With all the lame changes to professional athletes' names, naturally all the retards on the web have made their suggetions of what they feel the top names would be. I warn you, they're mostly stupid and juvenille, but some are hilarious. Plus I still love Hercules J. Billionaire...and why didn't anyone jump on Lester Phfister or Harry Turquiose?In order only as they were posted:
Rock Thunderballs. Middle name “Danger”
Richard (Dick, for short) Gozinia
Megatron Jones
Jimmy McNulty
Deez NUTZ
Lord Rod Swellingcock
Princess Consuela Bananahammock
Lucious Pusey
Max Power
Thor Slingnuts
Sir Hotpants Throbbingcock
Phuck Yoo
Bond. James Bond.
Tyrannosaurus
Eaton Pussy Lover
John Holmes, Jr.
Slap Beefchest
Carlito Santino Luca Chewbacca “Porky” Montana
Ms. Vanessa Cockslobbington
Hyram Beatwife
Sir LargeDick Drinksalot
Darth Vader.
Sir Nigel Throbbincock
Duke Lacrosse
God Of All Creation
Det. Steve Tampico Esq.
Mandible and Thorax
Big Dickens Cider
Johnny Johnson
Philip Marmalard
The Artist formerly known as Yo’ Mama
Longar Longar
Maximum Justice
Jarvis Redwine
Snuggle Puppy
Amanda Hugandkiss
Bear Pascoe
Baron Von Tokesalot Bonshimmidden III
King Big Jim Slade The Questionable
Stiff Damage
The Dude
Frankenstein
Bowie Tang
Nuke Laluche
Dick Bigdickian
Dick Pound
Hu Yaobang
Sir Miles O’Toole II
Charles Bonesteel III
Mr. Oprah Winfrey
Don Donkeypuncher
Canyu Graib Maititties
Seven Costanza
Magnum Upinyalady
Grizzly Adams
Brett Favre Madden-King
Smoky Boner
Chest Rockwell
Humphrey McFrankencock
He Hate Me
Ike Truck Turner
Dennis Northcutt
Lord Itchyballs McQueen IV
Fred Smoot
Chytsyz Brytchyz
Herb Bluntsworth
Katrina Gustav
Possum Jenkins
Dick Wrinkle
Rex Mantlepiece
Biggus Dickus
Melvin Just
Roscoe P. Coltraine
Ceaser Toothius Maximillian
Papa Lazarue
God Shammgod
Flozell Rumph
Rubytits Von Diamondcock
Brock Savage
Bama Lama Ding Dong Johnson
Rhino McElroy
Carl Highway
The Esteemed Schlongus Gashington
Harley Thunderbird
Officer Steve Grabowski
Captain Blank Jetlauncher
Briscoe County, Jr
Jesus Marion Joseph
Hugh G Rection
Tokyo Sexwale
Ambrose Burnside
Eric Stratton
Sir Edward Ellington Humphery III
McLovin.
Tonto Kowalski
Bubba Franks
Max Fightmaster
Plenty O’ Toole
Lord Niles Rockingham
Bill Brasky
Johnson Q. Gagonit
Mama Lucaboobooday
Mulva
Baron Wolfgang von Awesome
Lance Uppercut
Leroy Jenkins
Vladimir Satan
Jethro Q. Walrustitty
Rod Woodstock
Joey Jojo Shabadoo
Julius Orange
Rembrandt Q. Einstein
Don Wand
Vincent J. Alluzzio
Ron Burgundy
Mr. Beau Kaki
Tuck Fexas
Titus Von Pumpencock
Buford T. Thudpucker
Brock Lesnar
Col. Leslie “Hap” Hapablap
Rock Strongo
Excalibur Rapeseed Hardrata von Hammersnatch
Dong Dong
Gary Playfair
Boba Fett
Phil Ken Sebben
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater
G.G. Gonzalez
Mrs. Smurftastic Ditka-Beckham
Hercules Rockefeller
Handsome B. Wonderful
Adolf McHitlerberg
Walter Pinnochio Whistledick
Tsu Doh Nimh
Pat McCrotch
Titanium Slab
Race Bannon
Twatsky LaRue
Chesty Puller
Spiderman McManaman
Long Dong von Hugenrod
Pi Grape Pigrape
Chad Sexington
Black Steve
Biej von Swallowdale
Amado Carillo Fuentes
BA Barracus
Iron Mike Orieda
Rusty Shackleford
Rad Thibideaux
Billy Rapesaurus
Kanye East
Tyrone Power
Ramon de la Conception de Atlas
Ace Rimmer
Joseph P. Brenner
Ynigo Montoya
Tum Tum Rockylovesemily
Banjo Tee MacGillicuddy
Jefferson Short Bus
Bruce Leroy.
Sex Cannon.
Johnny Na$hinal
Tait Nucleus
The Colonel
The Rock N Roll Indian.
Bob Loblaw.
Squeaky McGiggles
Mr. Captain Breaknstuff Awesomeface
Professor Horatio Huffnagel
Rooster Cogburn
Skunky McCum
Johnny Bravo
Smegma Mcqueeferson
Frankenstein “Poppa” Giorgio
Uknowuwan Mycocknballs
Coach Gordon Bombay
Big McLargehuge
Shifty Balzac
Lance Oceanside
Muhammad bin Hussein
Jiggle Metimbers
Orenthal McHugeballs-SlippyFist
Footsteps Falco
Steel Clink Alcatraz
Dutch Rockledge
Howie Pheltersnatch
Doug Tunnels
Dr. Tobias Funke
Chazz Magnum
Ramsey Rod
Ray Dee O’Station
Jackie O’Lantern
Spicey McHaggis
Rock McAwesome
Tyrone Snoelaces
Dirty Harry
Mike Hunt
Alexander Wendover
Punch Rockgroin
Studly McFistHammer
Taliban Jones, Compton Private Eye
Kurt Kustard
Lincoln Hawk
Slam Rockingham
Trent Stillwell, Office Shortstop
Stringfellow Hawk.
Thunderbolt Murderface
Felix Wristmissle
Dabrickashaw Ferguson Big Ol’ Nasty Moosedawg One Man Wrecking Crew
Hank Scorpio
Bill Barylko
Sean Lakewood
Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Umbrella Stand Jasper Wednesday (pops mouth twice) Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable (sound effect of horse whinnying) Arthur Norman Michael (blows squeker) Featherstone Smith (blows whistle) Northgot Edwards Harris (fires pistol, which goes ‘whoop’) Mason (chuff-chuff-chuff) Frampton Jones Fruitbat Gilbert (sings) ‘We’ll keep a welcome in the’ (three shots, stops singing) Williams If I Could Walk That Way Jenkin (squeker) Tiger-draws Pratt Thompson (sings) ‘Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head’ Darcy Carter (horn) Pussycat ‘Don’t Sleep In The Subway’ Barton Mannering (hoot, ‘whoop’) Smith
Walter Bigmeat
Cojones Johnson
Myles O. Koch
Dick Lane
Dougie Style
Lance Goodthrust
Andrew Tallwood
Derek Horseballs
Flint Michigan
Impaled Pussymonster
Alabama Blacksnake Jenkins
Dick Pound
Angel Matos Norris - "The Peoples’ Roundhouse"
Dick Cock Boner Penis Prick Dong
Randy Coxman
Johnny Dickshot II
David Michael Penisjoke
Ron Mexico Jeremy
Clint Taurus
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Ernie von Schledorn
Jefferson Starship
Fuck, interweb people are a dick-focused bunch. Compensating?
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