Virgin Turf Wars

Good thing you honeymooned on the British side, Herr Docktor - a 14-year-old tourist was killed when she was caught in the crossfire of a gunfight attributed to warring gangs on the U.S. Virgin Islands. Wait, a tropical paradise has rival factions? What is it, the gift shop owners versus the tour guides?

The slain tourist was identified as Lizmarie Perez Chapparro from Puerto Rico, who was struck by a bullet as she rode a packed "safari bus" that ferries tourists across the three-island territory with her family. The girl and her family arrived in St. Thomas aboard the Carnival Victory cruise ship that departed San Juan, Puerto Rico on Sunday. Another cruise ship passenger sustained a minor injury during the shootout. The Carnival line suspended all excursions that include the St. Thomas neighborhood where the violence took place until further notice. Gee, ya think?

A St. Thomas teenager also was killed by the gunfire as he attended the funeral of another man fatally shot on June 29. Police said 18-year-old Shadid Joseph's body was found Monday with a loaded gun, so don't feel bad for that lil' banger. The victims were killed by bullets sprayed from a car by a person attending a burial at a cemetery in Coki Point. The tourist bus was hit by gunfire on its way to Coki Point Beach, one of the island's most popular beaches, as it passed the cemetery.

The Virgin Islands have been struggling to curb gun violence, but rarely have drug gangs staged shootouts in public before, and seldom in broad daylight amid heavy traffic. But hey, when you've got to kill a motherfucker, you've just gotta.