Friday, August 28, 2009

C9nnibal Flower Weekend

The big thing this weekend (other than enjoying a 4th day of 100 degree heat in a downtown warehouse to work on Saturday) is the 9 year anniversary of Cannibal Flower. Funny that ever since I started working downtown, CF started to jump locations monthly instead of sitting conveniently close down the street.

It's been a real pleasure taking in some amazing underground art as well has having MAGNA perform in a space what is truly suited to our artistic approach to music. Knowing many of the artists who have shown there as well as owning several pieces that have had the fortune of being displayed, it will be nice to celebrate the accomplishments of Cannibal Flower with them, knowing that the underground is still alive and well after almost a decade. That news alone is the best of the week.

Not good enough? Fine, how about this:

Police in Florida city used the promise of economic stimulus checks to lure 76 people to their arrest on a variety of outstanding warrants. You're a horrible place, but you actually did something right. The Fort Lauderdale Police Department set up "Operation Show Me the Money" to round up people wanted on charges ranging from second-degree murder to guns and drug charges to failure to pay child support. "Operation Arrest College Kids At Spring Break" was such a success, but really only gave the department one solid win a year.

Using the name of the fictitious "South Florida Stimulus Coalition," police mailed letters asking the suspects to call an undercover phone line and make appointments to claim their money. When they showed up at an auditorium and presented their identification, they were led to an area where uniformed police were waiting to arrest them. Police said such roundups are safer and more efficient than serving warrants at people's homes. "You totally control the environment whereas when you're walking up to someone's home there's an unknown factor there," police said obviously.

The operation ended this week, and authorities declined to say how much money the suspects were offered. "They were not large dollar amounts," they said. "No one was promised thousands of dollars." And that's what made it believable for Florida - stimulus checks for $62.35.

Worst of the week: Trouble brewing in Malaysia! (chortle!)

I know that there's not many (any?) hardcore Islamic readers of this site, but if there are, could you please tell me why all the countries where your theocratic governments and zealot societies can't see the church from the state have insane punishments for the most harmless of actions?

Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno had originally been scheduled to enter a women's prison, but was abruptly turned around and sent home. She was to be lashed six times with a rattan cane...for drinking a beer.

Beer, wine and liquor is widely available at shops, bars and restaurants in Malaysia, unlike in more austere Islamic nations such as Iran and Pakistan. The Christians, Hindus, Sikhs and other minorities in Malaysia are free to consume alcohol but its Shariah law forbids Muslims — who make up 60% population — from drinking. Islamic morality police, the enforcement officials of the Islamic Religious Department, arrested Kartika in a raid for drinking beer at a hotel lounge at a beach resort in December 2007. The sentenced caning will be carried out after the current Muslim fasting month of Ramadan, largely in part to the Attorney General's office advise to delay it for "compassionate reasons". Ramadan began Saturday and will end in mid-September.

So to recap, in a country where morality police operate under a governmental religious department and enforce laws that do not apply to all citizens of the country, your punishment, that could never possibly fit the crime, will be delayed and called compassionate as those who seek to initiate such asinine and absurd laws need to keep their consciences clear when they enter their most holy periods of religious fanaticism.

If you were
banning Muslims from seeing the Black Eyed Peas concert for being shitty and not because of religious intolerance of anything remotely out of step with your medieval beliefs, I could maybe get behind your position. But you're batshit crazy and completely backwards. Islunatics!

Special news of the day: Silence is golden.

Late breaking news today was that DJ AM, aka a really shitty disc jockey that became a celebrity for playing records for psuedo-celebrities at supposedly hot nightclubs, died. And that suits me just fine.

Now all you stay-at-home moms who are agast at my cool moral platitudes, or morons who think Entourage is a blueprint for coolness, shut up and prepare to have some education dropped on you (like it was hot).

You should know that my shit is old school. Like hating his weak ass, no-talent act
from back in the day. Since this is the Year Of Dead Celebrities, let us hope that Good Charlotte and other useless meatsticks also do their part and die to make this world better. Yes, Samuel Ronson, you too are are getting close to your fifteenth minute of inexplicable existence outside a North Hollywood LGBT club - time to die.

DJ AM was to DJing as Milli Vanilli was to singing. Or the Detroit Lions were to a perfect season. Or Republicans are to telling the truth and progressive thinking. Or Twilight is to great literature. Must I continue?

When Heath Ledger decided to accidentally OD, we lost a talented performer who gave us a taste of his abilities in the posthumous The Dark Knight Returns. When DJ AM took a little too much of his crack pipe and prescription pills (yes, that's what they found there), we lost nothing, and who leave behind a playable character in the upcoming DJ Hero videogame. Clearly, I don't feel anything bad about seeing his death as, well, not bad. Because it really shows how unimportant he was and how shallow and phoney the celebrity circlejerk realm is.

And how do we know this? Because of the twatting. Grief, can you be contained in 140 characters? Perhaps not. But all the opportunists came out to catch a slice of his dim, dead spotlight with their own poignant, touching thoughts that had to be shared publicly. You're only as important as the thread you twat on, I guess.
Lohag, Titty Perry, Ashton Doucher, Scientologist Masterson, Herpes Hilton, P. Douchie, Fall Out Pete, Heidi Yawntag, and the always ineffective None Gayer Than John Mayer were only a few celebritards getting in on the action. Interesting how no real DJs have anything to say on the matter...Paul Oakenfold, Kid Koala, The X-ecutioners, Mr. Scruff, DJ Q-Bert, Cut Chemist, DJ Food, Aphex Twin, Coldcut, Amon Tobin, DJ Shadow, The Herbaliser - all quiet. DJ AM was a poseur (fancy spelling because he was an extra big douchenozzle).

The cherry on top is that DJ AM recently announced an upcoming MTV reality series, tentatively titled "Gone Too Far," which had just completed shooting. The show was designed to help young people whose lives had been turned upside down due to drug dependencies. You better make sure you got those addictions of your own in check first before you think you're capable of helping others. Credibility = zero. And my question is, does MTV air the sucker? Or do they
lose their balls like sister station VH1 with their millionaire murderer?

Literally like Final Destination (and the one that adds more irony opening today - zing!), DJ AM escaped death in a plane crash, only to have it catch up with him. Travis Barker, you better watch out. If you want a cup of sorrow, feel bad about the
Olympic shot putter who was gunned down in front of his home by prowlers last night, not a guy whose credits were playing pool parties in Las Vegas.

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