New Ops

U.S. Marines swooped down behind Taliban lines in helicopters and Osprey aircraft Friday in the biggest offensive since President Barack Obama announced an American troop surge. War 2.0!

About 1,000 Marines and 150 Afghan troops were taking part in "Operation: Cobra's Anger" in a bid to disrupt Taliban supply and communications lines in the Now Zad Valley in southern Afghanistan, the scene of heavy fighting last summer, and many angry cobras. Hundreds of troops were dropped in the northern end of the valley while a second, larger Marine force pushed northward from the main Marine base in the town of Now Zad. And when they met in the middle they had a picnic!

Combat engineers used armored steamrollers and explosives to force a corridor through Taliban minefields — known as "IED Alley" because of the huge number of roadside bombs. There were no reports of U.S. or Afghan government casualties, but at least four Taliban fighters had been killed. 4-0, U.S.A.!

More than 300 mines and roadside bombs had been located in the first day of the operation, and insurgents were caught off guard by the early morning air assault. The offensive began three days after Obama announced that he was sending 30,000 reinforcements to Afghanistan to help turn the tide against the Taliban and train Afghan security forces to take responsibility for defending against the militants. European allies will send an estimated 7,000 more troops to Afghanistan next year "with more to come".

Now Zad used to be one of the largest towns in Helmand, the center of Afghanistan's lucrative opium poppy growing industry. However, three years of fighting have chased away Now Zad's 30,000 inhabitants, leaving the once-thriving market and commercial area a ghost town. Instead the area has become a major supply and transportation hub for Taliban forces that use the valley to move drugs, weapons and fighters to provinces in western Afghanistan.

Naturally, Cracked has my back with some of the more useless and least inspiring names of past military operations, but here's a few more that we may see in the future...

Operation: Turnbuckle - We send the Birds Of War to show the troops how much we appreciate their sacrifice.

Operation: Observation - The war just continues on, and we don't do anything other than watch.

Operation: Masturbation - Thousands of boxes of hardcore pornography are dropped over Kandahar and Jalalabad. Really nasty stuff, too. And no lube to make them too raw to fight.

Operation: The Game - It's just fun to play.

Operation: Operation - Very meta. The plan is to make plan, and then that plan begets another plan. It goes on forever.

Operation: Mindcrime - Queensrÿche hits the Tora Bora region with not one, but two albums of prog-rock opera. The insurgents like the first, the the second is totally unnecessary and ultimately drives them fleeing into US custody.