Theater With All The Trimings

Is it strange that both The Road and Ninja Assassin came out just in time for Turkey Day? Maybe you just need something opposite of the holiday spirit to help you get through it. IO9 has a thorough list of Thanksgiving counterprogramming of the past 25 years:

1984
Supergirl Really, what idiot sees his buddy blown thirty feet across the parking lot, and then decides to try and attack Supergirl using a switchblade?

1985
Rocky IV The good news is it would inspire you to go get in shape after eating all that turkey and stuffing, thanks to one of the most classic training montages ever.

1986
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home The most fun of the original cast movies, it has the best application of a Vulcan nerve pinch ever.

Solarbabies Post-apocalyptic rollerblading? Together, in a movie? It won't be the last, either.

1988
Cocoon: The Return The best way to deal with Steve Gutenberg on a full stomach.

1989
Back To The Future 2 Marty McFly's mom gets bizarre breast implants and becomes Biff Tannen's bitch. Now that's how you make a sequel.

1990
Predator 2 Just your typical cop drama/alien Predator attack film.

Robot Jox And if Danny Glover and space monsters isn't your bag, how about giant mecha gladiators, fighting it out with chainsaw crotches and other armaments?

1992
The Crying Game Terrorists, thugs, and a little transgender surprise. You probably took your mom to see this one.

1994
Junior Pregnant Arnold Schwarzenegger. Giant belly around the holidays remind you of anything. Or anyone?

1995
Casino It's an underrated Scorsese classic, full of brutality and weirdness. Perfect Thanksgiving fare for the whole family.

Nick Of Time Johnny Depp vs. Christopher Walken, overacting in a shopping mall. The only movie with the line, "I'll make you a sauce for that black Irish cocksucker's meat."

1997
Alien Resurrection What would this movie could have been if they'd filmed Joss Whedon's screenplay?

1998
Very Bad Things A sex worker gets killed at a bachelor party — and then things turn ugly. Probably just like your family gatherings.

1999
End Of Days Satan and Thanksgiving - is there enough room on the serving platter?

2000
Unbreakable A horrific act of mass murder brings to light a guy who can find the rapists and creeps in our midst. Family entertainment for sure.

Quills If you need something a little more raw, get an assfull of the Marquis De Sade.

2001
Black Knight Martin Lawrence gets zapped back to the Middle Ages. Unfortunately it was just a movie.

The Devil's Backbone A Guillermo Del Toro classic, and more proof that horror owns Thanksgiving.

2002
Solaris If you watch Steven Soderbergh's trippy remake of Tarkovsky's classic while you're full of tryptophan, you may hallucinate.

Wes Craven Presents: They Yeah, I didn't know this was a movie either, or that was made and released.

2003
Timeline "Your father is in the 14th. century!" Hey, maybe he can hang out with Martin Lawrence.

2006
The Fountain And speaking of trippy movies when you're already suffed with food...and the only one of the season with human sacrifice.

Tenacious D In The Pick Of Destiny Satan returns for the holidays, and this time he'd rather rock than mess with Schwartzenegger.

2007
Hitman A video game adaptation about a guy who kills people and thwarts some vague conspiracy thing. And don't forget to by the game on Black Friday.

The Mist An interesting choice for a family occasion - let's leave it at that.

2008
Transporter 3 Jason Statham, cars, fighting, explosions, stunts, and guns. This one is called Transporter 3.

Twilight Though the sequel came out last week, these sparkling wimps will be gracing us next year and the year after at this time. Just a warning...

2009
The Road This whole movie is as depressing as The Mist's ending. But at least it does have a genuinely pro-family message.

Ninja Assassin The film you'll probably actually be watching. Ninjas! Wachowskis! Out-and-out mayhem!