She Loves Love

I make no secret of my disdain for "reality" television, but I am particularly disgusted by Patti Stanger, aka The Millionaire Matchmaker. Finally, love's arrow has pierced her heart...unfortunately, not killing her.

The celebloids are reporting that she is engaged to Andy Friedman. The poor bastard. The tranny-looking spinster added, "I feel like it should have happened years ago, so I'm kind of shocked." Yeah, so are we, dude. Friedman, a 51-year-old real estate executive whom she met through a matchmaker five and a half years ago, popped the question in Maui back in May. Am I the only person who thinks a 48 year old "woman" who has never been married is the wrong source for relationship advice? And that she herself went to a matchmaker to meet? Was her own advise that bad she couldn't follow it? Yes.

"I have a rule," she barked. "If you go out a year and he doesn't propose, it goes up a carat a year." Yes, you fine female wine, you are more valuable as you age and deserve a bigger rock. Maybe that works if you're nearing menopause (though do trannies have a change of life, other than the surgery?), but getting hitched after only a year of dating for anyone other than mid-life adults is terrible advise. Actually even for adults it's a little soon. And if you're together five years and anywhere near that age, guess what ladies - you're not ever gonna hear those words. Either spend that money on plastic surgery or renew that subscription to Cat Fancy.

In order to add pointlessness to the story, she tells a black swan named Raymond delivered the 4 carat ring. Who the fuck takes the time to find out what the damn swan's name is? "Hey, let's get a black swan for our event...and make sure it's Raymond!" And I'm not in the market for rocks, but 4 carats can't be cheap. Would you really tie that much money to a bird? Maybe he was hoping it would fly away and he'd be in the clear. This guy is over 50 and has some money, and he wants old tranny vaj?

The couple, who also don't live together, are planning for 2010 nuptials. We'll see about that. By the way, anybody know why Stanger and Chyna have never been seen in the same place at the same time?