Lots of rock and roll in the upcoming week, but it starts with Pinback making an appearance in town. Last time they came through Rybot and I not only caught the show, but also the "stuntman" who thought he could cross a street on a rainy night in the middle of traffic. Fortunately his F1 reflexes kept us from adding to the mess, the same can not be said of the vehicle that blasted the stuntman legs high and clipped his gal pal. No similar accident earlier in the week when Rybot caught Pinback in Colorado. We'll see what happens here. And now, stuff from this week...
Best of the week: Shoplifters of the world unite!
According to an annual survey, incidents of shoplifting rose by nearly 6% over the past year, representing nearly $115 billion in losses for businesses. And one of the more surprising findings: a growing number of new shoplifters are outwardly reputable, middle-class people who are walking off with French cheeses, quality meats, cosmetics, mobile phones, clothing and other goodies that they feel they need to maintain a quality of life they can no longer afford. Wow, we really have hit hard times of meats and cheeses are getting boosted.
"People already feeling, or merely anticipating, the negative impact of recession have taken to stealing ... at the very time retailers also suffering from the downturn have had to cut back on security staff," says the Britain-based Center for Retail Research. The findings were documented in its annual Global Retail Theft Barometer. "In addition to the usual criminals, you have lots of newcomers to stealing who figure they don't run much risk at getting caught, won't pay much of a price if they are and justify their action on the hard times we're all facing."
The researchers found that shoplifting - or what's euphemistically known as product "shrinkage" - jumped by 5.9% in the past year at the more than 1,000 retail chains the group surveyed globally. In previous years, the increase only hovered around 1.5% annually. Though the problem was documented across all regions, the steepest increases occurred in North America (8.1%), the Middle East (7.5%) and Europe (4.7%). In terms of total losses, retailers in North America topped the charts at $46 billion, followed by Europe's $44 billion and $17.9 billion in the Asia-Pacific region. In North America and Latin America, store owners and employees were the leading pilferers; in Europe, Asia and the Middle East, it was customers who were swiping the most loot.
Theft by organized criminals for the purposes of resale remains the biggest segment of shoplifting, there's been a noticeable increase in the number of middle-class people stuffing their pockets. Interviews with shoplifters and police, more than a few of these individuals regard this kind of stealing in the current economic crisis as fully justified.
Also: A Brazilian woman whose short, pink dress caused a near riot at a private college led to her expulsion now has permission to return to class.
Bandeirante University backed down on its decision to expel 20-year-old Geisy Arruda following a flood of negative reaction. Videos of students ridiculing her and making catcalls turned up on the Web and drew attention to the event around the world. Just hours after the Brazilian government demanded an explanation from the university, its dean released a statement saying he was reversing the school's decision to expel Arruda. Arruda's expulsion was condemned by Brazil's national student union, the Brazilian BAR Association, and several other institutions. The university's original decision showed "intolerance and discrimination," said Brazil's minister for women's policy.
The Education Ministry had given the university 10 days to clarify its reasoning for kicking out Arruda, who was forced to put on a professor's white coat and was escorted away by police amid a hail of insults and curses from other students. Arruda said just before the decision was issued that she was humiliated by the experience and was never warned by university officials that her dress was too racy. Is there such a thing in Brazil, home of Carnival, and where the hardest core of pron is made (yes Rio Loco and your 351 minutes of group sex, that's you).
The university published newspaper advertisements saying it expelled Arruda for disrespecting "ethical principles, academic dignity and morality." The ads also alleged Arruda acted in a provocative manner incompatible with the university's environment. That's going a bit far to take out ads, but if their lawyer's statement - "The problem is not her clothes. It's her behavior, her attitude," are really the issue, then how can behavior and attitude not expell half of a college's students at any given time? It is college...
And: A Duke University study on sex toys has raised the ire of the University’s Catholic Center director. Any story with the words "sex toys" and "Catholic" is an instant fight!
Not that he’s worried about the participants who might be breaking vows of celibacy, and doing it with handcuffs and vibrators, but Father Joe Vetter says he’s concerned that the study will encourage young women to “just sit around and masturbate” instead of hitting up singles night to track down their future husband. C'mon padre, how are they gonna hone their skills for their husband if they don't practice?
The study, being conducted by a behavioral economist and student health workers, was advertised around the Duke campus for much of October. Researchers were interested in female attitudes towards sex and sexually-themed “toys” and paraphernalia. Women filled out a survey and took part in a one-hour meeting, where they were asked to view sex toys and discuss them with other participants. As incentive to donate their time, the women were all offered a gift bag, and discounts on the items.
Student health workers say they hope the study will shed light on whether sex toys can be a useful tool in curbing campus promiscuity, which should please Papa Joe. But no! “I’m concerned about promiscuity also,” Vetter said. “And to be honest, I don’t have the solution. My concern is these students are in this developmental phase, and I don’t think it’s a good developmental practice to just tell somebody to just sit around and masturbate. I don’t think that promotes relationships.” Glad you have an opinion but nothing beyond that in way of a solution to give yourself any credibility.
It is terrific to imagine college gals firing up some scented candles and Jason Mraz while getting their battery recharges set to swap out used AAs, but as usual, the nightmares of the church (and my fantasies) are unlikely to come true. The study is already completed, but Vetter still plans to protest by speaking on the topic at mass this weekend. He’ll be preaching to the choir, since the women from the study probably have other plans for their Sunday morning.
Picture of the week:
Asian Calvin, FTW Best bonus links:
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• ABC Axes Hank - Guess audiences just want Frasier to be Fraiser. And they're not keeping the witches of Eastwick on their air either. Sadly my Dollhouse also got shitcanned - but at least they claim to be airing the remaining episiodes.
• Colorado Balloon Boy Parents Plead Guilty - Is the charge being irresponsible, horrible parents?
• Celine Dion Not Pregnant - There are a lot of things she's not (tolerable, interesting, etc.), but mostly, not bringing another one of these into the world.
Worst of the week: Air Jackass
First, LeBron James wants NBA players to give up their No. 23s to honor Michael Jordan.
James, who has worn 23 since he was a high school sophomore, believes players should pay tribute to Jordan for the Hall of Famer's impact on the game. I believe he should shut the fuck up and just count his millions for bouncing a ball. "I just think what Michael Jordan has done for the game has to be recognized in some way — soon. There would be no LeBron James, no Kobe Bryant, no Dwyane Wade, you name all the best players in the league right now and the last 10 years, there would be none of us without Michael Jordan." I beleive he get's that recognition in his multi-million dollar endorsements and repeat championships.James said he has been considering the change for some time, and is willing to switch to No. 6 — his U.S. Olympic team number, and wants to start a petition to get every player in the league wearing 23 to give up the number. So what, just because you want to do it, everybody else should? Um, fuck you?
"It's time," James said. "He's the best basketball player we've ever seen. Mike does it on the court and off the court. If you see 23, you think about Michael Jordan. You see guys flying through the air, you think about Michael Jordan. You see game-winning shots, you think about Michael Jordan. You see fly kicks, you think about Michael Jordan. He did so much, it has to be recognized, and not just by putting him in the Hall of Fame." Let's elect him President of Awesomeland!
"He can't get the logo, and if he can't, something has to be done," James said, referring to the NBA logo that's modeled on a silhouette of Jerry West. "I feel like no NBA player should wear 23. Nobody. If I'm not going to wear No. 23, then nobody else should be able to wear it." I have an idea...why don't you rest that big brain of yours and try to win yourself a championship. Because only winners get to make suggestions. James must formally notify the NBA by early March if he plans to change numbers. He has not done so yet, and players generally must wear a number five years before they can apply to switch.
And if it's not LeBron tarnishing Jordan's legacy with stupid comments, it's Jordan himself. Evidence? The nasty 2010 Air Jordan.
The most obvious distinction is a massive transparent window through the middle of the shoe as a representation of Michael Jordan’s on-court prowess of “seeing through opponents”. Yes, that is the type of bullshit that only a stupid athlete can swallow coming from a marketing guy.“The celebration of the AIR JORDAN 2010 and our 25th anniversary are the pinnacle of a year full of milestones for me,” said Jordan. “With each shoe, consumers have pushed me to take the next AIR JORDAN beyond their wildest imagination. The AIR JORDAN 2010 marks the future of Jordan Brand and proves there are no limits to what this Brand is capable of creating.” True, bad taste has no limits.
“The AIR JORDAN 2010 pays homage to Jordan’s ability to know his opponents next move while only giving hints of his ability and allowing the players to only see what he wanted them to see on the court. His keen instinct for anticipating his challengers’ next move and disguising his own techniques are just a few of the attributes that led to him being named the greatest basketball player ever to play the game.”
Let's not even hurt ourselves trying to figure out how the "transparent thermoplastic urethane window" - aka plastic, can be both homage to his seeing through opponents as well as only allowing players to see what he wants them to. It's typical marketing doublespeak for "Our idea is so goddamn dumb that we're going to make up silly, contradictory things just to distract you from how awful the product is".
Saturday, February 13, 2010 is your day to waste $170 on a stupid, ugly ass shoe.
And: The paradox of stupidity.
When the supercooled magnets in sector 81 of the Large Hadron Collider began to dangerously overheat, scientists rushed to diagnose the problem, since the particle accelerator had to maintain a temperature colder than deep space in order to work. The culprit? A bit of baguette that a passing bird probably dropped the chunk of on an electrical substation above the accelerator, causing a power cut. The baguette was removed, power to the cryogenic system was restored and within a few days the magnets returned to their supercool temperatures. But what most scientists and folks with even the smallest amount of common sense would write off the event as a freak accident, two "esteemed" physicists have formulated a theory that suggests an alternative explanation: perhaps a time-traveling bird was sent from the future to sabotage the experiment.
Bech Nielsen of the Niels Bohr Institute in Copenhagen and Masao Ninomiya of the Yukawa Institute for Theoretical Physics in Kyoto, Japan, have published several papers over the past year arguing that the CERN experiment may be the latest in a series of physics research projects whose purposes are so unacceptable to the universe that they are doomed to fail, subverted by the future. I was unaware how large the theoretical component was to that part of physics.The 17-mile underground LHC ring was designed to smash atoms together at high energies, in part to find proof of a hypothetical subatomic particle called the Higgs boson. According to current theory, the Higgs is responsible for imparting mass to all things in the universe. But ever since Peter Higgs first postulated the existence of the particle in 1964, attempts to capture the particle have failed.
In 1993, the multibillion-dollar United States Superconducting Supercollider, which was designed to search for the Higgs, was abruptly canceled by Congress. In 2000, scientists at a previous CERN accelerator, LEP, said they were on the verge of discovering the particle when, again, funding dried up. And now there's the LHC. Originally scheduled to start operating in 2006, it has been hit with a series of delays and setbacks, including a sudden explosion between two magnets nine days after the accelerator was first turned on, the arrest of one of its contributing physicists on suspicion of terrorist activity and, most recently, the aerial bread bombardment from a bird. (A CERN spokesman said power cuts such as the one caused by the errant baguette are common for a device that requires as much electricity as the nearby city of Geneva, and that physicists are confident they will begin circulating atoms by the end of the year).
In a series of audacious papers, Nielsen and Ninomiya have suggested that setbacks to the LHC occur because of "reverse chronological causation," which is to say, sabotage from the future. That's how you explain how Congress abruptly canceled funding in 1993 and again in 2000 when scientists at a previous CERN accelerator were on the verge of discovering the particle? Pretty convenient explanation. The papers suggest that the Higgs boson may be "abhorrent to nature" and the LHC's creation of the Higgs sometime in the future sends ripples backward through time to scupper its own creation. Each time scientists are on the verge of capturing the Higgs, the theory holds, the future intercedes.
Many physicists say that Nielsen and Ninomiya's theory, while intellectually interesting, cannot be accurate because the event that the LHC is trying to recreate already happens in nature. Oops...guess they didn't theoretically think it through enough. Particle collisions of an energy equivalent to those planned in the LHC occur when high-energy cosmic rays collide with the earth's atmosphere. And some scientists believe that the Tevatron accelerator near Chicago has already created Higgs bosons without incident; they are now refining data from their collisions to prove the Higgs' existence.
Nielsen counters that nature might allow a small number of Higgs to be produced by the Tevatron, but would prevent the production of the large number of particles the LHC is anticipated to produce. Wow, another dodge in the face of logical explanasion. He also acknowledges that Higgs particles are probably produced in cosmic collisions, but says it's impossible to know whether nature has stopped a great deal of these collisions from happening. No, it's called inventing more made up theory in a realm of already nebulous field of possibilities for the sake of job security
Worst picture of the week:
A repeat for Lady fug Gaga, who channels her inner Amy Winehouse to look so hideous.Worst bonus links:
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• Ecclestone: Button Doesn't Deserve To Be Champion - It's bad enough Bernie runs his mouth like a retard, but now his dipshit debutant daughter has started on the ridiculous comments. Never trust a trust fund baby who feels slighted from an interview.
• Levi Johnston Hits Tanning Bed Before Playgirl Shoot - This week's OMG! Idiotic Non-Story Of The Week cover's the hick sperm donor's 14th-and-a-half minute of fame. When they ask what to expect from the shoot, he replies, "You'll have to wait. I know what I'm going to do, but y'all don't." Thanks, you fucktard, we understand you're not clear on the concept of questions yet.
• Winona Ryder Resorts To Hallmark Movie - It was that or be part of that shoplifting story I guess. Did she run out of musicians to attach herself too? Ah...you had it right Johnny Depp - Wino Forever.
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