Friday, January 8, 2010

Friends Don't Let Friends Sterilize And Reuse Catheters

The other night at the gym this commercial came on. Even though I was about 20 feet away and there was no sound, that question jumped out and screamed at me. I should not have been that surprised - it came on during Glenn Beck (why that was on instead of the usual ESPN flow I don't know), and it figures that business about catheters would come on right after a giant douchenozzle.

Totallyjk, who posted it, had some questions for Holly:

Okay, Holly, first of all WHY DO YOU HAVE TO USE CATHETERS EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? Also, why weren't you devastated about that? Granted, the notion of reusing a catheter every day for the rest of your life is so shitty. But, it pales in comparison to the fact that you still have to use a catheter every day for the rest of your life. You know what I'm saying Holly? That's like becoming paraplegic and then getting mad when you find out you still have to cut your toenails.

Furthermore, Holly, WHY ARE YOU SO SCARED OF TALKING TO STRANGERS OVER THE TELEPHONE? I mean, that's okay, but it has nothing to do with you having to use catheters every day for the rest of your life. Those are separate issues right there. However, Holly, if you're having problems with the catheters you use every day for the rest of your life, I'm pretty sure you should only talk to strangers about that. Ideally, they'd be strangers who can't see your sad face. Not to make light of your problem! Agoraphobia is a real thing. But Holly, you know agoraphobia isn't treated by using catheters every day for the rest of your life, right? Catheters play no part in mental health. All you need to do is go see a therapist, Holly. Unless of course, you already have a therapist. Oh my god. Holly. Did your therapist say you had to use catheters every day for the rest of your life? Because he is wrong.

Also, Holly, WHAT'S WITH THAT CAT AT THE END? You don't...oh Jesus, Holly. You don't use cats as catheters, do you? Did you think the word "cath" was just a silly way doctors referred to cats? Because you're wrong Holly. "Cath" is when you use the word "catheter" as a verb in a weird abbreviated way I've never heard before. Of course you're going to get urinary tract infections, Holly! Your urinary tract is no place for a cat! I don't care how clean they are, Holly, they're still cats. But now I totally understand why you were so devastated before. How many cats have you boiled alive and stuffed in your peehole, Holly? Why did you do it? Why? Why?

But then...

Holly is back, talking about her new sterile catheters!. She lost some weight, dyed her hair, and...wait, is that really Holly? Did Liberator get a NEW Holly?


UPDATE: the remix and some competition from Liberty Medical (up to 5 catheters a day? sold!).



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