For Your Reconsideration

There were some categories omitted from this year's Oscars which could have colored the evening a little more interestingly. Perhaps the Academy will change their mind for next year...

Biggest Real Life Drug Addict (Past Or Current) In A Major Motion Picture
Mickey Rourke - The Wrestler
Robert Downey Jr - Iron Man
Joaquin Phoenix - Everything He Has Ever Done
Sean Penn - Milk

Biggest Cinematic Headache For Asian Tourism Board
Tropic Thunder
Rambo
Gran Torino
Kung Fu Panda

Best Glamorization Of Public Suicide
The Wrestler - Mickey Rourke
Slumdog Millionaire - The Brother In The Bathtub

Best Beating The Bejesus Out Of An Indian Street Kid
Slumdog Millionaire
Harold And Kumar Go To Guantanamo

Best Freaky CGI Old Man Baby
Sarah Jessica Paker - Sex In The City
Benjamin Button - Benjamin Button

Best Full Frontal
Marissa Tomei - The Wrestler
Ann Hathaway - Rachel Getting Married
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Synecdoche

Best Product Placement (By Volume)
Sex In The City - Diet Coke
Gran Torino - Pabst Blue Ribbon
Benjamin Button - Confederated Molasses Products Unlimited
Dark Knight - Este Lauder

Best Portrayal Of A Gay Man By A Straight Man
Emil Hirsch - Milk
Sean Penn - Milk
James Franco - Milk
Pierce Brosnan - Mama Mia

Best Portrayal Of A Straight Man By A Gay Man
Emil Hirsch - Speed Racer
Tom Cruise - Valkyrie
Robert Patinson - Twilight
Wall-E - Wall-E

Characters With Whom We Would Least Like To Be Trapped In A Steam Sauna
Philip Seymore Hoffman - Doubt
Nixon- Frost/Nixon
Harvey Milk - Milk
Old (young) Benjamin Button - Benjamin Button

Best Elephant-In-The-Room Racist Performance
Robert Downey Jr - Tropic Thunder
The Game-Show Host Dude - Slumdog Millionaire
Clint Eastwood - Gran Torino
Samuel L. Jackson - Lakeview Terrace

Biggest Assault On Our Childhood Memories
Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull
Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Get Smart
The X-Files: I Want To Believe

Best Movie Highschoolers Could Not Find On A Map
In Bruges
Vicky Christina Bacrelona
Australia
Transsiberia

Best Prog-Rock-Band-Name-Sounding Movie Title
Twilight
Defiance
Changeling
JCVD

Best Grammatical Error In A Movie Title
How She Move
Step Up 2 The Streets
The Wackness
What Happens In Vegas