the famed gaysosceles triangle
Our first D-List casualty of 2010! Huzzah! Casey Johnson, the heiress to the Johnson & Johnson fortune who's only reason for being in the public eye is the box she eats her choice of relationships, died at 30. Who's got the pool going? Give me $10 on lorazepam mixed with hydrocodone!
She recently made tabloid headlines with a purported engagement to reality whore Tila Tequila. But now she's not really making any. Her death was announced by Tequila on her Twitter page and confirmed by police. And the only online coverage is scattered on gossip sites like OMG! and People, but not hard news main pages like Yahoo!, and had limited television coverage on the local channels. Like Jimi Hendrix said, "I'm gonna die when it's my time to die," but you can kill me now if fucking Twitter breaks then news of my demise, and that it's Tila Tequila who announces it.
Los Angeles police and firefighters were called to a house at 11:51 a.m. and Johnson was pronounced dead at the scene. "It appears to be a natural death," says police officer Sara Faden, who is clearly a total idiot. Shut up, you stupid rookie! "There's no evidence of foul play. A toxicology report from the coroner's office will proceed next." Yes, and reveal what drugs killed a 30 year old. This isn't 1840 and we're taking the Oregon Trail, and you die starting in your late twenties.
Johnson, who leaves a toddler daughter Ava whom she had adopted, because hey, even rich girls get bored. She was the great-great granddaughter of the founder of the pharmaceutical giant, and the daughter of New York Jets owner Robert Wood Johnson. And don't forget she had a spectacularly opulent and awesome life which even in her 30 years was better than yours, so don't feel bad for her.
An openly gay socialite (holla!), Johnson had a knack for attracting paparazzi and trouble. A nasty fight with ex-girlfriend Courtenay (that's a stupid spelling) Semel, daughter of former Yahoo! chief Terry Semel (hmmm, hence their lack of coverage?), reportedly resulted in Johnson's hair catching on fire last October. Then in November, she was arrested for allegedly breaking into another former girlfriend's house. Way to go psycho!
In December, Tequila announced the pair were engaged. "Tonight, my beautiful girlfriend has just asked me to marry her and check out this rock," the lingerie-wearing Tequila said in an online video. "Bam! That is a 17-carat diamond ring from my baby." Yes, the infamous uploaded video press release, to really make sure that the right folks get the breaking news before anyone else!
She recently made tabloid headlines with a purported engagement to reality whore Tila Tequila. But now she's not really making any. Her death was announced by Tequila on her Twitter page and confirmed by police. And the only online coverage is scattered on gossip sites like OMG! and People, but not hard news main pages like Yahoo!, and had limited television coverage on the local channels. Like Jimi Hendrix said, "I'm gonna die when it's my time to die," but you can kill me now if fucking Twitter breaks then news of my demise, and that it's Tila Tequila who announces it.
Los Angeles police and firefighters were called to a house at 11:51 a.m. and Johnson was pronounced dead at the scene. "It appears to be a natural death," says police officer Sara Faden, who is clearly a total idiot. Shut up, you stupid rookie! "There's no evidence of foul play. A toxicology report from the coroner's office will proceed next." Yes, and reveal what drugs killed a 30 year old. This isn't 1840 and we're taking the Oregon Trail, and you die starting in your late twenties.
Johnson, who leaves a toddler daughter Ava whom she had adopted, because hey, even rich girls get bored. She was the great-great granddaughter of the founder of the pharmaceutical giant, and the daughter of New York Jets owner Robert Wood Johnson. And don't forget she had a spectacularly opulent and awesome life which even in her 30 years was better than yours, so don't feel bad for her.
An openly gay socialite (holla!), Johnson had a knack for attracting paparazzi and trouble. A nasty fight with ex-girlfriend Courtenay (that's a stupid spelling) Semel, daughter of former Yahoo! chief Terry Semel (hmmm, hence their lack of coverage?), reportedly resulted in Johnson's hair catching on fire last October. Then in November, she was arrested for allegedly breaking into another former girlfriend's house. Way to go psycho!
In December, Tequila announced the pair were engaged. "Tonight, my beautiful girlfriend has just asked me to marry her and check out this rock," the lingerie-wearing Tequila said in an online video. "Bam! That is a 17-carat diamond ring from my baby." Yes, the infamous uploaded video press release, to really make sure that the right folks get the breaking news before anyone else!
Prepare yourself for a wave of attention-seeking from Tequila as this fades from our lives and is replace by more important things, like which paper towel should I buy at the market? Anybody who feels like losing a few dollars can bet against me that the distraught whorebot will have a new romance cooking by Valentine's Day. Nice try there, God, but you need to lead them a little bit. Take a deep breath and exhale, and as you do, that's when you pull the trigger. Work on your aim, and try again.
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