The Carniewed Game

It was recently announced that Carnie Wilson (stifling laughter) is going to be the host of the updated Newlywed Game on GSN. Because we needed both of those to return.

Carnie said, “My personality and energy is perfect for something like this. First of all, I’m married, and I loved watching The Newlywed Game when I was younger. I watched it all the time.” Following that twisted logic, my extensive watching of Bill Nye the Science Guy as a youth would now qualify me to operate the Hubble telescope? Give me a break, Carns.

And now, some of the questions we expect Carnie will be asking the contestants:

• “Do you like to eat?”

• “Do you prefer to eat before, during, or after making whoopie?”

• “Who would be more pissed off if they found I ate their lunch in the fridge - you or your spouse?”

• “Who is more likely to believe things will change, things will go your way, if you hold on for one more day?”

• “Be honest, who could eat an entire package of bacon faster - you, your spouse, or me?”

• “Fill in the blank: My spouse like to eat ______, ______, __________, _______, _______, ______, ____, _____, and ________ with their breakfast cereal.”

• “Did you like the black pantsuit I wore in the Hold On video?”

• “Say hypothetically, you invited me to your first child’s birthday party, and I hypothetically ate the whole cake before it could be served. Who would be more likely to forgive me, you or your spouse?”

• “Am I hotter than my sister Wendy? Because I’ve always thought my skin was better.”

• “Would you like to try that bacon challenge to earn a possible $1,000? Of my own money? This has nothing to do with the Newlywed Game, I just missed lunch.”