Street Ivory

Let's not delve too deep into what "is" art, because ultimately, there can be no consensus. But fortunate New Yorkers can mark themselves down for another +1 on the self-importance scale as they are the debut U.S. stop for a worldwide tour of an "art installation" of 50 pianos.

For two weeks, anyone can play tunes on pianos all over New York City, at famous landmarks like the Lincoln Center, the foot of the Brooklyn Bridge, the Staten Island ferry terminal and Central Park's bandshell. The concept, devised by British artist Luke Jerram, has put more than 130 pianos in parks, squares and bus stations since 2008. The cities effected by this blight include London, Sydney and Sao Paulo.

"There's going to be a huge amount of talent here," Jerram said. "The piano's actually a blank canvas for everyone's creativity, really, so I just hope that the city enjoys it." Oh, fuck you, dickhead. Go listen to some of the crackheads in Battery Park try their hand at a song and you'll see the void in skill.

The New York installation will be the largest in the project - there were only 30 pianos in London last year. Each of the 50 pianos to be installed throughout New York has its own attendants responsible for its care, unlocking the keyboard at 9 a.m. every day and deploying a heavy tarp if it rains.

The pianos were donated for the cause and have been painted and decorated by artists, which means in addition to hearing shitty music, there'll also be shitty decorations. The punishment will be delivered to 27 locations in Manhattan, 10 in Brooklyn, five in Queens and four each in Staten Island and the Bronx.

According to a website about the project, this jerk Jerram got the idea at his local coin-operated laundry, where he saw the same people there every weekend, but none of them talked to each other. He thought a piano might help bring people together in places like that. Hey asshole, it's not a pub, it's for cleaning stains off your sheets and underwear. People at a laundromat want to be anonymous and left alone. It's not a pick up joint or a place to make friends, and if you don't believe me, go to one in Harlem - with or without a piano - and see how long it take you to get stabbed after you approach a stranger.

Most pianos will be open for song until 10 p.m.
(*sarcastic smirk, waves arms in excitement*)