The Bollywood Dahlia

Indian actress Meenakshi Thapar (26), was allegedly kidnapped and definitely beheaded in an attempt to extort 1.5 million rupees from her family.  Damn shame to kill a piece of ass for what comes out to around $30,000.

Fellow actors Amit Jaiswal (36), and his lover Preeti Surin (who I assume is a woman, since it is never referenced in the article), met Thapar on the set of the horror film 404, which some say is the number of different bacterial strains in the Ganges.  It is alleged they killed her on the set of her new movie, ironically titled Heroine, after listening to her boast about her family’s wealth and status in Dehra Dun (which is the Himalayan foothills of northern India - kinda like their Walnut Creek).  That's a pretty lame boast, considering any life above begging and avoiding poverty pretty much levels that playing field.

The two actors invited her on a trip with them to Gorakhpur, a small town close to India’s border with Nepal, where they held her hostage and demanded ransom.  When Thapar’s parents paid only 60,000 Rupees, they killed the actress.  What did you expect?  That's barely $1,100.  Thapar was strangled to death, beheaded, and her body was dumped at two different sites.  Her killers dumped her torso in a water tank and her head thrown out of the bus window in a bag on the road to Mumbai (which is more common than you think). Jaiswal and Surin were caught and reportedly confessed to the murder.

Enthiran

Bollywood has gone berserk with their version of The Terminator...and about a dozen other sci-fi / action films 

In Enthiran (Robot), Dr. Vaseegaran builds a lookalike robot, Chitti Babu, that eventually falls in love with the doctor's girlfriend Sana before getting reprogrammed to become an evil killing machine by Vaseegaran's nemesis Dr. Bohra. Chitti builds replicas of his robotic body and attempts to kill the doctor - and everybody else...

Its like Michael Bay and James Cameron gangbanged a John Woo film.

Will The Busy Icon Be A Spinning Loom Wheel

So I'm doing my usual morning route, reading the Time Of India and drinking a spot of Darjeeling with my biscuits, when I was startled by the tech savvy of the Empire's subjects. The native Indian government has set in motion an ambitious plan to develop its own software to end the reliance on foreign operating systems and anti-virus products. First they infiltrated our call centers, now they're becoming sovereign?

After growing worries over the rise in cyber attacks on Indian establishments, a government taskforce devised a plan for building indigenous software. The panel will also suggest ways to conduct third-party audits on existing software in government offices to prevent online sabotage attempts until the software’s launch. Developing a new OS and trying to crack existing products? That's got to be easier than creating proper sewage ducts and

The overwhelming belief among government bosses is that an indigenous low-grade, but clean, software could nix the chances of foreign states infiltrating the computers of key Indian establishments and compromising the country’s security. Good luck with that. We've seen how you do indigenous low-grade citizen's welfare. “A sanitised, lower level operating system and application software may be preferred to the advanced versions, which necessarily require access to internet for upgrades,” said an official who never thought to use a firewall.

Despite home to nearly 10% of the world’s software developer base, the country still lacks an operating system or security product of repute. Last December, PMO computers were attacked by hackers traced back to China. Similarly, hackers from Pakistan and terrorist organisations too have stepped up attacks on Indian websites in recent years. In order to combat the attack issue, no sensitive information will be stored on systems connected to the internet, and ministries and departments have been told to carry out regular IT systems audits. The government has also established a Crisis Management Plan against cyber attacks to be implemented by all central ministries, state governments and critical sectors, though I wonder who they're calling if there's a tech support issue.

India is also taking further preventive steps. The defense ministry has already removed many of its computers off the internet. Its officers can’t carry pen drives inside offices. The government has also decided to connect all key government ministries and offices to an alternate exclusive communication network that is being built for the armed forces. This will provide a secure backup for over 5000 officials during emergencies, or at times when the networks of private telecom operators cannot be used to transmit sensitive information. Because an inter-interweb has got to be more secure.

(Another) MAGNA / Cannibal Flower Weekend

You've got your reminder, so we hope to see you Saturday night. And if you're able to wake up early Sunday morning, there's the Aussie GP, which should be far better than the sluggish parade in Bahrain two weeks ago.

Best of the week: James Cameron has always been outspoken...being one of the most profitable filmmakers in history will do that to you. This week he's has a few quotable remarks.

First, the Avatar DVD will be released solely with the movie. The picture tells you all you need to know. But the real sauce comes from his comments about Glenn "Dickbag" Beck.

"Glenn Beck is a fucking asshole," Cameron said at a news conference to promote the DVD release of Avatar. "I've met him. He called me the anti-Christ and not about Avatar. He hadn't even seen Avatar yet. I don't know if he has seen it."

Cameron was likely referring to Beck's reaction to his controversial 2007 documentary, The Lost Tomb of Jesus, which raises questions about Jesus' resurrection. Beck introduced a CNN interview with Cameron by saying, "Many people believe James Cameron officially has tossed his hat in the ring today and is officially running for anti-Christ."Cameron eventually did some back pedaling after blasting Beck, but suggested the two sit down to discuss political and environmental issues.

"I think, you know what, he may or may not be an asshole, but he certainly is dangerous, and I'd love to have a dialogue with him," Cameron said. And Cameron explained that Beck is dangerous because "his ideas are poisonous." "I couldn't believe when he was on CNN. I thought, what happened to CNN? Who is this guy? Who is this madman? And then of course he wound up on Fox News, which is where he belongs, I guess," Cameron said.

And just a few weeks back, he slagged Clash Of The Titans for half-assing the 3-D process. Way to go Jimmy, call it like you see it.

Plus: Hot Tub Time Machine writer Josh Heald recently wrote a short piece about the process of getting his film made. If you're old enough to remember One Crazy Summer and Better Off Dead, then, like me, you're looking forward to this. A small excerpt below:

The second burning question people always ask is, “What the hell was the pitch meeting like when Hot Tub Time Machine got sold?” I wish it was a crazier story. I wish there was blackmail or other nefarious business practices involved. There’s probably a version of the story where a movie executive has a vendetta against his bosses and buys the film for the purpose of bringing down the organization – and perhaps bringing about the complete destruction of the entertainment business as we know it. It was actually a very normal meeting.

It was May 2008. I had an extremely detailed outline for the screenplay, a lot of which is represented on screen. It was early in the week when I met with MGM, who completely understood the potential for this movie. They snapped it up and told me to get to work on the script. Twelve weeks later, I handed them the first draft – and at that point, the project moved into overdrive. The name Cusack came up and before long, we had a director. And a killer cast. And a green light. I had written Rob Corddry’s role specifically for him, so I was especially thrilled when he loved the script and came aboard. And Craig Robinson and Clark Duke could not have been more hilarious and perfectly cast.

Also: The Indian military has a new weapon against terrorism (and Pakistan) - the world's hottest chili.

After conducting tests, the military has decided to use the thumb-sized bhut jolokia, aka "ghost chili," to make tear gas-like hand grenades to immobilize suspects. The bhut jolokia was accepted by Guinness World Records in 2007 as the world's spiciest chili. It is grown and eaten in India's as a cure for stomach troubles and a way to fight the crippling summer heat. The pepper has more than 1,000,000 Scoville units, the scientific measurement of a chili's spiciness. Classic Tabasco sauce ranges from 2,500 to 5,000 Scoville units, while jalapeno peppers measure anywhere from 2,500 to 8,000. Trials are also on to produce bhut jolokia-based aerosol sprays to be used by women against attackers and for the police to control and disperse mobs.

However, that won't stop Anadita Dutta Tamuly. Last year she ate 51 one the peppers in under two minutes. She then shocked onlookers by smearing handfuls of seeds into her eyes.

And: It’s recently been discovered that a species of jellyfish, the turritopsis nutricula, can revert back to its first stage of life, meaning it is the only known animal with no natural limit on its lifespan. It could theoretically live forever when kept away from predators and other dangers.

The jellyfish can perform transdifferentiation, changing one type of cell into another. Some animals can perform limited transdifferentiation (e.g. starfish regrowing limbs), but turritopsis nutricula can turn back the aging process on all of its cells. Because they are able to bypass death, the number of animals are spiking. They’re now found in oceans around the globe rather than just in their native Caribbean waters. I think somebody has to find a way to make those delicious so they can thin them out. Lobster was once a sea-spider before they found a little butter...

Best picture of the week:

Lindsay Lohan assumes the position...a familiar one

Best bonus links:

• Man Puts Dead Squirrel On Penis And Shows Kids - The headline is enough to merit posting.

• Name Of The Year: Better Bracketology - NCAA basketball is lame, and the hoopla around the tournament is grossly overated. So if you have have a bunch of nonsense to follow, at least let it sound like nonsense.

• Sandra Would Have Hit Jesse With A Baseball Bat - And not just once. I think she would have beat the tattoos right off him.

• California Initiative To Legalize Marijuana Qualifies For November Ballot - And I will vote yes on that. Twice.

• Killer Icicles Terrorizing Pedestrians In Russia - Worse than the KGB and more difficult to avoid than seceding satellite state, it looks as though there's a new Red Scare.

• MTV Sets Schedule For Final Season Of The Hills - It's already been forgotten, but soon it will also be gone!

• RNC Loses Bid To Raise Unlimited 'Soft' Money - Anytime the words Republican and lose are in the same sentence, I'm happy. And bonus points that it negatively effects their fund raising.

• NHL Players' Union Approves New Head Shot Ban - Nut shots, eye gouges are still permitted.

• Weird Trading Cards From Japanese Mayonnaise Packaging - You mean, your mayonnaise doesn't have trading cards? Processed egg fat isn't the same without it!

• Death From GHB And Chardonnay - Vulgar and disgusting, but a decent sync job.

• No. 1 UConn Routs Temple, 90-36 - Gee, not a surprise from the month-long basketball fiasco where people care more about fantasy standings than knowing anything about more than three teams.

• Almost All The Naughty NSFW Images On Wikipedia In One Place - Granted, it's no better than doing a Google search, but it's like finding a dirty picture in a textbook at school. Cheap

• Dog Eats Police Car - It probably just wanted the cute little blue chew toys on the inside. They make a squeaky noise and are filled with doughnuts.

• He Said Yes! - As in, "Chris Evans agreed to play Captain America." Which has to be better than if the part had gone, as rumored, to Ryan Phillippe, John Krasinski, Mike Vogel, Garret Hedlund, Scott Porter, Chace Crawford, Michael Cassidy, and almost every pretty non-brunette male actor in Hollywood under 30.

• Teenage Girl Gives Herself Carpal Tunnel From Sending 4,000 Texts A Month - And 3,800 were to the same person. Do you really need to send "OMG!" after every single thing?

• Reciting Pi While Balancing Books And Spinning A Rubik's Cube - Pretty impressive, but let's not feel bad when she ends up not going to prom. We're going to point right back to this.

• Scientists Look To Tobacco As A Potential Biofuel - Are we talking the plant leaf or the discarded chaw? That would be cool to watch Earl spit a ball of murky chew juice down onto his tractor engine. That's a scientific win-win.

Worst of the week: Dumb Americans have always had extreme views of President Obama, but a controversial new survey shows some real insanity. suggesting that 40 percent of adults believe he is a socialist, and about a quarter of survey participants thinking the president is a racist, anti-American and even doing things Hitler did.

The results come from an online Harris Poll involving 2,320 adults (?) who were surveyed online between March 1 and March 8. Respondents were read each of 15 statements and asked whether they thought they were true or false. The sample of people was selected from among roughly 4 million people who agreed to participate and are given "modest incentives". The results were then "weighted to reflect the composition of the U.S. adult population". Take a look and see if it makes any sense, or if we're a country full of lunatics.

Here's the percentage breakdown of respondents' views of President Obama:

38% say he wants to take away Americans' right to own guns.

32% say he is a Muslim.

29% think he wants to turn over the sovereignty of the United States to a one world government.

14% of Americans say President Barack Obama may be the Antichrist.

29% think he has done many things that are unconstitutional.

27% say he resents America's heritage.

27% say he does what Wall Street and the bankers tell him to do.

25% say he was not born in the United States and so is not eligible to be president.

25% say he is a domestic enemy that the U.S. Constitutions speaks of.

23% say he is a racist.

23% say he is anti-American.

23% say he wants to use an economic collapse or terrorist attack as an excuse to take dictatorial powers.

20% say he is doing many of the things that Hitler did.

If that's the case, America must be destroyed.

Plus: There's a reason Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber exists. And any one of them would be far less annoying than this wigger bitchboy.

And there's too much media in the world about him. Here's a promo clip about Bieber for an upcoming MTV show, which consists of him blow drying his hair. This isn't like having a talent like Freddie Mercury sing random newspaper columns, or Picasso making doodles while talking on the phone. It's a pre-pubescent turd who is working his gay q-tip doo - and that's actually passing for advertisement?

Currently, the authorities are trying to indite Bieber's manager for a mall appearance frenzy, but if they really want to punish people for a crime, it should be the fans for having such shit taste.

Also: Jennifer Love Hewitt's new book came out this week, The Day I Shot Cupid: Hello, My Name Is Jennifer Love Hewitt and I'm a Love-aholic -- no really, that's what the damn thing is called. Well timed to coincide with getting dumped I might add. She gave an interview to USA Today about how ridiculous she is. I think that's what the point was.

"It's not the ideal situation," she says about the flame-out of her relationship, "but the thing I'm really happy about is that I never say in the book that I know how to find perfect love or how to be in the perfect relationship." So then what's the point? Just to share your failing wisdom? "I'm thrust back into the dating world as the book is coming out, so I feel more than ever that people will know I'm kind of with them in the trenches." And realize that perhaps you're a touch full of shit about your own advice

She says it isn't tough being single again. "It's what life handed me, and I'm OK with it." Sure. "I know wholeheartedly that I'm a really good partner. I think I'm a really good girlfriend, and I think that I could be a really good wife. I know that I love being able to give my love out to someone. I know there is somebody great out there for me." She's like a living, breathing dating site commercial.

Despite being a "serial dater" and unsuccessful relationships with the likes of John Mayer and actor Ross McCall, she says, "I'm a hopeless romantic. I love love. My middle name is Love. Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday. I want to have a family and children. I am a sucker for every romantic comedy that comes out." No, you're female equivielent of a man-child. Grow up orenjoy old maidenhood.

Worst picture of the week:

it was a bad idea for the presidential election, so how desparate are you to bring that unqualified idiot back again?

Worst bonus links:

• 147 Toddlers Infected In Uzbek HIV Outbreak - It must be that gay, intraveinous drug lifestyle that they're known for. When will these children grow up and see the consequences of their actions?

• David Arquette: Why We Named Our Daughter Coco - Because you're a dumb motherfucker.

• Divorce Attorney Says Dennis Hopper Is Dying - Though he just got a gratuitous Walk-Of-Fame star, it's sad that he's withering away from cancer. That is pretty much the only way to win in a divorce.

• Hamilton Stopped By Police / Virgin Fuel Tank Not Big Enough - F1 news in advance of the race in Melbourne, neither effecting the outcome. Hambone likes to make burnouts leaving practice, and Virgin made a rookie mistake.

• Transformers 3 Hires More Quality Actors to Have Giant Robots Pee On - In this economy, everybody will take work just to get a paycheck. Horrible work for a undeserved paycheck.

• Is This What You Want? - Fuck and no. Green Day stopped being interesting years before their magnum opus crap "American Idiot". So how awful does a Braodway show look based on that? It makes the Spider-Man musical look like a Sondheim production.

• Glenn Beck On Martin Luther King And Gandhi - Nobody needs to hear what this raging dumbass has to say about those men. He's not even good enough to mention their names. Next up, Dick Cheney on Mother Teresa.

• Panthers’ Booth Leaves Game After Check To Head - Does this guy have a target on his back or what? That's the second blast of the season - and he was already out for 45 games after the first hit.

• Heathrow Worker Warned In Scanner Ogling Claim - He was told to stop having fun at work.

• Bin Laden Warns US Not To Kill 9-11 Mastermind - It would really hurt his feelings.

• Vatican Declined to Defrock U.S. Priest Who Abused Boys - Do you want the Church to start punishing their own for following doctrine? Beside, what good is defrocking him after he defrocked all those boyd?

• Chinese Boy Born With A Record 31 Fingers And Toes / 1 In 10 Chinese Adults Are Diabetics, Study Finds - Their toxic food and medicine production foreshadowed a country with a serious health issues.

• The Peanut Butter Man - I have no idea why...but he exists.

• Study Finds Status, Not Wealth, Closely Linked To Happiness - I find that my wealth increases my status. But more importantly, the more money I have, the happier I am. I'm not sure what you can buy with a million status...but a million dollars goes pretty far.

• Trainer's Family Wants SeaWorld Death Video Sealed - There is a valuable lesson in watching the animal kingdom go berserk. I don't know what it is, but maybe after I see the video a few times, it will ocme to me.

• I'm No Hacker, Says Man Who Cracked Obama's Twitter - That's right up there with, "I'm no criminal", says many who robbed convenience store. Innocence through misdirection.

• The First Legal Gigolo In America Quits - I guess that disputes the notion that men will fuck anything. The nice thing about prostitutes is you're paying them to leave, not for the sex, but in his case they were paying to stay.

Home Stretch Weekend

It's a meaty chapter I have to work on in order to give Scartoe terra firma for his last shot at His Words - Not Mine glory, and then this whole thing will be wrapped up so we can give thanks for turkey as well as completing this beast. I gotta get to it, so here's the scoop for the past week...

Best of the week: Takedown!

According to Israel, a cargo ship seized with of hundreds of tons of rockets, missiles, mortars, grenades and anti-tank weapons was headed for Hezbollah guerrillas in Lebanon. Not anymore, bitches!

Israel stopped the ship, the Francop, which bore writing in English that said "I.R. Iranian Shipping Lines Group", off the coast of Cyprus and towed it to the port of Ashdod. It carried orange, red, white and blue containers piled three deep on its deck. Rows of crates from the vessel were displayed on the dock, and inside were rockets, hand grenades, mortars and ammunition. At least 3,000 missiles were on board, and the seizure was the largest ever.

Among the weaponry displayed were Katyusha rockets. One of the long skinny missiles sat atop a pile of storage boxes the military had labeled in Hebrew "rocket 122 mm." The 122 mm Katyusha was the main weapon used against Israel by Hezbollah in a monthlong war in 2006. During that war, about 1,200 people were killed in Lebanon, most of them civilians, and about 160 people were killed in Israel. Some of the weapons were hidden in the Francop's containers behind stacked bags of polyethylene labeled in English "NPC National Petrochemical Company," and the flame logo used by both the company and the Iranian Petroleum Ministry. Israel said the huge weapons shipment backed up its long-standing contention that Iran is supplying large quantities of arms to Hezbollah and Hamas.

The Israeli military said cargo certificates showed the ship departed an Iranian port for Syria, from where the weapons would be transferred to Hezbollah in Lebanon. The military did not show the documents, and Syria denied the vessel was carrying weapons. Iran has never acknowledged giving weapons to Hezbollah and the seizure may also complicate relations with Egypt, where Israel says the weapons were loaded. The seizure came a day after Israeli officials said Hamas tested an Iranian rocket that can hit metropolitan Tel Aviv — bringing to the fore Israeli fears that both Hezbollah and Hamas are rearming for more confrontations.

Israel said the ship arrived in Beirut from Iran Oct. 28 and left the next day with a declared destination of Turkey. Instead, Israel said, it sailed to Damietta, Egypt, where the weapons were loaded. Its next destination was supposed to be Latakia in Syria, via Cyprus, Israel said. The vessel, sailing under an Antiguan flag, was operated by United Feeder Services, a Cyprus-based shipping company. An employee of the company's chartering department in Cyprus who would not identify himself confirmed the ship's destination but insisted the company did not know what was in the containers or where the cargo originated.

It's nice to see Israel bust these scumbags, but how much more red handed must these terrorist nations be before more is done to support Israel?

Also: Congratulations are in order! Police have determined a teen missing since 1954 was murdered! Time to retire!

Buried as Jane Doe in Colorado 55 years ago, Dorothy Gay Howard's disappearance took a historian, a detective and a determined family member to make the connection after more than a half century that these two people were one and the same.

The lead investigator in the case said Howard died of blunt-force trauma. She couldn't be identified because her body was found a week after she was killed, and animals had gotten to her face and fingers. At the time, the mystery made headlines across Colorado, and Boulder residents raised enough money to buy her a gravestone, which read "Jane Doe — April 1954 — Age About 20 Years."

Boulder County sheriff's have credited historian Silvia Pettem with encouraging them to renew efforts to identify Jane Doe. Meanwhile, Howard's grandniece Michelle Marie Fowler decided to contact them after reading an article about Jane Doe and asked for a DNA sample. Authorities think that it was serial killer Harvey Glatman, executed in 1959 in California, who was responsible. Glatman, who confessed to killing three women, had time in a Colorado state prison for violent assaults on women, including one about a quarter of a mile from where Howard's body was found. Because of marks on her body, evidence at the scene and a passing reference Glatman made to a California police detective, Police theory is that Glatman hit Howard with his car as she tried to get away.

Now, on to the rest of the cases from the 1950s!

And: The meek shall not inherit, but the horny might.

Inspired by the comment on another blog, "By 2100 Everyone Will Be Part Duggar," Maggie Koerth-Baker at Boing Boing set out to see whether that might actually be true:

After all, back in 2003, researchers figured out that 8% of all men living in central and east Asia--a huge proportion of the global population--are likely descendants of Mongol ruler/horde-leader Genghis Khan. I contacted some of the researchers involved in that project to find out whether we can project that kind of genetic impact forward in time as well. The answer: Kinda-sorta.

"It's really just a little simple math," said Spencer Wells, Ph.D., Explorer-in-Residence with the National Geographic Society, working on their Genographic Project, which traces human migration patterns by studying DNA markers. "If you imagine that each of the Duggars' 19 kids has 19 kids, for only four generations--that's only going for 100 years--there would be 130,000 descendants of this one couple."

But, at the same time, it's not as easy as all that. Wells, and colleague Chris Tyler-Smith, Ph.D.,head of the Human Evolution team at The Wellcome Trust Sanger Institute, said it's too early to tell what the Duggars' genetic impact on America will be.

Let's look back at Khan again. And clarify things a bit, while we're at it. It's important to point out that nobody knows for certain that 8% of Asian men are descendants of the Mongol leader. What we know is that those men share a collection of genetic mutations--a haplotype--on the Y chromosome, which suggests that they all shared a common male ancestor. Y chromosomes are passed from father to son intact, without the shake-n-bake interference of maternal DNA. So Y chromosomes don't get remixed each generation, but they do, occasionally, pick up a small change here and there from random mutation. Scientists know roughly how often those mutations happen, so they can look at a haplotype, see how different it is from the general population, and get an idea of when that family group broke off from the herd. In this case, the point of origination would have been about 1000 years ago, give or take.

Scientists associate the haplotype with Genghis Khan not because all the men who share it have a predilection for little furry hats, but because of simple logical deduction. It's a rare guy who is going to have enough children, and whose children will have enough children (and etc.) to leave such a big mark on such a large geographic area. Historically, we know that around 800 years ago, old Genghis was doing quite a bit of marrying, concubinage and raping/pillaging. And we know that his immediate descendants were also powerful men who were able to have a lot of children, with a lot of different women, in a lot of different places. Chris Tyler-Smith explains it thusly, "So we can either say that there were two separate events: One, Genghis Khan's lineage, which was present in Mongolia 800 years ago and we know was greatly amplified over the next centuries, has disappeared from the current gene pool, while another lineage that arose in the same place around the same time has reached high frequency without leaving any trace in history. Or we can say that Genghis Khan's lineage and the star cluster lineage were the same. To me, this second possibility is the simpler explanation. Indirect, but a bit more than guesswork."

To tie this whole Mongolian warlord thing back to the Duggars, just look at the kids. Genghis' sons, grandsons, and great-grandsons were privileged by his power and wealth. They had the means to support BIG families, and the social capital to acquire those families. In fact, they had the social obligation to breed it up. And, thus, did the not-exactly-meek-and-peaceful Khan inherit most of Asia.

Whether the scientists of 2800 are studying the Duggar haplotype depends on how many babies the 19 Duggar kids, and their kids, have. In this case, it's not necessarily a given that the parents' productivity will be inherited. If growing up in America's biggest TV family leaves most of the kids gun-shy, so to speak, the family could end up with no more of a long-term genetic footprint than the rest of us. On the other hand, there are certainly social and religious factors encouraging the Duggarlets to follow in their parents' footsteps. And, if a large number of them do, and if their kids carry on the family tradition...we could well be on the way to welcoming our Duggar overlords. Genetically speaking.

Best picture of the week:

vote for Joey Lombard

Best bonus links:
• Surging Kings Halt Pens' 7-0 Road Start - When you rally from behind and score four in a row to beat last year's Stanley Cup champs, that's a good thing.

• Army Bomb Disposal Expert Killed On Final Day Of Afghanistan Tour - Wow. Because there is no wire to cut when irony is about to detonate.

• Study: Man-Eating Lions Consumed 35 People In 1898 - Was this done by the same people who solved that cold case? Good thing we know this now.

• Florida Baby Found Alive In Box Under Sitter's Bed - and it only took them five days to do it! Only on Florida, folks.

Worst of the week: Exodus - movement of Jap people.

Toyota, the world's largest automaker, is pulling out of Formula One racing.

"Based on the current economic environment, we realize we have no choice but to withdraw from Formula One," said Toyota's president.

Toyota follows Honda as the second major Japanese automaker to withdraw from the sport in the last 11 months. When Honda pulled out last December, Brawn GP took over the old Honda team, and won the 2009 F1 championship. Toyota officials called the withdrawal from F1 complete, making a return to the sport when and if conditions improve unlikely. The announcement comes on the heels of its worst-ever loss in the financial year.

The FIA will review the legality Toyota's pullout that since the Japanese team's announcement comes only weeks after it committed to the sport through 2012.

Just days before, Japanese tire manufacturer Bridgestone Corp. announced it would not renew its exclusive deal to supply tires for F1 when its contract expires in 2010. And in July, Toyota-owned Fuji International Speedway announced it would not host the Japanese F1 GP from 2010 and beyond amid the faltering global economy.

F1 is not the only motor sport to be affected. Citing similar concerns to Toyota and Honda, fellow Japanese automakers Subaru and Suzuki pulled out of the World Rally Championship ahead of the 2009 season.

Toyota made its F1 debut in 2002 but never won a grand prix. The team's best result was in 2005 when Jarno Trulli finished second in Malaysia and Bahrain. Despite a promising start to the 2009 season, Toyota finished fifth in the constructors' standings. Trulli and Timo Glock raced for Toyota this season. Trulli finished eighth in the driver standings and Glock was 10th. Kamui Kobayashi filled in for an injured Glock in the last race of the season and posted a sixth-place finish at Abu Dhabi.

Even after the season has ended, there's still big drama in F1.

Also: Never mind the snakes...there's rats on the plane!

In what has been a bad year for airlines everywhere, Air India has suffered from a series of particularly painful — and at times embarrassing — misfortunes. The struggling government-owned carrier’s already uneven reputation has been further tarnished in recent months by rats on a plane, a strike by senior pilots and a midair fistfight between pilots and flight attendants. In September, a flight to Riyadh was grounded after a passenger saw sparks coming from an engine.

The embarrassing chain of events and the airline’s dire financial situation — it is expected to lose more than $1 billion in the current business year, and the government tentatively pledged about $1.1 billion in bailout money to it recently — has prompted many to ask: Why is the Indian government still running an airline?

The question is particularly relevant in a country that has more poor people than any other nation and where just a tiny percentage of the people fly. Many analysts say government ownership is a root cause of Air India’s most pressing problems. In 2007, for instance, the government forced the airline into a poorly conceived merger with Indian Airlines, which was also state-owned. Politicians have influenced the company’s dealings with labor unions, leaving the airline with a much bigger and better-paid staff of 31,000 than it can afford. Employees, too, say Air India is rudderless. “We feel like an orphan. Every three years we get a new mother and a new father,” said Capt. Shailendra Singh, president of the Indian Commercial Pilots Association.

In the last 15 years, both the airline’s reputation and its market share have eroded. While it continued to fly years-old planes, and passengers complained that its staff treated them in the surly manner Indians have come to expect from government employees, more nimble rivals like Jet Airways and Kingfisher flew shiny new planes and built reputations for indulgent service. Air India has recently begun adding dozens of new planes to its fleet. And the series of unfortunate events in the last two months has only heightened the perception that Air India is troubled.

Late September, a flight to Toronto was delayed 11 hours as employees hunted rats that had scurried onto the plane while it was being cleaned. The airline worried that the rats might chew through wiring. That same day, senior pilots began calling in sick to protest the airline’s plans to cut their pay as much as 50%. The incident disrupted dozens of flights for four days, ending only after senior policy makers promised that pay packages would not be reduced without negotiations with the senior, or executive, pilots, who are not represented by a union.

And just last month, pilots and flight attendants brawled in front of passengers on a plane flying to India from the United Arab Emirates. One attendant said a pilot had molested her and shoved her. The pilots said that was not true. One of the pilots told a local reporter that the cockpit had been unmanned for 10 minutes during the fight, a claim that the airline has denied.

I love their food and music, but God help me if I ever have to travel there.

And: It's not kids who say the darndest things, it's celebrity assholes.

"I went to sleep as Rihanna and woke up as Britney Spears. That was the level of media chaos that happened the next day," said the singer-cum-punching bag, slagging both the white trash performer and decrying her busted image. "Teenage girls can't tell their parents that their boyfriend beats them up...It's one of the things we (women) hide because it's embarrassing." Well, if you're just going to take it, then shut up and take it. Embarrassing is getting beat and doing nothing about it. This isn't Mad Men, it's 2009. That shit doesn't fly, so don't let it.

Next, Reese "The Chin" Witherspoon has just released a new fragrance, In Bloom, for Avon, and she says she "is proud that the scent reflects her new attitude toward life." How the fuck does a smell reflect a life attitude, unless it's the scent of soap when you're a dirty homeless person?

"I think that In Bloom captures the idea that I'm at a time in my life where I feel very confident with my work, with my personal life -- and that it's a time to really blossom." Nice marketing statement. The star -- who was involved in practically all aspects of the "incredibly complicated process" of creating a fragrance over the past two years also says she "incorporated memories" from her childhood. Which makes me ask, does being touched by a cousin have a scent?

"A large part of my childhood was spent in my yard with a gigantic magnolia tree, so I knew it had to have magnolia in it." In Bloom also incorporates peach tea leaves and gardenia, a nod to the perfume her mom used to wear. So this scent about her new attutide towards life is the smell of childhood and memories of her mother? How the fuck does that make any sense? Shut up and stop bullshitting just so you can get a profit from putting your name on a product.

Worst picture of the week:

Lady Gaga, eligible for the fucktard Hall Of Fame - immediately

Worst bonus links
• Jeremy Piven Blames Soy Milk for Man Boobs - Bitch Tits really needs somebody to watch what he's eating...first his sushi inspired "mercury poisoning", now this?

• Suicide Prevention Groups Protest `The Office' - Maybe they ought to protest shows that make you want to kill yourself, like Two And A Half Men.

• Jon Gosselin Does Yoga - The OMG! Idiotic Non-Story Of The Week. "His spiritual quest continues as he tries out meditative poses..."? This douchetard couldn't get spiritual if he was getting fisted by the Dali Lama.

Slumdead Dumbass

India has not yet been outsourced shielded electrical cables. Or warnings not to grab them.

Bhagavad Gita Brew

Locally brewed liquor possibly tainted with lethal chemicals killed at least 59 people in southern India over the weekend. Guess you can't outsource everything now, can you, Raj!

Bootleggers began selling their deadly brew on Saturday after police shut authorized liquor shops in parts of the Karnataka state because of voting for the state government. In India, liquor stores and bars are routinely closed during elections to prevent politicians from handing out free alcohol in a bid to win votes. Kinda surprising when you think about how many people there would probably want a hot meal, clothing, or shelter.

Since Saturday, 59 people, most of them poor laborers, have died and 17 others were in the hospital. Six people have been arrested for selling the killer concoction, and police were analyzing the drink to determine what made it so deadly. My guess is that it was brewed with water from the Ganges river. Or it was fermented in the same tubs where lepers bathe. Or they substituted elephant dung for hops.

Deaths from illicitly brewed liquor are frequent in Indian villages and towns, where locally made brew is often spiked with pesticides or chemicals like the banned methyl alcohol to make it stronger or increase the amount. Because when you live in a society with a caste system and rampant poverty, getting fucked up is key. But seriously, how much of a raging alkie must you be to swill some nasty mash strangers are giving out for free? You can't make it a day without your sauce? If you live there and haven't figured out that they're gonna close the original Kwik-E-Mart on election day, you're too stupid for drinking to have any effect.

Hindarded

There's a joke about Hindus and Indians, which questions why they have the red dot on their forehead. It's from people tapping them and asking "why-are-you-so-stupid"? Is it fair to belittle third world living and countryside superstitions? Yes, it is.

A baby with two faces was born in a northern Indian village, where she is doing well and is being worshipped as the reincarnation of a Hindu goddess, her father said Tuesday. The baby, Lali, has an extremely rare condition known as craniofacial duplication, where a single head has two faces. Except for her ears, all of Lali's facial features are duplicated — she has two noses, two pairs of lips and two pairs of eyes.

"My daughter is fine — like any other child," said Vinod Singh, 23, a poor farm worker. Except the double face thing. But otherwise, you're right!

When Lali left the hospital after delivery on March 11, she was swarmed by villagers. Up to 100 people have been visiting Lali at her home every day to touch her feet out of respect, offer money and receive blessings. In rural India, the deeply superstitious (read: idiotic) people hail the girl as a return of the Hindu goddess of valor, Durga, a fiery deity traditionally depicted with three eyes and many arms. Doesn't that prove it? She's got four eyes and two arms, which doesn't match the description at all.

Lali's condition is often linked to serious health complications, but the doctor said she was doing well. "Clearly the child is in no immediate danger but it has to be checked whether the oral and nasal cavity and other passages" are functioning properly. And if the doctors out in the middle of podunk India say the kid is fine, they must be.

"The doctor said everything is normal when she was born. So where's the need to get medical help?" said the father. "I don't feel the need of that at this stage as my daughter is behaving like a normal child, posing no problems. Whatever God has given me is acceptable. What can we do about it?" he said. Really? Can't come up with one or two ideas? Enjoy your two faced kid...