That'll Get You A Red Card

A rec soccer game in Great Britain got way better when Anthony Lloyd got red carded...and sought vengeance with a chainsaw. Excuse me, it’s difficult to type while I’m playing making devil’s horns and playing air guitar to the awesomeness of that.

Lloyd was ordered off the park pitch for foul language but returned with the running power tool and tried to chop the hands off rival Paul Westwood while yelling: “I’m a crank.” Prosecutor Laura Plant told the court: “They heard an engine start and saw the defendant coming out of the bushes revving a chainsaw. The victim’s friend ran off, leaving him cornered by the defendant.” Lloyd began thrusting the chainsaw at Mr Westwood, cutting his chest. Ms Plant added: “He tried to chop his hands off while Mr Westwood was defending himself. He then walked off.”

Obviously, soccer could be improved with more chainsaws, but really… is there anything that isn’t improved by chainsaws? Chainsaws are the bacon of power tools. I’m really surprised they’re not on the Periodic Table of Awesoments.