Spacefinger

Astronauts with wider hands are more likely to have their fingernails fall off after working or training in space suit gloves, according to a new study. And NASA isn't hiring is manicurists.

Fingernail trauma and other hand injuries (no matter your hand size) are collectively the number one nuisance for spaceworkers. The number two? Not enough sexy crewmembers to make them want to be involved in zero-g procreation studies. The trouble with the gloves, like the entire space suit, is the need to simulate the pressure of Earth's atmosphere in the space environment. The gas-pressurized gloves, by their own nature, make fine motor control a challenge.

A previous study of astronaut injuries sustained during spacewalks found that about 47% reported between 2002 and 2004 were hand related, and more than half of these were due to fingertips and nails making contact with the hard "thimbles" inside the glove fingertips. The sustained pressure on the fingertips caused intense pain and led to the astronauts' nails detaching from their nailbeds. Aside from the loose nails getting snagged inside the glove, moisture inside can lead to secondary bacterial infections in the exposed nailbeds.

In the current glove design, astronauts wear a pressurized inner layer under a thick outer layer that offers protection. On Earth, wearing the gloves would a bit restrictive but not too uncomfortable, but when the glove pressurizes, the flexible fabric surface becomes stiff. The materials tend to be rubberized to make the gloves airtight, but that creates a lot of friction against the skin, and that can cause blisters.

While expensive, one of the solutions would be to make all parts of a glove custom fitted for each astronaut. Another option is robotic amplification inside the glove. There are design trade-offs, but there have been recent experiments with skintight space suits that rely on mechanical counterpressure - that means instead of working in a gas-pressurized bubble, astronauts would effectively get shrink-wrapped in a suit made of flexible material.

Sauber Story

Patience has paid off for Nick Heidfeld, who will replace Pedro de la Rosa at Sauber for the remaining five races of the season. Now can we try and get Karun Chandock back on the grid this year?

The German spent much of his career with Swiss-based Sauber, racing for them from 2001-03 and from 2006 until BMW quit the sport at the end of last season. De la Rosa, 39, was making a comeback after years as McLaren reserve and after three seasons out. He struggled to be competitive with Japanese rookie Kamui Kobayashi, who scored 21 of the team's 27 points so far.

"It was a hard decision for me to make as a team principal and I want to thank Pedro for his professionalism," said Peter Sauber. "By signing Nick we have a driver we know extremely well who will help us to further judge the comparative potential of our car."

Heidfeld, who has never won a race in 167 starts, has finished second eight times. "I'm looking forward like crazy to having the opportunity to go racing again in a good car in Formula One from the Singapore Grand Prix onwards," he said. "After the last months I'm even more motivated than ever. Without doubt I will be feeling at home straight away and this should help me to familiarise myself as soon as possible with the car."

The next "return" story I hope to confirm is if Kimi Raikkonen gets a drive at Renault!

Dickheads

WT&T

Megalith Wal-Mart said that it is introducing the first cell phone plan that uses the chain's own branding. I assume that means people will pay less than their IQ for a monthly rate that gives them more minutes than their weight.

The Wal-Mart Family Mobile service will run on T-Mobile USA's network. Unlimited calling and texting will cost $45 per month for the first line and $25 for each additional line for the family. The service will be offered starting next week in most of its stores across the nation. Since last year, Wal-Mart has been the exclusive seller of the "Straight Talk" service, which runs on the Verizon Wireless network. The company is also trying out another service from Sprint called Common Cents. Those are both "prepaid" plans, under which customers pay in advance and don't need to sign contracts, because how many of their customers have credit?

Wal-Mart Family Mobile will be "postpaid" like conventional contract-based plans, so the family bill is paid at the end of the month. But in other ways it works much like prepaid service, and it won't come with a contract requirement or early termination fees. Buyers also won't need to go through credit checks. And what of the perception that both Wal-Mart and prepaid services don't offer the best phones or the best network quality? The chain plans to sell five phones, including a full-blown smart phone (the Motorola Cliq XT, which will cost $249 compared to $329 with T-Mobile), though typical customers can get a cheap Nokia for $35.

Straight Talk also costs $45 per month for unlimited calls and texting, and offers no a discount for additional lines. And while Straight Talk offers unlimited free data, there are no smart phones available for it - it's called straight talk, not smart talk. Also, the plan undercuts T-Mobile own prices, but Wal-Mart putting its own stamp on the brand name was a "tremendous endorsement." And while there's no contract, the phones will be "locked" to Wal-Mart Family Mobile, so they won't be usable on another network, or even under a T-Mobile-branded plan.

Another Slice Of Shut The Fuck Up Pie

I just love rubbing the truth in Jenny McCarthy's face (and anything else I can get away with) ever since she began her crusade to find something and someone to blame for her autistic kid (other than the wrath of a karma-lovin' god).

A new government study adds to the evidence that thimerosal, a mercury-based preservative (until recently found in many vaccines), does not increase children's risk of autism. Kids who had been exposed as babies to high levels of the preservative, either through vaccines they received or their mothers received while pregnant, were no more likely to develop autism, including two distinct subtypes of the condition.

Concerns about a link between vaccines and autism were first raised more than a decade ago by Andrew Wakefield. His report, based on 12 children, has since been discredited and was retracted earlier this year by the journal that published it. But the damage had been done, and with idiot bigmouths like McCarthy spewing bad info, the health scare caused many parents to shy away from recommended vaccines like the one against measles, mumps and rubella. The result? Outbreaks of all three diseases followed.

The researchers used data for U.S. children born between 1994 and 1999, who were enrolled in one of three managed care organizations. They found 256 children with an autism spectrum disorder and compared them with 752 children who did not have the condition, but were matched for age and sex. No matter when a child had been exposed to thimerosal, there was no increase in the risk of any type of autism spectrum disorder. In fact, children exposed to the preservative between birth and 20 months of age had slightly lower odds of developing the condition.

iH4x0rs

Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak as phone phreaks? Yep.

Along with John Draper (AKA Captain Crunch), they'd make blue boxes (which played a 2600 Hz tone that signaled the switch with the telephone company), which would sell for $150 apiece. It helped pay for schooling and the computer project which later became the Apple I. Oh, nerds...

Super Fun Happy Good Time Weekend

If you're a student of history - or just alive and barely above retarded, then you know people are going to be miserable thinking about the events of nine years ago. There's a F1 race in Monza, amongst other things happening. C'mon everyone, get upbeat!

Best of the week: Social scientists (as opposed to, say anti-social scientists) have analyzed a massive amount of data and determined that it takes roughly $75,000 a year to make a person happy. The researchers asked over 450,000 participants to rate their lives on a scale of zero to 10, and then determined "emotional well-being" by asking people whether they had been stressed or unhappy the day before. Hmmm, that doesn't seem super accurate in the long term to rating "happiness". Actually, they were looking at how emotional well-being is affected by income, and were not claiming that quality of life doesn't improve when people make more than $75,000 per year. Instead, they determined income strongly affects people's happiness when they make under $75,000.

They said difficult events like illness become harder to bear emotionally, and getting a raise brings a great deal of happiness. But once people make more money than $75,000, their moods are less affected by how much money they make. People who make more money aren't as stressed by divorce, and aren't as excited by raises as their less wealthy counterparts. I guess $75,000 is a good starting point, but I doubt they checked in with people who were in the $750,000 neighborhood.

And: One of the greatest dangers of the future are drug resistant antibiotics, which are becoming more common. Lucky for us, scientists at the University of Nottingham have discovered an effective antibiotic in something that's very common...cockroaches.

According to research, the central nervous system of cockroaches is nearly 90% effective in killing drug-resistant bacteria, which must be why those bastards can live through a nuclear war. Clearly, their nasty, vile living conditions have juiced up their immune system to order to survive, making roach brains are loaded with natural antibiotics. Let's just take the potential good news and not ask how the hell they figured this out, let alone ended up on that research path.

Best picture of the week:

Jason Hernandez, artist and Master of the Universe

Best bonus links:

• Goodwill Store Gets A Gun, Drugs, Explosives In Donation Box - What poor family couldn't use some weaponry?

• Top 30 Hottest Jewish Women Under 40 - For my Jews...Happy Sexy New Year!

• Jaguar Dumps Swimmer After Anti-Gay Tweet - "Suck on that faggots" is a gay slur? If it's leveled at a rugby team is it? I thought Aussies were more macho than that...and isn't tweeting anything inherently gay?

• Snooki Due In NJ Court On Charge Of Being Annoying - Guilty...even before going to trial! That'll save some tax dollars.

• The Thirty Greatest Moments In Pedobear History - I'm shocked that his 2010 Winter Olympics appearance wasn't included.

• Google Instant Makes Search Psychic - Except for the part were it doesn't recognize anything beyond PG-13 terms.

• 2 Killed By Metrolink Train Were Sleeping On The Tracks, Authorities Believe - That's one hell of an alarm clock. Serves 'em right.

• At 43, Torres Starts Training For 2012 Olympics - A bad time to start swimming, but if you've already got five behind you, then it's impressive.

• The Dirtiest Vanity Plates Ever Slipped Past The DMV - FSTDANL wasn't up there...is it still available?

• Joey Chestnut Lost To A Woman - In the world of competitive eating, don't get beaten by a 105-pound 42-year old.

• Aces Mark Racing For NHL’s 9-11 Victims - The only way to pay tribute and still fill out the racing forms.

• So This Exists...All-Marshmallows Cereal - Can it be considered cereal if there's none in it?

• 10 Hottest Dirty-Named Teachers Caught Sleeping With Students - If you had Ms. Blowsteens, you don't need to worry about studying too much.

• Giant Hay Bale Kills Former ELO Cellist - Up until now, the most embarassing thing to happen to him was being the cellist from ELO.

• Marines Capture Pirate Ship Using Pure Intimidation - Damn, we're tough!

• Which Current Players Will Own Their Sweater Numbers In NHL - In case you're a nerd and you like that kind of thing...

• Missouri Man Accused Of Keeping Woman As Sex Slave - And the story gets more interesting when you find out his name is Ed Bagley.

Worst of the week: These are just a few of the headline from the other side of the border:

"85 prisoners escape jail on Mexico-U.S. border"

"Drug Hitmen Kill 25 In Mexican Border City"

"Clinton says Mexico drug wars starting to look like insurgency"

"Weary of drug war, Mexico debates legalization"

Mexico has almost become a caricature of it's worst qualities...and it's going to keep getting worse. To call it a lawless shithole would be polite, and the idea of a wall along the border is starting to sound real good. President Felipe Calderon has no control in his own country, and since he came into office in 2006, cartel violence has been rampant and the death toll have topped 28,000.

They can't keep order or suppress the cartels, and they think that if you can't beat them, join 'em? Brilliant idea. An expert on Mexico's criminal syndicates said the government is too weak to legalize and regulate narcotics and marijuana, and the country"does not even have the capacity to regulate its pharmaceutical products." The comparison to Colombia of 20 years ago, when drug traffickers controlled portions of that country, is becoming ever more true.

Mexico, get your fucking shit together.

And: Hipsters suck. And finally, we may be rid of their media-saturating presence.

They rocked out as iPod silhouettes, played counterpart to the PC in Apple ads, and became the image of Urban Outfitters and American Apparel. Now, the same companies that courted the "hipster" demographic have dropped the connection, as the term has become a dirty word. Many consumers of indie music, art and culture who appear to fit the hipster mold are now shying away from the stereotype.

The first hipsters, aka "hepsters" or "hep cats," were urban black jazz aficionados who hung out in places like Harlem, but by 1994, after making the cover of Time, the rise of the hipster coincided with the rise of independent music, arts and culture. Eventually, the label began applying less to the "trendsetters who created cool", and instead referred to the gullible consumers who "represented the worst of bourgeois affectations". And for people who did enjoy indie culture, they were now crowned with the now-unpopular term, that presented an image problem..

"It is not a desirable stereotype to be associated with, and in my work I refrain from calling anyone a hipster unless they would like to self-identify," said a researcher. "As you might guess, almost nobody self-identifies."

Worst picture of the week:

You know you're tired of James Cameron's film when the pron turns you off

Worst bonus links:

• Swedish Jeans Company Debuts The Queerest Fashion Line Ever - Assless chaps? Nipple clamps? Crotchless shorts? Gay it up, you naughty Swedes.

• James Franco Is A Chronic Masturbator - I believe the term is actor / chronic masturbator.

• Alonso: If I Win 2010 Title, It Will Be Because I Deserve It - I like to think that if you lose the title, it will be because you deserve it.

• Poll: Detroit And Los Angeles Most Stressful U.S. Cities - This does not make me feel good at all...

• Now Presenting The Lady Gaga Costume For Infants - For people who hate their own children, you've got another option!

• Electrocuted Bobcat To Blame For Ventura County Wildfire - Between that and the golfer who sparked a blaze with a ball, it seems that wildfires are living up to their name.

• LFO's Rich Cronin Dies At 35 - Wow, that too a long time to die from embarrassment.

• Taymor: Spider-Man About Story Despite Effects - This abortion somehow still rolls towards a debut, with a ton of spin. You don't need all the effects if you have a decent story, and you don't need U2 to write the music if it's not going to sound like U2.

• Woman With World's Largest Fake Boobs Now Has No Boobs At All - Sympathy? I don't think so. Karma does what it must.

• Fidel Castro Says Cuban Model Doesn't Work - And it only took him 50 years to figure it out.

• Will And Jada's Daughter Makes Her Record Debut - Fuck! Another Smith kid getting forced on the public? They're celebrities, not talent breeders.

• Justin Bieber Has Dedicated Servers At Twitter - That lesbian with a Q-tip haircut uses 3% of their resources at any given time. Again, isn't tweeting anything inherently gay?

• These Are The Best Dance Moves, According To Science - Science, I reject thee! Dancing, you were already rejected.

• Pilots Who Faked Resumes Back In The Air - Thanks, China...you've always looking for new ways to harm others!

• Cincinnati Bans Text Messaging While Driving - They've got all their other social and societal problems licked, so they had nothing better than to tackle this.

• The NHL Fake Tattoo Sleeve Potential Sign Of The Apocalypse - The single most stupid idea to ever try to bilk you out of a few more bucks.

• Lou Reed Not The Cause Of Susan Boyle's Missed 'America's Got Talent' Performance - What's worse, seeing Lou Reed or Susan Boyle? A real no-win situation.

On Track For 2011

The 2011 Formula 1 calendar has been announced, and it's the longest run of races in decades.

The grueling 20 race season will begin March 13 in Bahrain, which looks to have a revamped course, and ends in Brazil November 27, reclaiming the tradition after the Abu Dhabi circuit stole the position last year. India will make its debut, providing the circuit passes an official inspection, while the current 19 rounds are all retained, though Germany will switch locations away from Hockinheim. The 2011 season also has Japan and South Korea back to back in October with two-week gaps between the final three in India, Abu Dhabi and Brazil. The events also flow better together in the second half of the year, with a geographical progression from Singapore through the Far East and back via India and the Middle East to South America.

No word as to what tracks may be left off the schedule in 2012, when Austin is scheduled to start more than a decade of races. Also, the allotted eight engines for the race season may need to be expanded to handle the additional strain...not to mention the extra hours for mechanics.

FORMULA 1 2011 season

March 13: Bahrain

March 27: Australia

April 10: Malaysia

April 17 : China

May 8: Turkey

May 22: Spain

May 29: Monaco

June 12: Canada

June 26: Europe (Valencia)

July 10: Great Britain

July 24: Germany (Nurburgring)

July 31: Hungary

August 28: Belgium

September 11: Italy

September 25: Singapore

October 9: Japan

October 16: Korea

October 30: India

November 13: Abu Dhabi

November 27: Brazil

The Dudetrix

Vocalocalypse

Claudia Friedlander is a classically-trained voice teacher who knows virtually nothing about heavy metal. Invisible Oranges sent her five completely unidentified songs and noted her reaction and comments.

Bruce Dickinson / Iron Maiden – “The Number of the Beast”

I have nothing but admiration for this singer. Listen how he starts off with a soft growl, then moves seamlessly into a well-supported, sustained high full-voice sound that then evolves into an effortless long scream! His diction is easily intelligible, regardless of the range he’s singing in or the effect he’s going for. He achieves an intensely rhythmic delivery of the lyrics without losing legato and musical momentum, something a lot of classical singers struggle with, especially when interpreting the many staccato and accent markings that crowd scores by Bellini, Donizetti, etc.


Ronnie James Dio / Black Sabbath – “Falling Off The Edge Of The World”

This is another very fine singer. His voice is so naturally resonant – he reminds me of Freddie Mercury. Like the first singer, he performs with perfect legato, clear diction, and a consistent, organic vibrancy. He arranges his resonance space to create a shallow snarl without setting up any resistance for his breath. You can tell how healthy his delivery is from the way he moves in and out of brief moments of harmony with the other tracks with impeccable intonation.


King Diamond / Mercyful Fate – “Gypsy”

Here is some impressively artful singing. He begins in full-voice tenor fraught with sobbing verismo-like ornaments and then wails in an ultra-high, very focused countertenor, alternating these two approaches throughout the song, at times even within the same phrase. But not only do I not understand a single word he’s saying, I don’t even know what the overall message or emotion of the song is supposed to be! It is true of classical singing as well as for any other style: there is no need to sacrifice communication for the sake of stunning effects like this. All I hear is virtuosity. At first it’s cool, then it gets boring, and you shouldn’t feel bored listening to metal.


Ozzy Osbourne / Black Sabbath – “War Pigs”

This is a singer with decent diction and good musical instincts but no command of vocal technique. He is massively over-adducting his vocal folds while driving enough air through them to get them to speak, but his throat is so tight that there is no flow or resonance. His rhythmic punctuation of the lyrics is very distracting, in contrast with Singer #1 who delivered his text with rhythmic accents that served, rather than detracted from the flow of music and poetry. It hurt my throat so much to listen to him that I was tempted to ask Cosmo how long his career lasted before he either washed out or needed surgery. The entire range of his singing is contained within a single octave – with the exception of the moment when he yells “Oh Lord!” a little higher, in my opinion the only quasi-free vocal sound on the entire track.


Rob Halford /Judas Priest – “Dreamer Deceiver”

This singer has a fabulous range of vocal colors and effects to choose from. His diction is easy to understand, and his phrasing is lovely throughout. He begins with such a high, gorgeous, resonant messa di voce that that I was surprised to hear how low his actual full singing voice sits once he moved into it. Clearly he had been singing with a somewhat elevated larynx when he started out so high, and later in the song when he moves into a more shrill, high sneer or a scream you can tell his larynx is in a much higher position once again. The high singing and screaming is still relatively free, but I feel that it would be even more impactful if he would master a vocal technique that would enable him to better integrate all of these different things he does so well, primarily with the goal of incorporating the depth and resonance of his natural low sound into the high stuff. He is the only one of the five who I truly wish would visit my studio some time.

Boxed Out

Josh Moore of Fort Gay, West Virginia had his Xbox Live account suspended for having “fort gay WV” listed as his location. Okay, this PC thing has gone too far the wrong way.

According to Microsoft, this is a slur. Gay is a slur? When it's not even being used as in description of sexuality? Moore tried to reason with the Microsoft service rep, “I figured, I’ll explain to them, 'Look in my [billing] account. Fort Gay is a real place'." But the employee was unreceptive, and warned Moore if he put Fort Gay back in his profile, Xbox Live would cancel his account and keep his $12 monthly membership fee, which he’d paid in advance for two years. Zing! “I told him, Google it — 25514!” Google your gay? Easy there, pal.

Oddly, this shouldn't have been a problem. A change to Xbox Live policy earlier this year made it okay to express your sexuality in your profile or gamer tag, after controversy arose over users being banned for identifying themselves as gay and lesbian. But locations? Look out Intercourse, Pennsylvania and Cumming, Georgia! The temporary suspension on his profile caused Moore to miss a tournament, which his team lost. How dare you rob an unemployed factory worker who enjoys first-person shooters of his only satisfaction in life!

The mayor of Fort Gay (how sweet is that on a door placard?) complained to a local news station about it, and Moore was able to reach a supervisor who understood the concept of zip codes and town names. Eventually Microsoft apologized to Moore and the city of Fort Gay for the misunderstanding. There's also a West Virginia town named Mount Gay, and let's hope there's not another issue. And what of international players in Wetwang, England, Dildo, Canada, and Fucking, Austria?

Not Worth 1000

For an hour each week, Suzi Hanks reads Playboy. And I mean reads. The articles. The cartoons. The letters. Even the pictures. This stupidity is a typical issue of Playboy...for the blind. From the maddening article about this terrible practice:

"I don't have to try to read it sexy," laughs Hanks, one of about 200 volunteers at Houston-based Taping For The Blind, Inc. "I just read it, and I'm a woman, and that's pretty much sexy."

Hanks, a tall, blonde California native whose regular job is reading the news for a classic rock station in Houston (the completely unknown Dean And Rog show, BTW), declined to disclose her age, but said she once "chickened out" of an offer to pose for Playboy for a feature on women in radio.

In a voice made for radio, she reads the articles and describes the photos without innuendo.

"I don't read it all cover-to-cover in order but I do read everything — all the articles, all the jokes, all the little cartoons, all the pictures, all the letters to the Advisor, all those things."

Ah, nothing like an over the hill* woman (here's some pix...if you like an older, leathery Cameron Diaz) describing what should be sexy in an unsexy way. But the real buzzkill is her description of the centerfold. Here's her take on Miss August:

She is a "Latina, brunette with dark chocolate brown eyes. She has long curly brown hair. ... She is in the first photo sitting in the ocean."

"She has a very large grin on her face, pink lipstick. She has a small tattoo right over the small of her back over the dimple area that appears to be maybe some sort of tribal design. It is red. ... Her legs are kind of crossed. She is sitting in the water."

"Behind her shoulder, down past her arm, you can see her breast peeking out. ... There are no tan lines at all. She is not wearing any nail polish or jewelry or bathing suit or anything."

Wow! I can totally envision a generic woman. Is she petite? Tall? Is she curvy? Skinny? Large breasted? Flat-chested? South American Latin or Central American-Mexican Latin? You're going to give me eye and hair color and expect an accurate picture? Are we talking Jessica Alba or Michelle Rodriguez Latina? Eva Longoria or Sophia Vergara? This is seriously fucking retarded, and if anything, increases the importance of funding science so that we can reverse blindness or make cybernetic implants or something.

This seems like the perfect time to trot out this Mr. Show gem that actually helps "the blinds".

Or this one at about 3:05, which is real reading to the vision impaired.

*enjoy that Twitter about her getting ass lipo

FIlmgus

Most of the twentieth century's history and culture is preserved on film, but in half a century, it could be lost to hungry microbes that eat the celluloid.

Microbiologists and the British Film Archive have been studying a problem that archivists had noticed in their storage facilities over the past decade: fungi was spreading from reel to reel and were destroying their films. The culprits? Common fungi Aspergillus and Penicillium, and in some instances the spore count were high enough to pose health risks to archivists.

The reason film is so delicious to fungi is because of the layer of gelatin on its surface. The same emulsion layer is where the image is formed also provides ideal food, and once mold settles in, it produces enzymes which cause irreversible damage. All film is potentially at risk, though film stored in damp conditions is most likely to become infected.

Perhaps the simplest solution is digitizing all the films, though archivists can try segregating moldy films from non-moldy ones in the interim. And there are ways to clean the film, but the problem is that things which can kill the fungus can also damage the color dyes, or kill you. But most important are better storage facilities. The BFA said, "We go for cold and dry. At the moment, we're building a new film store in Warwickshire that will hold our master film at sub zero temperatures and at around 35% relative humidity . . . In those conditions some spores may survive in a dormant state but if they're dormant they're not eating the film.... It's certainly a big enough threat for us to be building a sub zero and low humidity vault which will cost several million pounds."

Looks like the national dentistry budget is going to take another hit, but that's not a terrible price to pay in order to preserve those movies and newsreels.

He Knows Just As Much About The Supernatural As He Does About Interior Design

Glenn Shadix will be best remembered for his portrayal of Otho, the metaphysical designer in Beetlejuice, as to a lesser extent the parrish father who presided over a rash of "suicides" in Heathers. He died yesterday his home in Birmingham at 58.

The actor's bio credits numerous TV appearances, including Seinfeld, and over 30 films - including others for Tim Burton like The Nightmare Before Christmas and Planet Of The Apes. His website also describes him as a photographer and gay rights activist (shock!).

A cause of death was not immediately known, but his sister told The Birmingham News that he had been using a wheelchair for mobility and appeared to have fallen in his kitchen and struck his head. A memorial will be held on Saturday.

Han Dropped First

This is a fan-made animation explaining the back story of Han Solo ditching the cargo that caused Jabba to put a bounty on him. It's also in 3-D, in keeping with the current trend. Your move, George Lucas...

Health Beer

Scientists who took a chemical analysis of ancient Nubian (present day Sudan) mummies from 1,600 years ago indicate that they brewed beer with tetracycline, an antibiotic. Suck on that cold filtered science, Coors!

Chemist Mark Nelson noted, "The bones of these ancient people were saturated with tetracycline, showing that they had been taking it for a long time." They didn't have a Rite Aid, but he added, "I'm convinced that they had the science of fermentation under control and were purposely producing the drug." Tetracycline latches on to calcium and gets deposited in bones, which is how it can be detected it in fossils. An ultraviolet light technique only identified tetracycline was in the bone, but by dissolving them in hydrogen fluoride, they could clearly identify the amount present.

Tetracycline is produced by a soil bacteria called streptomyces, which thrive in warm, arid regions just like ancient Nubia - and probably contaminated a batch of beer. The Nubians likely noticed the antibiotics cured them of bacterial infection, and given the amount of it in their bones that it is near impossible that the tetracycline-laced beer was a fluke event.

Study co-author George Armelagos asked his graduate students to try to brew this type of beer to confirm that making an antibiotic beer was possible. "What they were making wasn’t like a Bud Light but a cereal gruel...students said that it was 'not bad,' but it is like a sour porridge substance. The ancient people would have drained the liquid off and also eaten the gruel." Early bar food...yuck.

There is some preliminary evidence of tetracycline in the bones of people who date back 1300 to 1400 A.D., furthering the notion that antibiotics were previously discovered before Alexander Fleming discovered penicillin in 1928. It may also explain why animals have been found with antibiotic resistance in Northern Africa where there is no previous evidence of antibiotics being used.

Lying Pants

Esquire, the hip younger brother to GQ, is more prone to misses ("the color quotient" of how much of any given color should appear in your closet in any given time - 0% brown, really?) as they are to hits, but they did address how pant manufacturers are stretching the sizing truths of their goods.

Being in the rag trade, I know that garments have a "tolerance": the +/- for any particular item to determine if the construction and size matches the design specs, and you may have anywhere from 1/2" to an inch on a waist, bust, or sleeve measurement. But this is far beyond that. The term is called "vanity sizing," and pants manufacturers are trying to flatter you. You can see from their chart that there's up to five extra inches on a size 36 pant, and I'll add that I'm not surprised that Dockers and Old Navy are at the biggest end, given the type of guy I usually see in them. Same goes for the waifs in H+M (where I'll add that I could barely find an XL dress shirt one time; 17 1/2", 34-35 should be common). Anyhow, try before you buy, since there are still some places that make pants in the correct size.

Form 3

Some months back, I posted about the Form 2, a sex toy that looked like it came from a galaxy far, far away. Well, JimmyJane has made their next device, which has now been compared to the Microsoft Arc. The Form 3 is an organic, waterproof silicone vibrator with a seven hour battery life - perfect for after-dinner parties with your favorite three or four couples. For that long love, it will set you back $145, but that's about how much a few bottle of wine would be to get everyone in the mood. You may be asking, "Famous M, why are you posting about dildonics?" Well, why not? Enjoy the demo...

Some Of That Is Creamy Filling

Dwight Eschliman wants you to know what's in your Twinkie. He photographed the 37 or so ingredients that make up the treat, and the sum is far tastier looking than it's parts. Animal shortening, riboflavin, yellow #5, and red 40...they're all in there.

An Inconvenient School

Los Angeles school officials have named a school after Al Gore, making him the first vice president to receive such an honor - though they may as well have built it on a burning pile of feces to effect the same result, given the location.

The $75.5 million Carson-Gore Academy of Environmental Sciences will open September 13, ironically on an Arlington Heights property rife with toxic concerns. School district officials insist that the location is clean and safe for the 700 or so students and faculty, continuing to check vapor monitors and groundwater wells, but Gore and Rachel Carson, the late author credited with helping launch the modern environmental movement, would probably disagree.

Construction crews were working at the campus up to the Labor Day weekend, replacing toxic soil with clean fill. They removed the equivalent of a four story building - a 3,800-square-foot plot at a depth of 45 feet - twice. The soil had previously contained more than a dozen underground storage tanks serving light industrial businesses. Additional contamination may have come from the underground tanks of an adjacent gas station, and a barrier will reach 45 feet down from ground level to limit future possible fuel leakage. Also, an oil well operates across the street, though officials have not found any additional risks.

Like many local campuses, this school also sits above an oil field, but no oil field-related methane has been detected. Groundwater deeper than than 45 feet below the surface remains contaminated but also poses no current risk, officials said. However, even with the imported clean dirt, environmental critics are concerned that the pollution sources have not been adequately identified and that the dirty groundwater could recontaminate the soil. By the way, the clean up cost an additional $4 million.

...And Yet, Carlos Mencia Lives

A sad and surprising turn of events.

The Lowbrow Tarot Project

Guest curator / artist Aunia Kahn selected a group of 23 pop surrealist artists to interpret one card each of the Major Arcana of the Tarot deck. In case you didn't fully understand, that is supercool. The show will debut October 1 at Los Angeles's La Luz de Jesus Gallery, including a book, and, naturally, a deck of cards.

Like The Film Title Says...

It's a hobo with a shotgun!

A Dumpster Baby Of Their Own

Sweet Dee and Mac were married in 2008, and now Kaitlin Olson and Rob McElhenney have another member to add to the cast of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Olson gave birth to Alex Lee McElhenney (a normal boy's name? that's crazy!) at home in the Los Angeles, weighing in at 8 pounds, 7 ounces. — and forced his parents to miss a Philadelphia Phillies victory. The actress said she went into labor at the Dodgers-Phillies game Tuesday night in L.A. but stayed until the Phillies' Ryan Howard hit a three-run homer. They admitted they love the baby "like crazy" despite the game interference.

BTW, the new season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia starts September 16...or if you have the best girlfriend in the world like I do, you've already seen four of the episodes!

The Stig Is Up!

The identity of The Stig, the always-anonymous test driver on the international hit show Top Gear, has long been a closely guarded secret. But yesterday, the BBC was refused an injunction blocking publication of a book revealing the identity of the famed character.

Publisher HarperCollins said that a 33-year-old racing driver named Ben Collins "has a great story to tell about his seven years as The Stig, which will appeal to a wide audience beyond just motoring enthusiasts," and wave a big middle finger at the BBC. Collins' bio notes he has raced on the Formula Three and NASCAR circuits, and drove James Bond's Aston Martin in the 2008 film "Quantum of Solace."

The "White" Stig is the second in the role; the first "Black" Stig was Perry McCarthy, who left the show in 2003 after his identity was revealed. The program held a long-standing policy of not commenting on The Stig's identity. A Top Gear spokeswoman said no decision has been made on whether the character will be back when the show returns, but it's an 110% certainty they'll have an enigmatic mystery driver to challenge their guests.

Top Gear is one of the BBC's most successful programs ever, and is shown in over 100 countries around the world. The BBC said it sought the injunction at a hearing held in private in order to "protect the character of The Stig." The judgment does not prevent them from taking the issue further in the courts.

Star Trek - A Red Letter Media Review

Jersey Shore And Family Circus?

Who knew that two things that are horrible on their own are great together? Jersey Circus!

Iron Puck

Chris Chelios, the longest-tenured defenseman in NHL history and second oldest player to ever skate pro, is finally hanging up his skates. After 26 NHL seasons and three Stanley Cups, Chelios announced his retirement at the age of 48.

Chelios, who won three Norris Trophies during a career that spanned stops in Montreal, Chicago, Detroit and Atlanta, will transition into an adviser with the Red Wings, working with Detroit’s front office and coaching staff. Only Gordie Howe was older than Chelios when he played, skating at 52. Chelios also is the only player in NHL history to appear in at least 400 games with three different teams.

Known for his strict workout regimen and endurance, he played the fourth-most regular season games in NHL history (1,651) and the most postseason games in NHL history (266). Chelli also skated for the U.S. on four Olympic hockey teams, including three as team captain. At the end of his career, he was limited to 28 games with Detroit in 2008-09 because of a broken leg, and when the Wings chose not to bring him back, he signed Chicago Wolves of the American Hockey League. He was recalled by the Atlanta Thrashers (their NHL affiliate) in March, where he appeared in seven games.

Chelios ranks second all-time among defensemen with 2,891 penalty minutes, and had this to say to the fans of opposing teams: “I hope you’ll forgive me for the things I did to some of the players on your teams.”

The Monsterous Wildlife Of Graboids