LA-rotic

Tomorrow begins the largest concentration of leg spreading, man-guzzling whores and crotch apparatuses outside the AVN awards. I'm talking about the Erotic LA convention, and it's back for three days of raunchy show-and-tell.

I went to the 2004 show by proxy for my pervette co-worker Killer, who was laid up in the hospital, and had a good time. The price of admission was just $10 if you showed up with a gay porno mag -- a bargain! I was already satisfied when I had pictures taken with Max Hardcore, who is currently under investigation for obscenity charges, but the topper was a last minute photo with diminutive slut Gauge, who was kind enough to sign a poster for Herr Doctor in absentia. He says that was the best Christmas gift ever.

This year I'm thinking about going but I'm not totally sure...the price for a day is up to $35, and seeing as how I cry myself to sleep at night face down in my pillow and make love to myself, I can't say there's a reason pick up the latest toys or goodies. But there will be porn stars, and lots of them, and God knows I I love these emotionally dead sexual deviants. Jenna Jameson, Belladonna, and Tera Patrick are just a few who will autograph a picture of their asshole or pose for a photo. If I do end up going, expect a full report and perhaps even some pictures. And if any of you are going, let me know and that may force my hand to show up.