New Campaign Doublespeak

Whatever Rudy Giuliani was exposed to at Ground Zero may have seriously impaired his brain.

Speaking with CNN Headline News, Rudy G said illegal immigration is not a crime. Sir, were it not criminal, it would not be illegal. Yes? How about this -- were it not illegal, it would not be a crime. Better?

"It's not a crime," Giuliani said Friday. "I know that's very hard for people to understand, but it's not a federal crime."

So it's not a federal crime? But is it a state crime? How can somebody be an illegal immigrant in a state and not the country? How do you reconcile this?

"I was U.S. attorney in the Southern district of New York," he said. "So believe me, I know this. In fact, when you throw an immigrant out of the country, it's not a criminal proceeding. It's a civil proceeding."

Sir, that's not reason enough. I don't care who you are or what you did when, you're a little too full of yourself without having any substantial proof of this. Besides, listen to what you're saying. You're contradicting the very meaning of the words you're using.

Illegal immigration shouldn't be a crime, either, Giuliani said: "No, it shouldn't be because the government wouldn't be able to prosecute it. We couldn't prosecute 12 million people. We have only 2 million people in jail right now for all the crimes that are committed in the country, 2.5 million."

See! It is a crime - you just said so! Of course we can prosecute that many people. I bet you could have twice as many folks incarcerated if you called them enemy combatants and insurgents. The government has such a hard-on for those guys, they'd turn Nebraska into a state-sized prison.

He added: "My solution is close the border to illegal immigration."

Yes, close that border and keep the illegal immigrants out, and only let the legal ones in. So simple, yet we can't do it...without him in office.