Absolutely Gross

The folks at Absolut Vodka are hard at work creating a new line of city-inspired flavors...because sometimes you just want to have the taste of a whole town in your mouth.

They’ve already introduced Absolut: Los Angeles (a drink that will “take your senses behind the scenes for an exclusive taste of the City of Angels, and inspire you to dream big and reach for the stars”) and Absolut: New Orleans (”the flavor of inspiration”) - and now they’re asking the public to nominate the next city. Taste these ideas:

ABSOLUT WASHINGTON DC: This premium vodka has aromas of lies and deceit with subtle, well integrated pork characteristics and an outrageous complexity. Limited edition bottle comes wrapped in red tape.

ABSOLUT LANCASTER, PA: A rebellious vodka made by Amish youth during Rumspringa. Best enjoyed in the dark, while wearing a bonnet and basking in the ironic glow of an Amish-made Heat Surge electric fireplace.

ABSOLUT GLOUCESTER, MA: An intense vodka flavored by the finest, most pungent fishing baits Gloucester has to offer. The style is lightly effervescent and salty with just a touch of danger. Refreshment personified.

ABSOLUT DAYTONA BEACH, FL: A young, fine bodied vodka with tantalizing flavors. Its tropical fruit aromas and subtle nuances of sex and desperation will inspire you to hit on the hottest thing in the bar.

ABSOLUT SEATTLE, WA: This isn’t really vodka at all, but is simply rainwater in a biodegradable vodka bottle. Available at Starbucks and Trader Joe’s for $38.79/ea.

ABSOLUT SAN DIEGO, CA: This vodka is hot and spicy and has the distinct characteristics of Mexican jalapeños that entered the country illegally.

ABSOLUT NEW HAVEN, CT: The perfect vodka for those nights you’re bored at home with your friends, because the clubs in Connecticut are pathetic and you’d rather die than see a God-awful show at the Shubert.

ABSOLUT CAMDEN, NJ: Indulge yourself in this unconventional vodka that will have you reaching for your wallet - and your bulletproof vest. It opens with aromas of toasted sewage, and finishes with hints of gunpowder and sheer terror. Bruce Springsteen’s favorite!