Hung Fu

Unlike him, the David Carradine story won't die. First, The New York Post and their brilliant story on the real killer!

A secret sect of kung fu assassins could have silenced actor David Carradine as he delved into their shadowy activities, according to his family’s lawyer, Mark Geragos. He suggested that Carradine may have been killed as he tried to uncover groups working in the martial-arts underworld. The lawyer said the actor’s family refuses to believe he died in a sadomasochistic sex stunt gone wrong — despite his being found naked with a rope tied around his neck, wrists and genitals.

The bizarre (read: retarded) claim was made on “Larry King Live” last Friday after a panel member said, “David was very interested in investigating and disclosing secret societies.” “What that means is connected to martial arts and his interest in martial arts,” he continued. “And so there is a suspicion that if there was some foul play, that that may be the first area where they should look.”

Sure...but just in case that angle doesn't pan out, there's other famous folks who didn't know when to release, so Carradine's family can not be as embarrassed.

• In 1791, composer Frantisek Kotzwara was the first recorded death by erotic asphyxiation. He was strangled with a rope during sex with a prostitute. The hooker -- who claimed Kotzwara opted for EA only after she refused to cut off his testicles -- was acquitted of his murder.

• After strangling her lover to death in a mutual sex game, Sada Abe caused a sensation in 1936 Japan after being arrested with his genitals in her handbag. She served five years in prison, and we have no idea if it was a Hello Kitty handbag.

• Underground comic-strip artist Vaughn Bodé in 1975 either died in a motorcycle accident or of erotic asphyxiation, depending on whom you ask. We prefer to think he was attempting erotic asphyxiation while riding his motorcycle.

• Michael Hutchence, the Morrison-esque frontman of INXS, remains the poster boy for auto-erotic asphyxiation gone terribly wrong, although his 1997 passing is still officially listed as a suicide.

• In 1994, British MP Stephen Milligan delighted the Fleet Street tabloids by being found dead of suspected erotic asphyxiation combined with self-bondage.

• In 2004, British National Party member Kristian Etchells also accidentally offed himself via EA. This is why the English laugh at our silly political sex scandals involving oral sex and wide stances.