Current Event Catch-Up

What's been happening that you may have missed? This is what you need to know...

Scientists Map the Brain, Gene By Gene - It will soon be possible to know not only how little of your grey matter you use down to the cellular level.

Diamond Sales Slump Echoes Worldwide - Rue the day the rich can no longer afford their bling! And cry for the Indians who used to earn about $130 a month polishing diamonds when there was a demand. I want to know what we're going to call conflict diamonds when there's no imperative to get them.

Rapper T.I. Sentenced To Year On Weapons Charges - Let's see how gangsta he really is after some time in the slammer. And you know why it's called the slammer...3-2 odds he's traded for a carton of smokes and a mix tape.

VA Says 16 Colonoscopy Patients Have Hepatitis - Bad enough you're getting an ass probe, but hepatitis is the cherry on top of that shit sundae.

U.S. Goes After Mexican Cartel Guns, Cash On Border - Since we can't keep illegal aliens from coming over, at least we'll get some firearms and scratch!

Bruce Willis, Emma Heming Legalize Their Marriage - That means they fucked.

Oldest Sea Creatures Have Been Alive 4,000 Years - Not really! But Live Science, the absolute worst and most misleading "science" sight on the web can't ever get it right. Once again, their own incompetence in understanding facts - even ones they miraculously include in their stories - shines through.

Critics Call WTC Tower Name Change Unpatriotic - Is keeping "Freedom Tower" really better than "Gigantiplex, Piercing Phallus Of The Skyline"?

Study: Triathlons Can Pose Deadly Heart Risks - I always suspected that running a marathon after 118 miles of bike riding and a brisk 2.4 mile swim was a good way to make your heart explode.

Gillispie Regrets Not Winning More At Kentucky - I would too if I got fired after two seasons of coaching and posting a 40-27 record while missing the NCAA tournament for the first time since 1991.

Girl, 14, Faces Porn Charges For Nude Photos - Sorry, but taking nude pictures of yourself and posting them on your own Myspace page is illegal. I remember when this country used to be great...

$150M Buys You Late TV Producer's L.A. Mansion - Whoever buys the old Spelling Manor is automatically an asshole...though not as much as Candy Spelling for asking over $2000 a square foot. I hope she'll be okay when she moves into her $47 million penthouse...