Where Have You Gone Five And Dime Jimmy Dean? (He's Dead)

Jimmy Dean, breakfast meat scion and the musician, died earlier this week at 81, and GAWKER paid tribute to the sausage king by calling out some of his delicious inventions, which in turned forced me to throw in my two cents.

Pancakes and Sausage on a Stick (Chocolate Chip)

My first thought was holy fuck, how could this ever come into existence? I've never had a McGriddle - mostly because I don't need to eat foods injected with syrup, and which people claim it's delicious, I don't need 17 tastes going on at once. And that's what this represents to me. The concept is already kinda nasty - smoked meat wrapped in a pancake. But then, the pancake is flavored with chocolate chips, which I don't think is exactly a good pairing with sausage. And the whole unnatural experience is then shoved onto a stick. The company no longer offers the chocolate chip variety, though cooler heads prevailed in the marketing department and kept blueberry around (still disgusting). It's said that one pancake and sausage is 20% your recommended daily allowance for fat. I don't know, that seems a little


Breakfast Bowls: Pancakes and Syrup & Sausage Links

The bowl concept is good when there's a blend of things going on, like a some scrambled eggs and cheese with some ham and peppers and cheese. But why must a pancake be served in a bowl? To keep in a torrent of syrup? To trap the prerequsite meat being served? There's even money that there was an excess of plastic bowls purchased in bulk from a distributor and the company just said, "what ever we come up with next for a breakfast product, it's got to be served in a bowl". The 52% of your recomended daily allowance of fat was just a bonus.

D-Lights Turkey Sausage Whole Grain Bagel

A modern era invention, for sure. It retains the concept that made Jimmy Dean right up there on the heart attack list - meat, egg, and cheese, all stacked together, but the execution is more those who want to imagine they're eating the real deal. Not that healthier version are bad, but you've got turkey (not pork) sausage, egg whites (not with yolk), a low calorie version of American cheese, and a whole grain bagel (it is one of the few falavors of bagel that should not exist). As far as the brand name goes, who are they using it to lure in that's buying healthy?

Sausage, Egg and Cheese on a Croissant with Diced Apples & Seasoned Hash Browns

There's barely enought room to put the whole name on the box, but when there's that much on the plate, you'd better find a way to let people know what they're getting. Frighteningly, it's nearly impossible from the picture to tell which are the seasoned hash browns and which are the diced apple, and tasting either might not help either. One plate of this mess is 46% of your RDA for fat.