Best of the week (tie): College is kill crazy!
Sucks to be at Yale or UC Irvine, but at Johns Hopkins University, it's the students doing the killing, not the other way around. A student armed with a samurai sword killed an intruder in his garage, Baltimore police said. Asian studies? Perhaps.
Two laptops and a Sony PlayStation had been stolen by burglars on Monday from the home, located on University Parkway just blocks from the school. Early Tuesday, John Pontolillo, one of the four Hopkins students who live in the home noticed the garage door was open and took a sword with him to investigate. In the garage, Pontolillo told police he discovered a man and when the student told the man to get out, the man accosted him. Pontolillo defended himself with the sword, cutting off the man's hand and causing a severe laceration to his upper body. Let me repeat that in case you missed it: the student defended himself with the sword, cutting off the man's hand and causing a severe laceration to his upper body. Awesome!
Campus security and an off-duty city officer responding to a call for a suspicious person in the area around 1:20 a.m. Tuesday heard screams to call police, and the man, Donald D. Rice died at the scene. Rice had a long rap sheet of burglary arrests and was released from jail just two days before the altercation. Peggy Rice, his sister, told WJZ-TV in Baltimore that her brother did not deserve to die and that the student should be charged with homicide (he won't be). And to her, I say fuck you and your dead, thieving brother. That's what happens when you get caught with a B+E. Try that shit with me, I will not only kill you, but probably set you on fire and piss on you. And not all in that order. 
Also: Birth(s) of a meme.
It is a rare privilege to see a new meme pop up, but we saw two of them. The big pop culture one was obviously the latest Kanye outburst, who can't help himself from being a total dickbag. He's less a victim of his success than his own superegotistical douchery, and it's almost better than when he was revealed to be a gay fish since he gets to be beaten down by his own actions. Granted, it has been exhausted in just under a week, but it even drew an off-record response from the president that made it's own mini-controversy when it came out publicly. And of all people to put him in his place, Jay Unfunny Leno was the one to ask what his dead momma would think.
The thing took over the internet. Really, look.
But better than that was a more homespun, organic, typical meme that came from Topless Robot. Every Friday, they find the most deplorable fan fiction on the web and post it for your ridicule. And we're not talking about spec scripts or writing Episodes 7-9 for Star Wars, I mean pornographic versions of characters getting it on - the essence of interweb fan fiction! Thundercats, Harry Potter, even those gay little Hobbits having sex for the pleasure of the writer and six seriously fucked up creeps. But little did they know that the reaction from one of the writers would become, in the words of the interweb, epic.
Ladies and gentlemen, something very special happened this weekend. Late on Friday evening, Topless Robot gave birth to a meme. You may recall last week's Fan Fiction Friday, author Brickhousebunny21's epic take of a girl fucking her 8-year-old adopted teddy bear pokémon. Well, apparently Brickhousebunny21 did not care for his story's sudden fame, and left the following comment:
Brickhousebunny21 said: WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS? I wanna know whose idea was this RIGHT NOW. Who did this on purpose, huh? I found this little secret and I'm so angry I wanna know who did this and why or I'll report everyone here to the site moderaters on this website and Yiffstar and have the one responsible BANNED FOR LIFE. NOW TELL ME WHO DID THIS NOW?
This was utterly, totally hilarious. My buddy Sean T. Collins immediately recognized the potential goldmine that Brickhousebunny21 had revealed to us and posted on his blog:
My friend Rob Bricken, aka Topless Robot, has a recurring feature at his site called Fan Fiction Friday, the goal of which is to plumb the abyss of horror that is the collective imagination of the nerd Internet. This week's installment is about a woman having sex with a baby Pokemon teddy-bear thing. But where it really takes off is when the author (search the page for Brickhousebunny21) shows up to complain and threaten. He leads with WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS?, as meme-worthy a phrase I've seen on the Internet since "I am aware of all Internet traditions." It's an ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US waiting to happen. I'm working it into my repertoire immediately. The next time I'm outraged by something on the Internet, I'm damn well gonna try to find out whose responsible this.
Somehow, Brickhousebunny21 also found this, and defended himself thusly:
Brickhousebunny21: Fisrt, nobody checks spellling on the internet!!!! SEcond, I"m only in high school, so give me a fucking break!!! Third, I am what they call the best of the best, so mock all you want, but I have my fans, and they lvoe my stories!!!!
HE IS WHAT THEY CALL THE BEST OF THE BEST, PEOPLE, AND HIS FANS LVOE HIS STORIES. Obviously, none of us have any business making fun of his pedophilic-bestiality fiction or his delightful typos.
Did it stop there? Oh, no...
Guys -- I know we've had our fun with this "WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS" meme, but I have some bad news. We're all in serious trouble here, because... well, I'll let the FFF author and not-so-proud-parent of the meme Brickehousebunny21 tell you himself, as per this comment he left just an hour ago:
Everyone here is in trouble now, I just sent a message to a site mod from Yiffstar and if this site doesn't delete all traces of this story or if anyone here doesn't get rid of this little joke they've made out of this story in three days, everyone here will be banned for life just like I've warned everyone else here like before, don't bother trying to lie to the site mods to save your own skins because the site mods are on my side and there's nothing you can do about it, they've already found out who Rob Bricken is and they're on my side as we speak, they agreed in three days time everyone here will be banned if the big boss behind all this doesn't get rid of all traces of this little joke they've posted, this is your last warning, I've warned you all but you didn't listen, deleting any evidance won't do you any good either, I've shown every piece of evidance to the site mods and it's all over for everyone here and Rob Bricken, if everyone here doesn't follow the warning and get rid of this in three days, than judgement day will come for everyone here and Rob Bricken, even if you had nothing to do with it, I don't care and the mods agree with me, you have three days and if this isn't gone when I get back, the mods will ban everyone here, even making all the bad comments won't do you any good. You all have three days or else.
I'm afraid... we're all going to be banned from Yiffstar.com (THIS IS NOT A SAFE-FOR-WORK LINK -- seriously, of the dozen or so Yiffstar banners I've seen since this debacle started, the one on top is the only one I've seen without furry bodily fluids graphically pictured in it), the internet's -- well, one of many places in the internet where furries post stories and art of anthropomorphic animals having graphic sex. I'm so sorry to do this to you all; I know how much Yiffstar.com has meant to us, especially me, during those dark times. And I shudder to think about the stories of Brickhousebunny21 that I may never get to read, including:
• Bigger Is Better
• Sexually Dominated By Two Horny Dragons
• My Busty Family• Hot Paradise
• Seduced by Mommy
• My Busty Family Part 4
• Naked Goddess
• Fucking Each Other Crazy
• My Busty Family Part 8
• Look what Big Daddy Found?
These are the consequences of our actions, people. I don't think any of us could honestly say we don't deserve it. On the other hand, I am a bit extra disturbed at the " they've already found out who Rob Bricken is" line. Really, the whole reason I'm posting this is that if I'm found dead in a semen-encrusted fox costume in the next couple of weeks, please know that it was NOT THROUGH NATURAL CAUSES AND YOU ALL NEED TO AVENGE ME.
It even earned a double meme, featuring Angry Hitler:
In one week, it spawned a Wikipedia entry, Facebook page, parody songs, tee shirts, and lots of attention. Here's the TR recap of the accolades and tributes.
Somewhere between bad and worse: When MILFs attack
Good news: There's an attractive older woman who wants to have sex with you.
Bad news: It's your birth mother, who secretly tracked you down after giving you up for adoption over a decade ago. Looks like Detroit has bigger issues than the Lions.
Aimee Sword fulfilled every young man's fantasy - except her actual son's by getting her bang on with him. That's a list of felonies that will put her jail, as the report says, forever. They don't say how she tracked him down or even if he knew she was his mother (he does now), but he's a minor, and that's a no-no. Unless you're an uncle living with your 12 other Mexican family member in a one room apartment.
Worst of the week: Bloodletting on the highway.
Officers can't hold down a suspect and force them to breath into a tube to take a breathalyzer test, but they can forcefully take blood — a practice that's been upheld by Idaho's Supreme Court and the U.S. Supreme Court. The ruling in 1966 says that police could have blood tests forcibly done on a drunk driving suspect without a warrant, as long as the draw was based on a reasonable suspicion that a suspect was intoxicated, that it was done after an arrest and carried out in a medically approved manner. If the results seem promising after a year or two from the current program in Idaho, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration will encourage police nationwide to undergo similar training. That is bullshit. How is it legal to forcefully take your bodily fluids if they can't take your breath?
The practice of cops drawing blood, implemented first in 1995 in Arizona, has also raised concerns about safety and the credibility of the evidence. Officer phlebotomists are generally trained under the same program as their state's hospital or clinical phlebotomists, but they do it under a highly compressed schedule, and some of the curriculum is cut. They are trained on the elbow crease, the forearm and the back of the hand. If none are accessible, they'll take the suspect to the hospital for testing.
Though most legal experts agree blood tests measure blood alcohol more accurately than breath tests, the tests can be fraught with problems, too. Vials can be mixed up, preservative levels in the tubes used to collect the blood can be off, or the blood can be stored improperly, causing it to ferment and boosting the alcohol content.
I'm all for cracking down on drunk driving, but taking blood - especially if you can't have your breath drawn from you, is something I do not agree with at all. I'm hoping somebody takes this back to the high courts so it can be overturned.
Runner up: Blue ribbon stupid.
And the prize goes to the Washington State Mental Health Department! Phillip Arnold Paul is a criminally insane killer who escaped during a mental hospital field trip to a county fair. Wondering why such a dangerous person was out in public? Me too!
Authorities believe he is heading to the Sunnyside, WA area where his parents and many siblings live, so if you're not somewhere near Spokane, don't sweat it.
Authorities at Eastern State Hospital are being criticized for allowing Paul to visit the fair despite his violent criminal past and history of trying to escape. The Spokane County Commissioner has called it unacceptable, and the state Department of Social and Health Services ordered an immediate end to such trips and launched an investigation into the practice. This was the second escape for Paul. In 1991, he walked away during a day trip in Medical Lake and was later captured. He attacked a sheriff's deputy in the jail booking area, knocking him unconscious, and was convicted of first-degree escape and second-degree assault.
Paul was committed after he was acquitted by reason of insanity in the 1987 slaying of an elderly woman in Sunnyside. He soaked the woman's body in gasoline to throw off search dogs and buried the remains in her flower garden. And was allowed to go on a trip in a location that was so heavily populated with families. Workers alerted superiors "within two to three minutes of discovering Paul's escape," but administrators waited nearly two hours before calling law enforcement, giving Paul plenty of time to disappear. Oh, and his brother says Paul was a high school and junior college wrestler and a martial artist, that even he would not want to approach. Terrific!
It is not unusual for so-called "forensic" patients, who are being held against their will, to earn the opportunity to go on field trips as part of their therapy, representitives said, since mental hospitals also treat people who are mentally ill but have not committed crimes. But clearly that makes little sense when there are criminal elements mixed in with their population.
Thirty-one patients from the mental hospital were on the trip with only 11 staff members. Patients must be cleared by a treatment team before they can go on trips to stores, parks, and other sites, but they wear street clothing and staff members are required to keep each patient within eyesight at all times. Three-on-one odds for keeping an eye on mental patients? Why did something horrible not happen sooner?
Trips to the fair were an annual event, and the last escape from the forensic unit occurred in 1992, which really translates into 17 years of amazing luck. Paul was an extreme escape risk as well as dangerous, and they should never have allowed him on the field trip. Outings for murderers, rapists and pedophiles committed to the hospital as criminally insane should not ever be allowed. What do you think led to Glenn Beck getting a television show?
No comments:
Post a Comment