The Brinicle

Gobble On

Muppet Puppet People

I don't really care for or get the wave of nostalgia associated with the return of the Muppets and their new movie coming out this week, but I can appreciate this casting of real people.

Elder Scrolls

The Dead Sea Scrolls were discovered by a Bedouin shepherd in 1947, and are said to have been produced somewhere between the 3rd century B.C. and 70 A.D. The scrolls contain a wide variety of writings including early copies of the Hebrew Bible, along with hymns, calendars and psalms - and may now have an author.

Nearly 200 textiles were found in the same caves, and were similar to an archaeological site in nearby Qumran, leading scholars to believe that an ancient Jewish sect called the Essenes were involved in the scroll writing. All the textiles were made of linen, rather than wool - the preferred textile used in ancient Israel (you remember their commercials: "the look, the feel of cotton wool"), and were bleached white or lacked decoration, unlike other vividly colored fabrics from the period.

Naturally, not everyone agrees, and some think the scrolls were deposited in the caves by refugees fleeing the Roman army after Jerusalem was conquered in A.D. 70. Linen could have been chosen as scroll wrapping for religious reasons or perhaps because the priests responsible for storing the scrolls also wore linen clothing. The Essenes however, according to ancient Jewish writer Flavius Josephus, not ony lived in Qumran, but "made a point of keeping a dry skin and always being dressed in white". Touché!

Now if we could only figure out who wrote that other old religious text...

Operation: Red Retrieval

This is a G.I. Joe movie I'd actually watch.

Medical Inefficacy

Hospital officials at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center are insisting that Norman Smith stop using marijuana for at least six months, undergo random drug testing, and participate in weekly substance-abuse counseling before they will consider putting him back on a liver donor list...surely there's no good reason for him to be smoking weed.

Smith was diagnosed with inoperable liver cancer in 2009, and his oncologist approved medicinal marijuana to cope with the effects of chemotherapy. Though he became eligible for a liver transplant last year, he was removed from the list in February after a positive drug test. Nevermind that it's legal under California law and HIS DOCTOR FROM THEIR HOSPITAL PRESCRIBED IT.

Thankfully, Americans for Safe Access (a medical marijuana advocacy group) is bringing this hypocrisy to light. "Denying necessary transplants to medical marijuana patients is the worst kind of discrimination...Cedars-Sinai would not be breaking any laws, federal or otherwise, by granting Norman Smith a liver transplant, and it’s certainly the ethical thing to do."

Close Encounters Of The South Park Kind

Apparently, Trey and Matt hide an alien somewhere in every episode.

Rippleface

Because Megyn Kelly Is A Complete Moron

Password Is Taco

According to SplashData, a company that makes password management tools, there's are 2011's "worst passwords".  They were obtained from password-dumps like when Sony was was "hacked", and don't specify if they're the worst becasue they're so obviously simple or common, or both.  If you have any of these, may we suggest you change them...

1. password
2. 123456
3.12345678
4. qwerty
5. abc123
6. monkey
7. 1234567
8. letmein
9. trustno1
10. dragon
11. baseball
12. 111111
13. iloveyou
14. master
15. sunshine
16. ashley
17. bailey
18. passw0rd
19. shadow
20. 123123
21. 654321
22. superman
23. qazwsx
24. michael
25. football

Sadly, there are some are still on the list even though we put up another batch of poor choices in 2009.

Clearly Canadian

Don't Mess With Texas

Looks like The Austin Grand Prix is currently being run in San Antonio...at the Alamo.

The Galactic Emperor Formula One boss Bernie Ecclestone threatened to cancel the debut race from the 2012 calendar if organizers and developers can not reach a agreement by next week.

Construction was halted at the Circuit of the Americas track earlier in the week due to the absence of a contract. Tavo Hellmund of Full Throttle Productions put it bluntly, "The reason we don't have a contract with Formula One is because as a project, we have failed many times over to fulfill our financial obligations to Formula One. It's literally that simple".

Simple? So you can just fix it, right? "We were in breach on multiple issues as late as May. And he (Eccelstone) sent numerous requests and letters that we were all aware of how to fix it and we failed to do that." Apparently, the Circuit builders and Hellmund's company could not get their numbers aligned, and deals to buy the construction group out - or have Full Throttle be bought out, have not been reached.

Some point to the crowded, record 20-race calendar next year as eroding patience for the unsecured track, and the much easier to launch street-racing circuit in New Jersey for 2013, but in a multi-billion dollar international sport, it's about money, and you've got to play to play.

With the debacle of a six-car race at Indianapolis in 2005 and the failed launch of the USF1 team for 2010, Formula One and the U.S. still have a way to go before it's a cozy relationship.

The Inglorious Mr. Fox

Your Future Has Been Filmed

Douchebagborn

When geeks fornicate, good decisions can not be guaranteed.

Megan and Eric Kellermeyer, who quantify themselves as a "gamer couple", determined their due date was 11/11/11, the same day as the release of the much-anticipated next chapter in the Elder Scrolls series, "Skyrim".

Having read a post on game developer Bethesda's blog suggesting that expectant parents consider naming their child "Dovahkiin", which means "Dragonborn" in the Skyrim world, they decided to prove they were unfit to be parents.

The post had the been made as a joke, with a disclaimer noting "Bethesda Softworks is not responsible for your parenting", but the company later added incentive to their sociological test. Anyone willing to name their child Dovahkiin would receive every one of the developer's games free for life, on top of other unnamed goodies. Wow, what's that come to over the expected lifespan of that company, maybe a dozen games at $50 each, and a few hundred dollars worth of tees and promo materials? Yeah, that's a fair trade.

Last Friday, Dovahkiin Tom Kellermeyer was born, and two assholes sold out their kid's life for some swag. In future news, Dovahkiin Kellermeyer was wanted in connection to the violent bludgeoning murder of his parents, Megan and Eric. Motive was not confirmed, but police suspected it was some form or retribution for years of scorn and taunting over his name.

Superhydrophobic

Parks And Renewal

Though tonight is the last episode of their mini-season, there will be plenty of South Park to come.

Comedy Central has renewed the show for another three years beyond its current deal, stretching the series on through 2016, and extending its run to 20 seasons. Trey Parker and Matt Stone will continue to write, direct and edit every episode of South Park just as they have since the series’ premiere in 1997.

Screw You, Lulu

Yuppiepunk was kind enough to collect some of the critical, uh, words about “Lulu,” the awful collaboration between Metallica and Lou Reed.  I had the misfortune of listening to a few tracks, and it was fucking terrible. Reed said, “It’s maybe the best thing done by anyone, ever. It could create another planetary system. I’m not joking, and I’m not being egotistical,” it was hardly the reaction by reviewers...

Rolling Stone: “Revels in dominatrix decadence and bodily fluids.”

Pitchfork: “For most of the record, Lou Reed and Metallica barely sound like they’re on the same planet, let alone in the same room.”

Chuck Klosterman: “If the Red Hot Chili Peppers acoustically covered the 12 worst Primus songs for Starbucks, it would still be (slightly) better than this.”

Washington Post: “An 85-minute misery delivery system.”

LA Times: “This morning when I woke up knowing that the entire day would be spent listening to the thing, I sighed, rolled over and went back to sleep.”

AV Club: “Like an iceberg deciding to start a band with the Titanic.”

The Quietus: “Time that could be more constructively spent watching the grass grow or perhaps wanking into a sock.”

Chicago Sun-Times: “The marriage of Reed’s thin, monotone voice to Metallica’s thick, monotone riffs — and an average song length of nearly nine minutes (including a 19-minute punishment at the end) — produces a listening experience that is never anything more than a dismal, grueling chore.”

Consequence of Sound: “It reads like a misguided Bukowski impersonation and sounds like field recordings taken from Guitar Centers across America.”

Pop Matters: “They let us down harder than the last episode of Seinfeld. Except far fewer people will forgive Metallica.”

By The Power Of Thor(ium)

None More Black

Now that they're not currently exploring space, NASA engineers directed their efforts locally, and have produced a material that absorbs more than 99 percent of the ultraviolet, visible, infrared, and far-infrared light that hits it.

The coating is a thin layer of carbon nanotubes about 10,000 times thinner than a strand of human hair. Grown on silicon, silicon nitride, titanium, and stainless steel, a thin layer of iron is positioned as an underlayer and then heated to near 1,382 degrees Fahrenheit. At the same time, the material is bathed in carbon-containing gas.

Currently, space instrument developers apply black paint to help prevent stray light from ricocheting off surfaces, but paints absorb only 90% of light that strikes it. Additionally, black paints do not remain black when exposed to cryogenic temperatures, and are mixed with conductive metal epoxies to keep them from losing their absorptive and radiative properties. This new super-black material could be used instead with greater efficiency while decreasing the weight of the coating, and instruments would be able to detect more faint wavelengths as the multiple frequencies of light are absorbed.

"It's robust, lightweight, and extremely black. It is better than black paint by a long shot."

The Best Carfax Results Ever

You get a lot of surprises when you get a used vehicle, but rather than dodgy wiring or intermittent knocking, Charles Preston got half a mil in nose candy. Shit yeah that makes his minivan cooler!

The San Jose psychologist had taken the fulled loaded (pun intended) Chrysler to a mechanic for a brake check and had them check one of the windows that would not roll all the way down. When they removed the panel, found kilos of cocaine inside. Not a bad return on a $14,000 2008 model.

He bought the used van in May 2010 a year ago from Thrifty Car Sales in Santa Clara to use as a rape van haul food he pays for out of his own salary to feed people living on the street. Police have been unable to track down the cocaine's history or identify the dealers, mostly because they didn't leave a luggage tag on it. It previously had been owned by a rental car agency so it's conceivable someone who rented it packed it with cocaine.

Preston tried to return his van to Thrifty for one with less drugs, but was only offered a trade in the van at the current Blue Book value - about $4,000 less than he originally paid, since he'd put about 6,000 miles on the van. We'll, there's also $500,000 less coke in there too, so that is another depreciation.

2016

Film Drunk breaks this masterpiece down:

•A Predator says something scary in a robot voice.

•This causes a young boy walking down a street somewhere to be attacked by a flying motorcycle, which cracks open his skull.

•A predator shoots a bullet from his chest and a dude dodges it, Matrix-style

•The predator throws a ninja star, which is also dodged.

•The ninja star continues flying, only to be stopped in mid-air by a TERMINATOR, who deflects it using some kind of forcefield.

•The Terminator pulls a Lamborghini out of thin air and throws it on top of a lady. The lady had been sitting in the middle of the street for some reason.

•A cell phone explodes

•A dude explodes

•The predator kicks a car

•A dude dodges the car

•The predator kicks him in the face

•THE PREDATOR KICKS A BABY!

•The trailer ends in mid shot.

Teh Kitteh Rok

The kitten covers.

All The President's Women

We know Vladimir Putin is super badass, but what about Dmitry Medvedev?

Russia's president (or presidential place holder) has something better than parliamentary backing - he's got a whole squad of ladies. Mevedev’s Girls is an organization that has pledged its support to their leader...while wearing sexy outfits. The group was allegedly formed in opposition to a similar group of hot women who support prime minister Putin. Recently, they've worn sexy schoolgirl outfits to support education initiatives and support Medvedev's ban on underage drinking with their bikinis.  I wouldn't believe it if I didn't see the pictures and study them intensely, but fortunately there are lots of them.

ISS Earth

The Sound Of A Bat

Deadus Maximus

I was in 10th grade when I first heard GWAR, and those scumdogs from across the universe made me a fan of their blood-drenched slaughter orgies, which married cartoonish gore and filth with a sense of humor and heavy metal. Lots of folks have died in the last few days, but I was bummed to hear this recounted by Dave Brockie aka Oderus Urungus about their guitarist:

After a restless night spent hurtling through the desolate Canadian wilderness, I crawled from my bunk on the tour bus to face reality, grudgingly aware that the the dark dream that gripped us would not fade with the day. We have lost a brother, a husband, a son, and one of the most talented musicians that ever slung an ax. Cory Smoot, longtime lead guitar player for the band GWAR, has passed at the age of 34. 

As the singer of GWAR and one of his best friends, I feel it is my duty to try and answer some of the questions that surround his tragic and untimely death. I know the sense of loss and pain is far greater in scope than in the insulated environment of a band on tour, and I will do my best to provide what clarity and comfort I can. 

The most glaring question is how? And unfortunately that is the hardest question to answer. The truth will not be known until the medical officials have finished their work. All I can do is relate what we saw with our own eyes. 

The last time I saw Cory was after our show in Minneapolis on Weds. night. It was a great show at First Avenue in Minneapolis, one of our favorite places to play. Cory was happy. He was excited about the band and especially the new studio he was building in the Slave Pit back in Richmond. He was deeply in love with his wife, Jamie, and was busily planning their family and future in the beautiful home they had. As usual, after some autographs and banter, I was probably the first person in their bunk as we got ready for a big drive into Canada, and Cory and the rest of the guys were not far behind. As I fell into the slumber that only playing GWAR shows can induce, everything seemed right in the world. 

We found Cory the next morning as we collected passports for a border crossing. He was in his bunk, unresponsive, and it quickly was clear that he was dead. It was without a doubt the most horrible moment of my life. That’s all I can say about it. 

Within moments everybody was off the bus, standing in a wind-swept parking lot in the middle of nowhere, trying to come to grips with the shock of it. First the ambulance arrived, and then the police, but there was nothing that could be done other than fully investigate the scene and remove Cory with care and respect. 

We are completely devastated and shocked beyond belief. One night we had our friend and colleague, happy and healthy in the middle of our best tour in years- and the next morning, so suddenly, he was gone. Never have I seen starker proof of the fragility of life. 

Cory will be transported home to Richmond over the next few days, and an announcement regarding services will be made soon. We ask everyone to respect the families wish for privacy, and especially to keep his wife, Jamie, in your thoughts and prayers. 

As we work our way through these difficult days the question is — what will GWAR do? After a lot of consideration, we have decided to carry on with the tour. Although the great temptation would be to return home, curl into a fetal position, and mourn, we can’t do that. First off, Cory wouldn’t want that. He would want us to go on and would be pissed if we didn’t. Plus we know the fans don’t want us to quit. They are going to want a chance to come to grips with their loss, and there is no better place to do that than at a GWAR show. Though it’s hard to believe, I think we all would feel a lot worse if we stopped. For better or worse we have to see this through. 

That doesn’t mean that Cory will make his final journey without us. When the arrangements have been finalized, Cory’s best friend and GWAR’s music tech Dave “Gibby” Gibson, and myself will return home to attend the services and pay the proper respects to our comrade. 

Out of respect to Cory, we have officially retired the character of Flattus Maximus. Flattus has decided to return to his beloved “Planet Home”, and will never return to this mudball planet again. And this is a sadder place for that. 

Just the other day I heard Cory tell a story about how some 20 years ago he was fourteen years old, at his first GWAR show, grabbing at the rubber feet of our then- current Flattus, and how blown away he was at the fact that now HE was the one getting his feet pulled by the same kid that he used to be. Cory was always in awe of the patterns of life and went through it with a wide-eyed amazement that translated through his playing. I’ve never known anyone who could pick up literally any instrument and rock it the first time he touched it, and more than that make it look easy. Behind that rubber monster outfit, and sometimes even obscured by it, was one of the most talented and beautiful people I have ever known. I know everyone who’s life was touched by Cory truly loved him, as do we, his bandmates and brothers. 

There should be some kind of announcement soon regarding services, etc. It would be great to have a memorial show at some point soon, where some of the bands that Cory worked with could come together and show their love for this truly amazing man who left us all too soon and will be sorely missed by many, many people.

Post-Modern Warfare

It's not the start of the holiday blitz of new video games unless there's a big title with something controversial, and this year's first entry is is literally blowing up with attention.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 could be a billion dollar property by the end of the year, but will a leaked scene where a child is reduced to mist going to steal the headlines? In the series, players fight Russian terrorists, and one of the cut scenes shows a young girl playing in the street suddenly killed by a truck exploding. The scene is here, and it's really not as graphic as the media is making it out to be. Yeah, the kid is playing one minute, and the next there's a car bomb, but all you get is the explosion and smoke, not random kiddie parts flying around.

As I noted when Modern Warfare 2 came out two years ago, gamers played a sequence where they participated in the massacre of innocent civilians at a Russian airport, and that game went on to sell more than 22 million copies worldwide. If people really want to have their sensibilities offended, they should focus on the awesome Saints Row 3 coming out next week.

Skinemax

It's like an medley from my childhood.

From Hell...Or Wales

A new book by the descendant of the royal surgeon of Queen Victoria may reveal the identity of the elusive Jack The Ripper. Hint: it's the royal surgeon of Queen Victoria.

Tony Williams, the great-great-great-great nephew of Sir John Williams, found a six inch black blade amongst the possessions passed down through the generations. Normally, that wouldn't be cause for suspicion, except it matched a weapon description set by the case pathologist, Thomas Bond, who was considered the first criminal profiler (or alienist) in history. That, and along with the knife were three glass slides containing slices of uterus.

The doctor had a surgery in London's Harley Street the time of the murders, and Williams believes that weapon was used in the murder of five prostitutes between August and November 1888. The motive? Frustration his wife couldn't have children, and that he was trying to find a cure for her infertility, which becomes more plausible when you look at the expertly cut open and disemboweled victims - and two who had their uterus's missing.

Uncle Jack - A Victorian Mystery is out now, so anybody who reads it, please let me know if we can stop looking for Saucy Jack and focus our efforts on the abominable snowman.

Grumpy Dead Man

I'm moved by the passing of Andy Rooney - not because he had any particular insight, but moved to some slight joy that there is no longer someone to complain about the most trivial things, and whose whining was more insufferable than the subject he was taking issue with. Warming Glow eulogized him perfectly:

"Rooney was an unremarkable, cranky bore whose bitching about simple annoyances struck a nerve with other aging white people who were frightened by or opposed to change. His view of America was essentially a collection of Rockwell paintings, and he complained about any facet of life that strayed from that impossible vision. When technological developments improved commerce or people’s lives, Rooney only saw the inconvenience of learning something new. In every TV appearance of his that I saw, he came off to me as intellectually incurious, and he happily took a paycheck from CBS for 60 years while brushing away the fans who sent him letters or tried to approach him in public. I don’t understand why people who didn’t know him should stop and mourn a man who never cared for people he didn’t know.

Rest in peace, Andy Rooney. The world has moved on."

Full Trip At Halftime

 

Parallax, Or When Portals Become Monochromatic