IOvUF: Countdown Weekend

We're watching the calendar as next week Rybot and I exile ourselves to Montreal for the Canadian Grand Prix, which we've been pining for since January. And the following weekend shit gets really real and Scarlett moves in! A scant seven days later Herr Docktor makes an honest lady out of Weebins. June is completely in place and moving forward.

Best of the week: A porn "actor" went on a rampage at a Van Nuys video production office, killing a fellow performer and injuring two others people. Sometimes, you get into those close quarters and things...well, touch. Guess he took it poorly.

Stephen Hill aka Steve Driver, used a samurai sword that was around for prop use to kill , his co-worker and sometime co-star, Herbert Hin Wong aka Tom Dong. Oddly, the two men appeared together in Cuckold Abuse and and Femdom Humiliation, which is soon to be a best-seller. At the time, Hill was both working and living at the offices of Ultima DVD Inc. Officials said Hill did production work and acted in several porn movies., and on the night of the attack, he apparently faced the loss of his job and eviction. Two other co-workers we injured in the attack.

The always amazing Susannah Breslin, who is virtually an embedded journo in Porn Valley, has far more details about Hill and what may have led to him snapping. "While I don't recall having ever met Hill, his type is familiar: a porn fan who became so obsessed with the industry that he managed to find a place in it, a hanger-on who never got farther up than the bottom rung, a loose cannon among loose cannons who one day went off."

Hill fled the scene and was last seen driving a 1996 blue Toyota RAV4 with right-side damage - truly, the vehicle of choice for a failed-porn-actor-turned-murderer.

UPDATE: KABC-TV captured the standoff between Hill and police on a rocky cliff...wanna guess how that worked out for him?

A "less than lethal munition" was used against Hill just before he fell some 40 feet and was pronounced dead at a local hospital. He had been moving to the edge of the outcropping from a seated position before letting himself drop as police closed in on him. SWAT officers had spent part of the afternoon trying to talk Hill down from the hillside as he clutched a sword.

Video? Of course! Enjoy, you morbidly curious!

Plus: A woman in Galveston, Texas, stumbled across a bag with 16 bricks of coke worth nearly $2.1 million. Not a bad day at the beach.

After looking inside the backpack, which was tumbling in the surf, she contacted the police rather than throw the most awesome party ever. The haul weighed over 37 pounds, and each brick was marked with bar codes and wrapped in a rubber sheet, a large balloon and another plastic layer - pro shit. Authorities noted the bricks were so wrapped so well that only four of the bricks had been contaminated by seawater. "There were barnacles growing on the bag so you know it was probably in the water a long time."

The bag is the first large quantity of drugs washed up on Galveston beaches in at least a decade. No one knows how or where the drugs got in the water, but typically they are thrown overboard when law enforcement attempts to board a smuggler's vessel. Although the amount found was large, it amounts to a fraction of the cocaine brought into the United States. The 37 pounds would probably have been turned into 100 pounds of street product.

And: Kendry Morales took a leap toward home plate and all of a sudden, a jubilant trip around the bases turned into a deflating trip to the disabled list. Punk ass!

Morales broke his left leg after hitting a game-ending grand slam in the 10th inning of the ~~Los Angeles~~ Anaheim Angels' 5-1 victory against Seattle on Saturday. Morales landed awkwardly when he jumped on home plate and twisted his left ankle. He had to be carted off the field and taken to the hospital. He was placed on the 15-day disabled list.

Most of those ball players are hardly what I'd call athletic with their physique, but now we can also call them clumsy, uncoordinated, and borderline retarded.

A smiling Morales threw down his helmet a few steps from the plate, took a hop and then jumped toward the plate as teammates began to pat him on the head. Morales quickly went down and grimaced as he rolled onto his back. He lay on the ground for at least 10 minutes and waved his arms to the cheering fans as he was driven away to the hospital...like a putz.

"Obviously, we're going to have to change the way we go about celebrating something like that," said manager Mike Scioscia. Here's the video for a chuckle.

Best picture of the week:

proper vandalism

Best bonus links:

• Catan Finally Coming to PlayStation 3 - I don't know if one of the best games ever will translate to gaming consoles, but let's give it a shot.

• Sarah Ferguson Drunk, Totally Broke When She Accepted Bribe - Not sober and well off, which would have made her choice so much more interesting.

• Oakland To License, Tax Indoor Marijuana Growers - The road to legal apparently runs through Northern California.

• PSD502 Spray Delays Premature Ejaculation - The trouble is spraying it straight down your dickhole. But you won't come too fast.

• Are These Not The Classiest Knives You've Ever Seen? - They are.

• Nail In The Coffin: The Best And Worst Of Hollywood Vampires - They mentioned Near Dark, so it has legitimacy.

• Narrow Streets Los Angeles - Imagining if our beautiful, grand road were compacted like those tiny thoroughfares of the east coast.

• Hair Is Worth 17 Grand - The nappiest way to earn a few bucks.

• Al-Qaida No. 3 Official Killed With Family - The terrorists that stay together get slayed together.

• Futuristic Mega-Projects By Shimizu - What did you expect from a website called Pink Tentacle?

• The United States Of Supercomputing Against The World - Home of the WOPR!

• Jail Population Declines For First Time Since '82 - Jail rapes however, have held steady.

• Lifehacker Pack 2010: Our List Of Essential Windows Downloads - Get 'em. Use 'em. Spread the word.

• Al And Tipper Gore, Married 40 Years, To Separate - Time to use some of that An Inconvenient Truth cred and hook it up with some ladies.

• TV University Faculty Roster - They're not all TV personalities, but it'd be a hell of a school.

• H.P. Lovecraft Inspired Art Show To Open In Brooklyn Next Week - The Old Ones request you buy some of their signed prints. Or go insane.

• Mayor Accused Of Beating Elderly Woman - He gave her an important lesson in civics.

Worst of the week: Which is a bigger travesty - that the things Sarah Palin says are borderline retarded, or the things she doesn't say and passes off as her own make her look retarded.

On Memorial Day, Palin tweeted the following: "VETERANS, not reporters ,give freedom of the press. VETS, not politicians, give freedom to vote. VETS, not campus radicals, give freedom to assemble." It's remarkably similar to the 1970 poem by former soldier Charles M. Province:

IT IS THE SOLDIER

It is the Soldier, not the minister
Who has given us freedom of religion.

It is the Soldier, not the reporter
Who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the Soldier, not the poet
Who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the Soldier, not the campus organizer
Who has given us freedom to protest.

It is the Soldier, not the lawyer
Who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the Soldier, not the politician
Who has given us the right to vote.

It is the Soldier who salutes the flag,
Who serves beneath the flag,
And whose coffin is draped by the flag,
Who allows the protester to burn the flag.

I'm just surprised Sarah Palin is smart enough to figure out how to use Twitter.

Plus: Cocaine abusers (and not the folks who find it on the beach) can add rotting flesh to list of downsides.

A recent report in Annals of Internal Medicine noted two cases involving women with a history of cocaine use who came to a hospital for help when they noticed purplish plaques on their cheeks, earlobes, legs, thighs and buttocks. It turned out to be typical of toxicity with levamisole. You know levamisole - the a veterinary anti-worming medication approved for use in cattle, sheep and pigs. Sure, it was once used to treat cancer, autoimmune diseases and kidney problems in humans, but it had adverse side effects. Y'know, the rotting flesh.

Levamisole is often used to cut cocaine, before distribution to the user, and almost 80% of cocaine coming into America has levamisole mixed in. So get that other 20% if you can.

And: "Everything about Debrahlee Lorenzana is hot. Even her name sizzles," writes the Village Voice in a profile of the banker who was fired for being "too distracting for her male colleagues to bear."

Lorenzana is about to enter arbitration with Citibank, which she accuses of wrongful termination. As her lawsuit puts it, her bosses told her that "as a result of the shape of her figure, such clothes were purportedly 'too distracting' for her male colleagues and supervisors to bear." Wow, those guys are a bunch of pussies. They couldn't concentrate on their work because her appearance was too distracting? They ordered her to stop wearing turtlenecks? Forbidden to wear pencil skirts, three-inch heels, and fitted business suits? They didn't deserve to enjoy it if they couldn't handle it.

Lorenzana is a 33-year-old single mom, and pointed out female colleagues whose clothing was far more revealing than hers: "They said their body shapes were different from mine, and I drew too much attention," she says. They should have just hired more hot chicks.

Worst picture of the week: