about $19,000 for printing and direct-mail services, campaign spending reports show. He has contributed several thousand dollars to the party.
The most recent financial disclosure report said the RNC spent more than $17,000 for private planes in February and nearly $13,000 for car services. Much of the most lavish spending by the major political parties is associated with fundraisers, which often target wealthy people. The RNC spent $144,549 for rooms at the Four Seasons Resort in Jackson Hole, Wyo., in 2009. On March 19, 2009, it spent $31,980 for catering by the Breakers Palm Beach in Florida. The RNC paid $18,361 over the past several months to the "Tiny Jewel Box" in Washington for "office supplies," which may have included trinkets or gifts for big donors. It spent $13,622 at Dylan's Candy Bar in New York City.
Some Republican officials and donors have complained about Steele's spending decisions, saying the party should devote every available dollar to trying to win House and Senate races this fall. He held this year's four-day winter meeting at a beachfront hotel in Hawaii, although it often takes place in Washington. Donors also grumbled when Steele spent more than $18,000 to redecorate his office. Or in other words, business as usual for the RNC.
Also: Revelation of the day - Mark Pellegrino, who’s most recognizable these days as Jacob on “Lost,” also played the Blond Treehorn Thug in The Big Lebowski. So if you’re a Hollywood casting agent and you need an actor who can forcibly dunk a guy in water, Pellegrino’s your man.And: The small gang of Somali pirates fired on an approaching ship, hoping their midnight attack would bring them millions in ransom. And then they realized it was a U.S. warship.
The USS Nicholas, a guided missile frigate, was tracking the pirates when they opened fire in Indian Ocean waters, the U.S. military said. The Nicholas, which saw combat in the first Gulf War, returned fire and disabled the skiff. Navy personnel later boarded and detained three suspects. The Americans found two more bandits on a nearby mothership and later sank the skiff. It was not the first attack against a Navy ship, but it underscored the fact that most pirates aren't terribly sophisticated.
International naval forces have stepped up their enforcement of the waters off East Africa in an effort to thwart a growing pirate trade. The attack took place between the coast of Kenya and the island nation of Seychelles, and came just shy of a year since pirates attacked the U.S.-flagged Maersk Alabama and took American Richard Phillips hostage. Phillips was rescued five days later when Navy SEAL snipers shot three pirates in a lifeboat.
The U.S. Africa Command said the five pirates would remain in U.S. custody on board the frigate for now.
Best picture of the week:
Best bonus links:
• Raising The Dead Was One Of Electricity's Earliest Goals - And when that failed, they decided that mood lighting was the next best thing. Thank corpses for your recessed illumination.
• Kings Rout Canucks Behind Brown's Hat Trick - A sweet game where everything went right for LA and nothing did for Vancouver. I was happy to lose my hat in this 8-3 beating. Hopefully a sign of playoff things to come.
• Google CEO's Compensation For 2009 Falls 52 Pct - At least some of the rich are not getting richer.
• Ban Lifted: Pilots Can Take Antidepressants On Job - I guess that's a good thing. You do not want your pilot to be depressed when you're coming in for a landing.
• Association With Jesse James Worries Neo-Nazis - It takes a lot to give the fourth reich a bad name.
• California's Foreign-Born Population Has Peaked - But second generation children of foreign born people is still going!
• True Blood's Anna Paquin: 'I'm Bisexual' - And now I'm watching True Blood.
• This Guy Could Kill You With A Business Card - Though he is still unemployed because this is his only talent. There's irony in there somewhere.
• Tourist Falls Into Active Volcano Crater On Bali - A vacation that became a slaycation. Now volcanic exploration is ruined for the rest of us.
• Hem Your Pants Prison Style - Next up, how to make a shank in under 20 minutes and safe showering techniques.
• TV Hospitals Not Real - What? And I totally thought this was standard practice at hospitals. Yes, a dog ate Dan's heart.
• Firefly Reboots, And Other April Fools’ Headlines We Wish Were Real / Top Shelf Announces 'League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen 1988' - Awww, if these really were true, it would rule.
• Lakers Sign Bryant To 3-Year Extension - I don't follow basketball, but I'm happy to see my home team keep their franchise intact.
• Make Me A Sandwich, Adobe - Because that's pretty much what the new Photoshop CS can do.
• Mumblecore For Hobos - I dare you to not want to watch after this synopses: Volleyball brought them together. A rape re-enactment tore them apart. Gayle Wells stars as a 60-year-old woman who had her ear bit off by a pony when she was a child, so now she wears a plastic elf ear to cover up the damage. Her lover died of alcohol poisoning on a volleyball court. Now she talks to her plants and tells them to cut down on their drinking. She meets and falls in love with the cop who found her lover rotting by the net, and then with her dead lover’s father. Unable to choose between them, she flips a coin…
• A Guide To Recognizing Your Fanboys: Periodic Table Of Nerdery – This ought to sort them out. And nothing is more embarassing than mixing up Stargate and Star Trek.
• Cops Worried About Lindsay Lohan - Though she's clearly not worried about the cops, as evidenced by her behavior over the last few years.
Worst of the week: Los Angeles Dodgers owner Frank McCourt and his estranged wife squared off in court in their bitter divorce case, where there's too much money being spent and demanded.
The court hearing centered on whether Jamie McCourt should be awarded nearly $1 million a month in temporary spousal support. Fuck and no. The attorney for Frank McCourt, offered her $150,000 in monthly assistance and argued his client can't tap credit lines to maintain Jamie McCourt's lavish lifestyle despite Frank McCourt's $5 million annual salary. Well, that's simple math - 12 million > 5 million.
Jamie McCourt's attorney said his client is entitled to the lifestyle she had during her marriage. He also said she has to spend about $568,000 every month on mortgages and related expenses for six homes and one condominium — more than half of what she is asking from her husband. When asked if Jamie McCourt would accept her husband's $150,000 offer, the figure wouldn't even cover the mortgage for one of the homes. He added the mortgages had been paid through February, but his client is behind on her attorney fees by $800,000. Wasser estimated her legal bills could reach as high as $9 million. Tough shit. Nobody needs seven residences.
Jamie McCourt estimated she has about $4 million in savings and roughly $450,000 in cash that will quickly run out due to the monthly mortgage payments. She believes she shouldn't have to "invade" her savings to pay for her living expenses. The assertion is Frank McCourt continues to live in luxury despite claims the economic downturn has hurt his businesses. He recently attended the Super Bowl and recently spent as much as $80,000 on a Caribbean vacation. She also cites a long list of other expenses she and her husband had during their marriage such as trips to Paris and Vietnam, country club memberships and dining at expensive restaurants. She said she enjoys wearing designer clothing and has a hair stylist and makeup artist.
Court documents she filed show that the couple's worth is more than $1.2 billion. Damn, that's a lot of money at stake, especially when accidents can happen so easily.
Plus: Nine alleged members of a Christian militia group that was girding for battle with the Antichrist were charged with plotting to kill a police officer and slaughter scores more by bombing the funeral — all in hopes of touching off an uprising against the U.S. government.
Seven men and one woman believed to be part of the Michigan-based Hutaree were arrested over the weekend in raids in Michigan, Indiana and Ohio, and another was still being sought. FBI agents moved quickly against Hutaree because its members were planning an attack sometime in April, prosecutors said. Authorities seized guns in the raids but would not say whether they found any explosives.
Prosecutors said the group began military-style training in the Michigan woods in 2008, learning how to shoot guns and make and set off bombs. FBI and police surrounded a rural area about 30 miles from the site of raid in Michigan and were using a nearby church as a staging area. Hutaree says on its website its name means "Christian warrior" and describes the word as part of a secret language that few are privileged to know. Sure. The group quotes several Bible passages and declares: "We believe that one day, as prophecy says, there will be an Anti-Christ. ... Jesus wanted us to be ready to defend ourselves using the sword and stay alive using equipment." Thanks, Jesus!
Also: A Lebanese man charged with sorcery and sentenced to death in Saudi Arabia is scheduled to be beheaded at the end of the week. The Middle East has their shit together!
May El Khansa, the attorney for Ali Hussain Sibat, told CNN that she and Sibat's family were informed about the upcoming execution. She said she heard from a source in Saudi Arabia with knowledge of the case and the proceedings that Saudi authorities "will carry out the execution." The Saudi Ministry of Justice could not immediately be reached for comment on the matter, presumably because they were planning for the execution.
El Khansa said she has appealed to Lebanon's prime minister, Saad Hariri, and president, Michel Suleiman, to stop the execution. Amnesty International, the human rights group, has called on Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah to block it as well. Sibat is the former host of a popular call-in show that aired on Beirut-based satellite TV channel "Sheherazade." According to his lawyer, Sibat would predict the future on his show and give out advice to his audience.
El Khansa told CNN her client was arrested by Saudi Arabia's religious police (known as the Mutawa'een) and charged with sorcery while visiting the country in May 2008. Sibat was in Saudi Arabia to perform the Islamic religious pilgrimage known as Umra. Sibat was then put on trial, and in November 2009, a court in the Saudi city of Medina found him guilty and sentenced him to death. According to El Khansa, Sibat appealed the verdict. The case was taken up by the Court of Appeal in the Saudi city of Mecca on the grounds that the initial verdict was "premature."
El Khansa tells CNN that the Mecca appeals court then sent the case back to the original court for reconsideration, stipulating that all charges made against Sibat needed to be verified and that he should be given a chance to repent. On March 10, judges in Medina upheld their initial verdict, meaning Sibat is once again sentenced to be executed. "The Medina court refused the sentence of the appeals court," said El Khansa, adding her client will appeal the verdict once more.
Give it another 20 years, and once that part of the world runs out of oil, this kind of silly shit will come to an end. But until then, no sorcery!
UPDATE: He's been given a stay of execution...for now.
And: In the latest media whore news, useless couple Heidi and Spencer Pratt added 10 seconds onto the fame meter by giving themselves Indian names Solely for attention, the decided to adopt "true native-American names" in an effort to become more spiritual. So goodbye Heidi and Spencer, hello White Wolf and Running Bear. They mean absolutely nothing, and of course, the natives are restless. “Continued stereotyping such as this by people ignorant of our traditional ways is very disrespectful and only hurts our efforts to curtail these stereotypes,” said a rep from the Rosebud Sioux Tribe of South Dakota. That, and the fact that they don't want to be associated with those assclowns.
Worst picture of the week:
always ruining everything
Worst bonus links:
• Which Of Your Lamborghinis Would You Like To Have In Your Living Room Today? - Does it really matter, you fucking jerk?
• Remains Found In Cambodia May Be Errol Flynn's Son - Finally, the mystery nobody cared about may be solved. You all remember who Errol Flynn was too, right?
• Levi Johnston: My Reality Show Will Be Better Than Palin's - Debating the merits of which shit smells worse is pointless. Let's jsut pray both are off the air quckly.
• Why Would Anyone Turn Down A Million Bucks? Ask This Guy - If that answer really matters. Some guy rejecting a payday doesn't require you to know why, just that he's $1 million less rich. A better question is about his grooming habits.
• Turn Any Food Into Gold - Because whatever you're eating can't be made better by spraying some golden compound on it.
• Chaz Bono Asks Judge To Change Name, Gender - If the judge didn't that would be awesome. Maybe they could force it to change back to whatever it was before...
• Medical Waste Shipments Turn Up Heads, Torsos - It's not like hot dogs, where you use those parts. That is waste, so let's not be surprised. Unless there's a puppet show looking for pieces.
• Katy Perry’s Wedding Dress To Show Her Abs - The pro is she's got a smokin' body. The con is having a wedding dress show your abs is something that only a retard would do.
• Elton John Stage At Mexico Ruins Partly Collapses - Not even the stage wanted Elton John to perform. And I like that the stage is in ruins at ruins.
• Vatican Offers 3 Reasons It's Not Liable For Abuse - They could offer 1000 and none of there would be any good. But they'll still keep shirking responsibility.
• Drunk Man Tried To Resuscitate Roadkill With CPR - How drunk do you have to be to go mouth to mouth with a possum? And if you drink that much, you should get a pass for DUI.
• April Fools! DWTS' Brooke Burke Is Not Pregnant - Hahaha, she's not really pregnant! Take that joke, barren women!
• Guyana Cops Look Into Teen's Death After Exorcism - The authorities need to get to the bottom of that exorcism and find out why it went wrong. But not why they're allowing exorcisms.
• Apple's First-Week iPad Supply Sells Out - Whoopie, another unnecessary new product for geeks to cream over, and pay far out the ass to have just to say they were the first. Yawn.
• Palin, Fox News, LL Cool J Tangle Over Phantom Interview - Sorry, you don't get to use a two year old interview and repurpose it for your propaganda without ruffling some feathers.
• Glam Slam Gorgeous 'Glee' Glow - This is a post about the application of make up that an actress wore. And they take it through step by boring step.
• Lady Gaga: “I Can Actually Mentally Give Myself An Orgasm” - Whereas she mentally gives me a headache. I call bullshit on this, not only because she's doesn't have a psychic connection to her coochie, but also it reeks of stupid sensationalism and attention-getting.
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