My Least Favorite Martian

Anyone who has heard about the Ultimate Secret of Scientology, the tale of Xenu the alien and his cruel volcano-esploding ways, has probably wanted to know more. What motivated Xenu? What kinds of clothes did he wear and what was his favorite music? Was he friends with psychiatrists? What were his true feelings about the Galactic Confederation and the Loyal Officers of the People? Now you can find out all this and more in a 1975 novella called "Revolt in the Stars," written by L. Ron Hubbard himself.

Apparently, Xenu was fond of dark suits. He also had dark hair and liked classical music, as well as cold drinks. He's a pretty bitter guy, and when he rounded up the people he would later bring to Earth and blow up with atomics placed inside volcanoes, he picked psychiatrists to help him weed out these undesirables. Those undesirables included "motion picture producers," as well as "writers" and "blacks." Also, "salesmen." Interesting mix.

Other interesting things of note: apparently the aliens from millions of years ago who hung out with Xenu used "felt tip pens." Makes sense. Felt-tips are pretty advanced technology. Want to know more? Check out the whole story. It's full of awesome adjectives, moody generals, and tragic esplosions. And if you need the full Scientology back story, check out this handy chart.