Two Of The Most Credible Opinions I Know

From James "The Amazing" Randi (who is the man):

Jenny McCarthy is well known as a model and actor, but in recent days she's getting far more publicity for her stance that vaccines cause autism. She has a son who may be autistic, and of course we are sympathetic to her plight. But that can only go so far when Ms. McCarthy appears on endless chat shows, is interviewed in magazine articles, and even writes books encouraging people not to vaccinate their children.

Numerous, well-done studies have shown conclusively that there is no causal link between vaccines and the onset of autistic spectrum disorders (ASD) - the claim that they are connected is spurious, based on anecdotes and the fact that vaccines are given to children around the same time that ASD symptoms begin to appear.

The antivaccination movement has been directly linked with outbreaks of various vaccine-preventable diseases such as measles, and there have been numerous illnesses and even deaths associated with these outbreaks. The facts are in, and have been for quite some time: vaccines are an overwhelming modern medical success story, having eradicated such scourges as smallpox, and hugely lowering rates of other diseases such as measles, mumps, rubella, polio, influenza, and diptheria. The evidence is also overwhelmingly against any link between vaccines and autism as well.

Yet all that evidence has been overturned in the public's mind with ease and alacrity by Ms. McCarthy, so she wins the Pigasus award for her contribution to the country's ill-health.

And says WWTDD:

Jenny McCarthy first got famous in 1993 when she showed her vagina in Playboy, but really found her calling when her 2-year old son was diagnosed with not-autism then not-autism then not-autism then autism (1). So clearly her son had autism, and she blamed vaccines for giving it to him. Specifically the measles vaccine, which up until 1999 contained mercury. Jenny's son was born in 2002 and did not receive a vaccine with mercury (2), but she spoke out to have it banned anyway. Again. Extra-banned, and for kids like her son who didn’t get it in the first place to not get it even more in the future. Because now he’s cured. But not really. Or maybe he never had it to begin with. Either way, all that public speaking has led Oprah Winfrey to give Jenny her very own talk-show!

McCarthy has inked a multi-year overall deal with Winfrey’s Harpo Prods. to develop projects on different platforms, including a syndicated talk show that the actress/author would host.McCarthy talked to the chat queen about her struggles with her son’s autism in conjunction with the releases of her best-selling books “Louder Than Words: A Mother’s Journey in Healing Autism” and “Mother Warriors: A Nation of Parents Healing Autism Against All Odds.” McCarthy also was part of Winfrey’s Friday Live panels twice, including this past Friday.

The worst thing about Jenny's baseless hippie ramblings is that it gives people false hope. If I thought for one second the measles vaccine could miraculously transform them into nearly invisible mutes I would stab them in the heart with it.

Nobel Prize For Medicine

Who knew that showing your tits in an venerable girly mag would give you the credentials to make medical breakthroughs? Because Jenny McCarthy claims that she has "cured" her son of autism.

The "actress" - who believes the MMR vaccine was to blame for her son's diagnosis - says a strict no wheat-and-dairy-free diet has changed her son from a quiet little boy who used to flail his arms around to a loving six-year-old.

"Before the vaccination, he was huggy, lovey, snuggly...then it was like someone came down and stole him." It's like The Changeling, but the kid never left!

"I made a deal with God," she explains. "I said, 'You fix my boy, you show me the way and I'll teach the world how I did it.'" Yep, because God felt you were the most credible way to get that info out there.

At this rate, maybe Jenny McCarthy should start focusing her attention elsewhere. Like, our economy or the war overseas or global warming. Please, Dr. Ex-Playboy Model: get on it STAT!

Weekend In-Law(s)

Scarlett's parentals are in LA for a few days, and that means we'll be brunching and dining and entertaining for the weekend. So let's get into it already, because I have plans...

Best of the week: Is it good for your health to see someone coughing, sneezing and blowing their nose? Recent studies suggests that the answer might be yes.

Researchers asked young adults to watch a 10-minute slide show containing a series of unpleasant photographs. Some of these participants looked at pictures of people who looked obviously sick in some way (people with pox and rashes, people coughing and sneezing and blowing mucus out of their noses). The participants gave blood samples both before and after each slideshow.

Next the researchers exposed these blood samples to a bacterial infection, and measured the extent to which white blood cells produced interleukin-6 (IL-6). IL-6 is a proinflammatory cytokine that white blood cells make when they detect microbial intruders. More IL-6 indicates a more aggressive immune response to infection. By measuring IL-6 before and after the slide show, the researchers were able to determine whether seeing pictures of disease-y people actually stimulated the immune system to fight infection more aggressively. And it did.

Interesting, but thus far watching adult movies doesn't boost your love making abilities.

Plus: I'm all for PC and not an Apple person at all. So with the hype around the maxi-iPhone iPad, it didn't take long to get past the gloss to really see the drawbacks for such an expensive toy.

It's awkward You can't carry it on your hip like a phone, so it presents the same portability issues as any laptop - you'll need a case of some sort to protect it and carry the power cable. Even around the house, there's no simple way to carry the iPad. It's too thin, heavy, slippery and expensive to put under your arm. Several of our testers were seen carrying it like a dinner tray, as a butler would, to go from the kitchen table to the couch. Portability, shmortability.

It's heavy To be sure, at 1.5 pounds and with all this functionality, the iPad is an impressive feat of engineering. But it's simply not light enough (a Kindle ebook reader is about 10 ounces) and that heft adds to the awkwardness. Holding the iPad in one hand for more than a few minutes to watch a movie or read an ebook results in tired wrists. Even holding it with two hands to read an ebook is tiring. Reading an ebook on a smartphone is ergonomically much more practical.

It's slippery You can ignore the awkward size and weight, but the iPad is also slippery, and its aluminum back is ever-so-slightly slightly concave. You feel as though it'd slip right out if you try to hold it under your arm. And on the kitchen counter, it slides and twirls as you try to type or swipe the screen (required for navigating). It needs rubber feet, but of course then it won't be near as cool. Or the added purchase of a stand (which is probably exactly how they ment the manufacture).

Screen glare The iPad has the same glossy screen as Apple's Macbook Pro laptops and iMac desktops. So unless you're reading in a very dim room, the glare will be noticeable and can be distracting. Even in the shade outdoors, the glare can be really annoying.

Reading in the sun (or lack thereof) If you want to take your iPad along for an outing at the beach, forget about it. The screen looks washed out and is almost impossible to view in bright sunlight. The Kindle's non-glossy e-ink display fares much better outdoors than the iPad's screen.

Fingerprints Once you've used the iPad for a few minutes, among the most glaring shortcomings (besides the screen glare) are the fingerprints on the screen. With a smartphone, you can wipe the screen on your shirt or pants. The iPad is too big for that. We're wondering what exactly to clean it with and where we'll keep the cleaning supplies.

No multitasking The iPad runs the same operating system as the iPhone, and as a result has all of the iPhone's limitations. The most obvious of these is the inability to multitask - or do multiple things simultaneously. The iPad can't run more than one app at a time (with the exception of a few Apple apps, such as iPod, the iPad's music playing app). While this is may be acceptable in a smartphone, it's a major handicap in a device that Apple expects people to spend hours at a time on.

The browser is limited The iPad also uses the same limited Safari browser that's found on the iPhone. While much fuss has been made about the iPad's inability to play Flash video, there are other things it can't do as well. For example, Safari on iPad can't be used to create Google Documents, only to view them.

The virtual keyboard stinks While the virtual keyboard on the iPad is much larger than the iPhone, it's still awkward to type on glass. Even those who've used tiny, cramped netbook keyboards will be disappointed by the lack of real keys and likely reduced to one-finger typing. The iPad can be paired with a physical keyboard, but even this is awkward, because the actions normally done with a mouse or a trackpad on a desktop or laptop have to be done with your finger on the iPad.

No USB port The lack of even one USB port - the universal means of connecting just about everything these days - means you can't connect the device to a printer or other computer peripherals, such as an external hard drive. The iPad can be connected to cameras, but it requires the purchase of a separate accessory from Apple.

iPhone-only apps look horrible Apple boasts that many of the 150,000 apps already available on the iPhone will also work on the iPad. What the company doesn't tell you is that when enlarged to fit on the iPad's screen, these iPhone apps look horrible, with images and text very pixelated. For this reason, many people will opt to buy apps that are made specifically for the iPad, which tend to be more expensive than their iPhone counterparts.

The price is too high $499 is just the beginning for a low-memory model that will fill up too quickly for anyone with a big music library and/or an appetite for video. Toss in some memory and a 2-year, $280 "we'll replace it even if you drop it" warranty at Best Buy, and you're out $1,000. Though given the iPad's weight, awkwardness and slipperiness, the warranty is probably one of the best features.

It doesn't replace anything The iPad will not replace your smartphone. Unless you can't type, it won't replace your laptop. If you love books, you could find a better e-reader. Exactly what need does the iPad fill?

Also: The top US naval officer has vowed to stop people lighting up in submarines, where the confined atmosphere has serious passive smoking implications. Wait, they actually still allowed smoking in subs?

"We are going to stop smoking on submarines," Chief of Naval Operations Admiral Gary Roughead told a recent meeting of senior submariners. Roughead? That's funny. Navy spokesman Lieutenant Commander Mark Jones confirmed a ban could be in the pipeline. "We are currently looking at changing the policy, but we have not changed the policy."

At present, smoking on US submarines is up to the commanding officer's discretion and there are designated areas on many vessels where the crew are allowed to smoke. "That atmosphere moves around the submarine. You don't smell it but the damaging things from the smoke are still present," Roughead said. Roughead? Still funny.

A Pentagon study last year carried out by the American Institute of Medicine revealed that soldiers smoke a lot more on average than civilians and that the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan had seen a spike in smoking. The last official figures for the US military, in 2005, showed that almost one third of personnel in the armed forces, 32%, smoke as opposed to just one in five of the American population as a whole.

Up to 40% of US submariners smoke, making it all the more important to look into a ban for the overall health of American sailors.

Best picture of the week:

executing the pick and roll

Best bonus links:

• How To Defeat A Chain Lock With Rubber Bands - Pretty cool. Hopefully they'll figure out how to defeat a chastity belt with a rubber band next.

• US Comedian's Attack On Pacquiao Angers Philippines - The Ace-man knows a little something about boxing, and a lot about pissing people off by not pulling punches to be politically correct. Naturally a Muslim country would freak out.

• Will An AIDS Pill A Day Keep The Virus Away - But if you have to leave something on your teacher's desk, they'll probably prefer an apple.

• Jenny McCarthy, Jim Carrey Split / Jenny McCarthy Body Count - Now that she's single, pershaps she'll spend more time looking for a mate than opening her mouth about science and things she knows nothing about. And that is why there's a terrific site dedicated to making her look like the idiot lunatic she is.

• Herb Brooks Kid Tells Fenway He’s Sick Of The Yankees - Too bad this kid peaked at five years old, though it's adorable to watch a kid who probably needs a nightlight get all fired up.

• Palin, Obama Spar From A Distance Over Nuke Policy - If you're too ignorant to be able to spell nuclear, you shouldn't be allowed to vocalize your thoughts on it...Ms. Palin.

• Astronomers Solve Enigma Of Eclipsing Star - Now they can all retire, or become astologers. Or catch up on episodes of Nova.

• British Doctors Use Inert Gas To Save Baby - They burped him until he was inert. Or something.

• 10 Acclaimed Authors Who Wrote Only One Novel - Already, Scartoe and I have surpassed this since there's two seasons of His Words - Not Mine.

• Drive It Like It’s Hot - Grand Theft Auto, the reality.

• HP Preps Its Would-Be iPad Killer, The Slate - Innovation breeds competition. And less worship of iEverything.

• Max Q Live: In Space No One Can Hear You Sing - Theere is a band that has been around for years that's made up entirely of astronauts.

• AG Says Haim Obtained 550 Pills Before Death - He needed to take them so he'd be able to watch his performance in that shitty Lost Boys sequel.

• Team Releases 6 Players For Beating Up Their Coach - Normally, that's how hockey players in Slavic countrys make the team.

• Dead Man Denied Seat On Plane - And worse yet, he was being charged extra for being the carry-on.

• Fuckyouyork.com - Yes, that's a website. And that's pretty much what it has to say.

• Nepal's Living Goddess Eyes Banking Career - Either being a human deity is completely blown out of proportion, or banking is severely underated.

Worst of the week: Pajiba has the bad news...

Two more remakes in development to discuss today. Both are ’80s films (oh, OK. One was in 1990). But they present an interesting contrast between the two kinds of remakes we hate the most: 1) remakes of movies that we love that could never be duplicated; and 2) remakes of crappy movies for completely inexplicable reasons.

We’ll start with the molestation of your childhood memories remake: Columbia Pictures and Imagine Entertainment (oh, Ron Howard, how could you?) are developing a remake of Real Genius. Yes, that one. The Val Kilmer movie that everyone over the age of 30 loves. Except Communists and trash humpers. It’s about the youngest kid to be accepted into a program for geniuses who teams up with his roommates to develop a high-powered laser, which is stolen by the military and used as a weapon. But, of course, it was so much more than about that. In 1985 it was a satire. In 2010, no one knows what the hell a satire is or what it even means. The second take on the script is now out to writers, and soon, the “Mythbusters” guys may have to find a new movie to pattern their lives after.

Jesus. It just won’t be the same without the ’80s soundtrack. Also, the original made $13 million at the box office. Why would they remake this movie? (Note: This is not the sequel that was rumored years ago. This is a remake. Val Kilmer’s participation is unknown.)

The other film? House Party...yeah, who cares? Trying to improve upon Real Genius or bother to remake it is like writing a sequel to the Bible - totally unnecessary and a horrible idea. It's my favorite film and the thought of redoing it Fuck this new abomination completely.

Plus: Academics - that that term may be called into question - at the University of Hertfordshire are organising a conference about vampires and their corner of literature.

Dr. (really?) Sam George explained. "I wanted to...prove that you can study popular literature in a serious way." His call for papers led to more than 100 academics from disciplines including film, literature and cultural studies sending in abstracts; 70 have been selected to talk at the two-day conference. Planned lectures range from "Sullied Blood, Semen, and Skin: Vampires and the Spectre of Miscegenation" to "Who Ordered the Hamburger with Aids?: Blood Anxiety in True Blood".

And in a bid to make the most of that, George is launching, in September, what seems to be the world's first master's degree in vampire literature. "I've fielded a huge number of inquiries from people all over the world who are interested in studying vampires, zombies and the undead at a higher level," she says. "I had the idea of offering the master's as a direct follow-up from the conference. I thought it was crucial to have a way of extending this burst of awareness." The best papers from the conference will be collected in a book, which will become a textbook for the MA students.

Wow, that is a whole new level of retarded. Oh, who cares...there's already a real Masters you can get in real literature. But that does require oyu read decent books.

Also: Wikileaks obtained and decrypted video that shows US occupying forces in an Apache helicopter intentionally firing on a dozen civilians in Baghdad, including journalists working for the Reuters news organization: 22-year-old Reuters photographer, Namir Noor-Eldeen, and his driver, Saeed Chmagh, 40.

The video is accompanied by audio of the pilots' radio dialogue. Reuters had been attempting to obtain the video under Freedom of Information Act requests since the incident occurred in July, 2007, but the Pentagon blocked all requests. Reuters news editor-in-chief David Schlesinger says the video is "graphic evidence of the dangers involved in war journalism and the tragedies that can result". Wikileaks director Julian Assange said Wikileaks had to break military encryption on the file to view it, and will not reveal how or from whom the file was obtained. The transcript (and audio) seem to show the air crew lying about encountering a firefight. When they finish shooting, they laugh at the dead.

Looks like we're still not quite winning the hearts and minds of those people...

And: Glacier National Park has lost two more of its namesake moving icefields to climate change. Soon, it will just be Nation Park.

Warmer temperatures have reduced the number of named glaciers in the northwestern Montana park to 25, and the rest of the glaciers may be gone by the end of the decade.

The latest two to fall below the 25 acre threshold were Miche Wabun and Shepard. Each had shrunk by roughly 55 percent since the mid-1960s. The largest remaining glacier in the park is Harrison Glacier, at about 465 acres. On a local scale, fewer glaciers means less water in streams for fish and a higher risk for forest fires. More broadly, the fate of the glaciers offers a climate barometer, indicating dramatic changes to some ecosystems already under way.

Some glaciers, such as in the Himalayas, could hold out for centuries in a warmer world. But more than 90 percent of glaciers worldwide are in retreat, with major losses already seen across much of Alaska, the Alps, the Andes and numerous other ranges, according to researchers in the United States and Europe. In some areas of the Alps, ski resorts set atop glaciers have taken drastic measures to stave off the decline, such as draping glaciers in plastic sheeting to keep them cooler, or giving them Apple products, which doen't help.

Since about 1850, when the Little Ice Age ended, the trend has been steadily downward. The area of the Rocky Mountains now within Glacier National Park once boasted about 150 glaciers, of which 37 were eventually named. A handful of the park's largest glaciers could survive past 2020 or even 2030, but by that point the ecosystem could already be irreversibly altered. Geological evidence points to the continual presence of glaciers in the area since at least 5000 B.C.

A glacier needs to be 25 acres to qualify for the title. If it shrinks more, it does not always stop moving right away. A smaller mass of ice on a steep slope would continue to grind its way through the mountains, but eventually could disappear completely.

Worst picture of the week:

yellow diamond iPhone headphones...because you're an asshole

Worst bonus links:

• Russia Furious Over Adopted Boy Sent Back From US - They're worried that mail-order brides will be next.

• Eva Longoria Parker: Nicollette Sheridan's Lawsuit Could 'Tarnish The Reputation' Of 'Desperate Housewives' - Uh, what reputation is that? It's a second rate soap opera with a gaggle of harpies skanking around in what should have been called "Bored Useless Rich White Women". Any show that ridiculously has a light plane crash into a Christmas street festival as their cliffhanger episode has a wrecked reputation already.

• Lunch-Only Beer Policy Prompts Carlsberg Strike - Quit your whining. If you want to be wasted no the job, leave the factory and become a truck driver.

• Now 16, Elian Gonzalez Shown At Cuba Youth Meeting - He's been in jail for the last decade, I guess.

• Lindsay Lohan's Dad Engaged To Jon Gosselin's Ex, Couple Planning Baby - It's like the perfect storm of gossip page stories. And a vote for instituting eugenics.

• LAPD Seeks Link Between Restaurant Massacre, 2007 Execution-Style Slaying - Because they can't figure out either case. The two-for-one detective method is really catching on.

• Tiger Says He Expects To Win The Masters - The full headline was "Tiger says he expects to win the Masters and Johnson Pervert of the Year award".

• Kate Gosselin & Kids Return To TV In 'Twist Of Kate' - So clever! Just like that other dumb reality show "Kel On Earth"! I think they should get Apple guru Steve Jobs and put him on a turbine-powered wind farm. Call it "Blow Jobs".

• Is Pronger A Problem? - Yes.

• NTSB Probes Crash That Injured Blink 182 Drummer - Thanks for the urgency. That happened two years ago...

• Demi Moore: Obsessing Over Body Image Will Never Reward Us - Says the woman who spent a quarter of a million dollars on plastic surgery to look young. Shut the fuck up.

• 13-Year-Old To Attempt To Climb Everest - That is a long way to go just to try and be popular.

• Mexico May Cut Millions Of Cellphones To Fight Crime - Up there with their other popular plans, cutting food and plumbing to the poor. Oh, wait...that's jsut because they're the largest thrid world nation on the planet.

• Diablo Cody Is Pregnant! - That's one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskillet. And anyone who says "Thanks for the congrats on my fetus" is clearly unfit for motherhood.

• Lin Yu Chun Can Dance! - The androgynous Whitney Houston sound-alike also shakes his gristle. And the results are disturbing.

• No Fries With That: Fast Food Axed At Afghan Bases - Put your life on the line for a war that you don't want to be fighting, and you can't get a damn cheeseburger? War is hell.

• Vatican: Pope Willing To Meet Sex Abuse Victims - Isn't that what Facebook is for if you want to look them up? Going back for seconds, that's not cool.

Another Slice Of Shut The Fuck Up Pie

I just love rubbing the truth in Jenny McCarthy's face (and anything else I can get away with) ever since she began her crusade to find something and someone to blame for her autistic kid (other than the wrath of a karma-lovin' god).

A new government study adds to the evidence that thimerosal, a mercury-based preservative (until recently found in many vaccines), does not increase children's risk of autism. Kids who had been exposed as babies to high levels of the preservative, either through vaccines they received or their mothers received while pregnant, were no more likely to develop autism, including two distinct subtypes of the condition.

Concerns about a link between vaccines and autism were first raised more than a decade ago by Andrew Wakefield. His report, based on 12 children, has since been discredited and was retracted earlier this year by the journal that published it. But the damage had been done, and with idiot bigmouths like McCarthy spewing bad info, the health scare caused many parents to shy away from recommended vaccines like the one against measles, mumps and rubella. The result? Outbreaks of all three diseases followed.

The researchers used data for U.S. children born between 1994 and 1999, who were enrolled in one of three managed care organizations. They found 256 children with an autism spectrum disorder and compared them with 752 children who did not have the condition, but were matched for age and sex. No matter when a child had been exposed to thimerosal, there was no increase in the risk of any type of autism spectrum disorder. In fact, children exposed to the preservative between birth and 20 months of age had slightly lower odds of developing the condition.

Another Self-Credentialed Doctor

What is it with former 90's celebs who all of a sudden think they have a PhD in medicine?

First, Jenny McCarthy rewrites the medical journals with her no-science approach to curing autism, and now Sheryl Crow is an expert on the brain.  Yesterday on Katic Couric's talk show, the singer said she believes her benign brain tumor was caused by frequent cellphone use.  Sure, Crow admits that no doctors will confirm it, but she thinks it's possible her meningioma, is related, since she used to spend hours on the "old, archaic cellphones."

Scientists say evidence linking cellphone use to brain tumors has been inconsistent, and most studies have not found a link.  About 6,000 people are diagnosed with meningiomas in the US annually according to the National Cancer Institute. And it just so happens that Crow falls into the group that is most prone to developing meningiomas - women in their 40s and 50s.

Here's a little background science for ya:  Cellphones emit radiofrequency energy, which can be absorbed by tissues, but the only known biological effect of this energy (like the kind emitted by microwave ovens), is a tiny rise in temperature.  That is not known to damage DNA the same way as the ionizing radiation in X-rays, and damage to DNA is considered a necessary step to cause cancer.

A Danish study of nearly 2.9 million people published in 2011 found that those who used cellphones for 11 years or more were no more likely to develop a type of benign brain tumor than those who used cellphones for a shorter period, or not at all. Another study from Denmark found no link between the location of brain tumors called gliomas and the regions of the brain that are exposed to the highest levels of radiofrequency energy. In addition, between the 1987 and 2007, a period when cellphone use rose rapidly, there was no increase in the incidence of brain cancer in the United States, the NCI says.

So there is no conclusive evidence that cellphones cause brain tumors.  Sheryl Crow's music however...

Mountain Weekend

Snowboarding in fresh powder, listening to some choice tunes on my headphones - that's my weekend. And yours?

Best of the week: In 1998, Andrew Wakefield, a gastroenterologist at London's Royal Free Hospital, published a study in the prestigious medical journal Lancet that linked the triple Measles, Mumps and Rubella (MMR) vaccine with autism and bowel disorders in children. The study - and Wakefield's subsequent public statements that parents should refuse the vaccines - sparked a public health panic that led vaccination rates in Britain to plunge and set off a wave of anti-vaccination hysteria that has been championed by D-listers and celebrity parents.

Wakefield's study has since been discredited, and the MMR vaccine deemed to be safe. And now medical authorities in the U.K. have also ruled that the manner in which Wakefield carried out his research was unethical. The General Medical Council ruled that Wakefield acted "dishonestly and irresponsibly" during his research and with "callous disregard" for the children involved in his study. Wakefield, who now heads an autism research center in Austin, Texas, described the decision as "unfounded and unjust." He added that he had "no regrets" over his work.

The General Medical Council, which will now decide whether to revoke Wakefield's medical license, highlighted several areas where Wakefield acted against the interest of the children involved in the 1998 study. It criticized Wakefield for carrying out invasive tests, such as colonoscopies and spinal taps, without due regard for how the children involved might be affected. It also cited Wakefield's method of gathering blood samples - he paid children at his son's birthday party $8 to give blood - and said that Wakefield displayed a "callous disregard for the distress and pain the children might suffer." The panel also criticized Wakefield for failing to disclose that, while carrying out the research, he was being paid by lawyers acting for parents who believed their children had been harmed by the MMR jab.

The panel's ruling follows a refutation of Wakefield's research from the scientific community. Ten of 13 authors in the Lancet study have since renounced the study's conclusions. The journal has said it should not have published the study in the first place, and various other studies have failed to corroborate Wakefield's hypothesis. Despite this, the effects of the media frenzy surrounding Wakefield's research continue to be felt in Britain. Vaccination rates among toddlers plummeted from over 90% in the mid-1990s to below 70% in some places by 2003. Following this drop, Britain saw an increase in measles cases at a time when the disease had been all but eradicated in many developed countries. In 1998, there were just 56 cases of the disease in England and Wales; by 2008 there were 1,370.

Despite assurances from various health bodies that Wakefield's study was seriously flawed, he still has a dedicated following among parents concerned about a rise in autism rates in the U.K. and U.S. - the cause of which has so far baffled health experts. At least one of the myths is no longer clouding the attempt to solve the mystery.

Basically, to sum up: suck it Jenny McCarthy!

Plus: A Southern California man has been arrested on suspicion of posing as a federal marshal to kidnap a distant cousin's wife and put her on a plane to the Philippines.

Wearing a fake badge and a shirt imprinted with "U.S. Federal Agent," Gregory Denny, turned up at the Hemet home of Craig Hibbard, a distant cousin, on January 15. Displaying what turned out to be a pellet gun, Denny reportedly handcuffed Hibbard's wife, Cherrie Belle, and told the couple she was being deported. Denny allegedly drove Belle (28), to the U.S. Customs and Border Protection station in Murrieta.

When he was told there was no warrant for her in the computer system, Denny apparently returned to the couple's house and instructed her husband to purchase a ticket for her online to her home country. Police were told Denny drove the woman to San Diego International Airport, where he flashed his fake badge to get through security. He allegedly escorted her to the departure gate, uncuffed her and watched her board a plane to San Francisco en route to Manila, where she remains.

When Hibbard reported the matter, police reached Denny by telephone and asked him to come into the station for questioning. Denny arrived wearing the "U.S. Federal Agent" shirt, identified himself to police as a U.S. marshal and verified the family's general account of what happened. "This person is not and never was employed by the U.S. Marshals Service, and as far as we can ascertain, has never been employed by any law enforcement agency in any capacity," the Hemet Police Department said in a statement.

Police arrested Denny last month on suspicion of kidnapping, false imprisonment, impersonating a peace officer, burglary and false arrest. He was released the next day on $50,000 bail and is expected in court February 16. The Riverside County district attorney's office is considering whether to file charges, and Hemet police also notified the FBI, U.S. Marshals Service, U.S. Customs and Border Protection and the Transportation Security Administration.

Three days after Hibbard's wife was put on the plane, Hibbard said, he called the U.S. Marshals Service and was told that Denny was not an agent. He called Hemet police. Hibbard said that his wife is five months pregnant and that they have been married for three years. He said she canceled her green card last year in a dispute with him, saying she wanted to go home to the Philippines. The couple later reconciled and she tried to renew her immigration documents. Hibbard said they were told by immigration officials in San Bernardino that she was allowed to remain in the U.S. while her application was being processed.

There is no clear motive except, but it is said that Denny "felt he was doing a 'favor' for the family, and that they, the family, wanted her deported," according to authorities.

Also: Actor Rip Torn was so intoxicated when he broke into a Connecticut bank carrying a loaded gun that he thought he was home, taking off his hat and boots and leaving them by the door, according to court records. Winner!

He was wearing the same battered boots Monday when he was arraigned on several charges after spending the weekend in a police holding cell near his hometown of Salisbury. Torn, who did not enter a plea, was released on $100,000 bond a few hours. He was given probation last year in a Connecticut drunken driving case and allowed to enter an alcohol education program. He completed the first stage of that program. He also has two previous drunken driving arrests in New York.

Torn is accused of breaking into the Litchfield Bancorp branch through a window Friday night in Salisbury, where officers responding to an alarm found him wandering in the lobby and nearly incoherent. According to court records, Torn was disoriented, reeked of alcohol and asked the state police troopers repeatedly why they were taking him out of his home.

Officers found a loaded .22-caliber revolver in Torn's pocket and a breath test showed his blood-alcohol content as 0.203% — more than twice the 0.08 legal limit for driving in Connecticut. Torn is charged with criminal trespass, carrying a gun without a permit, carrying a gun while intoxicated, burglary and criminal mischief. His case was transferred to a court in Litchfield that handles more serious cases because of the weapons charges.

Torn remembers nothing of that night. Though you have to give the guy a break...he was in The Beastmaster.

And: A Muslim prayer leader accused of encouraging his followers to commit violence against the U.S. government was shot 20 times during an FBI raid at a suburban warehouse last fall, according to an autopsy report. What happened - they run out of bullets?

The autopsy was completed a month after Luqman Ameen Abdullah's death, but police were granted a delay in releasing the results while they investigate the October 28 shooting. The FBI says agents were trying to arrest Abdullah at a Dearborn warehouse when he resisted and fired a gun. Abdullah (53) died instantly - you better beleive it.

Abdullah's body was handcuffed and on the floor of a semitrailer when his investigator arrived at the shooting scene. "You cannot tell by the gunshot wounds whether he was lying down, standing up, sitting" when he was shot, reporters were told by the FBI. "It is impossible to say which one was the fatal gunshot wound. It was a combination of gunshot wounds." A FBI spokeswoman added anyone subject to an arrest warrant is handcuffed "no matter what the circumstances" for the safety of agents and the public.

Abdullah, also known as Christopher Thomas, was the imam of a small mosque in Detroit that served mostly black Muslims. At the time, he and 11 allies were being pursued for federal crimes, chiefly conspiracy to sell stolen goods in an FBI sting operation. The FBI says Abdullah was spreading a radical anti-government ideology that called for an Islamic state within the U.S.

A lawyer for Abdullah's family, questioned the FBI's tactics. "A lot of raids are conducted when a suspect has a gun. That doesn't mean you shoot them 20 times." Actually, you do. Because America needs to have a harder look to the rest of the world. you try and start a holy war in our backyard? Sorry, that's two dozen rounds you'll be absorbing. Listen To Henry Rollins' "World Peace" riff on Think Tank and you'll agree: "I think we're getting a little too soft, a little too plump. I think we're going to be sitting in our easy chair with the satellite remote when they come to kill us."

Best picture of the week:

slightly more than just a hobby

Best bonus links:
• Pet Owner Killed By Dogs After Saving Them from Death - Would you beleive they were starving before they were rescued?

• Charlize Theron Splits With Beau Of 9 Years - And I'll take the rebound...even if she doesn't have that black Aeon Flux 'do.

• This Is Gross / Pete Wentz Is Unemployed / This Is Getting Sad(der) - As always, WWTDD kills it.

• Sen. Brown: I'm Not Against My Daughters Posing Nude - You know something? Neither am I.

• Only Living American WWI Vet Turns 109 In West Virgina - His best film pick? Avatar (duh).

• Exotic Cobra Bites Woman In Baltimore Shopping Center Parking Lot - "The woman...had been in a shopping center parking lot when she bent down to pick up what she thought was a stick." What? Why? Lady, you're so stupid you deserved that bite.

• Los Angeles County Declines To Force Condom Use In Porn Films - Good, because I was about to decline to watch them if that was the case.

• Mother And Infant Shot Out Of The Sky - And there's video? Damn right this is getting posted!

• HIV / AIDS Drug Puzzle Cracked - Time to fuck!!!

• Twins Different DNA Sparks Parents Divorce -

• SNL Did Greasy Sax Man - Mainstream television gets a meme!


Worst of the week: Goblin "Miley's little sister" Cyrus (aka Noah) is the result of a monster fused with a child prostitute.

And now, she is teaming up with her bestie Emily Grace Reaves (9) to launch a clothing line for Ooh! La, La! Couture. The line will be called the Emily Grace Collection but both girls will wear the designs on their YouTube series Noie & Ems, touring with Miley and on the red carpet. This is a monumentally creepy idea and inappropriate - unless you want to have your little girl abducted because she looked like she was "asking for it".

“Emily is launching the clothing line along with her BFF and costar Noah Cyrus,” the press release states. And the pieces promise to have a “trendy, sweet, yet edgy feel.” Like underage whores. In a clip on their YouTube channel, Noah and Emily showed off their outfits to Miley backstage at one of her tour stops. Noah is wearing a tank top, black tulle skirt and argyle socks while Emily is decked out in a leopard print ensemble with fishnets. “I want one of those,” Miley says to Emily in the clip. Yeah, sure you do.

By the way, you didn't misread that - fishnets on a nine year old girl. Pedophiles of the world, rejoice!

Also: Agents for Britain's MI5 intelligence service have discovered that Muslim doctors trained at some of Britain's leading teaching hospitals have returned to their own countries to fit surgical implants filled with explosives. Least bootylicious story ever.

Women suicide bombers recruited by al-Qaida are known to have had the explosives inserted in their breasts under techniques similar to breast enhancing surgery. The lethal explosives – usually PETN (pentaerythritol Tetrabitrate) – are inserted during the operation inside the plastic shapes. The breast is then sewn up.

Similar surgery has been performed on male suicide bombers. In their cases, the explosives are inserted in the appendix area or in a buttock. Both are parts of the body that diabetics use to inject themselves with their prescribed drugs.

The discovery of these methods was made after Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab came close to blowing up an airliner on Christmas Day with explosives he had stuffed inside his underpants. Hours after he had failed, GCHQ – Britain's worldwide eavesdropping "spy in the sky" agency – began to pick up "chatter" emanating from Pakistan and Yemen that alerted MI5 to the creation of the lethal implants. Top surgeons who work in the National Health Service confirmed the feasibility of the explosive implants.

"Properly inserted the implant would be virtually impossible to detect by the usual airport scanning machines. You would need to subject a suspect to a sophisticated X-ray. Given that the explosive would be inserted in a sealed plastic sachet, and would be a small amount, would make it all the more impossible to spot it with the usual body scanner."

Explosive experts at Britain's Porton Down biological and chemical warfare research center told MI5 that a sachet containing as little as five ounces of PETN when activated would blow "a considerable hole" in an airline's skin which would guarantee it would crash.

I knew there was a reason I never liked fake boobs. Although this is a bit hysterical.

Plus: Two parties have now filed to make “The Situation,” nickname of Michael Sorrentino of MTV’s “Jersey Shore” , a registered trademark. One petition was filed by some guy in Jersey who hopes to start a clothing line; the other was filed by Sorrentino’s brother, who runs a variety of pron sites out of Las Vegas. The Smoking Gun has the actual documents, if for some reason you want to study them.

The complication here is that “The Situation” is Sorrentino’s nickname for his abs. What the fuck does that even mean? If the petition is registered, will you no longer be allowed to have abs? Are abs permissible, so long as you call them something else clearly distinguishable from “The Situation”? And if that legal mess doesn't stink enough, you can always smell like "The Situation"
Yes, he's launching his own fragrance. “The name is just, it’s pretty cool. Who wouldn’t buy a cologne called Sitch by Situation?” he told Access Hollywood, the only news "source" that cared. “It’s in the beginnings right now, but it should be coming out hopefully in the next couple months.” The Situation added that he’d be checking out scents in the coming days. “[I’m] a pretty spontaneous person. I don’t even know, as soon as I find something that I like, I’ll say, ‘That’s it! That is The Situation, and we’ll grab it.’”

Yes, we'll grab it and smash it.

And: Twenty-five years after star-studded anthem "We Are the World" raised millions of dollars to aid famine relief in Africa, "celebrities" of a different generation gathered to re-record the charity tune to benefit Haiti. I would rather burn $5 than donate it to Haiti through this shitty abortion of a remake.

Among those scheduled to perform on the revamped track the night after the Grammy Awards were Akon, Jason Mraz, Wyclef Jean, Enrique Iglesias, Usher, Toni Braxton and Lady Gaga. The session will be held at the same recording studio where the original was cut — the historic A&M complex in Hollywood.

Quincy Jones, who produced the 1985 anthem, announced last week that he planned to redo the song, because that would be easier than actually writing something unique and new. Written by Michael Jackson and Lionel Richie, who is also involved, the original "We Are the World" thundered up the charts when it was released on the radio and in record stores in March 1985. The song featured 45 superstars, including Jackson, Richie, Stevie Wonder, Tina Turner, Ray Charles, Bruce Springsteen, Diana Ross, Bob Dylan and Cyndi Lauper. Pretty much all those showing up for this recording couldn't wipe the asses of that group.

The whole thing is just lazy and uninspired, and will undoubtedly diminish the original's quality and intent. That (backwards even before the disaster) nation should be helped, but I'd rather destroy money than validate that song.

Worst picture of the week:

kill it...kill it with fire!

Worst bonus links:
• Studies Reveal Why Kids Get Bullied And Rejected - Did we need a study to tell us the kids who smell, eat their boogers, and are dumber than the others are ostercised?

• Swedish Rapper Convicted Of 2nd-Degree Murder - Eminem isn't the only white rapper who is keeping it real.

• Glamour Model Katie Price Marries Again - If your publisist has to say, "Their decision to marry has not been made with any pre-conceived commercial plan or media deal in place, and their reason for getting married is purely down to their love for each other", then I wouldn't plan on ordering the couple anything from their registry just yet.

• Haiti PM: US Baptists Knew Removing Kids Was Wrong - Who's really going to miss 33 kids from an impoverished devistated island? Besides, Jesus told them to do it.

• Sandra Bullock Poised For First Oscar - What took them so long? Oh yeah...Love Potion No. 9, The Vanishing, The Thing Called Love, Demolition Man, Speed, While You Were Sleeping, The Net, Two If By Sea, Speed 2: Cruise Control, Hope Floats, Practical Magic, Forces Of Nature, 28 Days, Miss Congeniality, Murder By Numbers, Divine Secrets Of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood, Two Weeks Notice, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed And Fabulous, The Lake House, Premonition, and All About Steve.

• Border Fence Plagued By Glitches, Long Delays - Or in other words, hurry up and take advantage of our unmaintained borders!

• Drunk Driver Had 49 Children In 16-Seat Taxi - Was that a school bus or a family reunion? Besides, kids are small anyway...they're like 1/2 a person at most.

• Iran Sends Rocket With Animal Menagerie Into Space - This is cruel and disrespectful to their women. First, Muslims put explosives in them, now they launch them into space?

• Video: Versus Believes Datsyuk, Zetterberg Have Tremendous Sex - Gaffes ahoy!

• Priest Checks Fngerprints For Mass Attendance - A little invasive, but at least that's the only thing that they're going to be examining

• Prius Brakes Questioned; Toyota Probe Expands - More legitimate, unarguable reasons to hate the Prius. Maybe that's karma for the smug pricks who drive them.

• Four Hurt In Super Bowl Stage Collapse - Now it's questionable if they'll be able to be part of the collapse on the day of the game.

Look Natural

Strange things happen to me when I see Jenny McCarthy in a bikini.

I do enjoy a woman who is still deliciously healthy in her 30s, but I question our celebrity comfort as objects of our affection. The pervasive and constant presence of paparazzi has now become accepted by celebs that they're less candid and more opportunity for them.

They know we're watching them, and they not only don't care, but they're prepared.

All summer, the stars have been prancing about in their designer suits, showing off their training sessions and personal chefs, but take notice of the posing and unnaturally perfect positions they somehow end up in as the shutter clicks. Press is press, so why not make it count when they're shooting you?

Now She Can Get Back To Being Nude And Obnoxious

A federal court ruled over the weekend that the measles-mumps-rubella (MMR) vaccine does not cause autism. So will that be enough to prevent a new era of deadly but preventable epidemics? Now shut the fuck up Jenny McCarthy, and make yourself useful.

The federal "vaccines court" ruled in three different cases that not only does the MMR vaccine not cause autism, but neither does a mercury-containing additive, thimerosal, that was in the vaccine until 2001.

Special Master (awesome title)Denise Vowell wrote in one of the decisions: "Petitioners propose effects from mercury in [vaccines] that do not resemble mercury's known effects in the brain, either behaviorally or at the cellular level. To prevail, they must show that the exquisitely small amounts of mercury in [vaccines] that reach the brain can produce devastating effects that far larger amounts experienced prenatally or postnatally from other sources do not. "

In a separate ruling, Special Master George Hastings wrote: "This case . . . is not a close case. The overall weight of the evidence is overwhelmingly contrary to the petitioners' causation theories. "

But this won't stop the conspiracy theorists from insisting that correlation means causation. The plaintiffs in the cases claimed the federal government "funds the science that exonerates" the vaccine industry, and defends vaccines in court. Misinformed and claiming conspiracies? Oh yeah!

Sure, it's easy to be freaked out by the possibility that the vaccines could be causing autism spectrum disorder, which now afflicts one in 110 children, but doctors say it's typical for that disorder to manifest around 15 months - right around the time that children are vaccinated. And all the idiots then jump to conclusions. The refusal to vaccinate is likely to spark a new rash of cases of meningitis, whooping cough, polio and other diseases we had almost wiped out completely. Already, cases of measles, pertussis, meningitis and whooping cough have been linked to delayed or avoided vaccinations, it's likely to keep getting worse.

If you really want to blame something for autism in children, says pediatric development specialist Dr. Leslie Rubin, blame all of the toxins in the environment, including prenatal exposure to phthalates in perfume, makeup and nail polish. Wait, blame the mothers? They would never take that kind of responsibility when they can point the finger elsewhere.

Grace Us With Your Star Power

Jenny McCarthy "attended" the Westfield Topanga’s Luxury Wing Grand Opening in Canoga Park over the weekend. Playmate Of The Year to mall (wing!) opening hostess in a decade flat. Let us all pray she stays pretty for a long time, because I don't know what the next step down is...

Marking 26 Years This Weekend

It's Scarlett's birthday this weekend, so there's much to do in preparation...keep yourself occupied with this recap of the week.

Best of the week: All she wants for Christmas is her two front teeth...back.

An aerialist performing during a holiday show at the Beverly Center mall (here in LA) was injured and hospitalized after falling to the shopping center floor, authorities said. One witness said the performer appeared to fall about 40 feet -- from the third level of the shopping center to the first. That's how you avoid the escalator lines!

The 26-year-old woman slipped while she was hanging upside down from a solid metal hoop suspended from the ceiling during the finale of the show "Hunky Santa and the Candy Cane Girls," said Ray Pierce, owner of Hollywood Aerial Arts, the firm putting on the performance. Hunky Santa was not injured.

She managed to turn herself right side up before falling, injuring her wrist and pelvis. She was not wearing a harness, and there were no nets to break her fall. However, a video projection cube was. "She's a total pro, for some reason she slipped in this one move," Pierce said. I question her pro status - the one move she should have mastered was not falling off her metal hoop. Susan Vance, marketing and sponsorship director for the mall and imbecile (you'll see why in a moment), called the fall an “isolated incident.” No shit...if it was raining performed I think we'd know. “She’s been evaluated and is doing well,” she said. “These are all world-class performers, they do this all the time. It was a human error, basically." You've done enough, now shut the fuck up.

The show, which began as a holiday promotion to boost sales, features aerial performers, wearing sparkly red outfits, suspended up to 80 feet up inside the mall. Pierce said the aerialist had been with the company for five years and had performed around the globe for 15 years.
He said the firm would be reviewing tapes of the performance, which was halted after the accident. A total of 60 performances were planned and they would resume by the end of the week.

Wanna see it? Of course you do.

Also: Court officials say a Birmingham woman who changed her name to Jesus Christ didn't live up to it when she reported for jury duty this week.You mean, she wasn't the Son Of Man and looked like a hippie?

The woman, previously named Dorothy Lola Killingworth, was sent to Judge Clyde Jones's courtroom for a criminal case. Court officials told The Birmingham News that the 59-year-old was excused because she was disruptive and kept asking questions instead of answering them.

Court administrator Sandra Turner said people there were shocked when the woman insisted her name was Jesus Christ and some potential jurors laughed out loud when her name was called. But Turner said unlike some Jefferson County residents, Christ didn't try to get out of jury duty and was "perfectly happy to serve." Well, except for the disrupting part and avoidance of those questions...

Efforts to reach Christ for comment were unsuccessful. Maybe they should pray, or go to church.

Plus: How's this for a headline - "Former Miss Argentina Dies After Botched Butt Surgery". Couldn't pass that up.

Beauty queen Solange Magnano, who won the title in 1994, died after experiencing complications following a botched operation to boost her buttocks. That's so stupid, she deserves to die.

The former Miss Argentina (38) underwent butt implant surgery in Buenos Aires just before Thanksgiving, and suffered a pulmonary embolism - a blocked artery - the following day after undergoing a gluteoplasty. Her close pal, fashion designer Roberto Piazza, revealed the tragedy happened when liquid injected into Magnano's backside "went to her lungs and brain". She was pronounced dead on Sunday.

Piazza adds, "A woman who had everything lost her life to have a slightly firmer behind." Yes, and that was her choice, the worst and last of her life. Police have since launched an investigation into her death, but if they check for ass fluid, they'll find it's not where it should be and was the culprit.

And: Want a peek into Tiger Woods' erotic dream life? Try to keep your food down.

It involves one of his "alleged" mistresses Rachel Uchitel -- in a menage a trois with New York Yankees Derek Jeter and Bones actor David Boreanaz. Yep, here comes the dry heaves.

Us Weekly reports that NYC club manager Uchitel (34) bragged to friends of her flings with the rich and famous -- Uchitel's conquests apparently included Woods plus Ryan Seacrest, Jeter and the married Boreanaz. Yes, it's already questionable with the name of Seacrest in there...

A boastful Uchitel allegedly forwarded along a bizarre, extremely private email from Woods, 33, in which he referenced her famous flings. "I had a dream we were married and I was leading the tournament," Woods reportedly wrote. "I came home, excited to see you, and there you were in the bedroom getting fucked by Derek and David [Boreanaz]. Some part of me thinks you would like that. Now I can't get back to sleep. My body is tired, but my mind is awake. Need an Ambien."

I'm going to need something much stronger to try and erase those images.

Best picture of the week:

When news happens, they make have it first.

Best bonus links:
• Residents Smell Foul Odor In San Fernando Valley - It was later determined to be Van Nuys.
• Man 'Finishes' World Of Warcraft - Now he can move on to his other goals of moving out of his parent's basement and losing his virginity.
• Iran Whistleblower Died From Drug-Laced Salad - Dually proving that nobody likes a snitch, or a vegetarian.
• Florida Judge Wants Footage In 'Girls Gone Wild' Suit - He will be in the judges chambers reviewing them thoroughly, and asked not to be disturbed

Worst of the week: A different approach to "oral" hygiene.

Jen Phillips at Mother Jones found herself with the proposition of sweetening her delicates.

I recently got a press release from the makers of Linger, an "internal feminine flavoring" that promises to keep your vagina in mint condition. Think of it as an Altoid for your lady parts or, as its website explains, "A small, naturally sweetened flavoring, free of artificial dyes, which was created to flavor the secretions of a woman when she is sexually aroused." What...the...?!

So where did the idea for this curiously wrong mint come from? Linger's website (a little NSFW) offers up a wondrous, romantic tale about the supposed discoverer of femimint hygiene, an unnamed woman who was seduced in India by a man with skin "the color of caramel." He quelled her fears of tasting bad "down there" with a mysterious, Eastern mint. "When I returned to the States, I brought the tingly sweet tasting mint with me," she writes. I've requested an interview with this mysterious entrepreneur, but have yet to speak with her. However, Linger's PR guy did send me a sample—made in exotic New Jersey. But that was just my first taste of disappointment.

My tin of Linger looked a lot like one of those tins of mints that are given away at trade shows. And guess what? That's what it is. A little digging revealed that Linger is made/distributed by a company called Admints, which just happens to make trade show mints. And the Linger samples just happen to have have the exact same shape, taste, and ingredients as Admint's sample mints. So how does Linger manage to pass off breath mints as vaginal Tic Tacs in $7.99 packs? Despite the salacious creation story and testimonials on its site ("It gets a little warm as it starts to dissolve which took just under an hour. Then, it is SO good!!"), the mint is labeled "for novelty use only."

This is a common practice in the sex-products industry, explains Charlie Glickman, the education program manager at Good Vibrations. It gives manufacturers some cover if something goes awry, he explains. "They could say, 'It's just a novelty toy. You weren't actually expecting to use this were you?'" And if you actually do expect to use Linger to "flavor the woman in a manner that is safe and effective," be warned: its primary ingredient is sugar, which is not safe for the vagina. It messes up the pH and can lead to a really painful yeast infection, a condition that definitely doesn't make someone want to "linger."

Minty fresh is fine for your breath, but if you've got some less than inviting smells, you better hit the shower and use lots of soap.

Also: Every year Babs Walters picks the "most interesting people of the year" for her interview special, and this year they say the list is "little edgier, more current and less obvious than usual"

Absolute bullshit.

Kate Gosselin, Sarah Palin, Lady Gaga, Glenn Beck, Tyler Perry, Adam Lambert, Brett Favre, Jenny Sanford, Paris, Prince Michael and Prince Michael II Jackson, plus a mystery guest. they are far less the most interesting as they are the most fawned over by the likes of People magazine, OMG!, and Perez Hilton. These are all pretty much tabloid fodder personalities.

Not that hard hitting journalism and Barbara Walters ever belonged in the same sentence, but these are fluff pieces on the most despised people in the country - and yes, even if you are on the wrong side of that you have to at least admit how many are absolutely enraged by the unnecessary attention and focus is given to many of these celebrity non-entities. If there were no water coolers in America there'd be absolutely no mention of most of them, and look at the staggering lack of intellect staging those conversations too.

Kate Gosselin is unfit to be a mother eight times over, and that doesn't even touch upon her failures as a likable human. Sarah Palin is when a joke goes too far. Lady Gaga is a fameseeking attention whore who is nowhere as innovating or inventive as she thinks she is. Glenn Beck is an evil, lying sack if shit that somehow managed to get on television to spew his venom. Tyler Perry has made an empire off crappy film and television that has only shown us how low the bar is for entertaining a part of the masses. Adam Lambert is more interesting in being a gay entertainer and an entertainer who is gay. Brett Favre has made his cry wolf routine outshine his abilities. Jenny Sanford has the limelight on her because her creep husband cheated on her and fucked the taxpayers and voted as a bonus. Paris, Prince Michael and Prince Michael II Jackson may or may not be the offspring of their circus sideshow father, but are the only untapped, unexploited resource in his legacy.

Surely you're better off not turning on the television.

Worst picture of the week:

Maybe it's a good thing that print dies out.

Worst bonus links:
• Natalie Portman: 'I Didn't Touch Pot Till My 20s' / Video: Alleged Pot-Smoking Monroe On Film - A dead celebrity smoked pot? A present one waited a few years longer than others to try. It's neither startling nor newsworthy.
• Jenny McCarthy: 'I'm Soon To Be A Grandma!' - No, you're not. Especially when your boyfriend's daughter is the one who is pregnant.
• Some Kids Still Swallowing Soda Can Safety Tabs - Some kids are still too stupid to live...this is natural selection.
• Latin America's First Gay Marriage Thwarted - That seems like it worked to easily. Perhaps if they want to keep illegal aliens out, perhaps they should line the border with gay marriage.
• Regis Philbin Has Hip Replacement Surgery - Sorry, but nothing is going to make him hip.