Hollywood Proves They're Still Out Of Ideas

Variety is reporting that the iconic 1980's sci-fi television mini-series V will return to television on ABC courtesy of Warner Bros. who produced the original episodes. Another nail in the coffin of my childhood.

Written by The 4400 (another show with aliens) co-creator and executive producer Scott Peters, the new version was sold to ABC as a spec script. Yep, a spec. The original NBC television mini-series led to a second mini-series and a short-lived spin-off weekly series in the '84-'85 season. Those who do not recall, it centered on a race of lizard-like aliens who come to Earth disguised as humans with seemingly with friendly intentions, but literally and figuratively masking a hidden agenda. The original series' story very bluntly served as allegory to Nazi Germany during the Holocaust, going so far as to have characters that lived through that era recognize the aliens' methods and intentions.

Peters told Variety he won’t duplicate that concept (which worked), but that the new V will still focus on what happens when "the masses have blind faith in their leaders". Great, the modernization of an unnecessary reboot. The new V will focus on a female Homeland Security agent with an aimless, problematic son who "gloms" to aliens upon their arrival — causing tension within the family. Since there's not much more they could come up with, they'll still keep several other storylines from the past. And the original's familiar elements will remain too, like the opening "with an enormous army of spaceships hovering over the world’s major cities. The visitors say they’ve come to help Earth, but their motives are nefarious (in the original, they wanted to steal the world’s water supply)."

Peters told the Hollywood trade he was not looking to do another sci-fi property, but changed his mind when Warner Bros. TV approached him about "reinventing" the franchise. "Whenever I mention ‘V’ to anybody, they still have a lot of good memories about the original movie and series," Peters said. "Everybody has that imagery of their uniforms, or the visitor eating a hamster. It’s a science fiction icon and too good to pass up." Wait - you want to take everybody's good memories and piss on them because of your ego? Ruining something for your own gratification really ought to be passed up.

Seven Reasons The V-make Will Totally Suck

It's been mined - Two mini-series, a season of episodes, and almost a dozen books (which I read most of)...from as far as Japan and across the US, there's a lot of Visitor stories that have been told. If you have nothing new to add, and it looks like you don't, you're not bringing any reason to go back and revisit it.

No Marc Singer - Dude, he was the goddamn Beastmaster...how are you going to top that? He was like Mark Hamill, but without the nagging period.

Quel suprise? - So wait, one of the shocking components to the show was that they were not really here to help us and were reptiles, and we already know that? Try building any kind of tension or suspense without that.

No Jane Badler - I swear I started puberty because of seeing her. So what if she was a lizard woman and ate hamsters? Hot hot hot!

Remakes are awful - Anybody try and watch the new version of Dune? Frank Herbert is folding space in his grave, and all you detractors of the David Lynch version can't say anything - the SciFi Channel version makes it look like Citizen Kane.

No Faye Grant, Robert Englund, or Michael Ironside - Grant's Julie Parrish was the blonde sugar to Diana's brunette spice, plus Englund as a pre-Freddy Kruger goofball alien and Ironside as the typical 80's anti-hero are just too good to be able to recast or improve upon.

The design was perfect - From the motherships to the pulse pistols to the uniforms, it was a great combination, and it was so utterly 80's and iconic. There's a reason Independence Day ripped off the ship arrival scene - it was that good. Whatever modern touches they do are not going to make it better, and if they can't, why rehash?