Monday, September 8, 2008

Draw Attention Away

After John McCain’s RNC speech in front of an alternating bright green background, a bright blue background, (and an apparent Flonase commercial), it’s clear that the Republican presidential nominee is in dire need of some less vibrant, less pastel-ey backgrounds to draw attention away from his overwhelmingly pale television facade. Here are some suggestions:


Core Of The Sun


The Dude From Powder


Abominable Snowman


The White Album


Freshman Dorm Room


Friends


Bread & Water


Joe Biden


Penn State Home Game


Republican National Convention

(bwe!)

Gremlin Video On Demand

Try this on for size: take the classic Gremlins-take-over-the-projector-room gag from their second movie, and question what might happen with today's technology. There's nothing wrong with your internet or your YouTube player - it's seven minutes of amazing.

Grace Us With Your Star Power

Jenny McCarthy "attended" the Westfield Topanga’s Luxury Wing Grand Opening in Canoga Park over the weekend. Playmate Of The Year to mall (wing!) opening hostess in a decade flat. Let us all pray she stays pretty for a long time, because I don't know what the next step down is...

Chapter Fifteen

The quintinera of chapters, another installment of His Words-Not Mine is ready for you. Celebrate (like a teenage Mexican girl)!

Friday, September 5, 2008

First Friday Weekend





So the idea is that MAGNA is going to play the first Friday of the month for the next few months at C.I.A. to establish a residency of sorts...


This has some goods and bad parts to it:


On the plus side, it gives people a chance to watch MAGNA frequently, with little confusion over where and when - hence the snappy title.


On the down side, MAGNA plays lots of different places in order to avoid venue fatigue from people going to the same place.


On the plus side, it's at C.I.A. and it's a bizarre and cool place that has lots of strange things to discover and check out.


On the down side, it's a C.I.A. and it may be too weird and strange for the more "regular" fans of the band.


On the plus side, it's basically MAGNA's night to book whoever.

On the down side, hard as it is to get a gig, try getting it times three or four each month, because that's what it comes out to having to book and schedule the other bands.



On the plus side, there's the change to play more interesting themed sets - more mellow, all fast and upbeat, rare songs, new tunes - and not just the "greatest hits".

On the down side, giving people totally different shows every time can make it hard for them to latch on.



On the plus side, having lots of upcoming dates allow people to schedule their plans and attend is good.

On the down side, it would be a contract situation and that means ticket and sales guarantees.



On the plus side, MAGNA is so bad ass!

On the down side, well, there's no down side. MAGNA really is bad ass.




See you there this weekend?

iMagnetosphere


Next week the newest versions of iTunes and the iPhone OS come out, and while neither matter to me, I found this visualization they're including to be cool as hell.

Netflix: Redbelt

This week I am happy to report I saw a good film...and why wouldn't it be? It's a Mamet!

Redbelt is an odd film in that it has two very distinct genres being spliced together, and believe it or not, it works. David Mamet is one of those writers who knows how to craft a tale and make the dialogue sing while being effective. He wastes no words and makes his characters a sharp as their words. And what would a Mamet tale be if there wasn't a twist, graft, or con?

Mike Terry is a Jiu-Jitsu teacher who is struggling to keep his business afloat, and a chance encounter in his dojo looks to make matters worse. Trying to help one of his pupils who is having troubles of his own under the employ of Terry's brother-in-law, he befriends an aging action star and it looks as though there'll be a reversal of fortune. Like any Mamet movie (or play), everybody has an angle and nobody is exactly what they seem up front.

Mamet himself is a MMA practitioner, so that aspect is represented accurately and not just as color for some other story. It's cool to see his tales of deception applied to a more action oriented film, and to take the fight genre and give it more depth. I especially liked Chiwetel Ejiofor as Mike Terry, with his samurai like discipline and determination even in the overwhelming face of adversity. And Mamet put his wife Rebecca Pidgeon in as well (and as usual), whose strange, flat affect when speaking was, still, annoying (at least her roll was small).

Great combination movie for people looking for something different and very entertaining!

Suck It LPGA!

Under increasing criticism, the LPGA (Lesbians Playing Golf Associasion) backed off plans to suspend players who cannot speak English well enough to be understood at pro-ams, in interviews or in making acceptance speeches at tournaments. Since when did the Republicans get involved with women's golf?

The tour commissioner said she would have a revised plan by the end of the year that would not include suspensions, although fining non-English speakers remains an option. Because this is America, damn it! Original plans were disclosed some weeks ago in a meeting with South Korean players. The policy, which had not been written, was widely criticized as discriminatory, particularly against Asian players.

While the LPGA membership includes 121 international players from 26 countries, there are 45 from South Korea, and Asians won three of the four majors this year. "We have decided to rescind those penalty provisions. After hearing the concerns, we believe there are other ways to achieve our shared objective of supporting and enhancing the business opportunities for every tour player."

The announcement came two hours before the Asian Pacific American Legal Center planned a news conference in Los Angeles to demand the LPGA overturn its policy. One of the tour's title sponsors, State Farm, already weighed in this week by saying it was "dumbfounded." The tour will continue to help international players through a cultural program that has been in place for three years and offers tutors and translators. Their flawed argument is that international players who could communicate effectively in English would improve the pro-am experience, sponsor relations and could help land endorsements for the players.

"We do not, nor will we ever, demand English fluency, or even proficiency, from our international players. To the contrary, we are asking that they demonstrate a basic level of communication in English at tournaments in the United States in situations that are essential to their job as a member of the LPGA Tour."

Okay, so they're a little racist on the ladies tees...now let us never speak of it again. This is women's golf, y'know - it's not important or anything.

His Name Is Jonas


This morning, there's a lot of controversy not over John McCain's speech at the Republican National Convention last night -- which, quite frankly, most people fell asleep during the first ten minutes of -- but over the strange, seemingly chroma-keyed wall that stood behind him as he spoke.





Most asked themselves, "What exactly are those flat colors being shown on the wall and what do they have to do with John McCain?" Well, now, exclusively at Deus Ex Malcontent, the true scope of what was shown on the wall -- and its meaning -- can be revealed.

This is what the delegates at the Republican National Convention actually saw:






Yes folks, John McCain is apparently a huge fan of Weezer.

Dining and Snappin'

New Snap and Dine silverware gives you a single use, three-course table setting that answers the question: can you integrate disposable cutlery with traditional silverware? According to theisr site:

The portable lunch setting expands the possibilities of eating outdoors in style whilst reinforcing the correct use of cutlery, which has been lost over time. This is achieved through the decorative qualities and formal setting which both are a visual reference to fine dinning. This product is fun and interactive whilst raising the standards of current eating on the go habits.

Now, if only there was a way to dress up my bottle of Thunderbird when I "picnic" on a park bench...

Thursday, September 4, 2008

In Case You Forgot...

Swervedriver

Cliff Gullett was killed after losing control of his bike at 239 miles per hour. Yep, that's what'll happen!

Crashing at Utah's famous Bonneville Salt Flats, the accident occurred during a time trial. Gullett was competing in the 500cc class when his bike crashed he totally ate shit. Reports said he was aiming to set a record for the fastest two-stroke, two-cylinder motorcycle. He coincidentally may have set the record for longest road smear.

The Salt Flats have been used as a speed testing ground since 1896 and became famous in 1935 when Malcolm Campbell broke the world land speed record at the site. Since then many records have been attempted or broken, like so many bones and bodies in the pursuit of speed. But face it - if you're going to die, wiping out at over 200 mph is pretty spectacular. It beats falling
at home like a pussy, for sure.

Death Race 2008

Just for the record, I would still support Stewart / Colbert '08, but short of that miracle happening, we'll have to make due with the current election atmosphere. And with his finger on the pulse and checking temperature with the other hand, Deus Ex Malcontent is totally handling the facts and overwhelming fiction. Dozens of posts and updates from election season, including the one below. But first, something that's been circulating about the brilliant hypocrisy of the GOP. What a bunch of fuckers. This is hilarious but also frightening how two faced and full of shit they are. If you can say you're still a Republican after watching this, just go lay down in traffic...


And now for the main event! Again, go back through those posts (and links and updates on the Huffington Post), but definitely read this post!

So this is how it's going to be.

If you believe the chest-thumping coming from the McCain camp and its cadre of surrogates this morning, Sarah Palin hit it out of the park -- or at the very least, the Excel Center -- last night in St. Paul. They're saying she killed when she mocked, in contemptuous fashion, Barack Obama's community service roots; they claim she silenced her critics by expressing solidarity with the nation's concerned and angry mothers, portraying herself as a "pit bull in lipstick" who could take any kind of heat; at the risk of mixing sports metaphors, they're smugly insisting that she put the Republican Party back in the game by throwing open the playbook from races past and pulling out an oldie-but-goodie that's never failed to bring the crowd to its feet and the base to the ballot box.

Call it the "Us vs. Them" end run.

Last night Sarah Palin -- and for that matter, most of the other Republican heavies who took the podium -- dropped all pretense of making the 2008 race for the White House about issues, choosing instead to do what the GOP does best these days: pander to the absolute lowest common denominator. Palin cast this election as nothing less than a "battle for survival," telling the frenzied crowd that "defeat means death." She dug out of the ground and whipped the corpse of the Republican base's oldest and most tired nemesis: the "liberal media," which the McCain campaign insists has unfairly savaged Palin and her family, but which, ironically, gave John McCain a free ride for so long. But best of all, and maybe most importantly when it comes to winning elections, Palin audaciously held her party up as underdogs battling valiantly against subjugation at the hands of -- you guessed it -- the "elite."

"In small towns, we don't quite know what to make of a candidate who lavishes praise on working people when they are listening, and then talks about how bitterly they cling to their religion and guns when those people aren't listening. We tend to prefer candidates who don't talk about us one way in Scranton and another way in San Francisco," she sarcastically seethed at one point, emphasizing those divisive buzzwords -- "small towns," "San Francisco" -- that act as a subliminal trigger to NASCAR America that its simple way of life is under attack from overeducated outsiders.

And if you don't think this kind of crass misdirection works -- this brand of ridiculous, over-the-top fear-mongering aimed at keeping the culture war alive and well -- just look at the last eight years.

Here's the thing though, and this needs to be said: from what we witnessed last night, this election isn't about red and blue, black and white or small town and big city. Despite the subtle innuendoes and outright cries of Palin and the Republicans, none of these things is in competition during this race.

More than ever -- really, ever -- the race for the office of President of the United States is about smart and dumb.

Sarah Palin may have scored a barnburner last night, preaching to the converted by heaping scorn upon the fact that Barack Obama has authored two books -- which only to the Stuckey's night managers that make up so much of the Republican shock troops would seem like a liability. But it doesn't change the fact that she still has no business being anywhere near the White House; she simply isn't qualified, and her I'm-just-a-hockey-mom routine last night only proved it further. Honestly, it would take an idiot to want someone who spoke as if she was running for PTA chairwoman to be placed in the second highest office in the free world, directly under a 72-year-old cancer survivor. Unfortunately though, that's exactly the voting bloc the Republicans are counting on to give them another four years in the White House after these disastrous eight: Idiots. John McCain and Sarah Palin have nothing new, no groundbreaking or landmark ideas to bring to the table, so they're falling back on standard operating procedure: rile up the ignorant; complain about the dangers of people who actually think -- the "elite"; bitch about mistreatment at the hands of the right's most necessary boogeyman -- the so-called liberal media; complain, accuse, repeat. It's bullshit political theater, with the average American used as a stage prop to keep the oligarchic fat-cats of the GOP firmly in power.

As for those who say that Sarah Palin has more "executive experience" than a Barack Obama or a Joe Biden -- that claim reinforces the need for clearer, better thinking this time around. The reality is that Palin is trying to portray "small town" chutzpah as a substitute for education, intellectual curiosity and basic, well, smarts. Obama is quite possibly the most thoughtful, erudite and analytical political candidate I've seen in my lifetime; call him "elite" -- which the last time I checked was a compliment -- all you want, he's smart. He gets it. The same can be said about Joe Biden.

As for McCain and Palin?

The former is a very bright man who -- and I'm not kidding here -- may be showing major signs of cognitive deterioration as he pushes into his 70s; the latter believes the world is 6,000 years old. (And for the record, I don't care whether you believe in a hereafter or a benevolent supreme being -- if you seriously think that the world is 6,000 years old, standing in defiance of a truth that's been proven over and over again, you're a moron and I don't want you having any sort of say in my life beyond how quickly I get my Chicken McNuggets.)

And this is what it's come down to. They've drawn the battle lines and all that's left now is for the rest of us to choose which side we're on -- because they've seen to it that there is no middle-ground.

You're with us or you're with the idiots.

You're smart or stupid.

You either want your leaders to use their brains or you align yourself with the ones who would play the role of the dumb jocks mocking those who dare to think as being a bunch of effete wimps who can't be trusted.

You vote for great minds or for people who don't just devalue great minds but demonize them.

Sarah Palin was right about one thing last night: This is a battle for survival, but defeat doesn't mean death -- it means dumb.

I don't know about you, but I don't want the two most powerful people in the free world to be a couple of folks I'd just like to sit down and have a beer with; I want them to be fucking super heroes -- sharper, stronger and wiser than I could ever hope to be. They have the weight of the world on their shoulders; I want to never have to worry that they won't be able to carry it.

But that's my choice.

Now it's your turn.

Where do you stand?

Deadbulous

I get it, but 'computer', 'finance', and 'hard'?

9 To 5

No, this is not the Lily Tomlin movie...

9 To 5 (Days In Porn) is a documentary about the skin biz and what it's really about day after day, week in and week out, for months and months. I loves me pron and I loves me documentaries - this is a slam dunk as far as I'm concerned. Check out the trailer and clips of all the cast, and learn yourself about the thing you enjoy the most but never admit to liking.

My Anti-Drug Of Choice

If this is Hanna-Barbera's attempt at making drugs look bad, I say fail. Space travel? Flying? Antique furniture? Sign me up!

Missing The Point

The Nashville Predators suspended forward Alexander Radulov indefinitely without pay for deciding to sign a contract with a Russian KHL team rather than return to the NHL club. Oooh, that's gotta sting!

The Predators had given Radulov, their third-leading scorer last season until Monday to let them know if he decided to rejoin the team in time for the upcoming season, but Radulov had not responded to their recent “correspondence.”

Members of the Predators organization said they were disappointed not to have what they feel is a world-class player and emerging NHL talent. “At some point, we hope Alex will have a desire to return to the NHL and compete in the best league in the world, with and against the best competition. We will re-visit his status at that time. Until then, we are focused on the players who are representing the Predators and providing them the necessary support and guidance. We will not allow Alex’s situation to be a distraction and, as such, will have no further comment on Alex or his situation.”

How authoritative of them. Kinda like withholding sex from your ex-girlfriend when she starts dating another guy. You hear that Voldemort! None o' this sex machine for you! Punishment due!

PS. Holy fuck! Them bears is playing hockey!

Grizzle vs. Grizzle


When did Brandon Walsh decide he wanted to be Zack Galifianakis? He must have seen those awesome vodka and hot tub ads with Tim & Eric.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Banana Masked

William Lamson’s Think Globally, Act Locally

Ebola'd

Hola, Ebola! Time to get reined in - check yourself!
As all my readers in Africa know, Ebola is the poster virus for outbreak scares because it spreads extremely fast and kills 90% of its victims by causing them to bleed uncontrollably out of every possible place. From the book The Hot Zone and countless cheesy movies, Ebola is a nasty one, but researchers may be on the fast track to a cure.
On the widely read PLoS Pathogens site, they explain that they've discovered how Ebola viruses trick their way into cells, and have a drug that can stop this process in its tracks faster than writing an essay does for Jessica Simpson.

It turns out that Ebola exploits a vulnerability in something called the "PI3 kinase pathway," a biochemical mechanism that is responsible for cell longevity and movement, as well for causing the cell to pull things from outside into the cell via a little bubble called an "endosome." Ebola tricks the cell into wrapping it in the endosome bubble and pulling it inside — sort of like a trojan horse. Once inside the cell, the virus breaks out of the endosome and starts replicating. What the researchers discovered was that if they used a drug that shut down the PI3 kinase pathway, the Ebola remained trapped inside that endosome. Essentially, they used a drug to patch the cell's vulnerable system and keep the virus out.

"The nice part about identifying entry mechanisms is you can prevent the virus from infecting the cell. You can stop the whole show before it even gets started. Up to that point, it's really a bus ride for these viruses, and PI3 kinase is the bus driver. Whether you're talking about Ebola or Ebola virus-like particles, they've all got the virus envelope proteins that trigger the PI3 kinase pathway, which is the first step of getting the virus onto that bus."
Yes, the virus that makes you a human bloodbomb, simplified to a nice little bus that you never want to ride. Other viruses exploit the PI3 kinase vulnerability, but Ebola is the first that has been observed in the act of doing it. The team's breakthrough might affect how other viruses are treated eventually. Separately, how cells are manipulated (since once you start mucking around with PI3 kinase pathways, you are playing with cellular movement) may start unlocking the secret of longevity at a cellular level. Which means I really will live forever, in accordance with the prophecy.

Chromed

Gizmodo has the early review on Google Chrome, the search giant's forray into the browserscape, which you can download here. Mac and Linux versions coming soon...

Our first impression of Chrome is that it's nice and fast. There's very little lag opening pages and the entire interface feels very streamlined. Opening it is insanely fast, it's noticeably faster to get running than either IE or FF.

I love the New Tab page, which displays your most-visited websites, recently-visited bookmarks, and recently-closed tabs. I can see this coming in handy really often and it saving lots of time (in the long run, when you add up the seconds saved).

When the window is maximized, there's very little interface, bringing to mind those true full screen modes in IE.

You can instantly kill any Flash element in a page using the task manager without closing the page itself, which is great.

The download bar is a circular progress bar that works when a file's size is known
The look and feel of the browser is very similar to the Opera standard skin, especially when noted that the new tab page is kind of cribbed from them as well.

Dragging tabs in and out of windows is awesome, with a transparent version of the page pulling away with your mouse. The fact that you can pull tabs out of windows as well as combine windows is a great touch. Everything involving the tabs feels very, very smooth.

You can resize any text window on a page by dragging its bottom right corner around.

In the Windows Task Manager you can see your different tabs as separate instances of chrome.exe, and you can shut them down individually. You can't see which is which, however, so you might as well use the Chrome Task Manager. But they weren't lying about each tab being its own process.

One thing I definitely miss from Firefox is the search bar with the multiple search engines pull down. I know that you can fiddle with the address bar and use it as a search engine as well, but if I want to make a specific search it seems easier to just go to that quick pulldown. Maybe I'll get used to using the address bar, we'll see.

The tabs in Chrome do have a couple of annoying little quirks that aren't in FF. For one, tabs remain the same size no matter how many are open rather than stretching to fill the window. That makes it difficult to tell what's in each tab due to how small they are. Making it more confusing is the fact that new tabs open between the tab you have open and the closest tab rather than putting new tabs at the end. This makes it easy to lose track of your tabs if you like to keep them orderly.
Maybe I'll tap H.R.M. Idle Eyes The See-Thru for a review since he's giving it the ol' beta test.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Sweat-Whisking Armor

First the Lego Galactic Empire invaded Earth, and now they have taken over the Olympic Games. Imperial Sportstroopers, FTW! The photoset is here, and the Olympics - before they arrived - is here.

Feelogram

Researchers at the University of Tokyo have demonstrated a device that can create touchable, creepily invisible floating "objects" using focused ultrasound waves. Though the technology is in the early testing stages, its designers have already expressed an interest in weaponizing commercializing it for possible use in gaming and design applications (read: sex). For now, the team has only been able to simulate resistance in one direction, but say that forming complex shapes and textures is plausible.

Teases for hologram technology are commonplace nowadays, but it is usually taken for granted that the projected images will provide no haptic feedback. Though the researchers have said little about integration with other projection systems, the possibility of a tactile hologram now doesn't seem totally out of the question. There's a major catch, though: the virtual objects won't provide much resistance or seem very "hard," because at high enough levels the aurally imperceptible ultrasound will destroy your eardrums. Considering the limitations, there is still hope - one day we may be able to slap people through a webcam.

Who Watches The Watchmen?

That cryptic quote from the awesome graphic novel-turned-movie may be prophetic.

I've been telling my nerd-buddies that there's too much money to be made for the movie to be held up over how it gets split, but recent news is starting to say otherwise. The backstory is Warner Brothers originally planned Watchmen for a March 2009 release, then got sued by Fox, who claim they’re still entitled to the rights. Two weeks ago, a judge refused WB’s motion to dismiss the suit, and now they're debating requests for a trial date: as early as next June, if Fox has its way, or April, if Warner prevails.

The speculation is that a trial in April or June would seem to indicate that either way, Watchmen won’t meet its planned release in March. Unless they can legally release it before the trial. But if that was the case, wouldn’t Warners want the trial pushed as late as possible? It is as mysterious as the story in the movie, yes? I do hope it gets dealt with, or at the least, not postponed - you stake the 03.06.09 date and that's a release you can remember!

Seven Years Of Shit Ready To Hit The Fan

The seventh and final season of The Shield starts tonight. It is going to be a baker's dozen of some of the most intense shit, I promise. I can't understand how people watch cop-by-numbers shows like Law & Order when The Shield brings it so hard. If you don't know Vic Mackey, the supreme anti-hero, or his strike force, you should get the last six seasons and bone up on how the system sometimes get bent to keep from being broken. Just a brilliant show, and I'm glad it's back

And big ups to FX, not just for The Shield, but Nip / Tuck, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, and two new shows which I hope live up to their promise - Sons Of Anarchy (Scarlett saw it and in preview and sez good things) and Testees (with Kenny of Kenny vs Spenny fame).

Redacted

Formally, informally or however you like, we at IOVUF would like to address the recent gaff as H.R.M. Idle Eyes The See-Thru was not properly credited for his contribution regarding yesterday's post.

Word is bond, son.

Dead LaFontaine

In a world...where one man...is the most famous voice in film and television...what happens...when that voice...is silenced?

Don LaFontaine, who did the voiceovers in just about every movie trailer ever, died yesterday from complications from pneumothorax (that's the presence of air or gas in the pleural cavity, the result of a collapsed lung).

Over the past 25 years, LaFontaine cemented his position as the “King of Voiceovers.” Aside from being the preeminent voice in the movie trailer industry, Don also worked as the voice of Entertainment Tonight and The Insider, as well as for CBS, NBC, ABC, Fox and UPN, in addition to TNT, TBS and the Cartoon Network. By conservative estimates, he voiced hundreds of thousands of television and radio spots, including commercials for Chevrolet, Pontiac, Ford, Budweiser, McDonalds, Coke, and many other corporate sponsors.






Monday, September 1, 2008

More Babies!

Though Sarah Silverman says the best time to be pregnant is when you're a black teen, I'd say when your mother is the newly minted GOP VP candidate is a close second.

Bristol Palin, the 17 year old daughter of Sarah Palin, is around five months pregnant and (of course) is going to keep the child and marry the father, according to aides of Republican presidential candidate John McCain. Aides said Bristol Palin made the decision on her own to keep the baby, which given the political situation and buzz around it, would be tantamount to her own suicide if she thought any differently.

The Palins said Bristol "came to us with news that we as parents knew would make her grow up faster than we had ever planned" and that their daughter "has our unconditional love and support." McCain campaign officials said McCain knew of the daughter's pregnancy when he selected Palin last week as his running mate.

McCain's spin doctors said news of the daughter's pregnancy was being released to rebut the "mud-slinging and lies" that have circulated on blogs, most notably that Sarah Palin had faked her last pregnancy. Having "pretended" to have given birth in April to the retarded / retardedly named Trig, it is claimed Trig was actually Bristol Palin's child. I'm sure how a teenage pregnancy proves anything regarding a prior pregnancy, other than perhaps she's fertile as hell, but more to the point that her parents are doing a hell of a job!


What is the Republican Party these days if not the pro-teenage pregnancy, family focused, moral leaders we need?

All Must Go!

On the plus side, it will not be 106 degrees in North Hollywood this time.

Shawn Johnson's Taco

Damn those folks at Ortega for making salsa so wrong!

"It really makes my taco pop!"
(I went with the smallest font first, but this is just something you can't de-emphasise)

The Peanut Gallery Weighs In

With all the lame changes to professional athletes' names, naturally all the retards on the web have made their suggetions of what they feel the top names would be. I warn you, they're mostly stupid and juvenille, but some are hilarious. Plus I still love Hercules J. Billionaire...and why didn't anyone jump on Lester Phfister or Harry Turquiose?

In order only as they were
posted:

Rock Thunderballs. Middle name “Danger”
Richard (Dick, for short) Gozinia
Megatron Jones
Jimmy McNulty
Deez NUTZ
Lord Rod Swellingcock
Princess Consuela Bananahammock
Lucious Pusey
Max Power
Thor Slingnuts
Sir Hotpants Throbbingcock
Phuck Yoo
Bond. James Bond.
Tyrannosaurus
Eaton Pussy Lover
John Holmes, Jr.
Slap Beefchest
Carlito Santino Luca Chewbacca “Porky” Montana
Ms. Vanessa Cockslobbington
Hyram Beatwife
Sir LargeDick Drinksalot
Darth Vader.
Sir Nigel Throbbincock
Duke Lacrosse
God Of All Creation
Det. Steve Tampico Esq.
Mandible and Thorax
Big Dickens Cider
Johnny Johnson
Philip Marmalard
The Artist formerly known as Yo’ Mama
Longar Longar
Maximum Justice
Jarvis Redwine
Snuggle Puppy
Amanda Hugandkiss
Bear Pascoe
Baron Von Tokesalot Bonshimmidden III
King Big Jim Slade The Questionable
Stiff Damage
The Dude
Frankenstein
Bowie Tang
Nuke Laluche
Dick Bigdickian
Dick Pound
Hu Yaobang
Sir Miles O’Toole II
Charles Bonesteel III
Mr. Oprah Winfrey
Don Donkeypuncher
Canyu Graib Maititties
Seven Costanza
Magnum Upinyalady
Grizzly Adams
Brett Favre Madden-King
Smoky Boner
Chest Rockwell
Humphrey McFrankencock
He Hate Me
Ike Truck Turner
Dennis Northcutt
Lord Itchyballs McQueen IV
Fred Smoot
Chytsyz Brytchyz
Herb Bluntsworth
Katrina Gustav
Possum Jenkins
Dick Wrinkle
Rex Mantlepiece
Biggus Dickus
Melvin Just
Roscoe P. Coltraine
Ceaser Toothius Maximillian
Papa Lazarue
God Shammgod
Flozell Rumph
Rubytits Von Diamondcock
Brock Savage
Bama Lama Ding Dong Johnson
Rhino McElroy
Carl Highway
The Esteemed Schlongus Gashington
Harley Thunderbird
Officer Steve Grabowski
Captain Blank Jetlauncher
Briscoe County, Jr
Jesus Marion Joseph
Hugh G Rection
Tokyo Sexwale
Ambrose Burnside
Eric Stratton
Sir Edward Ellington Humphery III
McLovin.
Tonto Kowalski
Bubba Franks
Max Fightmaster
Plenty O’ Toole
Lord Niles Rockingham
Bill Brasky
Johnson Q. Gagonit
Mama Lucaboobooday
Mulva
Baron Wolfgang von Awesome
Lance Uppercut
Leroy Jenkins
Vladimir Satan
Jethro Q. Walrustitty
Rod Woodstock
Joey Jojo Shabadoo
Julius Orange
Rembrandt Q. Einstein
Don Wand
Vincent J. Alluzzio
Ron Burgundy
Mr. Beau Kaki
Tuck Fexas
Titus Von Pumpencock
Buford T. Thudpucker
Brock Lesnar
Col. Leslie “Hap” Hapablap
Rock Strongo
Excalibur Rapeseed Hardrata von Hammersnatch
Dong Dong
Gary Playfair
Boba Fett
Phil Ken Sebben
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater
G.G. Gonzalez
Mrs. Smurftastic Ditka-Beckham
Hercules Rockefeller
Handsome B. Wonderful
Adolf McHitlerberg
Walter Pinnochio Whistledick
Tsu Doh Nimh
Pat McCrotch
Titanium Slab
Race Bannon
Twatsky LaRue
Chesty Puller
Spiderman McManaman
Long Dong von Hugenrod
Pi Grape Pigrape
Chad Sexington
Black Steve
Biej von Swallowdale
Amado Carillo Fuentes
BA Barracus
Iron Mike Orieda
Rusty Shackleford
Rad Thibideaux
Billy Rapesaurus
Kanye East
Tyrone Power
Ramon de la Conception de Atlas
Ace Rimmer
Joseph P. Brenner
Ynigo Montoya
Tum Tum Rockylovesemily
Banjo Tee MacGillicuddy
Jefferson Short Bus
Bruce Leroy.
Sex Cannon.
Johnny Na$hinal
Tait Nucleus
The Colonel
The Rock N Roll Indian.
Bob Loblaw.
Squeaky McGiggles
Mr. Captain Breaknstuff Awesomeface
Professor Horatio Huffnagel
Rooster Cogburn
Skunky McCum
Johnny Bravo
Smegma Mcqueeferson
Frankenstein “Poppa” Giorgio
Uknowuwan Mycocknballs
Coach Gordon Bombay
Big McLargehuge
Shifty Balzac
Lance Oceanside
Muhammad bin Hussein
Jiggle Metimbers
Orenthal McHugeballs-SlippyFist
Footsteps Falco
Steel Clink Alcatraz
Dutch Rockledge
Howie Pheltersnatch
Doug Tunnels
Dr. Tobias Funke
Chazz Magnum
Ramsey Rod
Ray Dee O’Station
Jackie O’Lantern
Spicey McHaggis
Rock McAwesome
Tyrone Snoelaces
Dirty Harry
Mike Hunt
Alexander Wendover
Punch Rockgroin
Studly McFistHammer
Taliban Jones, Compton Private Eye
Kurt Kustard
Lincoln Hawk
Slam Rockingham
Trent Stillwell, Office Shortstop
Stringfellow Hawk.
Thunderbolt Murderface
Felix Wristmissle
Dabrickashaw Ferguson Big Ol’ Nasty Moosedawg One Man Wrecking Crew
Hank Scorpio
Bill Barylko
Sean Lakewood
Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Umbrella Stand Jasper Wednesday (pops mouth twice) Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable (sound effect of horse whinnying) Arthur Norman Michael (blows squeker) Featherstone Smith (blows whistle) Northgot Edwards Harris (fires pistol, which goes ‘whoop’) Mason (chuff-chuff-chuff) Frampton Jones Fruitbat Gilbert (sings) ‘We’ll keep a welcome in the’ (three shots, stops singing) Williams If I Could Walk That Way Jenkin (squeker) Tiger-draws Pratt Thompson (sings) ‘Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head’ Darcy Carter (horn) Pussycat ‘Don’t Sleep In The Subway’ Barton Mannering (hoot, ‘whoop’) Smith
Walter Bigmeat
Cojones Johnson
Myles O. Koch
Dick Lane
Dougie Style
Lance Goodthrust
Andrew Tallwood
Derek Horseballs
Flint Michigan
Impaled Pussymonster
Alabama Blacksnake Jenkins
Dick Pound
Angel Matos Norris - "The Peoples’ Roundhouse"
Dick Cock Boner Penis Prick Dong
Randy Coxman
Johnny Dickshot II
David Michael Penisjoke
Ron Mexico Jeremy
Clint Taurus
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Ernie von Schledorn
Jefferson Starship

Fuck, interweb people are a dick-focused bunch. Compensating?

The Way Of The Sheep

Captain Badass on point with this one...Markus Neidel's bizarre and cool stuff of dreams nightmares.

Chapter Fourteen

Hey you foolish sucka! Just because it's a holiday doesn't mean we've taken the day off at His Words-Not Mine. Because how else would you get the vital info of ECHO-FOUR-DELTA-NINER-OH-NINER-CHARLIE-TWO-NINER-OH-DELTA-OH-FOXTROT-BRAVO-ONE-CHARLIE-ALPHA?