Saturday, September 1, 2007

My Balls, Thoroughly Busted

Meet Lissandra, who totally rode my tits all night at my cousin's daughter's Bat Mitzvah.

This athletic and spry Latina made it her mission to harass me for not dancing, then not dancing enough, and then dancing poorly. Sure, she caught me goofing around during Salt N' Pepa's "Push It" -- and told me that I should sit down for the rest of the night, but Yours Famously can move it at least better than your intoxicated uncle. Of course, I couldn't hold a candle to her limber undulating, but damn it, that's why you're getting paid to wiggle and jiggle while I sit with my mother.

Miami is full of fiery chicas like her, with sick bodies and serpentine grace, who I will gladly watch as they visualize the music, and who will make sure to come over and gut me before I even glance in their direction. That my friends is a brutal lesson of life that gets handed to you even when you think you're just going to be dancing the Hora and loading up at the open bar for the evening.

No comments: