With the carpocalypse upon us in Los Angeles, I don't intend to do much, but if we survive the hype and hysteria, Scarlett and I will see Louis CK Sunday night.
UPDATE: He was awesome! It was about 90 minutes of new material that he was testing out, and even the times he abandoned some jokes, they parts leading up were still funny. He's on Letterman next week, and some of it may end up there.
Best of the week: I can't stand the diva antics of Jennifer Lopez and am repulsed by the skeletal husk of Marc Anthony, so the schadenfreude of them ending their seven year marriage is slightly tempered by the knowledge they're going to be back on the market again. Look out public!
Though proving that a pig and a chihuahua could mate, they can now add another failed marriage to the three they shared before. Anthony was mysteriously married to former Miss Universe Dayanara Torres, and Lopez bore the ring for Ojani Noa and Chris Judd, and inexplicably dated both Sean "fill in the blank" Combs and Ben Affleck.
Can we blame it on their kid crapping in the pool? Who knows, but they're both disgusting people, so hopefully this divorce will be a long, painful event that keeps them both out of the public spotlight for months or years to come.
Best bonus links:
• What Your Favorite 80's Band Says About You - Nothing good about you as a person, but still funny.
• Jeter Homers For 3,000th Hit, First Yank To Do It - Finally, something for the record books for the Yankees!
• CBS Takes Heat For Fake Fireworks Shots - Something did seem a little fishing about those indoor fireworks...
• I Think He Handled That Well - Sarcasm! Kurt Suter and his vitriol take aim at the Emmys.
• CIA Used A Fake Vaccination Campaign In Hunt For Bin Laden - the first plan was a fake magazine driver, but people would figure something was going on after they didn't get their copies of Reader's Digest.
• Iron Maiden MIDI Music Songs Homepage - Number Of The Beast? Powerslave? Piece Of Mind? All MIDI!!!
• Recreating The Dock Ellis Tripping Balls No-Hitter On XBox On LSD - Now this is drug use in baseball I can get behind!
• Supercut: Cinema's Dirtiest Dirty Talk - At least this time when you watch, you're not covering an awkward erection in the theater.
• Deconstructing The Color Wheel - Learn the shocking origin of the color pink!
• The Battle Of Backyard - A toy story without the annoying voice of Tim Allen.
• 14 Interesting Stories Behind Professional Athlete Numbers - For the stats and figures sports crowd.
• Get Steve Buscemi’s Face All Over Yo Bodaaay - Literally, but not literally.
• Pakistan Army Says New York Times Report Is A Direct Attack - How weak are they if a newspaper is a threat.
• Under The Sea: Life On A Lost Shipping Container - That sunken bin makes a great artificial reef.
• Woman Accused Of Cutting Off Husband's Penis Said He "Deserved" It - Well, I would be concerned if she cut it off and he didn't deserve it...though not lifting the toilet seat is a bit extreme.
• Bear-Safety Lecture In Yellowstone Interrupted By Bear - Seriously, Yogi...fuck off!
• TNT Says It's Canceled Ray Romano's Award-Winning Series Men Of A Certain Age After Two Seasons - The male-Sex-And-City-without-the-sex-or-the-city got some awards?.
Worst of the week: Ahmed Wali Karzai, the Afghan president's half brother, and considered the most powerful man in southern Afghanistan, is now one of the most dead.
Karzai was killed will receiving guests at his home in Kandahar, and the assassin, Sardar Mohammad, was considered a close, "trustworthy" person who had gone to Karzai's house to get him to sign some papers. Yeah, like his death certificate. As he was signing the papers, the killer took out a pistol and shot him once in the forehead and one in the chest.
The Taliban claimed responsibility for the assassination, though Karzai had survived several previous assassination attempts. Considered a political liability for the government, and alleged to be on the CIA payroll and involved in drug trafficking, this is a blow to an already unstable government. As the U.S. withdrawal is underway, this power vacuum in the area are not going to help. Bummer.
Worst bonus links:
• Coroner: Mississippi Toddler Was Alive When Put In Oven - But that's what the recipe called for - fresh baby.
• Why Summer Is The Most Dangerous Time To Go To The Hospital - All the hot nurses are on vacation?
• Suspect Allowed To View Child Porn In Washington Jail - You've got to watch those folks with unpaid parking tickets
• Army Amputee Thrown From NY Roller Coaster, Dies - What, did you think it would say, "thrown from roller coaster and sprouted new legs for a perfect landing"?
• Exorcists Meet In Poland, Tackle Vampires - There's a Polish joke in there somewhere.
• More Radioactive Beef Shipped In Japan - Look out for Cowzilla!
• FDA: Pelvic Mesh For Women Riskier Than Thought - You never want to see pelvic mesh and risk in the same sentence.
• Tour De France Car Knocks Down Rider In 9th Stage - Fortunately, they were doping, so they got back up and then knocked the car down.
• Chinese Girls Born In Single Body With 2 Heads / Chinese Doctor Sets Out To 'Cure' Bad Driving - They should try to cure two-headed babies. But technically it didn't violate their one child policy.
• Army Finds Mexico's Biggest Marijuana Plantation - The rest of the story goes on to talk about how they took the plants and became narco-lords. An everyday Mexico rags-to-riches tale.
• 13-Foot Crocodile Captured Alive In Philippines / Philippines Warns Against Geckos As AIDS Treatment / Marriage Going Out Of Fashion In Philippines - I don't know what the hell is going on down there, but they've got the headlines of the week.
• Homeless Man Allegedly Chokes Baby, Punches Grandmother - If there was a mother in there it would be a trifecta.
• Steelers' Hines Ward Arrested On DUI Charge In GA - I would watch a show called Drinking With The Stars.
• Wife Calls Fatal Vegas Casino Punch Self-Defense - You always hit when you get 11.
• Diver Dies After Being Rescued At Laguna Beach - I wouldn't call that a rescue if he died...
UPDATE: He was awesome! It was about 90 minutes of new material that he was testing out, and even the times he abandoned some jokes, they parts leading up were still funny. He's on Letterman next week, and some of it may end up there.
Best of the week: I can't stand the diva antics of Jennifer Lopez and am repulsed by the skeletal husk of Marc Anthony, so the schadenfreude of them ending their seven year marriage is slightly tempered by the knowledge they're going to be back on the market again. Look out public!
Though proving that a pig and a chihuahua could mate, they can now add another failed marriage to the three they shared before. Anthony was mysteriously married to former Miss Universe Dayanara Torres, and Lopez bore the ring for Ojani Noa and Chris Judd, and inexplicably dated both Sean "fill in the blank" Combs and Ben Affleck.
Can we blame it on their kid crapping in the pool? Who knows, but they're both disgusting people, so hopefully this divorce will be a long, painful event that keeps them both out of the public spotlight for months or years to come.
Best bonus links:
• What Your Favorite 80's Band Says About You - Nothing good about you as a person, but still funny.
• Jeter Homers For 3,000th Hit, First Yank To Do It - Finally, something for the record books for the Yankees!
• CBS Takes Heat For Fake Fireworks Shots - Something did seem a little fishing about those indoor fireworks...
• I Think He Handled That Well - Sarcasm! Kurt Suter and his vitriol take aim at the Emmys.
• CIA Used A Fake Vaccination Campaign In Hunt For Bin Laden - the first plan was a fake magazine driver, but people would figure something was going on after they didn't get their copies of Reader's Digest.
• Iron Maiden MIDI Music Songs Homepage - Number Of The Beast? Powerslave? Piece Of Mind? All MIDI!!!
• Recreating The Dock Ellis Tripping Balls No-Hitter On XBox On LSD - Now this is drug use in baseball I can get behind!
• Supercut: Cinema's Dirtiest Dirty Talk - At least this time when you watch, you're not covering an awkward erection in the theater.
• Deconstructing The Color Wheel - Learn the shocking origin of the color pink!
• The Battle Of Backyard - A toy story without the annoying voice of Tim Allen.
• 14 Interesting Stories Behind Professional Athlete Numbers - For the stats and figures sports crowd.
• Get Steve Buscemi’s Face All Over Yo Bodaaay - Literally, but not literally.
• Pakistan Army Says New York Times Report Is A Direct Attack - How weak are they if a newspaper is a threat.
• Under The Sea: Life On A Lost Shipping Container - That sunken bin makes a great artificial reef.
• Woman Accused Of Cutting Off Husband's Penis Said He "Deserved" It - Well, I would be concerned if she cut it off and he didn't deserve it...though not lifting the toilet seat is a bit extreme.
• Bear-Safety Lecture In Yellowstone Interrupted By Bear - Seriously, Yogi...fuck off!
• TNT Says It's Canceled Ray Romano's Award-Winning Series Men Of A Certain Age After Two Seasons - The male-Sex-And-City-without-the-sex-or-the-city got some awards?.
Worst of the week: Ahmed Wali Karzai, the Afghan president's half brother, and considered the most powerful man in southern Afghanistan, is now one of the most dead.
Karzai was killed will receiving guests at his home in Kandahar, and the assassin, Sardar Mohammad, was considered a close, "trustworthy" person who had gone to Karzai's house to get him to sign some papers. Yeah, like his death certificate. As he was signing the papers, the killer took out a pistol and shot him once in the forehead and one in the chest.
The Taliban claimed responsibility for the assassination, though Karzai had survived several previous assassination attempts. Considered a political liability for the government, and alleged to be on the CIA payroll and involved in drug trafficking, this is a blow to an already unstable government. As the U.S. withdrawal is underway, this power vacuum in the area are not going to help. Bummer.
Worst bonus links:
• Coroner: Mississippi Toddler Was Alive When Put In Oven - But that's what the recipe called for - fresh baby.
• Why Summer Is The Most Dangerous Time To Go To The Hospital - All the hot nurses are on vacation?
• Suspect Allowed To View Child Porn In Washington Jail - You've got to watch those folks with unpaid parking tickets
• Army Amputee Thrown From NY Roller Coaster, Dies - What, did you think it would say, "thrown from roller coaster and sprouted new legs for a perfect landing"?
• Exorcists Meet In Poland, Tackle Vampires - There's a Polish joke in there somewhere.
• More Radioactive Beef Shipped In Japan - Look out for Cowzilla!
• FDA: Pelvic Mesh For Women Riskier Than Thought - You never want to see pelvic mesh and risk in the same sentence.
• Tour De France Car Knocks Down Rider In 9th Stage - Fortunately, they were doping, so they got back up and then knocked the car down.
• Chinese Girls Born In Single Body With 2 Heads / Chinese Doctor Sets Out To 'Cure' Bad Driving - They should try to cure two-headed babies. But technically it didn't violate their one child policy.
• Army Finds Mexico's Biggest Marijuana Plantation - The rest of the story goes on to talk about how they took the plants and became narco-lords. An everyday Mexico rags-to-riches tale.
• 13-Foot Crocodile Captured Alive In Philippines / Philippines Warns Against Geckos As AIDS Treatment / Marriage Going Out Of Fashion In Philippines - I don't know what the hell is going on down there, but they've got the headlines of the week.
• Homeless Man Allegedly Chokes Baby, Punches Grandmother - If there was a mother in there it would be a trifecta.
• Steelers' Hines Ward Arrested On DUI Charge In GA - I would watch a show called Drinking With The Stars.
• Wife Calls Fatal Vegas Casino Punch Self-Defense - You always hit when you get 11.
• Diver Dies After Being Rescued At Laguna Beach - I wouldn't call that a rescue if he died...
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