Tuesday, March 18, 2008

1917 - 2008: A Life Odyssey

Arthur C. Clarke, the visionary science fiction writer with worldwide acclaim and more than 100 books on space, science and the future, died in his adopted home of Sri Lanka at 90.

I'm shocked...I thought he was already dead.

Clarke had battled debilitating post-polio syndrome since the 1960s and sometimes used a wheelchair, died suffering breathing problems.

He was credited with the concept of communications satellites in 1945, decades before they became a reality. Geosynchronous orbits, which keep satellites in a fixed position relative to the ground, are called Clarke orbits. From 1950, he began a prolific output of both fiction and non-fiction, sometimes publishing three books in a year. Clarke joined American broadcaster Walter Cronkite as commentator on the U.S. Apollo moonshots in the late 1960s. His non-fiction volumes on space travel and his explorations of the Great Barrier Reef and Indian Ocean earned him respect in the world of science, and in 1976 he became an honorary fellow of the American Institute of Aeronautics and Astronautics.

Highly accomplished, it was his writing that shot him to his greatest fame and that gave him the greatest fulfillment. When Clarke and Stanley Kubrick got together to develop a movie about space, they used as basic ideas several of Clarke's shorter pieces, but both worked together to create 2001: A Space Odyssey, which is regarded as a masterpiece for both.

"Sometimes I am asked how I would like to be remembered," Clarke said recently. "I have had a diverse career...of all these I would like to be remembered as a writer."

Lloyd's Of Lunacy

The nose of leading European winemaker and taster Ilja Gort has been insured for 5 million Euros by Lloyd's of London, just going to show that you can get the "famed" company to create any ridiculous policy if you have the money.

He took out the policy after hearing about a man who lost his sense of smell in a car accident. "I thought it must be a horror to lose your smell," Gort said. "It would mean that you cannot taste wine anymore. Tasting wine is something you do with your nose, not your mouth."

The custom-made policy covers Gort (who looks and dresses like a character on a wine bottle)for the loss of either his nose or his sense of smell, and in typical Lloyd's fashion, has some silly conditions. The contract includes a list of what Gort considers "old-fashioned rules" to protect his nose: the Dutchman is not allowed to ride a motorcycle or be a boxer, knife thrower's assistant or a fire-breather. Was there much chance of that happening anyway?

Jonathan Thomas, the lead underwriter just added to the lack of importance and took Gort's long, curly beard into account when drafting the policy, by placing a clause about Gort only going to experienced barbers who will keep their razors steady near his nose. Oh, how knee-slappingly clever! "These insurance policies, they're not all dry," Thomas said. "There's a bit of fun we can add with them as well." And sir, you are fun, and funny!

Lloyd's syndicates generally write a diverse range of policies, both direct insurance and reinsurance, covering property, motor, liability, marine, aviation, catastrophe and many other risks. Additionally, Lloyd's has created a unique yet unnecessary niche in unusual celebrity policies. Over the years, they have insured silent film comedian Ben Turpin's eyes against uncrossing, Betty Grable, Brooke Shields, and Tina Turner's legs, Jimmy Durante's nose, Keith Richards' fingers, Celine Dion's vocal cords, America Ferrera's smile, and the bodies of several professional wrestlers like Bret Hart, Curt Hennig, Brian Adams, and Joe Laurinaitis.

"Let's face it, it's a Lloyd's specialty," Thomas said. "Lloyd's specializes in unusual risks." But it's not the biggest waste spent on a nose. The senses of taste and smell of wine taster Angela Mount were backed for almost 13 million Euros in 2003 for her bosses at British supermarket chain Somerfield.

Gort's friends have teased him for his newly appraised nose, even jesting to punch him in the nose so they can split the money. Hey, let me punch him and you can keep the money.

"Every time I look in the mirror, I see 5 million Euro," Gort said, "but I think I'll get used to it." Yeah, but will you ever get used to having a name like a 50's space monster?

Festering vs Fester

Anthony Minghella, director of The English Patient died of a hemorrhage following surgery at age 54.

The Big Dog

Test video surfaced more than a year ago of what they're now calling Big Dog, and it was as cool and creepy then as it is now. What's even more interesting is the further testing in inclement weather conditions like snow and ice, or making it jump. When robots like this hit the battlefield, everybody is going to shit. Then surrender. And shit again.






Punk Rock Means Never Having To Say Sell Out

Coming in April (and likely near the 14th anniversary of his suicide), new Kurt Cobain Converse!

A limited edition series of custom Cobain Converse shoes are currently in production, and will be released this year as part of the company’s 100th Anniversary ‘Welcome to the Converse Century’ celebration.

Several different designs are coming, including at least one Converse One Star model and a series of Chuck Taylor high tops. The design elements for each of the shoes are taken from Cobain’s own drawings and writings that were published in the 2002 book Journals. So they're classy, commemorative, and cool.

Unlike last year’s ill-fated Doc Martens ad campaign, where the images of Kurt Cobain and several other deceased rock icons were licensed from a photo agency but not cleared with the musicians’ estates, Cobain Converse are being produced with the full cooperation and approval of Courtney Love. Way to preserve that legacy!

Contrary to reports, there are no current plans to use any of Cobain’s songs to market the shoes. Would "Rape Me" not sell sneakers?





Monday, March 17, 2008

Golden Girls Gone Wild



They're wild, and they're Golden Girls. And there's more...

Happy Anniversary!



This week marks five years in the Iraq war quagmire, or as our current administration calls it "profiteering".

For those playing along at home, $2 trillion is the projected figure for the entire war cost, and more than 4000 Americans have been killed there. I hope our contractors, oil companies, and military supplies made good money! Let's celebrate with a composite picture of the war dead!


Nothing Happening

M. Night Shyamalan, who amazed us with The Sixth Sense (and Unbreakable, if you count my two cents) and slowly made films each worse than the next, is giving us The Happening this summer. Friday June 13th (how appropriate) is when this nugget drops.

Don't like major spoilers? Bookmark this and come back mid-June. Otherwise...

Ffollowing up the professional disappointment of Lady In The Water, this movie is, in a nutshell, The Day After Tomorrow…with plants. A middle school science teacher (Mark Wahlberg), his estranged wife (Zooey Deschanel), best friend (John Leguizamo) and his daughter must all fight to stay alive as a powerful neurotoxin creates global chaos. Originally, this script (under the title The Green Effect) was offered to and passed on by every major studio in 2006. Shyamalan took the studio’s notes and incorporated them into a rewrite, and this version was purchased by 20th Century Fox.

Here's what a script review (not mine, mind you) turned up - and it sounds pretty right on:
What’s good about it?
-An unstoppable mass suicide epidemic caused by airborne toxin is a fairly-ballsy premise for a mainstream thriller.

-Opening scenes (featuring folks stepping off skyscrapers like lemmings, among other bloody catastrophes) are pretty intense.

-It’s easily the most violent screenplay Night has written. I’d be very surprised if this didn’t earn an R rating.

-Pacing.

-Spelling, formatting, grammar and punctuation seem spot-on. (that's not good when there's only five positive things you can say about a script, and one of them is technical)

What’s bad about it?
(A quick note: if Shyamalan is planning on shooting this as a full-out comedy, much of my criticism is moot. For his sake, I truly hope that’s the plan.)

-Note: the film is about killer trees and plants.

-The Happening features the most moronic environmentalism in the history of cinema. It makes On Deadly Ground look like An Inconvenient Truth.

-The kindergarten-level message of the film is that if mankind continues to be cruel to nature…nature will eventually fight back. In case you miss this (despite having it sledge-hammered into your brain for two hours) don’t despair: Shyamalan has characters spell-it-out for us throughout the proceedings.

- The script starts off strong with some truly horrific moments of violence. Unfortunately, one the nature of the film’s antagonist becomes clear…things get funny. Fast. No amount of bloodshed can change that.

- Even Night’s critics admit that he has a knack for character work. Remember how he made you care about Cole Sear and Malcolm Crowe? The family in Signs? Here, he’s taken a different approach and given us a group of characters as one-dimensional and stereotypical as those found in any lowest common denominator, big-budget spectacular. Prepare to be completely ambivalent over the fate of boring school teacher (who, in lieu of being interesting, carries a guitar) and his equally boring wife (who…sends text messages to someone we never meet). I didn’t care if these two lived or died and I sure as hell didn’t care if they reconciled.

- Do you like characters outrunning fireballs? How about characters outrunning wind?

- Laugh-out loud moment: A woman speaks to her teenage daughter via cell phone. She attempts to reassure the girl that everything will be ok, but to stay indoors. After all, the tree outside can’t hurt her, right? Suddenly…the phone goes dead. The mother becomes frantic: “Stacey? STACEY!!!!!!!!”

- The script takes the classic “idiot plot” to previously unknown levels of retardation. Question: If nature itself turned against mankind…wouldn’t the logical course of action be to seek refuge indoors, nail your windows shut and try to make the room as airtight as possible? Off the top of my head, I can think of a dozen spots that would be infinitely safer than roaming around fields, forests and gardens aimlessly. Yet, Shyamalan has his characters do just that. It’s completely illogical and only serves to move the story from one nail-biting sequence to another.

- Again note: the film is about killer trees and killer plants.

- The critics are going to savage this. The late night comedy guys are going to have a field day.

- Moments of deja-vu? Oh yeah! Worldwide chaos through the eyes of an isolated group/family unit? (Signs) Estranged couple that hardly speaks, but still loves one another?(Unbreakable, The Sixth Sense) Emotionally-damaged child who whispers a lot? (The Sixth Sense)

- How much does this screenplay rip off Asian cinema? The mass suicide angle closely mirrors the plot of Sion Sono’s 2002 film, Jisatsu Sakuru (aka Suicide Circle).

- How about a big spoiler? Plant life reacts to negative and positive energy accordingly. If you are a negative person, a tree is more likely to kill you. No, that's no joke.

But Of Course!

The now-famous whore Ashley Dupre can add her notch to an already scuffed bedpost.

Supposedly, whoremonger Charlie Sheen was Client Number 1 (to Gov. Spitzer's Number 9). Wow, do you know how tough it was to have to cast some doubt on the truth of that statement? Ashley Dupre would have been just 19 when she followed familiar suit with Sheen, costing him up to $10,000 a session. Pimp Jason Itzler claims he sent Dupre, under the name "Victoria" (and another girl, Cheryl), to the hooker-crazy star.

"Sheen got the girls to dress up as cheerleaders and chant his name while performing sex acts." Naturally.

While I've had to endure the path of other star-crossed vaj, I'm thrilled at the avoidance of whores and Charlie Sheen's coke-fueled fuck wrath. He's like Sherman marching to Atlanta. And yes, the burning everything in his path metaphor fits...

(Uni)Ted (States), Just Admit It

Anybody else getting tired of the wholesale blind eye turning to our economic spiral? Can we just admit the recession is real and is knocking at the door?

The fire sale of Bear Stearns the JP Morgan ought to make it harder to play pretend. Wall Street was appropriately stunned and global financial stocks were pummeled when trading opened after the emergency weekend deal that the Federal Reserve and US government hastily approved. Your fear that few banks are safe from deepening market turmoil are well founded.

Our president calmly stated the United States was "on top of the situation," but the sell-off intensified in the early afternoon. Financial comfort from a guy who has to take off his shoes to count beyond ten is hard to take. The Fed geared up for a deep cut in interest rates to blow money into the fragile financial system -- the latest in a series of rate cuts that has brought down borrowing costs by 2 1/4% and hammered the U.S. dollar to record lows. Hmmm...somebody just got into the market to buy a house!

Staff at Bear Stearns' Manhattan headquarters were welcomed to work on Monday by a two-dollar bill stuck to the revolving doors representing the $2 per share price that JP Morgan Chase is paying for the firm. The combination of Bear Stearns' bailout and the Fed's offer on Sunday to extend direct lending to securities firms for the first time since the Great Depression highlights just how hard the credit crisis has hit Wall Street. Beyond Bear, investors bailed from rival Lehman Bros for fear it would be next to face a cash crunch, and their shares plummeted 48% to a near eight year low. The JP Morgan shares, by contrast, jumped 7% from the deal to buy Bear for $236 million -- just 1.2% of what it was worth last year. What an bargain!

The packaging and re-selling of loans to U.S. borrowers with spotty credit is clearly the culprit in this crisis, and the effect is worldwide. As a result, organizations in the Gulf and Asia-Pacific regions have pitched in lately by buying stakes in big-name banks such as CitiCorp and brokerages like Merrill Lynch.

The sale of Bear also fucked the firm's 14,000 staff, who own roughly 30% of the company. Overnight, fat options packages turned worthless and job security vanished. But don't feel too bad - reclusive English entrepreneur Joseph Lewis who had a 10% stake in Bear is now out about $1 billion.

I can't claim to know the stock and trading world too well, but if there's ever been one thing that struck me as the biggest load of bullshit, it's the shady, arbitrary worth of companies and perception of value. That's the trouble when dickhead traders spike the prices of things like gold and oil, which hit all time highs (and were 1/5 their value just five years ago) due to that push. It's a follower psychology, and when people get convinced it's strong, the economy is strong, and when it's not it flounders - and their actions create the scenarios. When you add the speculating and lending gamble these organizations risked their finances on, the whole system starts to collapse under the weight of it's own weakness - that the support and strength of value is imaginary.

It's time to come clean about the mess we're in, which is a far better step than dinky rebate checks and pretending there's no problem.

"Ted, Just Admit It" at my alma matter, by Jane's Addiction

Pussy McCartney

Former Beatle Paul McCartney says he turned vegetarian on a fishing trip when he realized that the fish's life was "as important to him as mine is to me."

On other news, Paul McCartney is a retard and a pussy.

"Many years ago, I was fishing, and as I was reeling in the poor fish, I realized, 'I am killing him -- all for the passing pleasure it brings me,' and something inside me clicked. I realized as I watched him fight for breath, that his life was as important to him as mine is to me."

Hey dipshit, ever heard of catch and release?

Clearly, Sir Paul feels there is no hierarchy in the natural order, and that simple relativity is enough for him to make value judgments. And clearly, he is an idiot. The
PETA folks are insane, and regardless of who they employ for their vegetarianism campaign it will always smack of pretentiousness. Why is it okay for a lion to kill and eat a gazelle but you and I can't enjoy a hamburger? And all those vegetables are organic, living things too...I guess they don't count because they're not as cute, right?

Considering what a pantywaist he is, I don't feel bad at all that he's giving up almost
$50 million in the divorce settlement with ex Heather Mills. She clearly had the balls out of the two of them anyhow.

Heather Mills' pussy?

Death Be Not Proud

Please, let's all try and be serious about this.

A former drummer for the Swedish pop band ABBA was found dead in the garden of his residence, and no this was not a scene out of The Godfather. Or even
The Disco Godfather.

A neighbor found the body of 62 year old Ola Brunkert on Sunday evening at his house on the Spanish island of Mallorca. An autopsy was carried out and confirmed initial suspicions that it was an accident.

According to their report, Brunkert hit his head against a glass door in his dining room, shattering the glass and cutting himself in the neck. He managed to wrap a towel around his neck and left the house to seek help, but collapsed in the garden. Because it's much better to stagger around the neighborhood with a neck wound than call for immediate help.

ABBA band member Benny Anderson was sad to hear of the drummer's death. "It is tragic," he (fittingly) said, while member Bjorn Ulvaeus added that Brunkert had been "one of the best." Neither commented on Brunkert's dexterity or coordination skills.

According to ABBA's official Web site, Brunkert and bass player Rutger Gunnarsson were the only musicians to appear on all ABBA albums. No report on unofficial ABBA websites, because the thought of them existing is, well, frightening.

In summary: ABBA drummer. Headbutting a glass door. Dying in a garden. My laughter.

Darkon Dork Off

Over the weekend I got to watch the documentary Darkon, which is about Baltimore live action role play (or LARP, for those who nyerd out on that kinda thing), and it was chalk full of the pasty, chubby geeks you'd have expected run around on soccer fields waving nerf swords. Of course, if it was just that simple there wouldn't be much of a film.

For anybody who is not familiar with the Dungeons & Dragons and Ren Faire world, this film is a required course. You may not understand the mechanics of those games, but the culture and lifestyle of the fantasy hobbyist are really the focus. Having played miniature and role playing games (with dice, never dressing up) at the onset of puberty, I am keenly aware of the geek realm that exists - hell, even Famous Ex used to dress up for the Ren Faire to sell homemade wares and LARP a game called Vampire. But for all my experience and interaction, I do not remotely stack up (thank God) to the subjects of the film, who have full blown nyerd disease.

There's the former stripper who's also a single mom...and living in her parent's basement. There's the guy who practices swordfighting...against his closet door. There's the fat kid who is a barrista at Starbucks...who can only summon the courage to talk to a girl in the game. And there's the leader of a rebel, insurgent faction...who is a stay at home dad.

The first reaction is to slam these geeks for the silly pursuit of Darkon, but you can't. They know they're outcasts and dorks. And you can't feel sorry for them either, because in spite of that self awareness, they are happily continuing the game - and all of them talk about how Darkon is not only an escape from their real life persona, but that it has bolstered them as well.

It is frighteningly serious how they play the game and prepare, and goofy or not, you have to respect them for their dedication. If you have seen any of the other many docs on specific subjects like Scrabble, spelling bees, or wheelchair rugby, it is a fascinating look at a small part of life that others completely immerse themselves in.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

On This, The Day

Lots more to make you laugh, or want to get in touch with someone at Some E-Cards.com!

Friday, March 14, 2008

This Weekend, Show Me Your Nut

Guess who's a little nutty knowing they're going in for some Saturday work. I'm getting squirrely just thinking about losing part of the weekend. And now, no more references to the photo.

Hamburgler vs Hannah Montana

Robble, robble, robble!

Unfashionable Week


It's Fashion Week in L.A. and all the celebs are showcasing their lines. If you consider the other Hilton sister and the Pussycrap Dulls celebrities or clothing impresarios. Quoth the always awesome WWTDD:

The Pussycat Dolls had their fashion show yesterday at LA Fashion Week, and it was a typically somber and understated affair. All the models were ugly and the fashion was hideous, so if that was the goal, Mission Accomplished! I think my favorite of the ugly models was either this basically naked chick or this chick with stretch marks. I assume her c-section scars or knife wounds are there too, but that should only be considered an optimistic guess. The only people who would wear this insane crap are the pussycat dolls, and they’re already there, so why even have a show. Why do they even get a show. Their gimmick is that they’re singers who look like strippers, but they can't sing and they don't strip. Real strippers are hotter with better music and they’ll show you their vaginas for 20 dollars because they dropped out of high school. Advantage = Real Strippers.

Both their goods have been helped along by my company, so I am, in fact, assisting in civilization's downfall. Sorry.

Solitary

I can't believe I didn't know about this sooner, but Solitary looks amazing!

Contestants on the Fox Reality show Solitary forgo sleep, food, and dignity — all for a crack at $50,000.

Phu Pham was hallucinating badly. Little gray rabbits stared up at him. Vivid cityscapes materialized in the stone-hard carpeting of his 10-foot-diameter pod, and instant-messaging gibberish scrolled across its translucent wall panels. "You're seeing all this crap," recalls the diminutive 23-year-old photographer. "It's scary." Pham had never been so tired. In two days of isolation, he'd been allowed just a few hours of sleep and minimal food. He'd been treated to the amplified screams of infants and hours stuffed into a small box that kept getting hotter. Those first days, he recalls, were when he most wanted out. But Phu Pham is no quitter.

Endure isolation and a series of arduous physical and psychological "treatments" until you break. That's the gist of Solitary, a made-for-TV competition that concluded its second season last September and is headed for a third this fall on the Fox Reality Channel, a network spin-off that airs reality shows 24/7. The brainchild of producers Andrew Golder and Lincoln Hiatt, Solitary places nine men and women in cramped pods for up to 12 days with no human contact. "Guests," their names reduced to numbers, must instead submit to Val—a female spin on Hal, the sentient computer from the sci-fi classic 2001—who serves as host, enabler, and oppressor. (Hiatt calls her "a benevolent bitch.")

In season one, after softening up her charges, Val delivers the first treatment. Players are allowed to sleep but are awakened repeatedly by earsplitting alarms; to stop the onslaught, they must regurgitate a numeric code that grows more complex with each cycle. After hours of this, Number 4, a tough 30-year-old Romanian immigrant, mutters, "This is a psychotic-experiment show, not a reality show."

It gets worse—or better, depending on your perspective. Bleary-eyed contestants must scrutinize a video montage of horrors to solve an equation. They complete hundreds of sickening revolutions on a sit-and-spin apparatus. They lie for hours on a bed of wooden pegs; a Buddhist martial arts instructor deems the pain "intolerable." Players can quit anytime by hitting a big red button mounted in their pods, but to do so means going home with only the phone number of a consulting psychologist. The last person standing leaves with $50,000.

The show's creators bill Solitary as a harmless "social experiment," that red button rendering bogus any comparisons to actual torture. In fact, they say, some players find the isolation therapeutic. "I know many make choices about changing their lives after they've been in Solitary, dumping bad boyfriends and focusing on their careers," Hiatt says. "If we could, we'd open Solitary camps as therapy retreats around the country, because it seems to work."

Andrew Golder jokes that Solitary is "the best reality show on television that nobody's watching." Fox Reality won't reveal its ratings, even to the producers, except to say Solitary has exceeded expectations. (Golder allows that the audience is 55 percent female and that it grew steadily during season two.) Whatever its viewership, the show has drawn little media attention apart from Boston Herald TV critic Mark Perigard asking last August, "What, no waterboarding?"

The creators had hoped to avoid such allusions. When Solitary was in development, Abu Ghraib was still a fresh wound, and they treaded carefully, nixing direct references to prisons, cells, inmates, and above all, the t-word. But hey, controversy sells. "You want to get the tailwind of the whole cultural zeitgeist," Golder says. "We wanted people to be aware of us and think we were this scary—'torture' is never a word we'd say—but sort of very tough television show."

In fact, the program's most brutal aspect isn't the physical treatments but rather Val's manipulations, her monopoly on information. On most competitive reality shows, a player knows when the others have quit, but on Solitary, four contestants are left to agonize on the "bed of nails" for 90 minutes even after a fifth has given up and made the others winners. This twist creates a complex psychological dynamic. As Hiatt describes it, "Where does the drive for victory succumb to the instinct for self-preservation?"

For viewers who can get past the guilt factor, Solitary has its moments. Disoriented and stripped of control, players shed their inhibitions with results that range from depressing to perversely funny. When Val prods second-season contestants to address their dietary staple—a loathed "nutritious food block"—a gung-ho Survivor alum named J.P. acts out a mock interrogation.

Drill sergeant: "ASS BAR! Let me ask you this! Do you know you taste like shit?"

Bar: "SIR! Yes SIR!"

Sarge: "Why do we still keep getting 'em?"

Bar: "SIR! I don't know, SIR!"

Sarge (stomping on the block): "Wrong answer, ass bar!"

Near-starved contestants are asked to list their favorite foods, which include bananas and yogurt, cheeseburgers, sushi, gummy worms, and Vietnamese tripe soup. When the dishes finally are served, they come blended together; contestants consume the disgusting smoothies until they puke.

In one of the more visually disturbing treatments, contestants spend hours in simulated torture chairs, drooling through ball gags. "Thith ith torthure!" spits a humiliated Pham. "Thith thucks!" To which Val replies in a soothing voice, "I agree. This rocks!" Pham shrieks in response like some frustrated pachyderm, and it's hard not to laugh. He wanted this, after all.

Early last April, when Val told Pham he'd won Solitary 2.0, he sobbed for 25 minutes. He was exhausted, but also elated, because conquering a reality show was among his life goals. The youngest of three siblings and the first born in the United States, Pham is a devotee of the genre. Unlike season-one contestants, who had no idea what was coming, he had studied the show and even trained by cutting back on sleep and ditching his Chapstick, which he applies compulsively during our interview at his parents' home in Moreno Valley, a middle-class suburb east of Los Angeles.

After nailing two casting interviews, Pham recalls, he signed a 30-day contract and endured a battery of tests. Doctors drew blood, gave him a cardio ultrasound, and measured his lung capacity. He met with a show psychologist and still recalls some of the scores of written questions. Do you ever have the urge to kill anyone? Do you hear voices at night?

But it was Val's voice that haunted his dreams after he left the show. Even eight months later, Pham still has conflicting emotions. While he didn't find his isolation therapeutic, he says it was worthwhile simply for the experience. Even at the depths of his pain and humiliation, he could appreciate the show's entertainment value. "It's very hard to explain," he says of the ball gag, which he cites as both a high and low point. "You're trying to ham it up and let yourself have fun, entertain them, making the best of a pretty horrible situation. It's like when you're on death row. How sad can you be on death row? You've got to at least have as much fun as you can when you know you're coming to an end."

Stanford University psychologist Phil Zimbardo might classify Pham's attitude as a rationalization. The professor emeritus is best known for his 1971 Stanford Prison Experiment, wherein students were divided into two groups—guards and prisoners—and placed in a mock prison setup. Within days, the students were subsumed by their roles. The guards turned cruel and the prisoners suffered emotional breakdowns rather than walk away, as they were free to do. "They became prisoners," Zimbardo recalls.

He hasn't watched Solitary—the reality genre is distasteful in his view—but he was repelled by what I told him about it. "My sense is it's a debasement of human nature, and it doesn't matter if the process is a competition, a game show, or a war," he says. Nor does Zimbardo buy Hiatt's claim that Solitary has therapeutic value. "Is it therapeutic for me to shit on you?" counters the psychologist. "Well, yeah, because then you realize you're not as prideful as you thought you were."

I'm standing on the front steps of Andrew Golder's ocean-view home in Pacific Palisades watching a slate-tiled fountain pour a sheet of water into a wishing well. Hiatt pulls up in a blue Land Rover, followed by Golder in a Mercedes.

The path from Golder's front door to his living room is obstructed by a cardboard box for a baby crib. Hiatt also is a recent father. Those infant screams that plagued Pham and his cohorts? Hiatt's twins. "I would get up in the middle of the night as the babies were crying, and my wife thought I was going to pick them up and comfort them," he says with an impish grin. "Instead I was recording audio."

Golder credits Debt for a Lifetime, a Jeopardy parody he produced in 1995, for reviving a flagging game-show genre. He's also behind Win Ben Stein's Money and Identity, an NBC game show hosted by comedian Penn Jillette. Hiatt got his break doing a kids' game show called Funhouse. More recently, he created Unan1mous, a top-10 program on what the two call "Big Fox." They first worked as a team during the 1990s on an ill-fated revival of Let's Make a Deal and later collaborated on Comedy Central's Don't Forget Your Toothbrush.

Their initial Solitary concept was far from comedic; indeed, it was likely among the darkest ideas ever pitched to a TV executive. They proposed burying 10 cells in a desolate location such as the Salton Sea with nothing visible from the surface but a row of ventilation shafts. "From the sky," Hiatt marvels, "the thing would look like a bizarre alien graveyard." Contestants would be allowed sleep and food but would remain (hidden cameras aside) in utter isolation: no treatments, no Val, no nothing. "When they want to leave, they walk out into the light, and the last person to walk out into the light wins," Golder explains. (He and Hiatt habitually point out that contestants who participate in Solitary do so of their own free will.) "It was a very draconian social experiment."

The pitch tanked. "I think they basically thought, 'You're fucking crazy!'" says Golder. That was in late 2004. The concept languished until the summer of 2005, when Golder met with executives of the new Fox Reality Channel. For their first original series, the suits wanted something edgy, something nobody else would touch. "I don't know exactly what I said," Golder recalls, "except 'we take a group of people and we put them in isolation, and we watch what happens.'" The execs were intrigued. Could he and Hiatt deliver a treatment in seven days?

Val was born that week as a way to propel the drama and keep the contestants engaged. "We loved it," says Bob Boden, Fox Reality's senior vice president of programming, production, and development. "It had a catchy title, and it was producible on our limited budgets. We couldn't recall another show that was about confinement, about lacking human contact."

By Hiatt's assessment, viewers approach Solitary with one of two mentalities: "'I want to be there,' or 'Oh my God! I'm sure glad I'm not there.' Both are compelling reasons to watch," he says. Zimbardo offers a darker theory: Viewers relate to Val. "That's what people are attracted to, the fact that somebody has the power to get somebody else to do these things," he says. "'Look at what we can get ordinary American people to do for a lousy $50,000!' You know what? Some of them would do it simply to be the winner of the game on Fox television."

He's right. According to Hiatt, six of the nine season-one contestants later told the producers they'd have done Solitary for free. Hiatt sees something noble in this: By fostering competition outside the "fabric of society," he says, the show gives people the chance to be "exceptional."

Besides, Golder adds, the treatments aren't too dangerous, at least according to the doctors and psychologists who vet every activity and every contestant. "Obviously we didn't want to hurt anybody in any way, shape, or form," he says. That desire reflects genuine empathy, liability concerns, and the knowledge that a mishap would, in Golder's words, "invalidate some of the value of what we're trying to create." On other shows, a medical team can rush in to assist an injured participant, but to do so on Solitary would destroy the show's fundamental premise of isolation. "We can't break the seal," Hiatt says.

In maintaining that seal, the Solitary team has left many ideas on the drawing board. One nixed by the medics involved having players grip a block of ice. "After a while it's not going to hurt anymore," Hiatt explains. "Because you're killing the nerves that send a signal to your brain that says, 'Don't hold onto the stupid block of ice, you idiot!'" Another reject involved having a contestant's loved one read a prepared script; the resulting audio would be edited into a track saying that someone had died or that a spouse was leaving him. "It's a funny idea, but it's just like, okay, that's probably wrong," Hiatt says.

Then he reassesses. Honestly, Hiatt admits with a laugh, he doesn't think that last one goes too far. "I guess it's just a matter of taste."


Thursday, March 13, 2008

P (3rd)

The early 90's are coming back, and on the heels of a new Breeders album comes the even more surprising relavation that Portishead has a new record.

Third, which you can guess which release it is, comes out next month.

For the unenlightened, Portishead are one of the seminal trip-hop groups (along with Tricky and Massive Attack) from Bristol, England, who culled their named from a nearby town. Formed in 1991, by Geoff Barrow, Beth Gibbons and Adrian Utley, the trio created the short film To Kill A Dead Man, which was heavily inspired by espionage films, and its accompanying soundtrack had the same swanky, swinging feel.

Their two albums, Dummy and Portishead were sexy, hypnotic soundtracks for dimly lit clubs and middle of the night rendevous. Before going on hiatus, the group recorded Roseland NYC Live, where they were accompanied by the New York Philharmonic orchestra, who played new arrangements of their songs.

The next time you are seducing a young lady in your bachelor pad, throw on the Portishead - it's better than a roofie.

"Only You"

Six Little Indians

Nearly all of today's Native Americans in North, Central and South America can trace part of their ancestry to six women whose descendants immigrated around 20,000 years ago, according to a DNA study. That, and a healthy amount of firewater.

The finding does not mean that only these six women gave rise to the migrants who crossed into North America from Asia in the initial populating of the continent, but they access their progeny at about 95% of the modern native population. The women lived between 18,000 and 21,000 years ago, though not necessarily at exactly the same time.

The work confirms previous indications of the six maternal lineages. The researchers created a "family tree" that traces the different mitochondrial DNA lineages found in today's Native Americans, which is followed through the maternal side. By noting mutations in each branch and applying a formula for how often such mutations arise, they calculated how old each branch was. That indicated when each branch arose in a single woman.

The six "founding mothers" apparently did not live in Asia because the DNA signatures they left behind aren't found there. They probably lived in Beringia, the now-submerged land bridge that stetched to North America. That finding doesn't answer the bigger questions of where those women lived, or of how many people left Beringia to colonize the Americas, but it's DNA, not a written account - what did you expect. The estimate for when the women lived is also open to question because it's not clear whether the researchers properly accounted for differing mutation rates in mitochondrial DNA. Or casino migrating patterns.

Fiver

New $5 bills bearing the gaunt visage of Lincoln, our 16th president with some touches of color added are making their way to banks and cash registers near you!

The bill goes into circulation today, as the Federal Reserve starts shipping the bills to banks. Ceremonially, the bill will be spent for the first time at the gift shop of President Lincoln's Cottage located on the grounds of the Armed Forces Retirement Home in northwest Washington. Wow, what a tribute.

The latest in a series of redesigned notes aimed at foiling phony-money makers, the emancipator with the headshot is still on the front and the Lincoln Memorial remains on the back. Visually, the most notable difference is color — splashes of light purple at the center of the bill that blend into gray near the edges. Small yellow "05" numerals are printed to the left of Lincoln on the front and to the right of the memorial on the back. The Great Seal of the United States, which features an eagle and shield, will appear in purple to the right of the president's portrait. Arcs of purple stars border Lincoln and the seal.

The note also will feature an enlarged "5" printed in high-contrast purple ink in the lower right corner of the back of the bill. It also will have two separate watermarks and a number of other high-tech changes to make it harder for counterfeiters to knock off. The old $5 bills will continue to be accepted and recirculated until they wear out.

The revision of the $5 bill is similar to changes to $10, $20 and $50 bills. The $100 bill, however will be next for another makeover.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Ashley Alexandra Dupre

"Kristen", the prostitute connected to former Governor Elliot Spitzer has been identified as Ashley Alexandra Dupre.

The 22 year old is an aspiring musician and was allegedly paid over $4000 for, ah, services rendered. Congrats honey, now you're famous.

How many thousand for a throw?

Thanks.

Shitter Lifestyle

I imagine the bowl was in need of serious cleaning.

A woman who sat on her boyfriend's toilet for two years was stuck to the seat by the time the boyfriend finally called police.

Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman's skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.

"We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital," Whipple said. "The hospital removed it."

Whipple said investigators planned to present their report Wednesday to the county attorney, who will determine whether any charges should be filed against the woman's 36-year-old boyfriend.

"She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body," Whipple said. "It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself."

He told investigators he brought his girlfriend food and water, and asked her every day to come out of the bathroom.

"And her reply would be, `Maybe tomorrow,'" Whipple said. "According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom."

The boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that "there was something wrong with his girlfriend," Whipple said, adding that he never explained why it took him two years to call.

Police found the clothed woman sitting on the toilet, her sweat pants down to her mid-thigh. She was "somewhat disoriented," and her legs looked like they had atrophied, Whipple said.

"She said that she didn't need any help, that she was OK and did not want to leave," he said.

She was reported in fair condition at a hospital in Wichita, about 150 miles southeast of Ness City. Whipple said she has refused to cooperate with medical providers or law enforcement investigators.

Authorities said they did not know if she was mentally or physically disabled.

Police have declined to release the couple's names, but the house where authorities say the incident happened is listed in public records as the residence of Kory McFarren. No one answered his home phone number.

The case has been the buzz of Ness City, said James Ellis, a neighbor.

"I don't think anybody can make any sense out of it," he said.

Ellis said he had known the woman since she was a child but that he had not seen her for at least six years.

He said she had a tough childhood after her mother died at a young age and apparently was usually kept inside the house as she grew up. At one time the woman worked for a long-term care facility, he said, but he did not know what kind of work she did there.

"It really doesn't surprise me," Ellis said. "What surprises me is somebody wasn't called in a bit earlier."

Aside from the question of what the hell kind of relationship you can have with a human toilet cover, can somebody tell me where he went to the bathroom?

Life Imitates (Low) Art

Jessie Vigil isn't a cop, but his ride could be.

His black and white car sports a red / blue emergency bar across the top and the word "police" painted on the doors, but he's not an officer of the law. And there's nothing illegal about it...as long as he doesn't act like a police officer.

Last year he started decorating his Ford Mustang to look like the police cruiser in the Transformers movie because his seven year old son Thomas was fond of the film. You hear that Michael Bay - your target audience is clearly little boys.

"My intent was to re-create the movie car," said Vigil, a 35-year-old disabled veteran from the war in Iraq. "When I came back from Iraq, I tried to spoil him. I wasn't the best dad before." Yeah, time to make amends, babykiller.

The Chief Deputy District Attorney tried to discourage Vigil from the decorating scheme but couldn't find anything in the law that would stop him as long as he didn't impersonate an officer. A state law prevents people from mimicking state police cars, which are painted black and white, but he also said the state police sell their old cars to private citizens without changing the colors.

"Are we violating our own law by not repainting them?"

He called the state law vague, and noted that normal state police cars aren't Mustangs. A close look shows Vigil's car isn't a police cruiser. Instead of the familiar slogan "To protect and serve," it carries a motto: "To punish and enslave" on the side. Instead of telling people to dial 911 for emergencies, the Mustang advises them to "dial 411 for theater information." He originally marked his car, "Transformers police" but later changed it to just "police".

State police are "concerned for the safety of people who think he is an officer and think they may get help from him," since "people around town know who he is, but not those people on the interstate". Like towing help? Or to solve a roadside murder?

Sequel Suckage

How terrible does Lost Boys 2: The Tribe look? This bad.

It looks like an episode of The OC if it went on a Buffy tear. This gem is straight to DVD, of course. And sadly, not a single mention of one of the beloved greasy sax player.

Adios, Spitz!

New York Governor Eliot Spitzer resigned in disgrace this morning after getting caught in a call-girl scandal that shattered his corruption-fighting, straight-arrow image. And no, his wife ain't too pleased

The girls of the Emperor's Club? WWTDD sheds a little light on them.

Iz Exciting

I'm giddy with excitement that Eddie Izzard is doing another one man tour!

From April to August he'll be traversing the US for
40 shows, and if you are thinking about going, I may be persuaded to offer up the pre-sale code (clearly because I already have tickets for myself and Famous Mom, who's been a fan since the discovery).

And if you can't wait that long, The Riches returns
March 18 for a short Season 2 run.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Rocket To The Afterlife

Illustrator Dave Stevens, best known for his "good girl" art and The Rocketeer, died at 52 from leukemia.

The Rocketeer which appeared in small installments throughout 1982 to 1995, was turned into a film in 1991. The comic book version, also helped usher in the re-popularization of Bettie Page.

Stevens got his first professional assignment working on a Tarzan project overseas but soon after, he worked on a few projects for Marvel, including the Star Wars comic book. In 1977, he went to work for Hanna-Barbera where he drew storyboards and layouts, many of them for the Super Friends and Godzilla cartoon shows. Veteran artist Doug Wildey and Stevens became close friends, and in 1982 when Stevens created The Rocketeer, he modelled the character's sidekick, Peevy, on photos of Doug. Stevens himself was Cliff Secord, who donned the mask of The Rocketeer, and other friends appeared in other guises. The Rocketeer made Dave's reputation and also spawned a resurgence of interest in fifties' figure model Bettie Page, whose likeness Dave used for the strip's heroine.

Eventually, he sold most of the rights to Disney for a Rocketeer movie. Dave served as a co-producer of the film and did a brief cameo.

Most of what Stevens did after that fell into the general category of "glamour art," including portfolios and private commissions. Many of these were illustrations of Bettie Page who, though once thought deceased, turned out to be alive and living not all that far from him. They met and Stevens became her friend and, though he was not wealthy, benefactor. Deciding that too many others had callously exploited her likeness, he voluntarily aided Ms. Page financially and even took to helping her in neighborly ways. "It's amazing. After years of fantasizing about this woman, I'm now driving her to cash her Social Security checks."


Terminal Skankocity (Hasten The Countdown)


Skanks of a feather fuck flock together.

On the heels of the
anti-Christ's birth to the Duke and Duchess of poseurs, it seems like the other favorite son of Satan (and brother) is venturing into rancid territory. According to the photo evidence, Benji Madden and Paris Hilton are rubbing their junk together. I guess having initial rings is nicer than having to look at their herpes outbreaks. Seeing them together makes perfect sense, but knowing that yet another seal is broken on the way to Armageddon ought to frighten you.

Tim And Eric And Zach And Vodka

Mary Ann's Mary Jane

Dawn Wells, who played Mary Ann on "Gilligan's Island" is serving six months unsupervised probation after allegedly being caught with marijuana in her car. She was holding for Gillian while the Professor worked on some kush hydro clones.

Under a plea agreement, three misdemeanor counts — driving under the influence, possession of drug paraphernalia and possession of a controlled substance — were dropped. She was sentenced Feb. 29 to five days in jail, fined $410.50 and placed on probation after pleading guilty to one count of reckless driving.

In October, Teton County sheriffs arrested Wells as she was driving home from a surprise birthday party that was held for her. Imagine her surprise...according to the sheriff's report, Wells was pulled over after being observed swerving and repeatedly speed up and slow down. When the officer asked about a marijuana smell in the car, Wells said she'd just given a ride to three hitchhikers and had dropped them off when they began smoking something. Of course...what 69 year old woman wouldn't pick up a trio of hitchhikers? Later, half-smoked joints and two small cases used to store marijuana were found. Wells then promptly failed a sobriety test.

Wells' lawyer, Ron Swafford, said that a friend of Wells' testified that he'd left a small amount of marijuana in the vehicle after using it that day, and that Wells was unaware of it. Swafford also said several witnesses were prepared to testify that Wells had very little to drink at the party and was not intoxicated when she left. He said she was swerving on the road because she was trying to find the heater controls in her new car. Get it? Heater control!

Really, this is turning into the O.J. defense. First hitchhikers had the weed, then it was a friend...next thing you know I'll be called in because it will be my weed. Hey, you like a little herb...just cop to it and move on. That, or try some salvia...

Photo Hall Of Fame

From the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction last night...Jennifer Aniston, Jafar from Aladdin, and Pacey from Dawson's Creek.

Dirty Girls

At least one in four teenage girls nationwide has a sexually transmitted disease - okay, who did it?

More than 3 million teens have some type of STD according to the first study of its kind in this age group. A virus that causes cervical cancer is by far the most common sexually transmitted infection in teen girls aged 14 to 19, while the highest overall prevalence is among black girls — nearly half the blacks studied had at least one STD. That rate compared with 20% among both whites and Mexican-American teens, according the study Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

About half of the girls acknowledged ever having sex; among them, the rate was 40%. While some teens define sex as only intercourse, other types of intimate behavior including oral sex or games like "lick the sore" can spread some infections.

The 838 girls who participated in the 2003-04 government health survey were tested for four infections: human papillomavirus, or HPV, which can cause cervical cancer and affected 18% of girls studied; chlamydia, which affected 4%; trichomoniasis, 2.5%; and herpes simplex virus, 2%.

HPV can cause genital warts but often has no symptoms. A vaccine targeting several HPV strains recently became available, but Douglas said it likely has not yet had much impact on HPV prevalence rates in teen girls. Chlamydia and trichomoniasis can be treated with antibiotics. The CDC recommends annual chlamydia screening for all sexually active women under age 25. It also recommends the three-dose HPV vaccine for girls aged 11-12 years, and catch-up shots for females aged 13 to 26.

Now that we've dealt with this issue, let's break for lunch!

Into The Night

I don't care for their 16 day mission or robot they're going to build, I just think space shuttles launching in the night looks cool.



Herbed

Is salvia divinorum the next hallucinogenic herb du jour?

Salvia is being targeted by lawmakers who are concerned that the inexpensive and easy-to-obtain plant could become the next marijuana. Eight states have already placed restrictions on salvia, and 16 others are considering a ban.

"As soon as we make one drug illegal, kids start looking around for other drugs they can buy legally. This is just the next one," said a Florida state rep who has introduced a bill to make possession of salvia a felony punishable by up to five years in prison.

Some say legislators are overreacting to a minor problem, but no one disputes that the plant impairs judgment and the ability to drive. Native to Mexico and still grown there, salvia divinorum is generally smoked but can also be chewed or made into a tea and drunk. Called nicknames like Sally-D, Magic Mint and Diviner's Sage, salvia is a hallucinogen that supposedly gives users an out-of-body sense of traveling through time and space or merging with inanimate objects. Unlike hallucinogens like LSD or PCP, however, salvia's effects last for a shorter time, generally up to an hour.

No known deaths have been attributed to salvia's use, but it was listed as a factor in one teen's suicide two years ago. Salvia's short-lasting effects and fact that it is currently legal may make it seem more appealing to teens, lawmakers say. In the suicide, the boy's mother told reporters that salvia made his mood darker but he justified its use by citing its legality. According to reports, the autopsy found no traces of the drug in his system, but the medical examiner listed it as a contributing cause.

An ounce of salvia leaves sells for around $30 on the Internet. A liquid extract from the plant, salvinorin A, is also sold in various strengths labeled "5x" through "60x." A gram of the 5x strength, about the weight of a plastic pen cap, is about $12 while 60x strength is around $65. And in some cases the extract comes in flavors including apple, strawberry and spearmint.

Among those who believe the commotion over the drug is overblown the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies, a nonprofit group that does research on psychedelic drugs and whose goal is to develop psychedelics and marijuana into prescription medication. Sounds like a bunch of guys who also play Xbox and listen to Steve Miller albums.

"I think the move to criminalize is a misguided response to a very minimal problem," because salvia isn't "a party drug," "tastes terrible" and is "not going to be extremely popular." They dispute the fact teens are its main users and says older users are more likely.

"It's a minor drug in the world of psychedelics."

Moreover, it's hard to say how widespread the use of salvia is. National and state surveys on drug use don't include salvia, and because it is legal in most states, law enforcement officials don't compile statistics, either. San Diego State University last year surveyed more than 1,500 students and found that 4% of participants reported using salvia in the past year. Then again, Famous Mom smoked banana peels back in the day, so it just goes to show kids will try anything to get high.

The current bill would make salvia and its extract controlled substances in the same class as marijuana and LSD. Sorry, but it just doesn't sound like this herb measures up...and who really wants to do something that almost sounds the same as saliva?


UPDATE: Well, hot corn! I stand corrected. Who wants to get salviated with me?

Monday, March 10, 2008