On one of the monitors at the gym last night they were showing whatever interchangeable ensemble cop drama airs on CBS in that time slot -- it wouldn’t have mattered what channel or which night it was, but it was on. And while I watch very little television (and even less when doing my workout), I instantly noticed my favorite of all the ridiculous characters – Human Computer Database Internet Search Engine. Y’know, the clutch member of the bunch who can tell you in a matter of seconds that Joe Suspect had a parking violation in college or triangulate their locations based on spectrographic analysis of background frequencies and how they uniquely modulate according to solar flares. Too Hot To Be A Cop White Chick? Dime-a-dozen. Non-Stereotypical Minority Guy? Nope. Gruff Yet Sage-Like Leader. Yawn. Give me nuevo-hipsters with their earpiece headsets instantly accessing your kindergarten fingerpaintings online any day.
Of course, real h4x0rs are too busy cracking software, pirating movies, and phreaking Ma Bell. And if they’re not flooding message boards with inane babble over whatever minutia they hold sacred, they are MMORPGing or camping out in line for a movie to open. I am referring to the American subspecies – the Euro-h4x0r is quite the opposite. Skinny (yet still pale) and favoring track suits, they often find time to DJ at clubs or watch soccer. But on television, these altruistic warriors of knowledge and obscuria are all that stands between the slow turning wheels of progress and actual detective work. God bless.
Of course, real h4x0rs are too busy cracking software, pirating movies, and phreaking Ma Bell. And if they’re not flooding message boards with inane babble over whatever minutia they hold sacred, they are MMORPGing or camping out in line for a movie to open. I am referring to the American subspecies – the Euro-h4x0r is quite the opposite. Skinny (yet still pale) and favoring track suits, they often find time to DJ at clubs or watch soccer. But on television, these altruistic warriors of knowledge and obscuria are all that stands between the slow turning wheels of progress and actual detective work. God bless.
No comments:
Post a Comment