IOvUF: Delays Of The Weekend

Gonna have to push back the drum tracking from this weekend to mid-February due to bookings at the studio, which is too bad since that would be a wrap for me. Guess that gives everyone else time to catch up.

Also, a note that next Tuesday, Jan. 26, Dr. Steve Brule and friends are putting together a benefit show for the Haiti medical aid group Partners in Health, featuring full episodes of the new Adult Swim series "Check it Out with Dr. Steve Brule" and the new season of "Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job." Tickets are $20, and it's at the Silent Movie Theater. Here's more info on the event, and tickets are here. Afterwards stick around for Q & A with Tim, Eric and John C. Reilly moderated by Richard Dunn!"

Best of the week: Felix Baumgartner plans to become the first man to achieve supersonic velocities by falling through the air. No, that's not insane.

Baumgartner aims to jump out of a hot air balloon 36,575 metres in the air and freefall before opening his parachute around 1520 metres, in the process shattering a freefall record set in 1960 by US Air Force Captain Joe Kittinger who jumped out of a balloon 31,333 metres high. As you could imagine, such a jump will be dangerous; in addition to achieving supersonic speed 35 seconds after he jumps, Baumgartner will also be jumping from a point that's dangerous just to be there.

The jump height is above a threshold at 19,000 metres called the Armstrong line, where the atmospheric pressure is so low that fluids start to boil. If he opens up his face mask or the suit, all the gases in your body go out of suspension, so you literally turn into a giant fizzy, oozing fluid from your eyes and mouth, like something out of a horror film. It's just seconds until death.

Believe it or not, the jump will be sponsored in part by Red Bull. Really...blah blah blah it gives you wings.

Plus: Former President George W. Bush pushed back against criticism -- levied most prominently by talk radio host Rush Limbaugh -- that President Barack Obama, was somehow politicizing the disastrous earthquake in Haiti.

"I don't know if -- what they're talking about," Bush declared during an appearance on NBC's "Meet the Press." "I've been briefed by the President about the response. And as I said in my opening comment, I appreciate the president's quick response to this disaster."

This past week, Limbaugh insisted that the Obama White House would use the catastrophe in Haiti to "burnish" the president's standing and credibility "with the black community, in the both light-skinned and dark-skinned black community, in this country. It's made-to-order for 'em." Limbaugh said, "That's why he couldn't wait to get out there. Could not wait to get out there."

Joined by former President Bill Clinton during a series of interviews on the Sunday shows, Bush also touted the need to get relief to the Haitian people, in both a streamlined and responsible way. Asked by host David Gregory if he drew any lessons from the recovery efforts after Hurricane Katrina (widely regarded as tragically bungled), Bush replied, "First of all, it takes time to get the supplies in place. That shouldn't deter them. In other words, there's an expectation-- amongst people that things are going to happen quickly. And sometimes it's hard to make things happen quickly. Secondly, there is a great reservoir of good will that wants to help. And that's why he asked us to help, and we're glad to do it."

He may be a fuck up, but at least he knows right from wrong.

Also: Bedridden Hollywood actor Dennis Hopper said on Monday he was seeking a divorce from his fifth wife while fighting what a family friend called "a valiant battle" against prostate cancer. Hey, might as well have something to take your mind off the divorce.

"They've been having trouble and he wants peace and quiet," the family friend said. The unusual filing was made last week. Hopper (73) and Victoria Duffy have a 6-year-old daughter. The friend said Hopper was "fully conscious" after being placed on a new round of chemotherapy drugs.

In a statement, Hopper was quoted as saying: "I wish Victoria the best, but only want to spend these difficult days surrounded by my children and close friends." Duffy is still at Hopper's house in Venice, as living arrangements are worked out, the friend said. The divorce filing would not affect what Duffy gets from Hopper's estate as that was laid out in a pre-nuptial agreement, he added. Hopper was diagnosed with cancer last September.

His domestic life has never been dull. One of his marriages included an eight-day union with Michelle Phillips of the Mamas and Papas in 1970. Phillips later told Vanity Fair that she was subjected to "excruciating" treatment. Hopper also broke the nose of his first wife, Brooke Hayward, after a drug binge. That that, ladies and gentlemen, is Dennis Hopper.

And: Surgeons made cadavers blink with artificial muscles. Talk about the ultimate for practical jokes!

Some people can't blink their eyes. In most patients with so-called permanent eyelid paralysis, the cranial nerve that controls involuntary eye blinking has been damaged by an accident, stroke, injury or surgery to remove a facial tumor. Many of these patients have no functioning nerves nearby that can be rerouted to close the eyelid. Others are born with Mobius syndrome, which is characterized by underdeveloped facial nerves. These people are expressionless and can neither blink nor smile.

To look for an alternative to current treatments, surgeons at the University of California, Davis experimented with artificial muscles with six donated human cadavers. The artificial muscle they used acts like human muscle by expanding and contracting in response to electrical input. Developed The muscle includes a piece of soft acrylic or silicone sandwiched between carbon particle electrode layers. When a current is applied, the outer layers get pressed together and squash the soft center, expanding the artificial muscle as a whole. When the charge is removed, it contracts.

The surgeons placed the artificial muscle and its battery into a natural hollow at the temples of the cadavers to disguise its presence. It was then attached to cords of either Gore-Tex fabric or soft connective tissue harvested from the corpses' temples that were inserted around the eye. The resulting "sling" of sorts was secured in place with small titanium screws in the small bones of the eye. Whenever the artificial muscle contracted and expanded, it pulled this sling, blinking the eye.

Best picture of the week:

because you don't just have to cover the news to make it

Best bonus links:
• Taco Bell Founder Glen W. Bell Dies At The Age Of 86 - I guess you can eat that shit and live a long time.

• Super Freaky Lifelike Sculptures - The new Ron Mueck exhibition at the National Gallery of Victoria in Melbourne, Australia.

• Jersey Shore's Snooki On Eating Disorder- I Was Down To 80 Pounds - Sorry, but 80 pounds is still a lot to eat in a day.

• Lawyer: Infection Puts Charlie Sheen's Wife In ICU - Sorry, I read that too quick and thought she had a lawyer infection.

• Gay Man Says 'Reversal' Therapy Did Not Change Him - See, you can't make gay people straight. And you can't make straight people gay. But watching too much Bravo programming will make a straight man insane.

• Running Dry: Belgium's Looming Beer Crisis - God help the Belgian people.

• Heidi Montag Album Sells Less Than 1,000 Copies - Actually somewhere around 658 units. I had no idea she had that many family members and friends.

Worst of the week: Never mind the profound devastation and suffering wrought upon Haiti last week after their massive earthquake(s). Bring on the tourism!

Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines is docking ships at the "picturesque wooded peninsula" known as Labadee, which it leases on Haiti's northern coast. At Labadee, passengers "enjoy jetski rides, parasailing, and rum cocktails delivered to their hammocks." Passengers can spend their time "shopping for trinkets at a craft market" while armed guards stand at the entry to the complex to guarantee their safety.

When Royal Caribbean announced its decision to resume stops at Labadee last week, a company executive cited the economic importance of the resort to the local citizens as well as the opportunity to deliver much-needed supplies. "We also have tremendous opportunities to use our ships as transport vessels for relief supplies and personnel to Haiti...Simply put, we cannot abandon Haiti now that they need us most." Yeah, let's see how many supplies they have when they dock. And remember that this is the same Royal Caribbean, that's organizing a "cougar cruise" for older single women to trade STDs with younger men.

Who wants hundreds of thousands of dead and desperate survivors getting in the way of a vacation anyway?

Also: The FBI broke the law by improperly obtaining thousands of telephone records in terrorism investigations from 2003 to 2006, said the U.S. Justice Department's inspector general. We're winning the war on terror!

"This report examines in detail the flawed practices that the FBI used to obtain thousands of telephone records, and the accountability of FBI employees for these troubling practices. The FBI has been granted expanded authority to obtain telephone records when handling its critical responsibilities. At the same time, the FBI must use this authority in accord with the law and department policies," he said.

The 289-page report said the FBI issued more than 700 letters citing "exigent circumstances" in seeking records on more than 2,000 different telephone numbers from 2003 to 2006. Many of the investigations did not involve emergency or life-threatening circumstances, the report said, and the FBI inaccurately said grand jury subpoenas had been sought for the records. An earlier report in 2007 found the FBI abused its power by illegally or improperly obtaining telephone, financial and other secret records in investigations of terrorism or espionage suspects. The inspector general's previous reports concluded the FBI's use of the so-called exigent letters circumvented the requirements of the Electronic Communications Privacy Act and violated the attorney general's guidelines and FBI policy.

The new report also found widespread use of even more informal requests for telephone records, instead of following the appropriate legal process. It said the FBI requested records by email, in face-to-face and telephone conversations, or even in some cases by writing them on post-it notes. It also obtained records using a practice referred to by the FBI and telephone companies as "sneak peeks." At times, telephone company employees simply invited FBI personnel to view the records on their computer screens.

Must be that new FBI motto: "Sometimes, you have to go around the rules that you create. Or make up your own."

Plus: Neil Patrick Harris may be Hollywood's golden boy as of late, but his charm is wearing thin with me. You can host the Emmys and Tonys, do internet musicals, and have a top show on TV, but when it comes to being funny...FAIL.

"Sitting directly in front of this guy," he wrote on Twitter, linking to a picture of himself pointing to Mickey Rourke. "Worried he might try to fight me. What should I do?!?" How about make up reasons that he would want to fight you so that your "joke" wasn't so lame.

And: A US Airways passenger plane was diverted to Philadelphia on after a religious item worn by a Jewish passenger was mistaken as a bomb. Given the history of terrorism, Jews are the last folks who are going to get crazy on a plane.

An idiot passenger was alarmed by the phylacteries, religious items which observant Jews strap around their arms and heads as part of morning prayers, on a flight from New York's La Guardia airport heading to Louisville. "Someone on the plane construed it as some kind of device," said a spokeswoman for the Philadelphia police department. No one was arrested or charged, and the plane landed without incident.

Phylacteries, called tefillin in Hebrew, are two small black boxes with black straps attached to them. Inside them are papers with prayers written on them. Observant Jewish men are required to place one box on their head and tie the other one on their arm each weekday morning. Of course, they could have waited a little bit to start their prayers, or done them earlier.

Worst picture of the week: