Mega-Tool

Elwood "Bunky" Bartlett (goddamn, another great name!) says a book store made it possible for him to become an overnight multimillionaire. That and some river nymphs and the harvest moon and some really neat crystals.

He and his wife (yeah, that was a surprise to me too), Denise, were on their way to the Mystickal Voyage New Age bookstore and shop where he occasionally teaches Wicca and Reiki when they stopped at a liquor store and bought two $5 Mega Millions tickets for Friday, one of which yielding the winning numbers.

Bartlett, an accountant, said he made a bargain with the multiple gods associated with his Wiccan beliefs: "You let me win the lottery and I'll teach." Great. That's like giving a UFO abductee millions of dollars to continue to spread their ludicrous tales. I'd feel better if the guy who lives down the street who's trying to build a rocket car in his garage had that money. It would probably be less dangerous to us as a society, and I am taking into account he's got a good shot at blowing up his place.

I'm not sure what bothers me more, that the silly Wicca "religion" gets attention drawn to it, or that the guy who won looks like a cross between a lesbian and Francis Buxton from Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. In fact, pretty much all Wiccan people look like lesbians. Not the sexy videotape ones, but like middle aged women from the Northwest. And no, I'm not afraid of pissing Wiccans off - they can only use their magic for good purposes and they can't cast spells on unwilling people. One of 'em told me that, I swear. And besides, they're too busy getting ready for the Ren Faire to care what I say.