Take the awesome made-to-order Sveid corkscrew. The small hook used to operate the corkscrew is 18-carat gold, but is also available in platinum if you’re a precious metals snob. The body is made from "aviation titanium", which I guess is the same metal grade that private Lear jets are made of. Also, it makes the thing near-indestructible, because opening a bottle of wine is dangerous as hell. It can be yours if you have $72,000 laying around in your bar supply fund. On the other hand, you could pay my rent for the next six years, and I’ll gladly open a bottle or two for you.
Too pricey? Maybe the level of flash you’re looking for comes in the form of a cell phone. Your $7,000 cell phone. Oh, Vertu makes more expensive models - up to $310,000, but you can still get a gold and sapphire lined mobile screen in the starter phone. Aside from rubies for the bearings and fine leather casing, each mobile is hand-made for every egotistical prick who feels like dressing up something you can get for pocket change at Radio Shack.
Maybe you’re a charatible person who will spend some of your vast fortune on others, say, your children. If so, you need the Cartier Baby Panther motif rattle. It’s a steal for $200! That’s less than the price of a bottle of wine you’d open with your Sveid corkscrew. Sterling silver baby rattles tell the world, “Hey, fuck your poor children with their plastic rattles…this three month old has class and wealth!” And why not? It goes perfect with the bald eagle feather down blanket and the hand carved crib.
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