Now She Can Get Back To Being Nude And Obnoxious

A federal court ruled over the weekend that the measles-mumps-rubella (MMR) vaccine does not cause autism. So will that be enough to prevent a new era of deadly but preventable epidemics? Now shut the fuck up Jenny McCarthy, and make yourself useful.

The federal "vaccines court" ruled in three different cases that not only does the MMR vaccine not cause autism, but neither does a mercury-containing additive, thimerosal, that was in the vaccine until 2001.

Special Master (awesome title)Denise Vowell wrote in one of the decisions: "Petitioners propose effects from mercury in [vaccines] that do not resemble mercury's known effects in the brain, either behaviorally or at the cellular level. To prevail, they must show that the exquisitely small amounts of mercury in [vaccines] that reach the brain can produce devastating effects that far larger amounts experienced prenatally or postnatally from other sources do not. "

In a separate ruling, Special Master George Hastings wrote: "This case . . . is not a close case. The overall weight of the evidence is overwhelmingly contrary to the petitioners' causation theories. "

But this won't stop the conspiracy theorists from insisting that correlation means causation. The plaintiffs in the cases claimed the federal government "funds the science that exonerates" the vaccine industry, and defends vaccines in court. Misinformed and claiming conspiracies? Oh yeah!

Sure, it's easy to be freaked out by the possibility that the vaccines could be causing autism spectrum disorder, which now afflicts one in 110 children, but doctors say it's typical for that disorder to manifest around 15 months - right around the time that children are vaccinated. And all the idiots then jump to conclusions. The refusal to vaccinate is likely to spark a new rash of cases of meningitis, whooping cough, polio and other diseases we had almost wiped out completely. Already, cases of measles, pertussis, meningitis and whooping cough have been linked to delayed or avoided vaccinations, it's likely to keep getting worse.

If you really want to blame something for autism in children, says pediatric development specialist Dr. Leslie Rubin, blame all of the toxins in the environment, including prenatal exposure to phthalates in perfume, makeup and nail polish. Wait, blame the mothers? They would never take that kind of responsibility when they can point the finger elsewhere.