Thursday, December 31, 2009

Tacos And Champagne 3: The Three-peat

The tradition continues (T&C I / T&C II), as I wrestle a few tasty tacos and wash it down with too much bubbly. Like last year, my dance card is being filled with Scarlett, so my festivities had to be done in advance, which is no trouble for a man who loves his Mexican food and carbonated wine.

I am saddened by the change of the salsa verde at one of my favorite places, which is set to change to a different recipe with the start of the new year, but the supervisor and the location near me says they'll continue to use the old one until the owner catches on, because it's better. Nice! And what better way to savor my salsa with a line up of chicken, shrimp and crispy mahi mahi.

2009 was a bit of a tough year around the world, and the decade was punctuated with some shitty moments for sure, but here's to 2010 being better all around.



Yo, Stanky!

Richard Nikoley of Free the Animal (a blog about paleolithic diet and exercise) writes that he has been showering without soap or shampoo for the past six months. Here are some of his observations:

Well it's over six months, now, and I really don't want to do this post. Why? Cause it's too weird, I fear. We don't live in caves without modern convenience, I'd not want to, and I loath the possibility of Paleo becoming a Luddite-esque religion. I blogged about that (The Paleo Principle is Neither Authoritative nor Dogmatic), and it got picked up by Sisson in a Weekend Link Love issue. So, I guess, take this with a grain of salt. I'm merely reporting on my own experience.

I haven't used soap or shampoo anyplace on my body for six months, save hand washing in advance of food prep. That's it. let me just report my observations and leave you to judge.

• Took about two weeks to normalize. That is, I felt my hair was greasy and skin oily up to then.

• Now it's intermittent. It's perhaps a function of water hardness, but sometimes skin and hair feel squeaky clean, and other times indeterminate.

• Even when I feel greasy/oily in the shower with just water, once everything dies out, it's always all the same -- fine; soft & dry.

• My skin & hair have never been softer. Never.

• If anything, my hair is less "greasy" than ever, yet shampoo hasn't touched it in over six months.

• Private parts. Have to address this, of course. This is the biggest benefit of all. Surprised? You'll just have to try it, because I'm not going to elaborate. That's why they call them "private parts." OK, a clue: maybe it's the constant cleansing that's the cause of the sweaty-stinky problem in the first place? If for nothing else, I'm soap free for life on this point alone. I feel as though I've been scammed -- and liberated. I can't explain further. You'll just have to try.

• You'll save a lot of money, especially you chicks. Girls: you can Google about no shampoo. Lotsa links.

I could go on, but ultimately you're gonna self-experiment or not. But if you do, give it at least a month. Weirdness cleared up for me in two weeks or less, but we're not all the same. I suspect that women who wash furiously and slather all manner of lotions might take a year or two to normalize.

Alright, I know this is out there and it has NOTHING to do with anyone's success in a paleo plan and should not be taken as even necessarily desirable. I will surely not expect anyone to try it. And you can have at me if you want. I'm just saying that I've tried it, I waited a long time to mention it, and in the end, I'll never use soap or shampoo on anything but my hands for the rest of my life.

I'm Not Rooting For The Blue Guys

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Population Of The Dead

How many people have ever lived? While doing research about populations for a recent piece, Jonathan Gosier began to wonder how many people had ever walked the face of the earth. The articles he found (here and here) led to him visualizing the results.

Prostgreat!

US researchers have found an antibody that hunts down prostate cancer cells in mice and can destroy the killer disease even in an advanced stage. Now you can milk your prostate as much as you want!

The anti
body, called F77, was found to bond more readily with cancerous prostate tissues and cells than with benign tissue and cells, and to promote the death of cancerous tissue, said the study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science. Better get a copy before they fly off the newsstands.

When injected in mice, F77 bonded with tissue where prostate cancer was the primary cancer in almost all cases (97%) and in tissue cores where the cancer had metastasized around 85% of the time. It recognized even androgen-independent cancer cells, present when prostate cancer is incurable, the study showed. F77 "initiated direct cell death of prostate cancer cells... and effectively prevented tumor outgrowth," they said. But it did not target normal tissue, or tumor tissues in other parts of the body including the colon, kidney, cervix, pancreas, lung, skin or bladder, the study showed.

The antibody "shows promising potential for diagnosis and treatment of prostate cancer, especially for androgen-independent metastatic prostate cancer," which often spreads to the bones and is difficult to treat, the researchers wrote in PNAS. Haha they said PNAS!

Currently, the five-year survival rate for metastatic prostate cancer is just 34%, according to the study. Prostate cancer is the second most common cancer among men, claiming half a million lives each year worldwide.

Nation's Pride

Here's all six minutes of Nation’s Pride, the fake Nazi propaganda movie within the movie Inglourious Basterds. It was directed by Eli "Bear Juden" Roth, and it’s pretty good as far as fake Nazi propaganda made to look like real Nazi propaganda but not really by a Jew in 2009 goes. Film Drunk says, "I think if 2009 U.S. had a propaganda minister like Germany had Goebbels in the 40s, it’d be Michael Bay, and all his films would star the cast of Jersey Shore. And the marquee said “Fist Pumpin.”

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Sucklebrities

This is from a copy of Celebrity, the subtly-named Scientology magazine that's supposed to be about...celebrities. Who's in it? Tom Cruise? John Travolta? Will Smith? Nope, it's...


This guy. Jazz drummer Tommy Brechtlein. I know, you're thinking "not Tommy Brechlein too, I have always loved his work." But it's true. And they have an exclusive interview to prove it.


And don't forget these eminent, A-list figures.


They got the Raven Kane and David Campbell. Print this out and get it signed. It'll be worth literally tens of cents.


There is no word whether this is a celebrity or not. But she looks so happy to be audited!

Polished Off

Just like Hugo Boss cologne was deconstructed, Wired delves into the products within products...like Kiwi Shoe Polish.

Heavy Naphtha
Naphtha is a catchall term for any petroleum distillate that boils at 122 to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Because there are so many, that they needed a common term. It dissolves wax, spreads it into a thin layer, and then evaporates, just like your hope of losing weight. Remember how in Taxi Driver DeNiro set his shoe polish on fire to melt it before applying it to his boots? Well, like Travis Bickle, naphtha is highly combustible.

3′, 6′-Bis-(Diethylamino)-Fluoran
This dye can also be found in carbonless paper and the heat-sensitive rolls used in old-time fax machines. Now there's less fax machines, we can party with this stuff!

4-Diethylaminoazobenzene
The molecules of this dye produced from diazonium salt have a nitrogen double bond at their heart, which helps them absorb and reflect extremely specific wavelengths of light. Result: intense colors. And much cheaper than a tab of LSD. Diazonium salt can also be extremely unstable (that means explosive). But that doesn’t mean your wing tips will suddenly detonate. That hardly ever happens.

Carnauba Wax
This oozes from the leaves of the Brazilian tree Copernicia prunifera. Because it’s organic and edible, the wax is ubiquitous in consumer goods: the texture of chewing gum, the slick coating on dental floss, even the shine on store-bought apples. On shoes, it provides a waterproof coating, and it can be buffed to a dapper sheen. And if you're in the produce section, you can touch up your footwear.

Stoddard Solvent
This mix of long-chain petroleum distillates was developed in 1924 by an Atlanta dry cleaner named William Joseph Stoddard. It’s very similar to naphtha and plays an identical role in the polish. And it's so cheap, they throw it in there for free - such a deal! The chemicals are so strong that inhaling them produces roughly the same effects (dizziness, giddiness) as huffing gasoline. And you don't need to stand at the pump.

1, 2, 4-Trimethyl Benzene
This is really just a byproduct from the manufacture of Stoddard solvent. But it’s a cool one: TMB is also used to hunt neutrinos — tiny particles that emanate from the sun. If a neutrino interacts with a TMB atom, it produces a brief flash of light. And with open flame there's even more flashing light.

Solvent Black 7 (Nigrosin)
Scientists like to dribble this dye onto biological cells to make them more visible under a microscope. Since shoe leather is made up of animal skin cells, what better way to color them than with a cellular dye?

The (Rebel) A(lliance)-Team

Monday, December 28, 2009

The Current Celeb Of The Week

It's Charlie Sheen!

While
Brittany Murphy got herself the Christmas week headlines, Chuck Sheen (that sounds more badass too) wanted to finish the year strong! While visions of sugar plums were dancing in faries heads, MaSheen (thx Being John Malkovich) was continuing his lunatic streak. You can thank WWTDD for the commentary.

Charlie Sheen been arrested so many times it’s hard to keep up, but at least 5 times for drug possession, soliciting prostitutes, and credit card fraud. He was not arrested when he
shot Kelly Preston in the arm or when he allegedly threatened to kill Denise Richards and their kids or when he maybe killed a hooker. And for the holidays he was arrested again for second-degree assault, menacing and criminal mischief after he choked his wife Brooke Mueller, and now it’s being reported he threatened her with a knife.

This sucks for her but Charlie Sheen is a violent, drug addicted piece of shit and always has been. Of course he tried to kill her. If I owned a health insurance company, that’s one thing I’d look for. Do you smoke, do you drink, and are you married to Charlie Sheen? If you answered yes to any of those, fuck you. What am I, made out of money.

And if you need further evidence, the 911 call placed by Mueller on Christmas day after Sheen choked her and threatened her with a knife
has been released, and it’s a delightful peek into the life of a Hollywood playboy who has been above the law his entire life. Some of the highlights…

911: Tell me exactly what happened.
BROOKE: My husband had me, with a knife and I’m scared for my life and he threatened me.

911: Which room is he in, when the officers enter the house which room will he be in?
BROOKE: In the bathroom.

911: And which room are you in?
BROOKE: In the kitchen. I thought I was gonna die, (unintelligible, perhaps “someone help me”.)

911: What’s your name?
BROOKE: Brooke.

911: And whats your husbands name?
BROOKE: It’s Charlie Sheen.

Soon after that Brooke says he’s trying to sneak out of the house but the officers arrived just a few seconds later and his brilliant escape plan was foiled. The reason she sounds drunk is because she was drunk, reportedly registering a .13 BAL. That might also explain her unthinkably bad self-defense skills. If someone is chasing you around the house with a small knife, don’t go wait for them in the room where the bigger, stabbier knives are kept. “Okay ma’am, where are you know?” “I’m in the kitchen with my back to the hallway, tying my shoelaces together and yelling that he’s a fag who isn’t man enough to stop me.”

And you know there's more to come...

Auctions Of The Dead

An article from today's L.A. Times...not going to get into it, but interesting timing and an interesting read:

Dozens of men and women surrounded the auctioneer, yellow bid cards in hand, whispering and vying for a glimpse of the latest lot for sale.

They were bidding on the unclaimed belongings of the dead, each tagged with the name of its former owner.

A 200-year-old German violin that belonged to a man named Leon David Cislin rested in a case of crushed red velvet. Hundreds of Hallmark Christmas ornaments once owned by a Thomas Young, many in unopened packaging, filled several tables.

Also on display were an autographed cymbal and other memorabilia from the collection of Dewey Martin, drummer for the '60s rock band Buffalo Springfield, who died in January at 68.

"Wow -- he didn't have any heirs?" a bidder asked, scanning a lot that included one of Martin's gold records. "That's sad."

If you die in Los Angeles County without heirs or a will, your worldly belongings will probably end up here, in a 122,000-square-foot warehouse along the railroad tracks in the City of Industry, protected by surveillance cameras and extra security. The walls are piled high with hundreds of 7-by-5-foot wooden crates. County employees and private auctioneers break open crates, divide the contents into lots and sell them at daylong auctions held on the second Saturday of the month, typically 10 times a year. Proceeds go back into the estate and often are used to cover burial expenses and other costs. Whatever is left goes to the state of California.

Rain beat down on the senior citizens' high-rise in Long Beach as Caren Alvarez, a deputy with the Los Angeles County Public Administrator’s Office, broke the coroner's tape on the door to Apartment 520 with rubber-gloved hands and stepped inside.

Stale cigarette smoke emanated from the carpet, sofa and worn chairs cluttering the one-bedroom apartment. On the kitchen table, roses wilted in murky water. On the balcony, a white robe draped over the back of a patio chair soaked up rain.

Jean Comstock, 79, a retired Long Beach city clerk, had died Sept. 24. It was Alvarez's job to find Comstock's heirs. If she had any, they would be responsible for her burial. But first, Alvarez had to see whether the dead woman had assets or a will.

Comstock was divorced, without children or close relatives, and lived on a fixed income. But she had indicated on her apartment application that she had a will and had made payments on a burial plot at Forest Lawn Cemetery in Cypress.

Alvarez searched methodically, opening dresser drawers, probing under the mattress and in the linen closet as Craig Hendrickson, operations chief for the Public Administrator's Office, looked on. She found commemorative silver Disney and Apollo 11 coins, a silver gaming token from Laughlin, Nev., and some 30-year-old Batman comic books sealed in cellophane.

Alvarez did not find a will in the usual places, but she did not give up.

Hendrickson said staff members have discovered wills in all sorts of places: under a tarantula aquarium, scrawled on a manila envelope. They have also found voodoo dolls under mattresses, boa constrictors under sofa cushions, caches of automatic weapons and tin cans piled so high that they had to dig their way through.

"If we don't find enough assets, we won't be able to bury her," Hendrickson said of Comstock. "We hope we find a bank account -- at least $7,000." That would pay for a funeral.

If they found less than that, Comstock's final arrangements would be more modest.

In the drawer of a table near the front door, Alvarez found bank statements but no indication of the balance in Comstock's accounts. Nor were there personal letters or signs of family.

"That's probably the hardest part -- to see how some of these people have nobody in their lives," Hendrickson said.

Alvarez pulled a black plastic suitcase from a hall closet and discovered several yellowed Bibles inside, stuffed with relatives' obituaries. It seemed like just the place for a will.

Under the Bibles were chalk drawings that showed Comstock as a girl in Ohio, with round cheeks and blond curls. Also inside were black-and-white photographs and certificates of appreciation from her days as a civil servant. But by the time Alvarez reached the bottom of the suitcase, she still had not found a will.

She packed up the bank statements and some silver coins and gold rings to take to a county vault in downtown Los Angeles, where they would be held until auction. The rest of Comstock's belongings would be left for her landlord to sell.

Before leaving, Alvarez plucked a black plastic bag from the closet and emptied it on the carpet. On top was a manila envelope labeled "My will."

On a single typed sheet, Comstock had indicated she wanted everything to go to the Arthritis Foundation and the American Cancer Society. She did not name an executor. Once all her assets were accounted for, the estate amounted to less than $500 -- too little to pay for a funeral or even a niche in a mausoleum. Comstock would be cremated by the county, Hendrickson said, and her ashes stored for up to a year for relatives to claim. If no one did, they would be buried in a pauper's grave.

The Public Administrator's Office mostly tends to those who die either very poor or very wealthy, either without heirs or with heirs locked in disputes. About half the estates the office handles are worth $30,000 or less. About a third are worth more than $100,000, including the estates of some celebrities.

After jazz singer Nina Simone died in 2003 at age 70, the county stored her belongings for years while her agent argued in court about who held the rights to royalties from her recordings.

When Danny Federici, 58, keyboard player for Bruce Springsteen's E Street Band, died last year, county employees had to track down his heirs: his ex-wife and children. Hendrickson said the county is storing Federici's belongings while the courts decide how to divide the estate.

The county is also handling the estate of Christopher Mims, a defensive end for the San Diego Chargers who died last year at 38. Mims, a Dorsey High graduate who played in the Super Bowl, is survived by his former girlfriend and his ex-wife, who have made conflicting claims on his estate, Hendrickson said.

Farida Nizam claimed to be a Persian princess, and although county workers could not verify her lineage after she died in 2001 at age 76, they disposed of her $3.5-million estate, including homes in Malibu and Palm Springs, a Rolls-Royce and various rental properties.

The county still receives royalty checks for the estate of actor Hervé Villechaize, best-known for playing the role of Tattoo on the television series "Fantasy Island." Villechaize committed suicide at his North Hollywood apartment in 1993 at age 50.

Six boxes in the vault contain promotional fliers in Chinese and other documents from the estate of Zhang Hongbao, 52, founder of the Zhong Gong religious movement, which was banned as a cult in his native China.

Hongbao, who lived in Pasadena and had a worldwide following estimated at 30 million, died in a car accident three years ago in Arizona. Now the county is sorting through his estate, which includes homes in Pasadena and Texas and is valued at about $2 million, Hendrickson said.

Before sending estates to the county warehouse for auction, Hendrickson often hires appraisers to authenticate artwork, coins and other valuables. If the items turn out to be fine art, he transfers them to high-end private auctioneers to ensure they sell for full value.

Authentication can prove difficult. Lorraine Kronick of Beverly Hills, who died two years ago at 83, left behind an art collection that included works attributed to Degas, Rockwell and Picasso.

Experts authenticated several of the paintings, which were sold by the San Francisco-based auction house Bonhams & Butterfields. But verifying the purported Picassos was more complicated, especially a gouache-and-chalk drawing titled "Le Pere Noel."

Appraisers said the drawing, if determined to be a Picasso, would probably sell for $100,000 or more. Culver City art appraiser Michael Maloney and French authorities agreed it was by Picasso.

A transparency was sent to the artist's daughter, Maya Widmaier-Picasso, and she said "Le Pere Noel" was not her father's work, according to a Bonhams spokesman. Without the Picasso cachet, the drawing fetched just $60.

By contrast, an authenticated Picasso from the Kronick collection -- a ceramic plate titled "Visage a la grille" -- went for $4,000 in May.

Auction regulars stake out such artwork and memorabilia with a discerning and wary eye.

"When your competitors aren't here, you can get some real buys," said Dennis McCoy, 76, of Ontario, a regular at the county auctions since 1984. "A lot of them hide -- they don't want you to know they're here. I've done it -- hide behind a column and stick your card out. Others, you can barely tell they're bidding. They just nod their head or wink."

He made his way past a foghorn, African pith helmets and a Waterford crystal bowl and biscuit barrel on display in the warehouse.

Nearby, Kaysey Hoover, 53, a Los Angeles insurance underwriter, had gone to the November auction looking for the belongings of his brother-in-law, a Los Angeles businessman who died last year.

Hoover and his wife had been unable to handle the estate after his wife became ill, and they relied on the county to pack and sell it.

Hoover wanted to monitor the auction and bid on a few pieces of jewelry but got caught up in the frenetic bidding on some pink-and-green Depression glass plates. He lost out to a regular but didn't mind.

Next up: Lot 120, an oak glass-front Hoosier cabinet with an enamel base and brass handles that once belonged to Marilea Moore-Asher of Beverly Hills.

"Twenty five, 30. Give me 40. Thirty dollars, 35, give me 40," shouted the auctioneer.

A man wearing a fitted denim jacket and a punk haircut raised his yellow bid card.

"Forty-five, can I get 50? 55? 60?"

The bidder, Jose Torres, an artist and furniture dealer, stopped at $65, his self-imposed limit. He had already bought a 1960s mint-green bedroom set, a faux-oil woodland scene and some metal TV dinner tables. He lost the cabinet to another furniture dealer, who bid $130.

Torres was unfazed. He would be back next month, he said. And he was confident the dead would send more mysterious treasures his way.

Sugar And Spice (And Everything Nice)

Friday, December 25, 2009

Christmas Weekend

Aside from presents and overeating, I'm continuing my five season push through Lost in anticipation of the final season starting in February. Like so many other heavily hyped things, I didn't climb on board the bandwagon, and the talk that it dragged around the middle kept me away. But as it reaches the home stretch, and the last season was called a return to form, I figured I should watch before the series ended and the twists and turns were ruined. I skipped The Sopranos and Six Feet Under for similar reasons, but this series I figured I'd watch.

After one season of catch up, from what I can tell the story is about a bunch of plane crash surviors who end up on an island of child abductors. "Lost" has a better ring to it than "Pedophile Island".

Best of the week: Raging against shitty music.

In one of the most unexpected victories of this decade, Rage Against The Machine’s “Killing in the Name” beat out The X Factor winner Joe McElderry’s “The Climb” to become the U.K.’s Christmas Number One single. The victory was aided by a grassroots Facebook campaign that chose Rage’s 1992 hit to halt a run of four consecutive wins for the Simon Cowell-produced reality competition show. According to the BBC, the final tally revealed Rage had beaten McElderry by around 50,000 downloads.

At one point it was much closer than the 50K-gap outcome, but Rage’s announcement last week that they’d perform a free “thank you” gig in the U.K. led to a late frenzy of downloads before the December 19th deadline. “It will be the victory party to end all victory parties,” guitarist Tom Morello promised, adding that both McElderry and Cowell would be invited to MC the show. The band also vowed to give all the royalties from the “Killing” downloading spree to charity Shelter.

Despite previously criticizing the campaign, Cowell took the Christmas single loss admirably, saying he had already called Jon and Tracy Morter — the organizers of the Facebook effort — to congratulate them. “I called Jon on Saturday to congratulate the two of them that, win or lose, they turned this into a very exciting race for the Christmas Number One,” Cowell told the BBC. Even Paul McCartney, who appeared on the massively popular X Factor this season, spoke out in support of Rage’s campaign, saying a victory for the 1992 song would be “funny” and “prove a point.” Yes, that American music from over 15 years ago was better than the manufactured pop drivel that comes out year after year.

“The people in the U.K. are tired of being spoon-fed one schmaltzy ballad after another and they want to back their own charts, and we are honored that they have chosen our song to be the rebel anthem to try to topple The X Factor label,” Morello told the BBC5 moments before Rage performed “Killing in the Name” live over the airwaves.
Rage’s performance was cut short after frontman Zack de la Rocha sang “Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me” four times over the air (yes, that's the link to see the performance, uncensored).

Also: Red Hot Chili Peppers guitarist John Frusciante has confirmed that he has “quit” the band, writing in a MySpace blog post, “To put it simply, my musical interests have led me in a different direction.” Funny, I felt the same way starting with their Californication album.

The Peppers are reportedly working on their follow-up to 2006’s Stadium Arcadium, and rumors began circulating last week that Frusciante had permanently left RHCP and was replaced by guitarist Josh Klinghoffer, who along with Frusciante toured with the band in 2007 and also appeared on Frusciante’s 2009 solo album The Empyrean. Representatives for the RHCPs would not confirm the news of Frusciante’s departure, who clarified in his MySpace post that he actually left the band over a year ago when they were on indefinite hiatus.

“I really love the band and what we did,” Frusciante writes, adding that there was no drama or anger involved in his decision to leave. “Over the last 12 years, I have changed, as a person and artist, to such a degree that to do further work along the lines I did with the band would be to go against my own nature. There was no choice involved in this decision. I simply have to be what I am, and have to do what I must do.”

Frusciante’s statement ends his second stint with the Red Hot Chili Peppers. After appearing on 1989’s Mother’s Milk and 1991’s Blood Sugar Sex Magik, Frusciante left the Peppers in 1992. Following RHCP’s brief Dave Navarro era, Frusciante rejoined the band for their three most recent albums The band was nominated for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame but will not be a part of the Hall’s class of 2010.

Frusciante’s full letter reads:

“When I quit the band, over a year ago, we were on an indefinite hiatus. There was no drama or anger involved, and the other guys were very understanding. They are supportive of my doing whatever makes me happy and that goes both ways.

To put it simply, my musical interests have led me in a different direction. Upon rejoining, and throughout my time in the band, I was very excited about exploring the musical possibilities inherent in a rock band, and doing so with those people in particular. A couple of years ago, I began to feel that same excitement again, but this time it was about making a different kind of music, alone, and being my own engineer.

I really love the band and what we did. I understand and value that my work with them means a lot to many people, but I have to follow my interests. For me, art has never been something done out of a sense of duty. It is something I do because it is really fun, exciting, and interesting. Over the last 12 years, I have changed, as a person and artist, to such a degree that to do further work along the lines I did with the band would be to go against my own nature. There was no choice involved in this decision. I simply have to be what I am, and have to do what I must do. Sending love and gratitude to you all.”

Not that I particularly liked his solo work, but the recent RCHP albums have been terrible, so perhaps like the Navarro experiment, the situation will yield another good album.

Plus: Stinky toilets, crying babies, airless cabins — the Obama administration said Monday passengers don't have to take it any more. Well, not for more than three hours - they ordered airlines to let people get off planes delayed on the ground after that time.

The three-hour limit and other new regulations are meant to send an unequivocal message to airlines not to hold passengers hostage on stuck planes. Coming on the eve of the busy holiday travel season, the announcement was hailed by consumer advocates as "a Christmas miracle." The airline industry said it will comply with the regulations — which go into effect in 120 days — but predicted the result will be more canceled flights, more inconvenience for passengers.

This year through Oct. 31, there were 864 flights with taxi out times of three hours or more, according to the Bureau of Transportation Statistics. Using 2007 and 2008 data, they said there are an average of 1,500 domestic flights a year carrying about 114,000 passengers that are delayed more than three hours.

Last month, the department fined Continental Airlines, ExpressJet Airlines and Mesaba Airlines $175,000 for their roles in a nearly six-hour tarmac delay in Rochester, Minn. In August, Continental Express Flight 2816 en route to Minneapolis was diverted to Rochester due to thunderstorms. Forty-seven passengers were kept overnight in a cramped plane because Mesaba employees refused to open a gate so that they could enter the closed airport terminal.

It was the first time the department had fined an airline for actions involving a ground delay. Transportation officials made clear the case was a warning to the industry. Airlines could be fined $27,500 per passenger for each violation of the three-hour limit. The regulations apply to domestic flights. U.S. carriers operating international flights departing from or arriving in the United States must specify, in advance, their own time limits for deplaning passengers. Foreign carriers do not fly between two U.S. cities and are not covered by the rules.

Airlines will be required to provide food and water for passengers within two hours of a plane being delayed on a tarmac, and to maintain operable lavatories. They must also provide passengers with medical attention when necessary. Airlines will also be prohibited from scheduling chronically delayed flights. They must designate an employee to monitor the effects of flight delays and cancellations and respond to consumer complaints. And they would have to post flight delay information on their Web sites. Carriers who fail to comply could face government enforcement action for using unfair or deceptive trade practices.

Best picture(s) of the week:




Best bonus links:
Five Held Hostage At Rural Virginia Post Office - Registered sex offender and second degree murderer, and the best part is he took hostages from his wheelchair.
Pakistani Court Orders Two Men's Noses, Ears Cut Off - Not exactly an eye for an eye, buy hey, ears and noses are close enough.
Mexico City Assembly Legalizes Same-Sex Marriage - Something good comes out of the Mexican legislature...no if they can only deal with their rampant poverty, corruption, drug trafficking and illegal immigrants, that country would be on to something!
Prisons: Madoff Had Dizziness, High Blood Pressure - Die, you prick. But painfully.

Worst of the week: 911 is not a joke, folks.

Police say a frustrated Boston woman called 911 to say she couldn't get her 14-year-old son to stop playing video games and go to sleep. The mother called for help around 2:30 a.m. Saturday to say that the teenager also walked around the house and turned on all the lights. Two officers who responded to the house persuaded the child to obey his mother. Because that's what we have police for.

But larger abuses are in the case of a woman authorities claim has called 911 30 times over six months for non-emergency reasons, including a call to complain that her husband refused to eat his dinner. Last week, the woman allegedly made a pair of calls to 911, including a hang-up and another where a woman was heard screaming. Police were dispatched to the residence and were told by her that "her husband did not want to eat his supper." A police report said the 53-year-old woman was also yelling "about things that happened two weeks ago."

I want to know how many lives are lost and crimes are unpunished because authorities and resources are being tapped for dumb reasons. And then I want to know how to put that on those who are responsible.

Also: Who thinks mega cooze Tila Tequila would make a good surrogate mother? Her brother and sister-in-law do, apparently. If that wasn't reason enough to deny them children...

Of course, Tila Tequila is not pregnant - yet. And she's not entirely clear on the concept. Despite the reality star's recent post declaring, "Im pregnant!!!!" and "BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: I am going to become a SURROGATE MOTHER for my brother & his Wife!!!" on Twitter, her nasty loins are still vacant.

"I'm about to be," Tila clarified. "When I tweeted that, I figured there's not enough space in the 140 characters. [I meant] I'm going to give him a Christmas present that's going to change his life." Actually, that's under 140, you stupid waste of life. "I don't have time to take care of a real baby of my own -- not yet however -- I feel I am very ready to experience the whole pregnancy process but without having to actually have the baby my own to take care of." I'm sure that won't the the first pregnancy for you, but the only one that went to full term. Or didn't abort itself once it realized you were the true mother.

Tila Tequila Pregnant Tila Tequila Pregnant Tila Tequila Pregnant Tila Tequila Pregnant Tila Tequila Pregnant Tila Tequila Pregnant Tila Tequila Pregnant

In the animal kingdom, this is call "presenting".

Plus: Jimmie Johnson , the first driver in NASCAR history to win four consecutive titles, was honored as the Male Athlete of the Year by members of The Associated Press. Because driving a car in a circle requires real athleticism.

Johnson received 42 votes from editors at U.S. newspapers which are members of the AP. Tennis star Roger Federer (30 votes) and Olympic sprinter Usain Bolt (29) were the only other athletes with totals in the double digits. Although Tiger Woods was named Athlete of the Decade, the golfer received only nine votes for Athlete of the Year. He was tied with NBA star Kobe Bryant and slugger Albert Pujols in fourth place. Woods, who was ranked No. 1 in his sport but failed to win one of golf's majors this season, was never a top contender — even before the sex scandal that unraveled his personal life.

Johnson, is the first race car driver to be named the AP's Athlete of the Year in its 78-year history. He sais that even though he's a race car driver, he's "100%" an athlete. "I've looked at other sports, particularly baseball, and I've seen plenty of out-of-shape, fat players...so to anyone who wants to go head-to-head with me in athletic ability, let's go." He then added "I don't know how exactly you measure athletic ability, but I know my 5-mile run time will destroy most NFL players." Well, I guess that's the real measure and proves you're an athlete.

But it doesn't. As I've said time and again, physical conditioning and endurance do not make for an athelete or a sport. And don't argue that it requires skill too, because you'd better explain why we're not calling drummers athletes? Didn't think so...




Even as difficult as F1 driving is, comparing the differences (above) between the lazy oval of NASCAR and the twists and turns of GP on the Indianapolis circuit, they're still not athletes.

Worst picture of the week:

Is this what happened?

Worst bonus links:
Jude Law Forgets How Many Kids He Has - It must be tough keeping track of all the tail you get as a celebrity, though I would think the number of broads you drop your seed is would e far less.
Snowflakes On Christmas Cards Drawn Wrong - Thanks, assholes...take the fun out of Christmas.
Jessica Simpson Battles Ear Wax - Merry Christmas! It's the go-fuck-yourself-OMG! link of the week. What do you call something less than news?
Brittany Murphy's Father: She Wasn't Supposed to Die Like This - A 13 car pileup on the interstate would have been much better, right?
Fannie And Freddie CEOs To Get Up To $6M In Pay - It's hard fleecing America, so the pay had better be good.

Tis The Season For Misleading

The Food and Drug Administration came down on Nestlé earlier this month for marketing its childrens’ juice boxes as “medical” foods. I think they're doing them a favor - who wants to eat food called "medical"?

In a letter, the FDA said the company mislabeled its Boost drink, which comes in flavors like chocolate, vanilla and strawberry, “as a medical food for the medical condition of ‘failure to thrive’ and also for ‘pre/post surgery, injury or trauma, chronic illnesses.’” According to federal guidelines, the letter explains, “medical foods must be for the dietary management of a specific disorder, disease, or condition for which there are distinctive nutritional requirements and must be intended to be used under medical supervision.” Does “failure to thrive” really count as a disease, or exist as a medical condition?

But there’s more. A
second letter criticizes Nestlé's Juicy Juice line for, among other things, claiming the drink “helps support brain development” in children younger than 2. Also, the letter said the labels “may lead consumers to believe that the products are 100% orange/tangerine juice or 100% grape juice when, in fact, they are not.”A Nestlé representative said the company would fully cooperate with the FDA.

Nestlé isn’t the first company to be accused of playing fast and loose with food labels to tug on those parental guilt strings. There are many more common claims that that are designed not raise federal ire. The phrases “whole grain” and “good source of ___” are some of the more common ones. Consumer Reports’ and thier ShopSmart guide to
tricky lingo - number six on the list, regarding Cheerios and the lowering of cholesterol, might sound remarkably similar to the FDA’s issue with Nestlé.

It should be noted that the tagline on their website says "Nestlé is a Nutrition, Health and Wellness company committed to increasing the nutritional value of our food while improving the taste."

Unwrapped On Xmas Morning

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Classic Christmas Cheer

These are elves.

They are good at making snow.

They are very good at it, although on some days the snow comes out better than others.

They are fed twice a week and do not get to see their families.

One elf tried to escape this morning but he was shot in the head.

They shot him in the fucking head.

Disorganized Religion

A woman jumped the barriers in St. Peter's Basilica and knocked down Pope Benedict XVI as he walked down the main aisle to begin Christmas Eve Mass. There's your lump of coal this year!

The 82-year-old pope "quickly got up and was unhurt", said a Vatican spokesman. Old people have lesser spills and end up with broken hips or worse, and we're supposed to believe that he's fine? Let's take a look at His Healthiness' medical records:

• In September 1991, Ratzinger suffered a hemorrhagic stroke, which slightly impaired his eyesight temporarily. This was known to the Conclave that elected him Pope.

• In August 1992, on a vacation in the Alps, he fell and struck his head against a radiator.

• In May 2005, the Vatican revealed that he had subsequently suffered another mild stroke; it did not reveal when, other than that it had occurred between 2003 and 2005.

•France's Philippe Cardinal Barbarin further revealed that since the first stroke, Ratzinger had been suffering from a heart condition as a result of his age, and is currently on medication.

• In late November 2006, an unconfirmed rumor emerged that Pope Benedict had undergone an operation in preparation for an eventual bypass operation, and that the bronchitis suffered by the Pope has put undue pressure on the Pope's heart.

• On Friday July 17, 2009 Benedict was hospitalized after falling and breaking his right wrist while on vacation in the Alps. His injuries were reported to be minor.

Yeah, he's just fine after that tumble.

Footage aired on Italy's RAI state TV showed a woman dressed in a red jumper vaulting over the wooden barriers and rushing the pope before being swarmed by bodyguards. The commotion occurred as the pope's procession was making its way toward the main altar, which came to a halt as security rushed to the trouble spot.

The spokeman added that the woman who pushed the pope appeared to be mentally unstable. Sure, she's the crazy one, not an old man in an ornate costume about to tell fables about an immaculate conception. The hero woman had been arrested by Vatican police, but also scored extra points for knocking down Cardinal Roger Etchegaray. After the incident, Benedict, (finally) flanked by tense bodyguards, resumed his walk to the basilica's main altar to start the Mass. He did appear somewhat shaken and leaned heavily on aides and an armrest as he sat down in his chair. Yes, that's called a concussion. Benedict made no reference to the incident as the service started.

It was the second year in a row there was a security breach at the service. At the end of last year's Mass a woman who had jumped the barriers got close to the pope but was quickly blocked on the ground by security. This year, they were off their mark. The spokesman said it was not immediately known if the same woman was behind this incident, but it goes to show how incompetent church officials are as leaders if that woman from last year was free and she wasn't being monitored. Though it won't be shown to be the case, it's pathetic and desperate to make the suggestion it was a repeat attacker.

Santa Kraws

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Not The Only Actor Gone Too Soon

Dustin Michaels, who made appearances on websites like Broke Straight Boys and Naked Kombat (don't pretend like you don't know them) died in police custody this weekend. Gay porn stars, you really do burn twice as bright...

It appears that Michaels got into a fight with a female friend of his near his home in Panama City Beach (Florida, of course), and she called the cops. When the police arrived, Michaels took off and tried to swallow a large bag of pot that he had on him, which he began to choke on.


The cops caught up with him and tasered him. He tried to remove the bag unsuccessfully and the police tried to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him to no avail. He was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital after suffocating on the bag. Bummer, he didn't even get to smoke it.

If that wasn't enough, the whole thing is caught on film! A three-man crew from TruTV's show "Ocean Force: Panama City Beach" (is that really a show?) was following the officers who responded to the call. The tapes were released to the public, but no decision has been made whether or not it will be aired. The world will sadly only have the films
Bait Bus 15 and Cocks In Paradise to remember him by.

Now They're Certainly Not Getting Married

What do you call a cougar that's well past prime?

Single.

Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, "partners" for 23 years and parents of two sons, split up over the summer, though the news finally came out this week. Sarandon (63) and Robbins (51) met while shooting Bull Durham. He played a hotshot pitcher, she was the passionate fan who simultaneously seduced him and prepared him for the big leagues. The pair were also vocal social activists, and it remains to be seen if both will be continuing their outspoken support. I think that he realized that Sarandon was getting older, and never going to go the other way and look like her daughter Eva Ammuri did.

Sarandon and Robbins split now opens the question regarding the state of other celebs who never put a ring on it. Let's look at some famously unwed couples and see...

Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed
The blood spitting demon with a legendary tongue has had a 24-year relationship with the former playmate. The surprise is that she's been around that long to put up with his constant self-promotion as well as that awful KISS music.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
Despite six kids and four very public years together, Pitt as said he would only consider marriage "when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able". It's a neo-Sarandon / Robbins move to do that, but if you're two of the world's most beautiful actors, what's the rush? Who would they move on to?

Oprah Winfrey and Stedman Graham
These two have been together for more than 20 years and were even engaged to wed in 1992, but no ceremony took place. According to Oprah, her fans should return their wedding gifts. "The truth of the matter is, had we gotten married we wouldn't be together now, because in no way is this a traditional relationship." We get it, you're gay.

Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn
The pair connected on the set of Swing Shift, and one child and 26 years later, they say that "if it's not broken, why fix it?" Strangely, he's barely aged since then and she's but on the miles. Maybe there's a Dorian Grey thing going on.

Stuart Townsend and Charlize Theron
Charlize Theron has also refused to wed until the legalization of gay marriage in the U.S., but it doesn't stop her 8-year partner Stuart Townsend from regarding the couple as hitched. "I'm married," Townsend said. "I didn't do a church wedding or anything, but we're married. We're husband and wife." I'd say the same too, hoping she went for it.

Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts
Both children of divorce, the couple isn't rushing into matrimony. Despite a four-year relationship, two kids and plenty of wedding rumors. Does anyone else thing Naomi Schreiber sounds funny?

Sam Shepard and Jessica Lange
With two kids and a 27-year relationship they have been together longer than many married couples. Both were recovering from failed marriages when they met on the set of the film Frances, and neither was eager to rush back into a commitment. She was even married to a guy named Paco Grande (for real). But who the hell knew they were a couple?

Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis
Depp says it would be a shame to ruin her last name, but after 11 years and two children together, he hasn't ruled out matrimony entirely. Though you have to question his judgment about some things - he still has that tattoo "Wino Forever"...

Homeowner Shotgun Fatalities Are About To Rise

Remember, it's not intended for use in homes with children!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Gridcrasher

The report circulating European news is that seven-time world champion Michael Schumacher has signed a one-year deal to return to Formula One racing with Mercedes GP for the 2010 season. This has been the biggest open secret since Fernando Alonso moved into Kimi Raikkonen's unvacated slot for Ferrari.

Having retired in 2006, Schumacher, who turns 41 in January, will be paid $9.9 million to be on the grid when the new season starts. Schumacher makes Mercedes an all-German racing team after compatriot Nico Rosberg (24) signed up last month. Schumacher had been due to make a remarkable return last season for Ferrari - for whom he acted as a consultant after retiring - as a replacement for the injured Felipe Massa but was unable to because of a neck injury. While Massa and Schumacher are now both racing, it remains to be seen how well either perform.

Schumacher's signature is a major coup for Mercedes, who raced under the Brawn GP banner last season. Ferrari president Luca di Montezemolo admitted last week he is distraught at the prospect of losing Schumacher to a rival team, but it serves him right for hosing Raikkonen. Di Montezemolo started working with Schumacher in 1996, when the German joined the Italian constructor from Benetton. It was the Italian who first suggested to Schumacher he stand in for the injured Massa after the Brazilian's awesome crash at the Hungarian Grand Prix.

Schumacher will be linking up with Mercedes's team principal Ross Brawn, who was the brains behind all of Schmacher's seven world titles. The German won the first of his World Drivers' Championship titles at Bennetton in 1994, repeating again in the 1995 season. In 1996, he transferred to Ferrari where he proved virtually unbeatable between 2000 and 2004, winning five further world titles. He won 91 of his 250 grands prix and started in pole position 68 times.

I'll be surprised if he's able to return to form after his layoff, though I'm excited to watch him race.


UPDATE - Mercedes confirmed it, and it's a three year deal.

FM Brain

A brain-machine interface has been developed that has been successfully tested on a patient with Locked-in Syndrome. With more success, there may be ready to use in celebrities!
An unnamed 26-year-old man paralyzed for ten years by a brain stem stroke was implanted with electrodes five years ago. Researchers waited as the brain grew around the electrodes. And they kept an eye on the guy, because tracking down an unnamed person can be a hassle.

Three years after implantation, the researchers began testing the brain-machine interface for real-time synthetic speech production. The system is “telemetric” – it requires no wires or connectors passing through the skin, eliminating the risk of infection. Instead, the electrode amplifies and converts neural signals into FM radio signals. These signals are wirelessly transmitted across the scalp to two coils, which are attached to the volunteer’s head using a water-soluble paste. The coils act as receiving antenna for the RF signals. The implanted electrode is powered by an induction power supply via a power coil, which is also attached to the head.

The signals are routed to an electrophysiological recording system that digitizes and sorts them. The sorted spikes, which contain the relevant data, are sent to a neural decoder that runs on a desktop computer. The neural decoder’s output becomes the input to a speech synthesizer, also running on the computer. Finally, the speech synthesizer generates synthetic speech (in the current study, only three vowel sounds were tested). The entire process takes an average of 50 milliseconds.

To confirm that the neurons in the implanted area were able to carry speech information in the form of formant frequency trajectories, the researchers asked the volunteer to attempt to speak in synchrony with a vowel sequence that was presented auditorily. In later experiments, the volunteer received real-time auditory feedback from the speech synthesizer. During 25 sessions over a five-month period, the volunteer significantly improved the thought-to-speech accuracy. His average hit rate increased from 45% to 70% across sessions, reaching a high of 89% in the last session. Although the current study focused only on producing a small set of vowels, the researchers think that consonant sounds could be achieved with improvements to the system.
You hear that, Hollywood? One day you'll get smarter!

Boldly Going Where No Man Has Gone Before

By seamlessly manipulating passages from the Zachary Quinto-read audiobook of Alan Dean Foster's Star Trek novelization, "ElGanador" created Spork.

This twisted fan fiction is going to make you wish you saw and heard it on an empty stomach. I know I wish that...now. This is pretty much what "NSFW" was created for. If you're really twisted you can check out a partial transcript, but who are you trying to prove yourself to?

Monday, December 21, 2009

2010 When

Grafish Design has one of the world's smallest calendars, but what is particularly cool is the simple functionality.

First, choose the day you want to know - example, Christmas 2010...the 25th. Next, follow the line from the day chosen to the month you want - December. In two quick steps you’ve discovered what day will be December 25st: Saturday! The difference in color of the months is to recall its length: in green are the months of 31 days, in orange are the months of 30 days and in pink is February that in 2010 will be 28 of days.

Print your own here.

Just Your Typical, Fatal 32-Year-Old Heart Attack

The new celebrity math is easy...young actress plus dies suddenly equals unnecessary chiming in via Twitter from others.

Ashton Kutcher (who dated Murphy and starred alongside in Just Married), said: "2day the world lost a little piece of sunshine. My deepest condolences go out 2 Brittany’s family, her husband, & her amazing mother Sharon. See you on the other side kid." If so, hurry up and get there, douche.

Jessica Simpson wrote: "Brittany Murphy was an incredible ray of Light to so many people. Her smile was contagious. My prayers are with her family and loved ones."

Kim Kardashian said: "I am in shock that Britney Murphy has died! Clueless is my all time favorite movie. My prayers go out to her family & husband."

Limp Bizkit singer Fred Durst said: "RIP Brittany Murphy. What a sweet human being. My prayers are with her friends and family." Apparently his manager once dated Murphy.

Lindsay Lohan wrote: "My deepest condolences go out to all of Brittany Murphy's loved ones and may she rest in peace. ... She was a great talent w/a beautiful soul xo."

Friend Eliza Dushku said, "My heart aches having just learned of Brittany Murphy's death. We were friends time-to-time thru the yrs. I always admired her pure spirit."

"This is horrible news when anyone passes," Khloe Kardashian wrote on her Twitter. "I'm so sorry for her family. Send prayers out, please!" Can we get a worthless trifecta can have Kourtney add her two cents?

"Brittany Murphy and I did a USO Tour together in 2003," Alyssa Milano recalled. "She was a sweet soul, with a lot of talent and heart."

"Am beyond words by the loss of Brittany Murphy," Soleil Moon Frye tweeted. "I was so blessed to know your grace. My heart goes out to your mama+ loved ones." Thanks Punky Brewster.

Kat Dennings wrote simply, "R.I.P Brittany Murphy. This is so awful."

"Am very shocked to hear of Brittany Murphy's passing," director Edgar Wright tweeted. "Was a fan of her in 'Clueless,' 'Freeway' and 'Sin City.' Very sad to lose someone so young."

Simon Pegg said: "Just heard about Brittany Murphy. How very sad. Met her briefly after Sin City. Seemed a great girl. My sympathy to her friends and family."

And critic Roger Ebert tweeted her praise, writing, "Brittany Murphy, dead at 32. She had a genuine quality." Yes, she was so...alive.

I've harped on it before, and loathe that twatting out is less about the commentary and more for the commenter to get their cred for weighing in. What Jessica Simpson and the Kardashian beast clan have to say about Brittany Murphy is 100% unimportant. And pretty much everyone else for that matter.

I guess we should all act surprised too, even though there were rumors of drug use and sexual proclivity several years ago. Quoth
WWTDD:

It would be hard to describe Brittany’s behavior the past few years kindly. Increasingly odd choices took her life in a strange direction, and as far back as 2005 people were talking privately about an addiction to heroin and sexual compulsion. It didn’t help when Ted Casablanca of E! Online wrote this thinly veiled blind item:

If I were you, I wouldn’t invite Jordache Junky to your son’s bar mitzvah. She might lure him into a stairwell and do him. Now, don’t get me wrong, girlfriends. Most boys would be thrilled to get into J2’s prissy undies. I mean, she’s been in, like, a million movies, many of which young boys just worship.That’s why I can’t believe what she pulled at a Hollywood bash last week. Gulp. There’s no delicate way to put it, so here goes: J.J. banged a cater-waiter. And she didn’t take him home in a doggie bag. Nope, J.J. jumped this dude’s bones in the damn stairwell.

Murphy was the spokesmodel for Jordache at the time. Jordache + heroin = Jordache Junky.
Her legal team wrote a swift and long winded denial, even though she was never actually named in Casablancas post.

It’s not clear yet why a seemingly healthy 32-year-old would have a heart attack (drugs), but the previous rumors may give a hint (it was drugs). The details to come in the next few days will probably not be kind (drugs), so I chose to remember how good she was in things like ‘Sin City’ and as Luann on ‘King of the Drugs’.
They have more here and here, and there will be plenty to follow. The family says she was ill days earlier, but as usual, the coroner will let us know what the story is.

What was weird to me was when I found out yesterday, not only was her Wiki page updated as dead (which I expected), but someone had gone and made changes to possible future projects like Sin City 2, referencing her death. It's marvelous that things are updated in near-real time, but that was only seven hours after time of death. Who exactly is being that thorough so soon? Also sprung up immediately was the
BrittanyMurphyRIP user profile on YouTube. You can loop "Rollin' with tha homies" if that's how you grieve.