When I was eight years old, I read the Guinness Book Of Records and was impressed by the world's longest fingernails and the tallest man. Then I realized how unnecessary it was.Twenty five years later, the self-important folks who compile useless data are still going strong, and they've made today their day.
Guinness World Records Day should bring out about 200,000 morons who are looking for the smallest possible piece of fame. What is mind boggling to me is why even bother to take stock of these things...unless your proprietary enterprise and prosperity depends on creating false importance. It's not a coincidence you saw a rat just before an exterminator came to your door.
Does anybody care what the fastest time is pulling a red doubledecker bus 10 meters with their ear lobes is? If you do, you're probably not smart enough to get up or change the channel when commercials come on. And the mania has moved to a large scale level where towns are working together to wasting time achieving the unimportant.
Making the world's largest underpants? Creating the longest bra chain? A record length Riverdance line? Most dance taps in one minute? Largest game of Twister? Steepest tightrope walk? Fastest time trying to escape from a straitjacket underwater? These are all retard pursuits.
Guinness celebrates exactly what I chide -- the meaningless and banal. Peeking into an almanac or looking at a list of record making statistics can be interesting, but stupid stunts and feats of worthlessness are exactly what they imply, and no self-proclaimed authoritative organization is going to legitimize it. Because they're the only difference between licking the most frog's assholes or having the biggest cold sore privately, or for all the world to know.
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