It may be the middle of the week, but the headlines are fresh!NYC's Next Archbishop Will Challenge Gay Marriage - Reality TV is starting to run out of ideas. America's Next Top Model shouldn't have spawned spinoffs.
Clothing Company Responds To Woody Allen Suit - Do you get it? Clothing company? Suit? No wonder they say news media is dead.
Iran Willing To Build New Relationship With US - All they're asking for is to exterminate all Jews, homosexuals, and infidels. Otherwise, they're good to go!
Student Killed In Love Triangle Involving Teacher - Yes, as hoped for, it turns out it was a math teacher in this story. Irony, she is not without humor.
Homemade Deodorant? - Hey you cheap bastard, if the economy has got you so tangled that you have to make your own deodorant, you're probably homeless, which makes me glad you're tring to smell better.
Ron Paul's Plan To Fend Off Pirates - Surprise! It's another YouTube campaign. Let's hope they don't try and commandeer some views or embedded links!
Justin Timberlake To Climb Mount Kilimanjaro For Global Awareness - Because nobody in the world knew it was a big ol' mountain.
Scientist: First Cloned Camel Born In Dubai - Hours later, first beastiality with a cloned camel.
Treating Kids With Malaria At Home Doesn't Work - Neither does treating kids with malaria at school, on the playground, or at the mall. Face it, kids don't want malaria, so stop treating them with it.
Glavine: Sore Shoulder Could End Career - Tender little baseball babies. You don't hear AML players complaining. Yes, that's the American Masterbatory League.
2 Women Accused Of Staging Fake Funerals - No word on the corpse accomplices...or were they fake too?
Chatsworth Train Crash Survivor Has A Long Road Back - Sorry, buddy. Train's out of service now. Hope you don't have too far to go. What's that? Chatsworth?
NASA Names Treadmill After Colbert - Sure, name the space station after the eighth most popular response, not the top vote-getter. See, this is the kind of thinking that causes sshuttles to explode.
Study: Energy Drinks Boost The Brain, Not Brawn - Yes, and that is why they are called energy drinks, not weight gainer or mass builders. I hope that wasn;t an expensive study.
Stone-Throwing Afghan Crowd Swarms Women's Protest - I have a hard time believing they weren't passing out stones when they spread the word. "Hey, chuck this at some of those 'free-thinking' women at the town square today at 3!"
Ron Paul's Plan To Fend Off Pirates - Surprise! It's another YouTube campaign. Let's hope they don't try and commandeer some views or embedded links!
Justin Timberlake To Climb Mount Kilimanjaro For Global Awareness - Because nobody in the world knew it was a big ol' mountain.
Scientist: First Cloned Camel Born In Dubai - Hours later, first beastiality with a cloned camel.
Treating Kids With Malaria At Home Doesn't Work - Neither does treating kids with malaria at school, on the playground, or at the mall. Face it, kids don't want malaria, so stop treating them with it.
Glavine: Sore Shoulder Could End Career - Tender little baseball babies. You don't hear AML players complaining. Yes, that's the American Masterbatory League.
2 Women Accused Of Staging Fake Funerals - No word on the corpse accomplices...or were they fake too?
Chatsworth Train Crash Survivor Has A Long Road Back - Sorry, buddy. Train's out of service now. Hope you don't have too far to go. What's that? Chatsworth?
NASA Names Treadmill After Colbert - Sure, name the space station after the eighth most popular response, not the top vote-getter. See, this is the kind of thinking that causes sshuttles to explode.
Study: Energy Drinks Boost The Brain, Not Brawn - Yes, and that is why they are called energy drinks, not weight gainer or mass builders. I hope that wasn;t an expensive study.
Stone-Throwing Afghan Crowd Swarms Women's Protest - I have a hard time believing they weren't passing out stones when they spread the word. "Hey, chuck this at some of those 'free-thinking' women at the town square today at 3!"
No comments:
Post a Comment