Playmate Of The (Last Remaining) Year(s)

It's a familiar Christmas sight - the jolly old man making merry while the young girl on his lap is terrified. Even so, it appears congratulations are due to Hugh Hefner and his fiance Crystal Harris!

The man with more pussy than he knows what to do with it is 60 years senior his 24-year-old girlfriend, but before you say that's disgusting, here's ex-girlfriend Izabella St. James' description from her memoir Bunny Tales of what it is to be the top whore in Hef's harem:

At around midnight, Hef would take his Viagra; it was always wrapped in a crumpled Kleenex - although Holly (Madison) bought him a nice Tiffany pillbox once, he always stuck to his habits.

Hef would lie on his back in the middle of the bed, and as some of us were getting stoned or drinking Dom, he would cover himself in baby oil. Many of the girls he slept with would get yeast infections, which they blamed on the baby oil...Holly would start off the festivities by orally pleasuring Hef

That appeared to be the distinguishing mark of the number one Girlfriend—not only was she the only one who had sex with him regularly, but she was the only girl that ever had that particular kind of sex with Hef. Holly was always quick and full of moans and groans and "oh daddy" shout-outs. After that came to the grand finale: Hef masturbated while watching the porn, and Holly sucked on his nipple.

Okay, now that's fucking disgusting.

Harris worked her way up the skank ladder a few years ago, but was overshadowed by 19-year-old-twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon, and the three where Hef's revision on the blonde trio he'd held for years with Madison, Bridget Marquardt and Kendra Wilkinson. With his divorce from 2nd wife Kimberly Conrad finalized in March of this year, the old man must have realized it would be cheaper to marry one of his bimbos than put a full-time care provider on payroll.

Even if he dies on her or she ends up being his the next ex, at least Harris can look forward to her final few minutes of fame with a show on E!