Not Worth 1000

For an hour each week, Suzi Hanks reads Playboy. And I mean reads. The articles. The cartoons. The letters. Even the pictures. This stupidity is a typical issue of Playboy...for the blind. From the maddening article about this terrible practice:

"I don't have to try to read it sexy," laughs Hanks, one of about 200 volunteers at Houston-based Taping For The Blind, Inc. "I just read it, and I'm a woman, and that's pretty much sexy."

Hanks, a tall, blonde California native whose regular job is reading the news for a classic rock station in Houston (the completely unknown Dean And Rog show, BTW), declined to disclose her age, but said she once "chickened out" of an offer to pose for Playboy for a feature on women in radio.

In a voice made for radio, she reads the articles and describes the photos without innuendo.

"I don't read it all cover-to-cover in order but I do read everything — all the articles, all the jokes, all the little cartoons, all the pictures, all the letters to the Advisor, all those things."

Ah, nothing like an over the hill* woman (here's some pix...if you like an older, leathery Cameron Diaz) describing what should be sexy in an unsexy way. But the real buzzkill is her description of the centerfold. Here's her take on Miss August:

She is a "Latina, brunette with dark chocolate brown eyes. She has long curly brown hair. ... She is in the first photo sitting in the ocean."

"She has a very large grin on her face, pink lipstick. She has a small tattoo right over the small of her back over the dimple area that appears to be maybe some sort of tribal design. It is red. ... Her legs are kind of crossed. She is sitting in the water."

"Behind her shoulder, down past her arm, you can see her breast peeking out. ... There are no tan lines at all. She is not wearing any nail polish or jewelry or bathing suit or anything."

Wow! I can totally envision a generic woman. Is she petite? Tall? Is she curvy? Skinny? Large breasted? Flat-chested? South American Latin or Central American-Mexican Latin? You're going to give me eye and hair color and expect an accurate picture? Are we talking Jessica Alba or Michelle Rodriguez Latina? Eva Longoria or Sophia Vergara? This is seriously fucking retarded, and if anything, increases the importance of funding science so that we can reverse blindness or make cybernetic implants or something.

This seems like the perfect time to trot out this Mr. Show gem that actually helps "the blinds".

Or this one at about 3:05, which is real reading to the vision impaired.

*enjoy that Twitter about her getting ass lipo