But Can Your Kid Fetch?

According to accumulating research, the family dog is the mental equivalent of a toddler. Or your kid is just a dog that can stand up.

"Dogs basically have the developmental abilities equivalent to a human 2-year-old." Yep, that's the quote. Experts say the average dog can learn 165 words, and think some dogs can learn up to 250 words. Not that they can say them, but at least understand. additionally, they say dogs can count up to four or five and can correct you if you can't add one plus one. Well, if you can't, then who left you in charge of caring for a dog?

Different breeds of dog differ in their intelligence, with border collies topping the list for working (instinctive) and obedience intelligence. The next six smartest are poodles, German shepherds, golden retrievers, Dobermans, Shetland sheepdogs and Labrador retrievers. (The third type of dog smarts is adaptive or problem-solving ability.) What's the dumbest? Good Charlotte fans.

More and more, scientists are realizing that dogs can think and solve problems in ways previously thought to belong only to humans and higher primates. One recent study also found that dogs were like 24-month-old children, at least when it comes to figuring out where humans have hidden a treat. Dogs apparently can ponder the meaning of "dog," in a way - they do have a consciousness of self, though not as complex as that of humans. They also recognize differences among beings and are cognizant of others' variable viewpoints and talents. And they dream, as demonstrated through movements they make while they're asleep.

Dogs can figure out how to get to the couch before you do and how to operate a latch or other simple mechanism. They can also deceive other dogs, not to mention people. Like 2-year-olds, dogs can experience fear, anger, happiness and disgust (perhaps at a human's sub-par math skills), but not guilt. Humans don't feel guilt until about age 4, and in the case of some of my ex-girlfriends, much, much later.

So congratulations if you have a kid or a dog or both, because when it comes to being on a leash, eating out of a bowl, and crapping on newspaper, you're looking at the same mental abilities. Which is likely why that's how my early years were.