Isle Of Lost Souls

14 does some terriffic topical art:

In a recent MTV documentary, Britney Spears revealed her desire to escape from the glare of the paparazzi by moving to her own private island. "That would be heaven - to have my kids on an island, and a man, and nobody can get to us."

Sensing that Brit already had the island and has been keeping it a secret, we sent our reporters to remote areas of the South Pacific in order to track it down. What we found was astounding -- an unassuming island has indeed been transformed into a Britney Spears pleasure palace.

Since The Isle of Britney is wired with sensors immediately disabling any camera for miles, we asked our cartographer to create a map we could share with our readers.

As you can see, the singer has spared no expense to create her own island fantasy. State-of-the-art security surrounds a mega mansion featuring a recording studio, gym, skating rink, nightclub, and a Italian stone fountain gurgling with Red Bull. The grounds feature paved trails so Brit can indulge her kids in their favorite activity; being pulled around in a wagon.

The sun drenched white sands of Possum Island, located near the Sea of Frappuccino is where Britney spends most her time sunning and enjoying the nearby Taco Bell tiki hut. To make herself feel more at home when nature calls, she's installed a replica of a filthy gas station bathroom. Her bothersome father lives in a tent out near the Strait of Y'all.

Britney's island contains species not found anywhere else on the Earth. It appears Britney commissioned highly trained genetic biologists to create specialized flora and fauna to suit her demanding needs. Seen here is a branch from the curious Southern Cheeto Tree, found in the vast Cheeto Orchard surrounding her home.

Anytime Brit craves a cheeto, she simply reaches up and picks a fresh one off the heavy branches. Specialized Britmunks live in the trees and enjoy nibbling the cheetos that happen to fall on the ground before Brit can pick them. They keep the grove very clean and neat.

The most amazing spectacle on the Isle of Britney is the Food Court Reef. It's no wonder Britney has taken up deep sea diving - the reef is brimming with her favored food sources such as the delicious spicy Taco Trout, juicy Cheeseburger Clams, and most astounding, the Jumbo Fries Coral featuring schools of cute little Ketchup Packet Fish especially adapted to live among the stalks of golden fried goodness.