Best of the week: Par for the course!
Who would have guessed the definitive account of the night of Tiger Woods’ crash would come from former NHL coach Pat Burns? Burns told CKAC Sports in Montreal that he has connections to the highway patrol, and then gave his secondhand count of the events of last November 27th.
“After dinner, Tiger Woods watched football in the living room while sending text messages to Rachel, the famous blond,” he told the radio station. “Whenever he received a message from her, he erased it. Meanwhile, one of his friends, based in Orlando, invited him to go play poker. At approximately 7:30 p.m., he went to change, then left. He forgot his phone on the coffee table in the lounge. Rachel, meanwhile, continued to write her text messages.“His wife (Elin Nordegren) saw the message. When he returned, around 11:30 p.m. or midnight, she waited at the door. She asked what it was, these messages, and who was this woman. According to Burns, Woods went up to the second floor of the home, wearing a t-shirt and shorts. “He kept saying there was nothing there. He went to watch television … then suddenly, bang! A nine-iron in the face!” The hit caused a large cut in Woods’ cheek and knocked out two of his teeth.
“He left the house running without shoes. Elin followed him with the club. He left in his Escalade. She followed him and broke two or three windows. That’s why he hit the tree,” he said. “They took him to hospital in Orlando. Elin was in the ambulance with him and called his agent. He suggested that they meet at the hospital. Once there, the doctors said he needed plastic surgery to repair the broken teeth, but only one institution could do it, in Phoenix (Arizona). The agent warmed up the jet to he could leave for Phoenix where they could fix his face. This explains (Woods’) absence when the police wanted to meet him the following days,” Pat Burns told the station.
Burns must not really care about the repercussions of all of this, since he has lung cancer and doesn’t plan on sticking around much longer anyway. True or not, it sounds believable - and that's good enough to me.
Also: In an attempt to expose holes in the security of global wireless systems, Karsten Nohl cracked the 21-year-old GSM algorithm, which is used to encrypt 80% of the world’s mobile calls.
The German computer engineer revealed his success at the Chaos Communication Congress in Berlin, Germany. He said that 24 people worked independently to reproduce the code book, or binary code log, for the algorithm, which contains the equivalent of about two terabytes of data.
He had announced his intentions to crack the GSM algorithm at a conference in August. Nohl is a known encryption expert and has a PhD. in computer engineering from the University of Virginia. The GSM Association reportedly said that Nohl’s actions were illegal in the U.S. and U.K., and said it was unlikely that Nohl had actually cracked the code. Nohl reportedly said the code book is available on the internet through BitTorrent.
The issue at the center of it all: should wireless carriers and/or the government take more steps to ensure the security of GSM wireless phone calls? The GSM algorithm is an A5/1 algorithm, a 64-bit binary code now slightly outdated compared to the 128-bit codes used today to encrypt calls on third-generation networks. A successor, called the A5/3 encryption algorithm, was later developed, but most network operators haven’t yet implemented it.
Earlier this year, Nohl exposed weaknesses in the security algorithm for cordless home phones, prompting the DECT Forum, a standards group, to revisit it. He previously studied the security of RFID systems. About 3.5 billion of the 4.3 billion wireless connections across the globe use GSM. In North America, 299 million consumers use the technology. And some of the savvy ones will likely get magicJack.
The new magicJack uses, without permission, radio frequencies for which cellular carriers have paid billions of dollars for exclusive licenses. YMax Corp plans to start selling the device in about four months for $40, the same price as their original magicJack. As before, it will provide free calls to the U.S. and Canada for one year.The device is, in essence, a very small cellular tower for the home. The size of a deck of cards, it plugs into a PC, which needs a broadband internet connection. The device then detects when a compatible cell phone comes within 8 feet, and places a call to it. The user enters a short code on the phone. The phone is then linked to the magicJack, and as long as it's within range (YMax said it will cover a 3,000-square-foot home) magicJack routes the call itself, over the internet, rather than going through the carrier's cellular tower. No minutes are subtracted from the user's account with the carrier. Any extra fees for international calls are subtracted from the user's account with magicJack, not the carrier.
According to the YMax CEO, the device is legal because wireless spectrum licenses don't extend into the home. AT&T, T-Mobile and the Federal Communications Commission had no immediate comment on whether they believe the device is legal, but said they were looking into the issue. CTIA — The Wireless Association, a trade group, said it was declining comment for now. YMax has sold 5 million magicJacks for landline phones in the last two years, and that roughly 3 million are in active use. That would give YMax a bigger customer base than internet phone pioneer Vonage Holdings Corp., which has been selling service for $25 per month for the better part of a decade. Privately held YMax had revenue of $110 million last year, it says.
Plus: The boyfriend of a Rancho Cucamonga model whose body was found burned inside a Miami-area trash bin said through his attorney that he had nothing to do with the slaying. At least there's still nude models being murdered and left in trash bins in 2010!
Paula Sladewski, who posed for Playboy, was on vacation in Miami with her boyfriend, Kevin Kylm. He told police the two got separated while at a club. She was found Sunday night - dental records were used to identify her.
The couple had a violent and tumultuous relationship according to Sladewski's stepfather, who also claimed Klym was arrested for breaking Sladewski's nose in December while they were visiting her family. Sladewski's neighbors said that the model and a man were often heard arguing inside the home. An unidentified neighbor said officers had been called to the home for domestic disputes.Police have said Klym is a person of interest in the murder that left Sladewski's body so badly burned it took Miami police two days to identify her. She was believed dead before her body was desecrated, but police have not yet said how she died. Sladewski was last seen alive sometime between 7 and 9 a.m. Sunday morning at a Miami night club. In a missing person report he filed hours before her burning body was found in a dumpster, Klym told police he was booted from the club after the couple had a shouting argument. He claims he never saw her alive again.
She appeared in the 2003 Playboy movie titled "Playboy: The Ultimate Playmate Search". Happy downloading!
And: A study in mice suggests using cellphones may help prevent some of the brain-wasting effects of Alzheimer's disease, U.S. researchers said. But the downside is the mice use all your rollover minutes.
After long-term exposure to electromagnetic waves such as those used in cell phones, mice genetically altered to develop Alzheimer's performed as well on memory and thinking skill tests as healthy mice. The results were a major surprise and open the possibility of developing a noninvasive, drug-free treatment for Alzheimer's. Cell phone carriers were also pleased by the results, but questioned whether they should be shared with people who use magicJack.
Oh, and there's the expected little side effect that cell phone exposure increases the effects of dementia.
The team exposed the mice to electromagnetic waves equivalent to those emitted by a cellphone pressed against a human head for two hours daily over seven to nine months. At the end of that time, they found cellphone exposure erased a build-up of beta amyloid, a protein that serves as a hallmark of Alzheimer's disease. The Alzheimer's mice showed improvement and had reversal of their brain pathology. The scientists were modifying the experiment to see if they could produce faster results and begin testing humans.
Best picture of the week (and best tattoo of Clint Howard):
Best bonus links:
• Lieberman's Approval Ratings Tank In Connecticut - You're like a modern day Bennedict Arnold, but without the tasty breakfast or Diff'rent Strokes character named as a tribute.
• Bruins Sign LW Satan To 1-Year Contract - The Prince Of Darkness is a decent LW
• The Best Of CES - Sure there's lots of cutting edge electronics, but the best is the Adult Film Awards and avalanche of porn stars sharing the convention space.
• Hanes Drops Ads Featuring Charlie Sheen - Guess they can wait 'til they get their Hanes on him.
• Jillian Michaels Admits She’s Open To Bisexuality, Surprising Exactly No One - She says she believes in "healthy love". Me too. And even the unhealthy kind...it's just more fun.
• Weirdest NSFW YouTube Video Of All Time: Walrus Performing Auto-Fellatio - You know you're watching it!
• Portrait Of Princes William And Harry Takes Some Artistic License - Maybe the throne of skulls and the slave girls in chains at their feet was a bit much. but it will look awesome on the side of a van.
• Colt McCoy Watched His Team Lose - BCS is a joke. And that guy has a total gay porn star name.
• Engaged W.H. Budget Director Has Baby With Ex-Girlfriend - Just because we can't trust him with his dick doesn't mean he shouldn't be in government dealing with finances. Oh, wait...
• Yes, We Have Bananas And Heroin Today - The story doesn't matter because the headline is so good.
• Two O.C. Men Sentenced To Prison For Trying To Steal Beer From FBI Agent's Garage - Looks like being stupid can be a crime.
Worst of the week: Ever wonder how tween sensation Justin Bieber has managed to attain and maintain such a remarkable amount of swagger at the tender age of 15? Yeah, me neither.
"The Biebs", as they call him douchily in the New York Times, revealed that he actually employs the services of a "swagger coach" to teach him how to, er , swagger? His name is Ryan Good, a former assistant to Bieber's mentor Usher, who, as singer puts it without revealing anything, "helps me and teaches me different swaggerific things to do."
And just as dispicable as a pubescent Canadian wigger is his ultra-Christian mom, Pattie Mallette.
Mallette prayed that God would use her son as a modern Prophet Samuel, a voice to his generation - a youth pastor or perhaps a singer on a Christian label. So when an Atlanta-based hip-hop manager named Scooter "blame him for discovering Asher Roth" Braun called nearly two years ago, Ms. Mallette was confused. “I prayed, ‘God, you don’t want this Jewish kid to be Justin’s man, do you?’" Sounds like the sage response of a woman raising her son in low-income housing. That she had at the age of 19.
Ever since I saw that little twerp's music video, every time I see mention of him and his manufactured career, I hate him more every day.
Also: A giant bluefin tuna fetched $177,000 in an auction Tuesday at the world's largest wholesale fish market in Japan. What recession?
The 513-pound fish was the priciest since 2001. Caught off the coast of northern Japan, the big tuna was among 570 put up for auction. About 40% of the auctioned fish came from abroad, including from Indonesia and Mexico. Japan is the world's biggest consumer of seafood with Japanese eating 80% of the Atlantic and Pacific bluefins caught. The two tuna species are the most sought after by sushi lovers.
However, tuna consumption in Japan has declined because of a prolonged economic slump as the world's second-largest economy struggles to shake off its worst recession since World War II. Apart from falling demand for tuna, wholesalers are worried about growing calls for tighter fishing rules amid declining tuna stocks. The International Commission for the Conservation of Atlantic Tunas in November slashed the quota for the 2010 catch by about one-third to 13,500 tons — a move criticized by environmentalists as not going far enough.
And: An airline passenger who yelled "I want to kill all the Jews" on a Detroit-bound plane was arrested on disorderly conduct and other charges, but authorities said the incident didn't appear terrorism-related. Because he did not preface it by saying "American Jews".
Mansor Mohammad Asad (43), of Toledo, Ohio, was arrested after a confrontation with officers and was charged with threats against a public servant, disorderly conduct and resisting an officer without violence. An FBI spokeswoman said there were no indications the incident was connected to terrorism, and is no longer involved in the investigation, treating the case as a local matter.
Asad's son, Mickey told The Associated Press that his father suffered from bipolar disorder and was in and out of mental institutions when he was younger. "He's far from a terrorist," said the younger Asad. "He just lost his temper. There's no excuse, but someone had to have pushed his button." Just some randon Jew on the plane, eh?
Mansor Asad, who owns an appliance store in Toledo, was returning home from a vacation in Miami with his sister and his 14-year-old daughter. His son said his father has a short temper and extensive criminal record. He also said his father had been doing better in recent years. "This is such a strange turn," he said. I'm shocked too...he sounds like a real delight.
Witnesses told investigators who boarded the plane that Asad was loud, disruptive and claimed to be Palestinian. His son said he was an American citizen of Palestinian descent. Officers didn't find any weapons or explosives on Asad, who police said was agitated and aggressive at times. Authorities used a stun gun to subdue Asad on the jet bridge after he charged at an officer with fists clenched. He also chanted in a foreign language and threatened officers during a search. That is why there's profiling...and if you don't want it my dear Middle Eastern friends, keep your people from making you look bad.
"I'm not afraid of you cops, I've gotten in fights with cops in Ohio and broke their arms in three places," he said. "I've broken skulls too!" The affidavit noted that alcohol didn't appear to be a factor during the incident, though the mental hospitals, criminal record, and easy ire probably did.
Worst picture of the week:
now we have seen the future, and it is dark
Worst bonus links:
• Rudy Giuliani: 'We Had No Domestic Attacks Under Bush; We've Had One Under Obama' - I guess Rudy forgot where he was in the morning of September 11th. Goddamned moron.
• Castaic Man Crushed To Death By 5,000 Pounds Of Granite - Wow, that sucks. Bet you didn't think that was going to happen when you woke up in the morning...
• Twitter As A US Foreign Policy And Psyops Tool? - Short answer, no. Longer answer, no. Senator Dick Lugar (ha!) proposes that the US government promote social networking services as psyops tools, as a form of "21st-century statecraft" to promote freedom and democracy throughout the world. Sorry gramps, but you're missing the fundimental point - nobody gets your message if they don't subscribe to the feed. If we can't trick foes into signing up for our propaganda tweets, then the terrorists have won.
• Kim Kardashian: I Can't Lose My "Cellulite!" - Thanks, Assy Pig Tank...if only you could lose your Twitter account and idea that you're any kind of celebrity.
• UCLA Study Says Legalizing Undocumented Immigrants Would Help The Economy - So you're saying that legal, tax paying immigrants who no longer use our schools, hospitals, and infrastructure for free will help our economy? If that wasn't already obvious, I'd say it was brilliant!
• Man Threatened To Kill Horse After Betting Error - There's not enough glue you can get from it to cover your mistake
• Nudists Steamed Over Sea Lion Carcass On Beach - They wanted to be the only nasty, bloated eyesores on the beach.
• Downey Police Search For Man Kidnapped In Front Of A Subway Sandwich Shop - If they're going to find him, they'd better expand their search.
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