Without Child

Thanks to the interweb, many people without lives are now able to still not have a life!

In short, Doggyspace makes IOVUF look like mana from heaven. Pet parents are certainly the creepiest of folks. It's one thing to love your pet, but when you elevate them to the point of humanity, that's too much. And it's no coincidence these people don't do much in the way of socializing with other people.

A crossbreed between MySpace and YouTube, Doggyspace allows dog owners from all over the world to come together, create profiles, and share photos and videos of their pups. Wow! That sounds like fun!

Since launching in mid-July, Doggyspace has logged more than 700 registered, active user profiles — 73% of them created by females, and no stats on how many are single and overweight (but I'm guessing lots). Site founder Levi Thornton projects that Doggyspace will have more than two million accounts by the end of the year. What dog-crack are you smoking? Only influenza had that kind of growth rate, and you didn't have to log in for that.

"There's a lot of people out there with their dogs and we're busy and we're all working in the office all day long and this is a way for us to bring our pets with us," said Thornton. How about you bring a picture instead of dicking around the interweb? Even more ridiculous is that the site plans to offer premium accounts for a small fee that will give users extra features. Like what, a cyanide pill to take when you realize how sad that is to create a web page for your pets, as if other people give a shit?

Oh, but they do:

Thornton said the site is a place for pet owners to share stories or learn about a specific breed. It can also help people form friendships based on a love of dogs, or connect people interested in finding a play date for their dog.

Connie Mandrozos found the site while searching for information for her 12-year-old golden retriever, Boomer, who has cancer. She received an outpouring of support from other dog owners with similar experiences and some told her they "have their paws crossed" for Boomer. Mandrozos ended up spending more time on the site, creating profiles for Boomer as well as his "sisters" — a pit bull mix named Darla and another mixed breed named Violet.

"It's been a goofy thing to do at the end of the day when you get home from work and you just want to talk to somebody in your dog's voice and say, 'hey, how was your day? Woof,'" said Mandrozos.

Lady, you are a sad, sad loser. but there's more:

Most of the Doggyspace profiles include messages from other doggy "friends."

One profile is for a chocolate Labrador retriever named Guinness, who said her mom "couldn't resist naming me after her favorite beverage" and said she is shy around other dogs and scared of small, furry creatures because she lives with a "VERY MEAN CAT." Postings on Guinness' profile include a message from Chico, a Chihuahua mix who offered to help with the shyness problem.

If you haven't figured it out, this is why the terrorist hate us. All those barren wombs and animals subjugated to surrogate childhood by desperate people. Just plain pathetic.