Don't Be Cross

The European Court of Human Rights ruled today that crucifixes should be removed from Italian classrooms, prompting Vatican anger and sparking uproar in Italy, where such icons are embedded in the national psyche. And the national gift shops.

"The ruling of the European court was received in the Vatican with shock and sadness," said a Vatican spokesman, adding that it was "wrong and myopic" to try to exclude a symbol of charity from education. It's still considered a charitable act being nailed to a large wooden cross and left to hang until dead, right?

The ruling, which Italy said it would appeal, said crucifixes on school walls - a common sight that is part of every Italian's life, could disturb children who were not Christians. It comes as the country is engaged in a national debate on how to deal with a growing population of (mostly Muslim) immigrants.

"This is an abhorrent ruling," said a former culture minister who helped write papal encyclicals (them's like the blog posts and P.R. from the Church). "It must be rejected with firmness. Italy has its culture, its traditions and its history. Those who come among us must understand and accept this culture and this history," he said. "Or die like the heathen infidel they are."

The Vatican spokesman said it was sad that the crucifix could be considered a symbol of division and said religion offered a vital contribution to the moral formation of people. Really, what were the Crusades if not a campaign of inclusion, not division. How can there be any question it's a bad court ruling when government members weigh in with words such as "shameful," "offensive," "absurd," "unacceptable," and "pagan." Okay, maybe not that last one...

Two Italian laws dating from the 1920s, when the Fascists were in power, state that schools must display crucifixes. Alessandra Mussolini, granddaughter of Fascist dictator and hall of fame shitbag Benito Mussolini, said rulings such as that by the court were leading to "a Europe without an identity." And what would Italy be without it's crucifixes - a nation of hairy, wine and pasta gulping caricatures? Maybe we should ask the Germans how they got over losing their beloved swastika?

The case was brought by an Italian national, Soile Lautsi, who complained that her children had to attend a public school in northern Italy which had crucifixes in every room. Education Minister Mariastella Gelmini said crucifixes on the walls of tens of thousands of classrooms "do not mean adherence to Catholicism" but are a symbol of Italy's heritage. And would be a bitch to have to take down.

"The history of Italy is marked by symbols and if we erase symbols we erase part of ourselves," Gelmini said. Again: Germany, swastikas. Lautsi said crucifixes on walls ran counter to her right to give her children a secular education and the court ruled in her favor. Hey, wait - did you think that you were in America, where there was separation of church and state? Guess you forgot that the Vatican was your neighbor...

"The presence of the crucifix...could be encouraging for religious pupils, but also disturbing for pupils who practiced other religions or were atheists, particularly if they belonged to religious minorities," the court said in a written ruling. "The State (must) refrain from imposing beliefs in premises where individuals were dependent on it," it added, saying the aim of public education was "to foster critical thinking."

Is it right or wrong? I don't care, but I'm always glad to see religion get rattled. Let's let Bill Hicks have the final word on this:

"A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fucking cross? It's like going up to Jackie Onassis wearing a rifle pendant."