When Cancellations Are Good

I'm no fan of The White Stripes, and not just because of my natural aversion to all things overhyped and trendy.

The problem is Meg.

Watching her play the drums is like watching the Special Olympics -- it's really for them, not for you, and believe me when I say that they may not know how, uh, retarded they are, it's clear to the rest of us.

So for me, to see that the duo cancelled the rest of their tour dates due to Meg's "acute anxiety" and inability to travel is neither tragic or empathy inspiring. Jack White's Mississipi-by-way-of-Detroit wannabe blues doesn't impress me, seeing as how every song of theirs is just one riff played into submission. He doesn't write songs, he just writes a hook, and then *fart* there's that one riff stretched out into a song. To call Meg White a drummer is as absurd as suggesting the Earth is flat, as insulting as calling a black man boy, and as wrong as deeming the last seven presidential years a success.

I came across this list of ten things that probably stressed out Meg from the Vulture section of NYmag, and suffice to say, they may be correct.


1. The cleaners keep washing her whites with her blacks and reds.

2. Difficulty of remembering drum part to "Seven Nation Army."

3. The emotional scarring of having accidentally married her brother.

4. Exhausted from constantly having to talk Jack out of regrowing his mustache.

5. Kanye West not winning a single award at the VMAs — seriously, what was that?!

6. Secretly wants to wear orange, just once.

7. Jack's insistence on recording the next White Stripes album with just a megaphone and a wax cylinder.

8. Upset about the nasty review of the band's MSG show. There's no wrong in being right...

9. Wants to try one of her songs for a change.

10. Is actually a great drummer; sick of holding self back to fit Jack's idea of primitivism.