Tank Girl

Are UFOs real? Was there someone on the grassy knoll? Did David Copperfield make part of the Great Wall Of China disappear? Despite photographic and video evidence to the contrary, a new modern mystery is being revealed - Kim Kardashian is not fat, but in fact has a tiny little body. All you need for proof comes from Assy Pig Tank herself:

I have a tiny waist, which is smaller than a size 27 so i always need to have the waist tailored.I also wear stretch jeans, because my booty just gets flattened in any jean that has no stretch and just doesn't fit into non stretch jeans. I usually wear Serfonatine or JBrand, those fit the best! In those certain brands, on a good day I even fit into a size 26! I am a lot smaller than I look in pictures or on TV and that's the first thing people say when they meet me! When I first started doing photo shoots, stylists would bring me a size 6 or 8, and they had to come back with 2's and 4's. I am only 117 lbs!

To prove she’s a size 27, Kim has a video up today where she tries on three pairs of jeans; all marked either a 26 or a 27. Yep, that's it. Proof. Because there's no way you could ever change the size on a garment. God knows there's no such thing as a finishing company. Or a tailor. Or any way to make a 3 look like a 2. Impossible. Listen you dumb little butterchub, did you ever read the story "The Talking Asshole" by Burroughs? That's you. Be kind to that giant ass of yours, because you need it more than it needs you. Now shut up and go away. Is this even newsworthy?