AVP-R

Scarlett inspired me to write this, not so much through encouragement, but out of my own reflections on describing the movie to her. Let me make this clear - Alien vs. Predator: Requiem is a turd. A big, juicy science fiction and special effects turd.

Like any good bad movie, you've got to have you cliched stock characters. Hot chick, douche jock, fresh out of the pen convict, well natured sheriff, tough mother and her daughter she has to protect. Yep, they're all in here. And the film make it a point to give you lots of different backstories and info, because Aliens and Predators can't just kill random people. Actually, they can and do, but watching characters you know a little better get killed seems a little more satisfying.

Here's how it all goes down (so don't read if you hate spoilers):

The film begins immediately following the events of Alien vs. Predator, on board the Predator spaceship leaving Earth which is carrying dead Aliens, living facehuggers, and the body of the dead Predator who had defeated the Alien queen. A chestburster erupts from the dead Predator's body - a hybrid of an Alien and Predator. The Predalien quickly (and conveniently) grows into an adult and begins killing the Predators on board the ship. One Predator fires at it, creating a hole in the hull and causing the ship to crash in the forest outside of Gunnison, Colorado. With the Predators dead, the Predalien and several facehuggers escape into the forest and impregnate a father and son on a hunting trip as well as several homeless people living in the sewers. Did you think you were going to get to see a kid get chestburst? You got that right, your dreams have become a reality!

A distress signal from the ship reaches the Predator homeworld, where a lone Predator responds to the signal and comes to Earth. It uses the information recorded in the mask of the fallen Predator to observe the cause of the crash and track the facehuggers. He begins a campaign to erase the evidence of the Aliens' presence, first by blowing up the crashed ship and then by using a blue liquid to dissolve the bodies of the facehuggers and their victims.

Meanwhile in town, ex-convict Dallas has just returned to town, greeted by old buddy Sheriff Morales, and later reunites with his younger brother Ricky. Ricky has a history with stock hottie Jesse, and gets beaten up by her current boyfriend Dale and his cohorts. Dale throws Ricky's keys into the sewer drain, and while Dallas and Ricky search for them they hear noises and see evidence that something strange is in the sewers. Across town, Kelly has also just returned to Gunnison from deployment in the army to be reunited with her husband Tim and daughter Molly. It's touching.

Spurred by the wife of the missing father and son hunters, Sheriff Morales leads a search party into the forest. A deputy encounters and is killed by the Predator, and his carcass is found when the search party returns the following day. The Predator makes his way into the sewers and fights several adult Aliens, who had spawned from the homeless living there. The battle reaches the surface, where the Aliens disperse into the town. The Predator pursues several of them to the city’s nuclear power plant, where the explosions caused by his weapons fire cause a citywide blackout.

Ricky and Jesse meet at the high school swimming pool, but are interrupted by Dale and his friends just as the blackout occurs and an Alien enters the building, killing Dale’s friends. Another Alien invades the O’Brien home, killing Tim while Kelly escapes with Molly. They meet up with Ricky, Jesse, Dale, Dallas, and Sheriff Morales at a sporting goods store to gather guns. National Guard troops arrive but are quickly killed by the Aliens, proving the point that the National Guard suck. The battle between the Predator and the Aliens enters the sporting goods store, where Dale is killed and the Predator’s shoulder cannons are damaged, but clever Mr. Predator is able to modify one into a handheld blaster.

As the survivors attempt to escape the town they make radio contact with Colonel Stevens, who indicates that an air evacuation is being staged at the center of town. RipleyKelly, however, is suspicious of the military’s intentions. While Sheriff Morales heads to the evacuation area with the rest of the surviving townsfolk, the remainder of the group opts to head for the hospital, where they may escape via helicopter. The hospital, however, has been invaded by the Aliens and the Predalien who have set up a hive there. The Predalien demonstrates the ability to implant embryos directly into host humans without the need for eggs or facehuggers. That's when you get to see pregnant women get in on the tasteless action.

The Predator also arrives at the hospital, and in the resulting battle Jesse is killed by a giant Predator throwing star, Ricky is injured, and Dallas takes possession of the Predator’s blaster cannon. As the fight reaches the rooftop Dallas, Ricky, Kelly, and Molly escape in the helicopter while the Predator and Predalien battle hand-to-hand. The two creatures mortally wound each other just as the military jet arrives and is revealed not to be a rescue airlift, but rather a tactical nuclear strike.

The Predator, Aliens, Predalien, and remaining citizens are eradicated in the blast along with the rest of the town. The blast causes the helicopter to crash in a clearing, where the survivors are rescued by the military and the Predator’s blaster cannon is confiscated. In the closing scene, Colonel Stevens presents the blaster cannon to a Ms. Yutani (foreshadowing the Weyland-Yutani corporation of the Alien series).

To further save you from watching the film, their red band trail has pretty much all that in there, and nearly every death. Enjoy the silliness!